Was this Dr rude ?

[wasthisdoctorrude]

I recently went to a private Paediatrician with my baby. My daughter accompanied me, she's two and a half..

My mother also came with us. My daughter is pretty loud and pretty difficult at the moment. All three of us went into the room, whilst doc was examining my baby.

The reason all of us went into the appointment was so that my mum was there to lend an extra pair of ears to help me and ask questions etc.

My daughter kept just loudly talking whilst doc was examining baby and doc seemed irritated- which was fair enough. I kept telling daughter to shush, but it didn't last that long. She was just talking and pointing out what she was seeing in the room etc. the doctor remarked at the end that she was cute but needed a firmer hand. Ok fair enough, I can take that, probably also slightly true.

After the appointment, the baby was crying and the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe, I said, no problem at all- we can see. I will finish preparing the and we will leave. My mum left the room immediately with asked my daughter and I followed once I finished with the bottle, doctor seemed happy as the danger in the room was for the toddler really anyway. In any case, toddler loses her shit at being ushered out of the room and leaving me behind... I was the only one who could prepare the bottle, as my mum doesn't know how, so we couldn't switch places. In any case, it took a couple of minutes to do. I rushed down to my daughter and picked her up to calm her down.

The doctor comes in and tells us quite aggressively to leave the practice, as we are disturbing everyone there. Obviously we were always going to do that, as there was no space to feed anyway after we left the room.

It didn't feel great. I completely understand her frustration at my toddler being in the appointment. But she was pretty aggressive in telling us to leave. By the time she told us to leave, my daughter had stopped crying anyway. She probably cried for two to three minutes- the time it took for me to finish preparing a bottle for my baby.

Anyway, it didn't feel amazing. My mum was livid and thinks this doctor is a complete XXXX. I am a bit more forgiving and can understand that we caused a bit of a scene. However, as a doctor for children, surely you'd understand a toddler getting upset for a few minutes? We did our best to leave the unsafe room as quickly as possible, but I was already half making the bottle. So we didn't ' disobey ' her or anything like that.

We were just rushing around trying to look after two demanding children. Really we were doing our best not to disturb anyone. In any case, not sure if I'll see her again after that. I've never been kicked out from anywhere before !

I think people are giving you a hard time OP. How are you supposed to be an expert at having two kids when you've only been doing it 5 minutes?!

The op had childcare . No need whatsoever for the whole gang of them to go into the consult. And what use was the GM in any case if they were all distracted by the misbehaving toddler.

It doesnt matter if you 'think' its acceptible, its:

1. against the rules almost everywhere. &
2. basic social ettiquette that says its rude because you are imposing on others (you dont get to be rude and decide your not rude, its the people you impose on who get to decide).

I really want to know what was unsafe about a room with toys in it.

4 people in a consulting room is a bit much could your mother and other child not have waited in the car? The doctor probably would not have been able to concentrate on the baby and that was the whole point of being there.

Presumably a room that a paediatrician says is unsafe.

As a SAHM to two, who moved countries and then houses multiple times, without family support and with a DH who worked 60+ hours a week for much of the time, I recognise the 'have to take both children' scenario.

As a result, I put a LOT of effort into 'training' them to behave appropriately, and also carried a large bag of quiet occupation for them at all times. To start with, there were lots of occasions where we left things - memorably a shoe shop, frequently enjoyable activities - because the toddler wouldn't sit quietly when asked to / required. He wasn't an angel, by any means - full of beans, loud, demanding, tantrumming - but what we did achieve was the ability for me to say 'sit there, quietly, with this activity and this snack' for a while on demand (as I negotiated buying a car, visiting the dentist, DD's checkups, renting a house). In return, when he had my attention he had my full attention.

I do hope that your baby is OK. However, i would strongly recommend that you take this as a starting point for a 'reset' with your DD - if you are often going to have to take her with you to places, you HAVE to develop a way to make that successful. You can start small and everyday - a visit to a shop, 2 minutes while you are on the telephone, whatever - but then you and your child will both have the skills to call upon for important moments.

This.

honestly, people treating medical appointments as a family day out is a PITA for the HCP. Everything takes twice as long, causes clinic delays and it really isn’t necessary, especially as op found, it’s more a distraction rather than a help!

You’re getting a hard time here.

It’s fine to take you toddler to an appointment and it’s fine to have an extra ear if you feel it’s needed - I doubt posters would be so dismissive if this was mum, dad and two small kids.

What is not fine is allowing your toddler to “lose her shit” on being required to exit a room. Your mum should have picked her up and swiftly removed her from the premises. There was definitely far too much faffing about going on at that point.

Record consultations with the Dr and / or have a pen to take notes. They won't mind, as long as you check with them first.

This. Taking the Grandmother along seemed to be of no real benefit anyway. The Grandmother should have just stayed at home with the toddler. The Doctor was most likely miffed at what they saw as poor handling of the situation, regarding the child playing up.

I agree. The poor doctor. Your mother should have just looked after your toddler. Not really fair on the doctor to have to deal with 2 extra people when there was no need for it. Quite selfish really.

Have emergency bottles prepared in advance- this will not be the last time the baby needs feeding urgently!
Work on making sure the older child can sit quietly- it's not going to happen overnight, but yours is old enough to understand when it's important, and to follow your instructions to sit still and not touch for a few minutes.
Most GPS would just have you feeding in the waiting room/ area, not sure why you were shown into a room? It's very feasible that a room safe for an adult with a feeding newborn might not be so safe for a mobile older child.
Sounds like it's just one of those things that you have to deal with as a parent, difficult and stressful but not anyones fault really. You'd hope that a medical centre would be more set up for users with children but unfortunately you can't bank on it.
Life is often a nightmare when you wrangling small children, I found having food and drink ready to distract often helped but sometimes you are not going to be able to keep them all quiet, and you just do your best. Sometimes it is inevitable that you will be causing a disturbance.

Fair enough just seems odd that the receptionist would send them their for the toddler to play if that's the case!

there*

My friend recently referred to her family on a noisy and chaotic trip out as a 'travelling circus" and I thought of this phrase when I read the OP (before I saw other people also using the word 'circus'!).

I mean this kindly, OP, but the doctor was probably exasperated partly because your mother could have taken your DD out of the consultation but didn't. The doctor probably wondered why on earth your mother was there, if not to help. I used to take my mum along to DS's many appointments when he was very little so that she could take him out of his own appointment (after he'd been examined) if he wasn't coping!

@cantkeepawayforever how did you train your toddler like this tho? Not being facetious I just struggle with mine, but I’m hoping once she gets older / more comprehension I’ll be able to do so. She’s 22 months and hates sitting still. It doesn’t matter if I try and distract her with snacks, toys, books, new things, songs, iPad whatever, if she wants to explore she will lose it. And please don’t say “I coped because I have to” as I have evwn
less help than you’ve listed (single parent) and no family!
my toddler seems so much worse than most I read about on here. She’s not distractible. And yes if I’m somewhere I can
leave I would, but for example a
medical appointment isn’t always possibel

Wow, so much harshness.

I 100% understand why you took your Mum, when you have seen many doctors it can be very easy to get muddled and forget what you want to say/what the doctor says. Having your Mum there was to help keep things straight.

Unfortunately your elder child did what toddlers do and moved around, talked etc. A paed should be very used to that. The receptionist sent you to that room, you were within normal practice to assume that it was safe for your toddler.

All of the important doctors appointments we have had for our kids both my hubby and I plus both our kids have attended, we don't have anyone else to mind our kids.

Your doctor was rude without a doubt, it's a paediatric clinic where lots of kids go, not a bloody state library. A bit of noise or crying is not the end of the world.

Well, given OP was doing the shushing as well as talking to the Dr and grandma could neither make the bottle nor calm the toddler down, I would hope a dad would be less of a wet fish in the sitution.

Op, I would get yourself a tea or a wine and pop this day in the fuck it bucket.

Ridiculous.

Or learn a lesson from it hopefully.

I'm going to go against the grain here and side with you OP. You should always try to bring another adult to these appointments if you can as the most important thing is to get all the right information and ask the right questions. I know how hard it can be to get appointments and since you've paid privately you probably spent a lot of money so I imagine this was very important to you. It's all very well for people to tell you that you should be able to handle these conversations with doctors and yes ideally it'd be nice if you could, but doctors often patronise patients and very often leave out important information. So you gotta do what you gotta do to get the best outcome for baby. If that means bringing your mum to back you up then so be it.

Last time I was in a paediatricians waiting room (a few weeks ago, in central London) there were babies crying, toddlers crying, people watching things loudly on their Ipads, games being played etc. There were clearly mothers there with multiple kids. It was chaotic, yes, but why on Earth would anyone expect differently at a busy paediatricians office? It seems bonkers to expect them to be quiet calm places if there are lots of people in the waiting room. The doctor should have been tending to patients not trying to keep order in the breastfeeding room, I don't really understand why she came in at all tbh.

I hope your baby is ok anyway?

I would just take the toddler and baby on your own next time since your mum sounds about as much use as a chocolate kettle - you probably would have had more sympathy from the staff that way.

Hi OP.
I think Dr was very rude. There’s a way to speak to people and she obviously doesn’t know. I get why you took your mum but maybe next time speak
to mum before and go in with questions written down. hope everything is ok with baby.

The doctor was definitely rude. But it would have been more appropriate for your mum to care for your toddler at home whilst you took your baby to the appointment.