To tell you about my sodding holiday so far ...

[Thousandthingstosay]

Stuck in holiday cottage with family in North England and these are the highlights so far

• it's raining
• father in law in denial about brexit, everything is the fault of the French, lazy doctors, people who don't want to work. This is relevant as everywhere we go there are staff shortages etc and no service
• mother in law being passive aggressive about meals. Complaining about cooking while complaining if anyone else attempts to cook or offers to take everyone out for a meal.
• at least 50% of the guests regularly suck their teeth after eating
• brother in law snores louder than he eats (which is horrendous) and is permanently red faced and boorish.
• sister in law clearly plotting a divorce and continually asks me legal advice (not sure why as I'm not a lawyer and never divorced)
• we have a random silent farter among us
• DH is sozzled as a coping strategy for staying with his family and useless
• My DD teenager glares at me while intermittently mouthing Italy, where most of her friends are apparently
• The dog drags it's arse across the carpet
• Many of the family cheat at the indoor games or are horridly competitive
• The wifi is shit

It's only day 3. We leave Friday.

I live in the North of England, more than willing to come over in the early hours, howl outside a few bedroom windows, scape on walls, make moaning noises through letterbox and wear a sheet over my head through it all- they might decide they have had enough in the morning 😁😁😁

@Thousandthingstosay
I was feeling a tad sorry for myself as laid up with Norovirus over the last 36h and still feeling weak and feeble now... But I think I have the better deal!
I do empathise.
Family holidays can be absolutely dire, ESPECIALLY intergenerational .

Eg with grandparents..
Sounds dismal.

Bet the holiday cost a lot as well.
Italy with your daughter would probably have been a safer bet!

Hilarious 😂

Love your DD! Totally agree with her too!
We did a weekend away with DH's family (we'd been away with PIL & that was fine) including DBs & SIL - utter hell! Never again. So I feel your pain.
As for a film - I can recommend The Gray Man on Netflix - Ryan Gosling & Chris Evans trying to kill each other.

Are you sure the silent farter isn’t the dog? Ours used to do some corkers, but hers usually had a distinctive ‘bouquet’ so it wasn’t much use any of us trying to blame ours on her.

You and DD should run off to Italy together and leave the rest of them to it

Put your teen in the car and go home? Leave DH to deal with his family.

Happy holidays OP 😂 note to self, never agree to another holiday with extended family.

Why did you agree to go at all?

Sorry for your predicament OP, but your post did make me laugh.

I am a bit confused as to why FIL blames the French for everything when you are holidaying in the U.K.

I would suggest ‘The French Connection’ as tonight’s film - and lots of alcohol!

I can pretend to be that aunt - I'm currently in Tuscany and can confirm that it's beautiful at the moment.

I'd say you're insane for agreeing to this, but I am a survivor of 6 whole weeks spent abroad with DH's family, so I know how these things can seem unavoidable.*

*It was a nightmare. Never, ever again.

Oh god we are going away with the in laws on Saturday

@Thousandthingstosay
open a book on the silent farter. 10/1 says it’s mil.
Drink more alcohol and buy lots of snacks.
Plan your Italian holiday.

And the icing on the cake will be when the dogs anal glands explode!

Indeed. I mean it sounds awful, but it was a terrible idea in the first place.

Funniest writing style.ive read in a while op

Oh OP, your dd mouthing ‘Italy’ has me smiling so much that my face hurts. She sounds amazing 😁

Group holidays are a very special level of hell, the only think to do is (a) bail or (b) drink copiously and dream of Italy till it’s time to go home.

No! You need to find an excuse to get away before Friday and then you and DD book a holiday in Italy.

YABU - you have a teenage daughter, you must have known these people a while. Assuming they've not all had a sudden personality transplant, why on earth did you agree to this torture?

Just keep drinking wine or gin, eating chocolate and chips, next year Italy or Turkey!!

I will add Roman Holiday to PP's suggestion of The Italian Job for your delectation tonight. If possible also A Room With A View.

Friday is forever away.

PM my your mobile number. I’ll call up tomorrow being someone from work saying that you simply have to come in and deal with this problem. Or I can be a neighbour who has just seen water pouring down your front step. I’ve turned the water off in the street but you’d better come straight home to asses the damage and sort out a plumber.

Feign illness tell husband to take you home and book flights with daughter if he won't come to Italy life is too short

Croatia is nice I hear. British Airways from Heathrow to Puli(?) perfect there and back this week.

Or your daughter is ill and you're taking her home