To tell you about my sodding holiday so far ...

[Thousandthingstosay]

Stuck in holiday cottage with family in North England and these are the highlights so far

• it's raining
• father in law in denial about brexit, everything is the fault of the French, lazy doctors, people who don't want to work. This is relevant as everywhere we go there are staff shortages etc and no service
• mother in law being passive aggressive about meals. Complaining about cooking while complaining if anyone else attempts to cook or offers to take everyone out for a meal.
• at least 50% of the guests regularly suck their teeth after eating
• brother in law snores louder than he eats (which is horrendous) and is permanently red faced and boorish.
• sister in law clearly plotting a divorce and continually asks me legal advice (not sure why as I'm not a lawyer and never divorced)
• we have a random silent farter among us
• DH is sozzled as a coping strategy for staying with his family and useless
• My DD teenager glares at me while intermittently mouthing Italy, where most of her friends are apparently
• The dog drags it's arse across the carpet
• Many of the family cheat at the indoor games or are horridly competitive
• The wifi is shit

It's only day 3. We leave Friday.

This is really annoying. Guilting someone to go on a holiday isn’t okay. Most people have limited annual leave so being made to do an extended family holiday means they can’t do whatever it is that they want to do.

Sorry, but this is fxckin HILARIOUS!!

Apologies, was being totally over sensitive there! I'm half norf and half South, sorry, don't know what came over me, bit too much vino lol. Regionist is most likely not a word that could be found in the dictionary. Hope you survive the next few days, vicks up the nose, join dh in alcohol and eat a can of baked beans to get your own back. 🤣

brilliant not for you i guess but i like your style

and dd sounds great too

We had a nice day trip to Matlock and Matlock Bath <just before DH and I caught covid which wrote off the rest of the holiday >.

We parked at Matlock then walked to Matlock Bath - there's some steps and an overgrown path that DH found, then it's a lovely flat walk at a height. We then had fish and chips at Matlock Bath - such a funny place with 7 fish and chip shops - and got the train back to Matlock at £1.10 per person.
We did toy with The Heights of Abraham, but as we had ddog with us we couldn't have seen much of it. Top tip - if you still want to go - is you get 20% reduction if you have proof of public transport, so park in Matlock and get the train so you can take the money off the entrance fee.

Omg, your poor DD, my teenage self's skin would have been crawling with ick in that environment.

I remember spending my one precious holiday a year with my crass extended family. Eventually I ditched them. Life's too damn short!

Your DH drinking and leaving you to wipe everyone's emotional asses is not acceptable.

Sorry you've been strongarmed into spending your time off with your husband's troglodyte family - I suggest you take your daughter somewhere nice and salvage the one worthwhile relationship here!

I hear Venice is nice in early autumn.

Happy to receive handy hints and tips. We're staying just outside Ashbourne.

I am greatly cheered now that I've spotted a pub within what appears to be a 15 minute walk or a short cycle away. (Apparently we are doing the Monsal Trail so are packing bikes). Mine's a folding bike so I have made a mental note that I am a short ride away from the bus stop where an hourly service can take me to Uttoxeter station (and home).

@Madcats Monsal trail is a lovely cycle ride - enjoy.
I'd recommend hiring an electric bike from Hassop station to make it even more enjoyable, or at least stop for a bite to eat at their cafe.

Alas, I'm receiving media attention. Such is the poor state of journalism they need to trawl lovely mumsnet for content. In the words of the Trump buffoon, how very sad.

Holiday nearly over so end in sight. Not going to post anymore but remember this thread dear chums if a family holiday invite lands.

Onwards and upwards.

Where OP?! I'm nosey but can't find any articles 🤣

Brilliant op. We've all been there. Farting was my coping mechanism.
It's the best revenge 🤢

At least you had the money to get away from your daily chores and gain a new view on your daily lives.

So OP isn’t allowed a light hearted moan? Don’t be ridiculous @Faewynd .

Can I add my own please?

On holiday with extended family in France, first abroad holiday since before COVID and starting to remember why I’m not that fussed about holidays at all.

• The AirBnB is lovely but the owners obviously have a fetish for quirky trinkets, can’t put anything on any of the 2,395 side tables because they’re covered in multi-coloured teapots or cat ornaments or quill pens and in massive fucking pot
• Older family members keep correcting the children’s perfectly acceptable behaviour. For example my 5yo DS said “I’m done” when he finished his dinner last night. Older family member said “James Robert Matthew’s, we say ‘please mummy May I leave the table as I am finished’”. My 5yo was a bit , we are in a fucking Enid Blyton novel.
• Other family member doesn’t use proper words for things. For example they will say “pass the bicky wicky pack please”. Meaning biscuits. But we don’t know what they mean so have to ask for the proper word constantly! “Has anyone seen my shorty worts?” - what?!
• my mum is determined to kill us all. She was put in charge of car hiring at the airport and despite apparently lots of cars being available she chose a car with leather seats and no air con. It was 38 degrees yesterday, we went out for the day to do an activity and had no choice but to leave car in the sun. So we basically got third degree burns getting back in then had to open windows when driving meaning all our heads nearly exploded from the air gushing in
• on a related note of mum trying to kill us all, I was nearly passing out because of the heat at the activity yesterday. I had drank all my water and was cadging water off other people as I felt quite sick. The person who said they’d bring the mini fans, forgot. When we got home my mum said “I actually had one of those face mist cans in my handbag today, I suppose I could have given it to you when you felt unwell”. Yes mum you could have.
• We are v lucky to have a pool here but if I hear one more argument about splashing I’m going to get up through the night and drain the bastard thing. Wear your bloody goggles!
• May also sleep in the pool if I decide not to drain it as it’s offensively hot and everyone is getting grumpy about it

*we AREN’T in an Enid Blyton novel

Hope you wrote for a living OP, if you don’t - you really should!

Loving this thread, chortling to myself in our holiday caravan with my dss's , not an extended family member in sight!