To tell you about my sodding holiday so far ...

[Thousandthingstosay]

Stuck in holiday cottage with family in North England and these are the highlights so far

• it's raining
• father in law in denial about brexit, everything is the fault of the French, lazy doctors, people who don't want to work. This is relevant as everywhere we go there are staff shortages etc and no service
• mother in law being passive aggressive about meals. Complaining about cooking while complaining if anyone else attempts to cook or offers to take everyone out for a meal.
• at least 50% of the guests regularly suck their teeth after eating
• brother in law snores louder than he eats (which is horrendous) and is permanently red faced and boorish.
• sister in law clearly plotting a divorce and continually asks me legal advice (not sure why as I'm not a lawyer and never divorced)
• we have a random silent farter among us
• DH is sozzled as a coping strategy for staying with his family and useless
• My DD teenager glares at me while intermittently mouthing Italy, where most of her friends are apparently
• The dog drags it's arse across the carpet
• Many of the family cheat at the indoor games or are horridly competitive
• The wifi is shit

It's only day 3. We leave Friday.

I’m howling this is brilliant- your misery is entertaining me please continue to update and consider documenting the entire ordeal and submit to Netflix as a short film.
Also I’d go with the barricade and pretend you’ve got covid option- with wine in your room- until friday

Do you think the dog might have worms?

Can you and dd get a sneaky flight to Italy. Leave them to it

Made me laugh!

I’m loving your style of writing & DD mouthing Italy! Let us know how you get on…

Why did you agree to this nonsense?! It's as much as DH can do to get me out for a quick drink with his brother, there's no way on this earth I'd go away with him.

I often feel that part of the point of a holiday is to make you appreciate your home more ...... I cannot recall a holiday when I wasn't actually glad to be going home by the end.

That and the silent farter made me laugh. 😂

Yes, just read that particular line out to my partner!

Wow. What a response. Glad it's cheered some people up.

Brighter weather today but currently ensconced in the Trafford Centre (which is gigantic) so can't see the outside world. DD choosing tiny tops in Hollister and ignoring my comments on same garment for third the price in Primark.

News of the day is the amount of egg based food consumed at breakfast and a planned quiche with salad and beans for dinner. The silent farter is in for a bumpy night.

No update on the dog. Have left SIL/BIL to it. I've never squeezed an anal gland and not starting now.

This is going to be us...next week...without a dog.
DD and I are packing headphones and a ton of audiobooks.

I'd actually bet the silent farter is the dog?

It generally pretends on the in-laws. My first set of in-laws are lovely. In fact, the only proper irritation in that holiday scenario would be their son. And his mother would find him even more irritating than me!

My current in laws (although not for much longer thankfully) are a different prospect entirely. There is absolutely no way I’d ever consider a holiday involving MIL. Ever. She’s a truly awful person and I would happily never set eyes on her again in my life.

I assume the OP’s in laws fall somewhere in between, which is why she agreed to this in the first place!

OP I sympathise. Sounds like an episode of the Royale Family..
But also like most family get togethers. Always a good idea at the time but..

This is the bit that got me! I instantly pictured it so vividly and weirdly wanted to be there to watch her over and over.😄

Does nobody pic up on fil?me and certainly the younger woman in my family would be on him whilst I hold her back.or certainly be making it known via eyes,tuts and goading comments towards him.

Also the secret stash of snacks in your own hold-all is vital.escape to snacks,no passive aggressive food comments,no everyone eating the nice food before you even got to it!

Get secretly pissed.
Vomit.
Say you have a bug and leave immediately to avoid infecting others.

Or pour orange juice on a lateral flow and leave.

I could not spend my life fucking about like that.

Would it have made a difference in The South? Plenty to do in the North, and some great cities, and attractions for when it rains. When its stopped raining the vast majority of beaches are wonderful too whether on the western side or Eastern side.
it could be worse you could be in the queues waiting to actually go away on holiday. Sounds like you didn’t want to go on this holiday in the first place.

Sorry but you have made me laugh, reminds me of Christmases at my husbands mums.

You must have known your relatives and how you don't get on prior to going away ?
Why on earth did you all book to go away together. If it is as horrid as it sounds nobody is enjoying themselves at all. I suspect everyone wants to go home. I think you all should.

I can just feel your pain OP. Use it as a learning experience - think NEVER AGAIN and get saving for and planning a real holiday (preferably to Italy).

My DD teenager glares at me while intermittently mouthing Italy, where most of her friends are apparently

This is excellent.

I'm with your FIL there. Yawn

👋Your post is the first I've read on Mumsnet and thank you for making me LOL! Hopefully the 🌞 is now shining for you as it is in the South West. I hope you manage to go to Italy with just your nearest and dearest next year and leave the in-laws at home 😃