Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this Dr rude ?

256 replies

wasthisdoctorrude · 26/07/2022 14:08

I recently went to a private Paediatrician with my baby. My daughter accompanied me, she's two and a half..

My mother also came with us. My daughter is pretty loud and pretty difficult at the moment. All three of us went into the room, whilst doc was examining my baby.

The reason all of us went into the appointment was so that my mum was there to lend an extra pair of ears to help me and ask questions etc.

My daughter kept just loudly talking whilst doc was examining baby and doc seemed irritated- which was fair enough. I kept telling daughter to shush, but it didn't last that long. She was just talking and pointing out what she was seeing in the room etc. the doctor remarked at the end that she was cute but needed a firmer hand. Ok fair enough, I can take that, probably also slightly true.

After the appointment, the baby was crying and the receptionist told us there was a room with toys we could sit in and play and feed the baby. So off we went to this room. As we got into the room, I realised it was not safe for toddler. Soon after, the doctor followed us and told us to leave the room as it's unsafe, I said, no problem at all- we can see. I will finish preparing the and we will leave. My mum left the room immediately with asked my daughter and I followed once I finished with the bottle, doctor seemed happy as the danger in the room was for the toddler really anyway. In any case, toddler loses her shit at being ushered out of the room and leaving me behind... I was the only one who could prepare the bottle, as my mum doesn't know how, so we couldn't switch places. In any case, it took a couple of minutes to do. I rushed down to my daughter and picked her up to calm her down.

The doctor comes in and tells us quite aggressively to leave the practice, as we are disturbing everyone there. Obviously we were always going to do that, as there was no space to feed anyway after we left the room.

It didn't feel great. I completely understand her frustration at my toddler being in the appointment. But she was pretty aggressive in telling us to leave. By the time she told us to leave, my daughter had stopped crying anyway. She probably cried for two to three minutes- the time it took for me to finish preparing a bottle for my baby.

Anyway, it didn't feel amazing. My mum was livid and thinks this doctor is a complete XXXX. I am a bit more forgiving and can understand that we caused a bit of a scene. However, as a doctor for children, surely you'd understand a toddler getting upset for a few minutes? We did our best to leave the unsafe room as quickly as possible, but I was already half making the bottle. So we didn't ' disobey ' her or anything like that.

We were just rushing around trying to look after two demanding children. Really we were doing our best not to disturb anyone. In any case, not sure if I'll see her again after that. I've never been kicked out from anywhere before !

OP posts:
kirkandpetal · 26/07/2022 14:42

I understand taking your mum to the appt to help listen to answers etc, but her attendance ended up being nullified by your toddlers behaviour. So you were no better off than if you had left your toddler at home with your mum and just gone on your own with baby.

The doctors was perhaps a but harsh but thems the breaks. Their practice, their rules. But as a PP pointed out, if this is a private appt then you can take your business elsewhere if you don't like the doctor.

Lochroy · 26/07/2022 14:43

If you get it, why are you even asking?

Surely any benefit of having your mum there was far far outweighed by the attention of all of you, including the doctor, being distracted by the toddler.

CardiffMam · 26/07/2022 14:45

Mothers sometimes have to take toddlers with them to appointments, I've had to do this in the past. But you had someone available to look after your toddler and for that reason you were being very unreasonable to take your toddler with you.

Needmorelego · 26/07/2022 14:45

I am curious about this 'unsafe' room. If it's not safe for a toddler it can't be safe for adults either.
Have you contacted the Health and Safety department of your local council over this terrible 'unsafe' room.

exnewwifeproblems · 26/07/2022 14:49

Your mum should've taken the toddler outside. She shouldn't even have taken the toddler in with you - she should've stayed outside.

Write down questions before an appointment and write down answers if you struggle (I do and did - that's what I did and do)

Hingey · 26/07/2022 14:49

Also - some practical advice so it's not just you getting your arse handed to you Grin

You should read up on / youtube(?) / research 1 - 2 - 3 magic and give it a try. Used this with both my DDs and can honestly say we were never in a situation like this in public because I'd drilled the 1, 2, 3 into them and they'd stop at 2 at the most.

This would have ended the situation during the appointment before it had even started.

And probably what the doctor was talking about i.e a firmer hand.

girlmom21 · 26/07/2022 14:50

You take a toddler to an appointment for someone else as a last resort. If you have childcare, you use it appropriately.

Your baby won't get appropriate care if your doctor is unable to do their job.

dramalamma · 26/07/2022 14:50

Wow I can't believe some of these answers!! The doctor was absolutely rude - a children a doctor should be able to deal with children! I totally understand needing another adult there - and yeah it didn't work out the way you wanted but children have tantrums and parents of babies often come with other children in tow because they don't have childcare or they need the support of the available childcare. If we don't accept that on a website full of mothers how the hell can we make the rest of the work understand that we and the children are people and not just an inconvenience.... I mean in this case the OP was the customer - she was literally paying for the experience and should have been treated with respect. I mean what did the doctor think? That she wasn't trying her best to deal with the situation - she clearly was trying and telling her to get out without even being able to feed her baby is at best unkind and at worst a bloody discrimination case! Have some compassion for the poor Op who's probably embarrassed as hell (though you don't need to be op).

Lapland123 · 26/07/2022 14:52

Have totally been there with juggling baby and toddler at appointments. But have had no one to help. Your mum should have looked after toddler at home and you go with baby.I can’t believe all 4 of you went to the appointment and am surprised they allowed it

CbaThinkingOfAUsername · 26/07/2022 14:52

The Dr wasn't rude, you were.

Hugasauras · 26/07/2022 14:53

All sounds like a bit of a shambles tbh. What was in the unsafe room?! Confused

phishy · 26/07/2022 14:54

I would have maybe had to go alone with toddler and baby. And then what ? At least my mum could come.

If there was no one to take care of toddler then that's different.

It sounds like it was a bit of day out for you all.

Anyway, you have admitted YWBU, which is hard, not everyone can do it.

I hope baby is well.

HangOnToYourself · 26/07/2022 14:55

You need to bring a notebook if you are tired not an entire extra person. Totally avoidable situation if you had left toddler at home.with her

comealongponds · 26/07/2022 14:57

I understand why you wanted another adult, but your toddler was so distracting that it more than negated the benefit of having your mum there. They should’ve stayed at home, or at least left the consultation room as soon as it became clear DD wouldn’t be quiet (and gone to sit in the car to avoid her disturbing other people if she was unhappy at leaving you)

10HailMarys · 26/07/2022 14:57

Was the room 'unsafe' in general, or just unsafe for a toddler who apparently can't be adequately supervised or controlled by two adults? I mean, couldn't your mum have just picked her up for the two minutes it took you to make the bottle up? And why didn't your mum take the toddler out of the building when she started kicking off?

Honestly, you do sound like a bit of a nightmare. Turning up with an extra adult and a very difficult toddler was ridiculous.

I would also add that just because a doctor is a paediatrician, that doesn't mean they're any more tolerant of kids' annoying behaviour than anyone else. She's a doctor, not a nursery worker. Her role (and her interest) lies in treating her patient (your baby, in this case) not in placating or indulging another child who shouldn't actually have been there in the first place. A paediatrician will be tolerant of a child's behaviour when they are sick, injured or being examined, but another child just being a pest is really not something they would or should put up with.

ShirleyPhallus · 26/07/2022 14:57

dramalamma · 26/07/2022 14:50

Wow I can't believe some of these answers!! The doctor was absolutely rude - a children a doctor should be able to deal with children! I totally understand needing another adult there - and yeah it didn't work out the way you wanted but children have tantrums and parents of babies often come with other children in tow because they don't have childcare or they need the support of the available childcare. If we don't accept that on a website full of mothers how the hell can we make the rest of the work understand that we and the children are people and not just an inconvenience.... I mean in this case the OP was the customer - she was literally paying for the experience and should have been treated with respect. I mean what did the doctor think? That she wasn't trying her best to deal with the situation - she clearly was trying and telling her to get out without even being able to feed her baby is at best unkind and at worst a bloody discrimination case! Have some compassion for the poor Op who's probably embarrassed as hell (though you don't need to be op).

parents of babies often come with other children in tow because they don't have childcare

The op has childcare for the toddler - her mother who was also there

JunieBabes · 26/07/2022 14:59

I can never understand grown women who need to take their mums everywhere with them

MissMaple82 · 26/07/2022 15:01

I dunno, you're seeing a paediatrician, so something is obviously concerning you, you have two young babies, i get why you felt you needed support, but it backfired on you, a paediatrician should ideally be cut out for working around annoying kids, and why was there an unsafe feeding zone in a paediatricians office! I dont think you necessarily did anything wrong, unless you are one of them annoying parents that dint do shit to discipline your children

Cinnabomb · 26/07/2022 15:02

For PPs asking about the unsafe room- I’m guessing it was a spare clinical room. They may be clinical waste bins, sharps (needles) bins, sometimes the examination couches are old and not safe for toddlers to climb on. Expensive equipment (eg my personal stethoscope etc I don’t want a toddler grabbing and trying to break the ear pieces off). I’ve had issues with children trying to get into all of these things, even playing with the clinical waste bins and I’ve got used speculums etc in there from the previous patient, climbing onto the couch which has metal old style legs etc. even something as simple as jumping on the weighing scales, I don’t want them broken!

DashboardConfessional · 26/07/2022 15:02

I mean what did the doctor think?

That she'd be dealing with a baby and a parent, not 4 people, 2 of whom had no reason to be there. Maybe? Just a guess.

Ganymedemoon · 26/07/2022 15:03

Personally I don't understand why you didn't ask your mum to look after your toddler elsewhere while you were in the appt? You can write down questions before hand, make notes and give your undivided attention to your baby and the health care prof examining your baby. It seems like a silly use of a spare pair of hand to me. Maybe the Dr was rude, but if you know your 2 yr old is challenging right now best to let them play elsewhere with your mum.

AryaStarkWolf · 26/07/2022 15:04

Cinnabomb · 26/07/2022 15:02

For PPs asking about the unsafe room- I’m guessing it was a spare clinical room. They may be clinical waste bins, sharps (needles) bins, sometimes the examination couches are old and not safe for toddlers to climb on. Expensive equipment (eg my personal stethoscope etc I don’t want a toddler grabbing and trying to break the ear pieces off). I’ve had issues with children trying to get into all of these things, even playing with the clinical waste bins and I’ve got used speculums etc in there from the previous patient, climbing onto the couch which has metal old style legs etc. even something as simple as jumping on the weighing scales, I don’t want them broken!

Why did have Toys in it though or did the OP wander into the wrong room? So odd

Cinnabomb · 26/07/2022 15:04

And sadly most premises won’t have a designated feeding or play room. It would be lovely wouldn’t it but we don’t even have enough space for clinics rooms, a lot of the buildings are old and not originally designed to be fully set up surgerys. Ours is an old rectory

Belephant · 26/07/2022 15:06

Just on the practicalities OP, I think making notes is a good idea.

I've also audio recorded appointments in the past, and obviously told the doctor I'm recording. Then I can listen back later and arrange a follow up phone call if there's anything I want to pick up on.

endofthelinefinally · 26/07/2022 15:07

You should have left your daughter elsewhere with your mother and taken your baby to the clinic on your own. How was your mother supposed to be extra eyes and ears for the appointment if your daughter was creating so much distraction? You can take a notebook and pencil to the appointment and make notes.