Was this Dr rude ?

[wasthisdoctorrude]

I recently went to a private Paediatrician with my baby. My daughter accompanied me, she's two and a half..

My mother also came with us. My daughter is pretty loud and pretty difficult at the moment. All three of us went into the room, whilst doc was examining my baby.

The reason all of us went into the appointment was so that my mum was there to lend an extra pair of ears to help me and ask questions etc.

My daughter kept just loudly talking whilst doc was examining baby and doc seemed irritated- which was fair enough. I kept telling daughter to shush, but it didn't last that long. She was just talking and pointing out what she was seeing in the room etc. the doctor remarked at the end that she was cute but needed a firmer hand. Ok fair enough, I can take that, probably also slightly true.

After the appointment, the baby was crying and the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe, I said, no problem at all- we can see. I will finish preparing the and we will leave. My mum left the room immediately with asked my daughter and I followed once I finished with the bottle, doctor seemed happy as the danger in the room was for the toddler really anyway. In any case, toddler loses her shit at being ushered out of the room and leaving me behind... I was the only one who could prepare the bottle, as my mum doesn't know how, so we couldn't switch places. In any case, it took a couple of minutes to do. I rushed down to my daughter and picked her up to calm her down.

The doctor comes in and tells us quite aggressively to leave the practice, as we are disturbing everyone there. Obviously we were always going to do that, as there was no space to feed anyway after we left the room.

It didn't feel great. I completely understand her frustration at my toddler being in the appointment. But she was pretty aggressive in telling us to leave. By the time she told us to leave, my daughter had stopped crying anyway. She probably cried for two to three minutes- the time it took for me to finish preparing a bottle for my baby.

Anyway, it didn't feel amazing. My mum was livid and thinks this doctor is a complete XXXX. I am a bit more forgiving and can understand that we caused a bit of a scene. However, as a doctor for children, surely you'd understand a toddler getting upset for a few minutes? We did our best to leave the unsafe room as quickly as possible, but I was already half making the bottle. So we didn't ' disobey ' her or anything like that.

We were just rushing around trying to look after two demanding children. Really we were doing our best not to disturb anyone. In any case, not sure if I'll see her again after that. I've never been kicked out from anywhere before !

A few minutes of a toddler crying. At a paediatric clinic. Not worthy of the doctor or anyone else getting knickers in a twist.

@AryaStarkWolf i have a handful of toys (that I’ve provided myself) in my clinic room as a small distraction for kids but again, doesn’t mean all the other “dangers” I’d mentioned above (bins etc) aren’t there. Sadly lots of parents do let their children run rampant in clinic rooms but I do wonder if they grabbed something unsafe I’d probably be to blame. Practically other than disposing of waste in the correct bins etc, I can’t do much about it if they go rummaging in a bin and touch other peoples clinics waste!

You were rude. Your mum should have looked after your DD while you went to the appointment. Unless you've got a disability or additional needs, there's no need for another adult.

I had to take DS to the hospital the other week and couldn't get a seat (I'm pregnant, it was very hot) because every other family had several grown ups and several other children with them. So irritating.

How on EARTH did you take 2 extra people to an appointment?

Since covid my toddler who has been in and out of appointment because he is being diagnosed with a brain condition but they dont know exactly what yet has had dozens of appointments and me and DH arent even allowed in together (dispite it causing havok because Im disabled and cant answer questions and wrangle a toddler but Im the experianced given he most likely inherated my diability) never mind bring parents and our other kids.

Your luckily they let you in at all given this has been standard rules since covid never mind just asking you to leave afterwards.

Absolutely. Why on earth did your mum need to go in with you? Couldn't she have stayed at home with your toddler?? I don't blame the doctor. The doctor is there to focus on your baby and not be side tracked by your naughty toddler! You are a grown woman with 2 children, your mums ears are not necessary fgs!

Eh

The dr was frustrated and shouldn’t be taking that out on patients.

That said you should not go to the drs with so many people. If you worry about what to say/ask while there take notes in with you. Your toddler and your mother did not need to be there at all.

Two or three minutes of screaming is ages! I also don't understand why your mum and toddler didn't stay at home, but as they were there the least she could have done surely was take the screaming child outside the building to wait for you?! 🤯

Where's dad in all this? It's his role this, not your mums.
Your DM or DF could have stayed home with toddler whilst you went with your DH.

Did you forewarn them that you intended to bring your toddler and dm? You were unreasonable to just turn up otherwise. Presumably you were not the only appointment that day.

Its the fact the child shouldnt have been there at all in the first place... your not allowed to bring a gaggle of excess people.

If it was OP alone with both kids they usual make an exception (because some single parents dont have childcare) but OP brought other adults too which is not allowed... its a medical facility not a family day trip.

Err probably working 🙄 Why does both parent need to come along ? Or is this another scrape at assuming a man is the problem.

Yes, the Dr was rude. She was rude to talk to a patient 'aggressively'. Like others, I wonder why the room full of toys was unsafe for a toddler. Whys is any room open to the public unsafe at a GP's surgery? Why shouldn't mum and toddler come as well? Is there a limit on the number of members of a family who can attend the surgery?
A toddler crying should not be something that is intolerable to a family practitioner, nor to other patients. It is not going to be a prolonged episode anyway.

Just a note @wasthisdoctorrude to say that I'm so sorry you're going through all the stress and worry of your little one being ill and needing so many appointments.

I personally don't think the doctor was rude to ask you to leave the practice as your appointment was over and your eldest had been quite disruptive, but I totally get how when you're in the middle of a situation like that, anyone nudging you can feel really overwhelming, and the doctor telling you to leave must have been very frustrating in that moment when you've just managed a meltdown and gone through the stress of an appointment for your baby and been trying to prepare a bottle for her while you can hear your eldest having a tantrum and you were probably trying to rush to get to her which would also have been stressful! It just sounds like a real mishmash of everything going wrong at once.

We've all had crappy days and felt aggrieved afterwards before seeing it from another's perspective, so don't beat yourself up, and in a few months your toddler will (hopefully) be past the tantrum phase and be a bit calmer in professional settings and you will have an easier time of it. Good luck! x

Going to the paediatrician isn't a family outing.

You and the baby should go. Your child and mother should not have been there. All of the drama could have been avoided if either adult had used their common sense and found a park or something to occupy the toddler.

A few minutes of a toddler crying. At a paediatric clinic. Not worthy of the doctor or anyone else getting knickers in a twist.

Well if nobody had said anything it wouldn't have been a few minutes? The toddler wasn't the patient, the toddler had another adult who could have taken them out, the appointment was actually finished so no real reason for them to be there, and there were other people waiting with potentially very sick children who deserve the respect of peace and quiet or the ability to concentrate on remembering their own questions and concerns.

ESPECIALLY considering all patients are paying extra for the service.

OP my husband used to work in the NHS and dealt with lots of similar situations as yours. I think your situation is totally understandable.
But the private Dr will not be used to these situations. She is more likely used to an assertive mother and baby who has plenty of childcare available.

I’m surprised you were even able to take your mum and toddler to the appointment with you. We are currently seeing a private consultant for DD1 and only 1 parent can attend, second parent only by zoom.

I’m sorry that you are exhausted and stressed. Most NHS clinics won’t let you take siblings of extra adults so this was a bit of a circus.

I’m sorry you are getting a hard time but I don’t think you handled this one well.

OP I think a lot of people are being pretty nasty to you. Try not to take it personally, mumsnet is just like that.

Gosh I'm quite surprised by these comments. In my opinion, the doctor was very rude and out of line to recommend a firmer hand. That is absolutely not her business. I also think it's totally acceptable to bring your toddler and your mum in with you. I think the doctor should be better prepared for rowdy toddlers and tired and stressed out Mum's. You are doing a great job and to be honest I'd go elsewhere and be tempted to lodge some sort of complaint.

I think people are giving you a hard time OP. How are you supposed to be an expert at having two kids when you've only been doing it 5 minutes?!

If you've got to the stage of seeking a private opinion, then I'm guessing you're pretty stressed and confused about whatever's going on with your baby- I totally understand why you wanted your mum with you.

I would have been furious about the "firmer hand" comment. Not the Doctor's place at all, especially as that wasn't even the child they were seeing! And I think it's pretty poor that the waiting area was dangerous and there was nowhere to feed a baby a bottle- it's a paediatrician's! That whole stressy final scenario would have been avoided if they'd had adequate facilities for their patients.

No she wasn't rude. The child distracted her from the consult and then went outside and created another nuisance. There were probably other patients there as well. This wasn't a family day outing trip! The doctor was accommodating to even allow the GM and toddler into the room in the first place!!

Do you find it easy to do a highly skilled job properly with a screaming toddler in the room? No? Well, why would you expect a doctor to be able to do so?

If were asked to leave a practice that must be well used to babies and toddlers, then your toddler must have been pretty bad!