Was this Dr rude ?

[wasthisdoctorrude]

I recently went to a private Paediatrician with my baby. My daughter accompanied me, she's two and a half..

My mother also came with us. My daughter is pretty loud and pretty difficult at the moment. All three of us went into the room, whilst doc was examining my baby.

The reason all of us went into the appointment was so that my mum was there to lend an extra pair of ears to help me and ask questions etc.

My daughter kept just loudly talking whilst doc was examining baby and doc seemed irritated- which was fair enough. I kept telling daughter to shush, but it didn't last that long. She was just talking and pointing out what she was seeing in the room etc. the doctor remarked at the end that she was cute but needed a firmer hand. Ok fair enough, I can take that, probably also slightly true.

After the appointment, the baby was crying and the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe, I said, no problem at all- we can see. I will finish preparing the and we will leave. My mum left the room immediately with asked my daughter and I followed once I finished with the bottle, doctor seemed happy as the danger in the room was for the toddler really anyway. In any case, toddler loses her shit at being ushered out of the room and leaving me behind... I was the only one who could prepare the bottle, as my mum doesn't know how, so we couldn't switch places. In any case, it took a couple of minutes to do. I rushed down to my daughter and picked her up to calm her down.

The doctor comes in and tells us quite aggressively to leave the practice, as we are disturbing everyone there. Obviously we were always going to do that, as there was no space to feed anyway after we left the room.

It didn't feel great. I completely understand her frustration at my toddler being in the appointment. But she was pretty aggressive in telling us to leave. By the time she told us to leave, my daughter had stopped crying anyway. She probably cried for two to three minutes- the time it took for me to finish preparing a bottle for my baby.

Anyway, it didn't feel amazing. My mum was livid and thinks this doctor is a complete XXXX. I am a bit more forgiving and can understand that we caused a bit of a scene. However, as a doctor for children, surely you'd understand a toddler getting upset for a few minutes? We did our best to leave the unsafe room as quickly as possible, but I was already half making the bottle. So we didn't ' disobey ' her or anything like that.

We were just rushing around trying to look after two demanding children. Really we were doing our best not to disturb anyone. In any case, not sure if I'll see her again after that. I've never been kicked out from anywhere before !

Tbh I'm surprised they allowed you all in. Everywhere here is still restricting access because of Covid and they're not letting people wander about or go into other rooms. Access is still really tight so they can contact trace/limit exposure.

I actually disagree with everyone else OP. I completely understand needing another adult in the room to ask questions that you might forget, hear things you might miss and also to be able to chat to about it afterwards and say 'did the doc say this/that'. Also if you are a bit anxious around medical professionals and not assertive, it's really important to have an advocate.

So take your mum out of the equation as someone who could look after your toddler - she was there to support you.

Then you've got the fact that you have 2 children, not one. Well, you couldn't very well leave your toddler at home and the doctor should have been able to work around your young child.

The doctor was rude and out of order. No wonder your mum is angry.

And to all of those posters saying there were potentially worried parents there, well yes. OP was one of them.

Honestly? I don’t want to be harsh because everyone else already has, and I hate a pile on-but you were 100% unreasonable.

Mainly for taking an entourage to a hospital appt. It’s highly inappropriate, deeply inconsiderate of others in the waiting room (there’s never enough seats, even in private hospitals) and incredibly childish.
Dont take this the wrong way, but If you’re old enough to produce two children, then you’re old enough to take the baby to the appt yourself. DM could easily have stayed at home with the toddler

I completely understand needing another adult in the room to ask questions that you might forget, hear things you might miss and also to be able to chat to about it afterwards and say 'did the doc say this/that'. Also if you are a bit anxious around medical professionals and not assertive, it's really important to have an advocate.

But then it would have been better to leave the toddler with someone else wouldn't it?

However, as a doctor for children, surely you'd understand a toddler getting upset for a few minutes?

I would expect a paediatrician to be very accustomed to dealing with children upset or otherwise so I wonder just how disruptive your toddler was.

It sounds as if it was quite stressful for everyone;maybe the toddler needs to stay at home if you need future appointment.

The consultation would probably have gone a lot more smoothly, with both you and the doctor being able to focus on the baby, if your mum has stayed at home with your toddler. I can understand single mums with no support having to turn up with several children in tow, but your mum was clearly available, so you weren't in that position.

The doctor comes in and tells us quite aggressively to leave the practice, as we are disturbing everyone there. Obviously we were always going to do that, as there was no space to feed anyway after we left the room.

Yet you say this in your first post!

Probably a second consulting room, where a doctor sees children, but it was empty at the time. They might well have some toys in there to distract or interact with their patients, but it will also be full of equipment, and fixtures which aren’t intended for toddlers to mess with. The doctor probably offered this space for a feed, expecting that the rampaging toddler would be removed from the building while this went on - but intervened when the whole circus decided to stay together.

Honestly, the OP seems utterly un-self-aware. The appointment sounds like a nightmare, the OP and the GM clearly had no idea how to behave (not taking the toddler in to the consulting room, or removing her immediately she wasn’t still and quiet), and were ineffectual at managing her behaviour. I’m not surprised that the doctor intervened and asked them to leave. The disruption for other parents and poorly children would have been awful. I wonder if the OP would have insisted on the same setup if she’d been seeing a solicitor, or a bank manager? Just because the doc was a paediatrician doesn’t mean that she should have to put up with a misbehaving child who isn’t even a patient!

This was a private appt not an NHS setting.

A lot of comments here seem to have missed that and also don't understand that the appt may well have not been in a hospital setting.

The rules around who can visit and the allocation of suitable rooms and access can be very different.

For example, I have friends who work as counsellors (both for NHS-funded clients and privately.)

One of their venues is not disable-friendly, but this is made clear before a client sees them.

Private consultants often lease rooms in different buildings, which are far removed from hospital settings.

Having said that, I think the OP should have avoided taking her mother and toddler.

Perhaps the dr reacted because other patients were complaining either from the behaviour or the fact you brought the whole family, when they may have been told they wasn't aloud to bring partners due to covid restrictions. In the future when going to appointments I suggest you write questions down before you go so you don't struggle so much alone.

"the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe"

Very odd that a pediatrician's office had a special room with toys where you could feed the baby but wasn't safe for a toddler.

I work in a Childrens outpatients department & while I totally get (& we welcome) having to bring siblings if you're alone & have no other childcare options it really does add to the noise of the waiting room & delays the appointment. The doctor just wants to talk to you, about the child who needs the appointment without having to answer a curious siblings questions, stop them playing with the equipment , listen to nan/aunt adding her opinion. This then makes everybody else's appointment late Toddler should have been at home with grandma or at least in the waiting room & just you in the appointment with baby. The room being unsafe seems strange, & yes it would have taken you a minute to gather stuff up again if you were settled but if you could hear the toddler having a meltdown then I would have just popped everything in a bag as quick as possible & made the bottle up elsewhere, or teach granny for next time.
We have different clinics running alongside each other, so although we wouldn't put the oncology children alongside a general clinic we could still have some very unwell children in or families receiving bad news so we do try & limit (& as I said we know it's not always possible) the amount of people in the waiting room. Anyway, I'm sure next time will be easier & now you know their set up can plan around that to make it as easy for you as possible

,^This^ The doctor might have been a bit short. But it was the OP and her mother who was rude. The Dr will have a number of patients to get through. They're time is limited.She doesn't need the whole family turning up and an attention seeking brat to deal with.

This is solely looking from OPS point of view. This what OP describes happens quite often in health care settings and it's unacceptable and disrespectful to everyone else so whilst it seems "harmless" it's not a one off. It's very very common and the Dr probably was brisk for good reason.

As a mum you love your kids but for the Dr to actually VOICE OP kid needs a firmer hand..........

Do as the Dr suggested and tale a firmer hand with her or leave her at home

What a rude doctor - and a paediatrician too. I hope your baby is okay. Next time, as others have said, let mum look after the older child and see the doctor on your own with the baby. I'm surprised at the lack of sympathy shown to you.

Your mum should have stayed at home with your toddler. She sounds hugely disruptive. And you should record the appointment on your phone in Voice Memos. Doctors never mind if you ask. They often speak up and are extra attentive as there’s clearly a reason you would record it. It’s not an unusual request.

Also, private doctors are much more accessible than NHS so any further queries you would have had, you could have directed to their secretary/emailed to them directly and they’d have probably been back in touch quickly.

You’ve obviously not been to Harley Street.

I wouldn’t worry about the posts from this poster. They’re a bit…notorious.

Yes, the doctor was very rude. Seems like they don't like children, really. I totally understand why you would want another adult there for support or a second pair of ears, especially if the baby has health concerns which I presume is the case. Not sure why PP are sympathising with fictional possible other patients when you are an actual patient at this practice with your baby.

Also, why would the receptionist direct you to a room with toys that is unsafe for a toddler? This practice sounds strange and I wouldn't be returning.

I am a paediatrician and I think the doctor
was pretty poor to be honest.

I'm a community doc and I see ALOT of children with really shocking behaviour and would never say they need a firmer hand. That is awful. That doctor is seeing a snapshot of you and had no idea of the background circumstances!

I have sibs in all the time, especially at this time of year. They come, they interrupt, they tell you stuff. I interact with them a bit and give them some toys. If they kick off, I stop, wait til they are settled and then carry on. If there was no settling and there was another adult, I might have politely suggested waiting in the waiting room, but usually while saying something like 'oh, it's so tough being two' not commenting on your parenting. If there was no settling at all and no other adult, I would do all the face to face stuff and arrange to call you at a later date to do the talking bit. Also sometimes my lovely clinic support worker will take them and play with them (if they will happily separate)

Also, always happy to be recorded as long as I am told about it first.

I don't think the way she behaved would mean that you developed rapport and confidence with her and this means she will not be as effective. This is why communication is important.

That is taking out the whole private thing. I'm an NHS doctor.

I also have multiple children and sometimes it all goes to shit! Don't fret! Tomorrow is a new day!

Really difficult for dr to listen to heart, chest, bowel sounds, ask your questions & listen to your concerns (and think!) with a loud toddler around.

I'm still waiting for OP to reveal the room that was in a paediatrician's office that had toys but was so dangerous that they had to leave but not before finishing making up a bottle. Were they actually in a clinic room?

I would take the firmer hand comment as a figure of speech to be a bit more assertive with your parenting, rather than physically using your hands.

As much as you might need support, your baby needs the doctor to be able to work efficiently and no one finds that easy with a toddler all over the place. You haven't specified the concern but eyes, hearing, neurological assessments would all be incredibly hard and compromised in these circumstances. That was more important and should come first next time.