To tell you about my sodding holiday so far ...

[Thousandthingstosay]

Stuck in holiday cottage with family in North England and these are the highlights so far

• it's raining
• father in law in denial about brexit, everything is the fault of the French, lazy doctors, people who don't want to work. This is relevant as everywhere we go there are staff shortages etc and no service
• mother in law being passive aggressive about meals. Complaining about cooking while complaining if anyone else attempts to cook or offers to take everyone out for a meal.
• at least 50% of the guests regularly suck their teeth after eating
• brother in law snores louder than he eats (which is horrendous) and is permanently red faced and boorish.
• sister in law clearly plotting a divorce and continually asks me legal advice (not sure why as I'm not a lawyer and never divorced)
• we have a random silent farter among us
• DH is sozzled as a coping strategy for staying with his family and useless
• My DD teenager glares at me while intermittently mouthing Italy, where most of her friends are apparently
• The dog drags it's arse across the carpet
• Many of the family cheat at the indoor games or are horridly competitive
• The wifi is shit

It's only day 3. We leave Friday.

Your DD is right.

Get a friend or relative to message you with a fake emergency that it is imperative you and DD assist with, then leave in haste.

DH's family are cut from the same cloth as your ILs. DDs and I have a ILs bingo shared on our phones. We gleefully score evenings where Brexit, DIY, and MIL's ailments feature heavily.

Taking the dog to a vet tomorrow might be a way out. Could you volunteer to take him or her and spin it out for part of the day at least ?
Find out where the nearest take away is and offer to bring one back?

You sound like you’re looking down your nose at them.

The ' Italy' bit cracked me up 😂

Oh you have our sympathy.

when you booked the cottage what was the plans for activities?

if you can get any wifi at all and your budget allows get on and book Italy / Spain for half term or your next annual leave period .
then surprise your DD with it

vow never to do this again

Oh Godbless you OP. Get home on friday whack out the visa(other credit cards are available!) and get yourself away on a proper holiday just you dh and kids and bugger the expense ..I would! I have indeed done this in the past and its well worth being skint for a bit afterwards to do it!!!

Family holidays are a living hell.
I love your daughter. Make an excuse and go off together. Try and lose them?
Drink?
There must be a crack den close - get crack and then you won’t care.

I've read a few holiday threads like this. It has made me glad I've never gone on group holidays, family or friends. Sounds awful.

OP can you get some highly infectious disease (covid?) and have to go home?

I'd either take your daughter out for an Italian or order Dominoes for the two of you and go and find somewhere scenic to have a picnic together.

We all got covid on our holiday last week. Absolutely crap.

Hope yours improves OP!

Ddog definitely needs either anal glands squeezed or worming tabs.

Best he's seen by his usual vet.

DD and you return home with ddog asap.

DH gets a lift home with family/farter.

(Your daughters are essay on "what I did on my holidays" is going to be hilarious)

Oh, op...
I'm not laughing (honest)
Just back from a week in the NE with dh, dc and my bloody mother.
NEVER AGAIN!!
We hired a wheelchairfor her (with her approval). She refused to use it. Fell and hit her head. Had a face on her like a slapped arse all week. Didn't actually want to go anywhere or do anything..
Ugh.

<Runs in to yell Italy and runs out>

Made me laugh too, sorry 😃

Play annoying relative bingo along with your dh and dd: a point for each repeated annoying comment

Full sympathy OP! There should be warning before you can book group cottage holidays about how miserable they are. As much as it might seem like a good idea at the time...

'ITALY' 😂😂

I once went on one, thankfully only 4 days, but it was 4 days of awkwardness and quiet rage. One couple spent every second shagging, which included jizzing in the hot tub on day 1 🤢

Why do people go on holiday with their family? I don’t get it.

Sorry OP but that did make me laugh! Place bets with DD as to who you think the silent farter is & try to get evidence! Take a step back from it all & see it as pure comedy gold! Book a spa day for you & DD & plan your Italian escape!

Are you the SIL ?

Oh soo the teenager mouthing Italy is the icing on the cake 😂😂. Can you book a cheeky one night break in Rome or something for the two of you and disappear?

Making memories, OP. Making memories. Sounds like a classic family holiday.

Anyone who reads that OP and thinks 'Oh wow, they sound like an amazing bunch but completely out of my league' needs help.

I remember a holiday where my mother had invited herself along, it was freezing cold (we nicknamed the house The Fridge), middle of winter at the beach, with a baby and a toddler. My mother had a bad cold, and was convinced she was going to die. I was reading a book I found, all about how to dispose of a body after a murder, plus various methods of murder, peering over my glasses at my mother. . .

It just sounds like you don't like your in-laws in which case you're a muppet for going away with them in the first place