To tell you about my sodding holiday so far ...

[Thousandthingstosay]

Stuck in holiday cottage with family in North England and these are the highlights so far

• it's raining
• father in law in denial about brexit, everything is the fault of the French, lazy doctors, people who don't want to work. This is relevant as everywhere we go there are staff shortages etc and no service
• mother in law being passive aggressive about meals. Complaining about cooking while complaining if anyone else attempts to cook or offers to take everyone out for a meal.
• at least 50% of the guests regularly suck their teeth after eating
• brother in law snores louder than he eats (which is horrendous) and is permanently red faced and boorish.
• sister in law clearly plotting a divorce and continually asks me legal advice (not sure why as I'm not a lawyer and never divorced)
• we have a random silent farter among us
• DH is sozzled as a coping strategy for staying with his family and useless
• My DD teenager glares at me while intermittently mouthing Italy, where most of her friends are apparently
• The dog drags it's arse across the carpet
• Many of the family cheat at the indoor games or are horridly competitive
• The wifi is shit

It's only day 3. We leave Friday.

Laughing about the dog; I am imaging him scooting up and down the carpet like a robotic vacuum cleaner

I'm so sorry this made me snort.

The teenage daughter mouthing Italy.

You poor thing! Open a bottle or four and have an early night. The evenings will fly.

Never go away with them again!

Your dd mouthing “Italy” made me guffaw 😂

Dog has blocked glands. It needs to see a vet to have them squeezed. Maybe this is a way to escape!

OK I know I'm missing the point but isn't the Peak District South and not North Yorkshire?

Sorry to laugh but the dog dragging it's arse got me 😂

🤣🤣🤣 you made me laugh OP. I've recently got back from one of those holidays!!! Needed another one to recover! Good luck! 😆🐶 (my advice it to just drink ... Alot!)

If you start a gofundme to send your poor daughter to Italy I will legit donate 🤣 Hang in there both of you. Do some day trips. Read a good book and it'll be over before you know it x

Leave the bastards, failing that get and stay drunk till Friday.

Italy 2023 is in our agenda. See ya there @Thousandthingstosay

DD has chickenpox, and DH has buggered off in a business trip which means I also can't go anywhere as she's too young to leave alone. DS is sulking as he is also too young to go anywhere alone. But at least we're at home so in no rush to swap, but your post has cheered me up.

Sounds almost like a lampoons holiday 😂 I laugh but it must be hell! Agree with others who said alcohol and day trips out alone or with teenage daughter

Plan lots of day trips and hikes to get you out of the cottage & away from the family.

www.visitpeakdistrict.com/things-to-do

You're staying in the best place to visit nearby touristy spots and travel around. Do you have a National trust card so you can visit historic houses and tearooms for a coffee and cake.

you have to visit the village of Bakewell as you're in the Peak District

OP I’m near the trafford center - if you want some tips on a nice day there and some nice nearby places to eat (Rudy’s a good shout also trendy Chorlton ten mins away before you get back on the motorway to the cottage) feel free to pm me. Theres indoor skydiving, mini golf, a lovely Italian champagne bar in selfridges, yo sushi, you can get your nails done in a couple of places. You can do a full day out. Fuck off going back to the cottage - invent an incident on Barton Bridge and you can stay cheaply overnight in one of about 4 premier inn type hotels two minutes walk from the trafford center itself. New holiday inn express is next to a carvery with an excellent all you can eat breakfast! What more could you want lol.

I grew up in Chesterfield near the peaks. Chatsworth is lovely. Castleton is very interesting and lots of caverns etc to explore. Alton Towers is probably reachable too if you really want to take a day with dd. There might also be a go ape or similar if that's her thing too. It's a gorgeous part of the country OP try and enjoy it in between the passive aggressive in-laws and their passive aggressive farts x

Ahh at least one day you will be the teeth sucking matriarch, DH will be the silent farter still drunk in the corner to ‘cope’ whilst you suck said teeth and look around whilst pissing off the younger generations and somehow trying to convince yourself it’s all worth it whilst 1 DC acts the twat in the corner and you still try to cover for them because despite them being an adult you just know no one else understands little Jimmy’s needs like you do.
look around you, this is your life and your future. Enjoy

Tell DD to throw a tantrum and argue with FIL about his dinosaur views.

"Punish" her by taking her straight home to Italy

@TaTastyHiHat well, could be! I'm on those there wiley, windy moors after all! (And boy is it blowing a hoolie tonight)

I was feeling miserable tonight, but this hugely cheered me up! The dog dragging it's arse along the carpet was a major highlight for me !

Sorry OP you seem to be having the holiday of hell.
But this is the funniest post I've rever read. It's absolutly hillarious 😂

Could be worse

Your FIL could be dragging his arse along the carpet

Are you a writer OP? I can picture it so clearly. This was the best bit, "My DD teenager glares at me while intermittently mouthing Italy, where most of her friends are apparently*

You have my sympathies. I hope you can escape them all for a day or evening and buy a crate of wine.

P.S. Save this post for next year so you're not tempted/guilted to do it again.

My money's on your FIL being the silent farter.....