To tell you about my sodding holiday so far ...

[Thousandthingstosay]

Stuck in holiday cottage with family in North England and these are the highlights so far

• it's raining
• father in law in denial about brexit, everything is the fault of the French, lazy doctors, people who don't want to work. This is relevant as everywhere we go there are staff shortages etc and no service
• mother in law being passive aggressive about meals. Complaining about cooking while complaining if anyone else attempts to cook or offers to take everyone out for a meal.
• at least 50% of the guests regularly suck their teeth after eating
• brother in law snores louder than he eats (which is horrendous) and is permanently red faced and boorish.
• sister in law clearly plotting a divorce and continually asks me legal advice (not sure why as I'm not a lawyer and never divorced)
• we have a random silent farter among us
• DH is sozzled as a coping strategy for staying with his family and useless
• My DD teenager glares at me while intermittently mouthing Italy, where most of her friends are apparently
• The dog drags it's arse across the carpet
• Many of the family cheat at the indoor games or are horridly competitive
• The wifi is shit

It's only day 3. We leave Friday.

I love your teen.

you bring up the many not so fond memories of trips gone by.

Alcohol to drowned the others out, and worming pill for the dog lol.

I’d take DD to the metrocentre tomorrow as there will be more rain.

I totally LOVE your teenager - she's so fucking right

Sorry OP but this thread has brightened up my day. You are hilarious. Sending you strength and sanity, although how much sanity I can offer I’m not sure.

One of you has covid and must go home. Immediately.

You’ve made me laugh too. Remember this for the next time someone suggests it. If you must get together again make sure it’s somewhere fabulous, let DD bring a friend and do her own thing. Oh and AL so no squabbles over the cooking.

You sound like you’re looking down your nose at them.

And who could blame her?

I kind of thought it’s fairly normal and fair game for a family holiday until I read the bit about the silent farter.

just go home. No one needs brexitified botty burps

DD needs some quality mother and daughter bonding time somewhere, anywhere. How far to the nearest cinema?

<waves Italian flag>

Get daytrips planned for the rest of the week for you and DD. Never go away with the in-laws again!

Ouch OP, sounds awful. Holidays in the UK for more than a long weekend are always a bad idea IMO - right up there with going away with in-laws and extended family.
I think it's time for you to start drinking heavily too.

This made me laugh so much - with you, not at you.

You know, monkey pox is apparently on the rise if you needed an excuse to stay in your room, obviously after taking the dog to a vet and nipping over to Newcastle/Manchester/wherever the nearest decent centre of civilization might be.

Definitely borrowing the In Law Bingo thing for the next time we're forced to encounter the Duchess and Swivels, as I call them, who live in a terribly naice little village in Northumberland and look down their noses at the rest of the world especially us. Last time we were there I seriously wondered about taking a midnight trip to the Alnwick poison herbs Garden and returning with some extra special berries....!!!! ( Swivels is the bloke and I call him that as the Duchess pretty much regards him as her butler/chauffeur)

Tonight's film should be The Italian Job.

Whereabouts are you OP I the North? We might be able to offer suggestions where you can escape to for the day.

Fun and laughter for a week or two...

LOL at the dog! Best entertainment going!

On a serious note, time and money are too precious to waste like this. See your family when you have to and have proper fun holidays in future.

ITALY!!! Absolutely brilliant from your daughter

Oh, dear😂You're going to need to pop out on little errands ninety times a day and take DD and possibly the dog with you.

I could tell a similar tale of a comedy nightmare holiday with my parents, my DH, and some of my then-teenage DC. I'm still bewildered at how it turned out to be such a disaster, because I normally have a very good relationship with my parents, it was their idea to come away with us.

I’d be adopting your OH’s coping strategy at this stage 🤣

No, please, I need to know his comments now - I bet they are hilariously awful. My mum is exactly the same about women’s sport that isn’t track and field, tennis or hockey. Trying to watch the women’s RU or boxing with her is exquisitely painful.

Sorry OP, this sounds like the week from hell 😂😂😂. I would join your DH - he’s nailed the only possible solution to this nightmare.

Hahahahaha I love your daughter

PM me the address and I’ll send you my positive Covid test from last week, necessitating immediate isolation……