Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think English weddings are frequently sh*t?

354 replies

CraggyIslandTouristBoard · 24/07/2022 15:07

...and in particular the timing of the so-called wedding 'breakfast' (a term which should in any event should only be used for a morning meal).

Wedding I recently went to:


  • All guests staying in same hotel, breakfast (actual breakfast) at 8:30am

  • Wedding starts 11am

  • Canapes at 1pm EXCEPT we only got served 1 single canape. That was it. And we were on the lookout for them, and moved to stand near the kitchen when we saw they were being served but hadn't reached us. (Quite a lot of alcohol though but really not much fun drinking it because we're starting to get effing hungry.)

  • Wedding 'breakfast' scheduled for 4pm, starters actually not served until 4:20ish, main course after 5pm by which point we're beyond hangry/fainting with hunger.

  • 8pm cake, followed by evening buffet. Which only gets picked at because we ate lunch so late.

  • We ate breakfast in hotel (actual breakfast) 8:30am

  • Wedding was 11am for an 11:30 start, though didn't actually start until 12:20ish

  • Canapes served about 2pm. On that occasion we got offered a total of 3 canapes. Seeing friends of bride and groom we've not seen for a while, conversation invariably goes (us) "Long time no see - how are you?" (other guests) "Pretty hungry actually!"

  • "Breakfast" Lunch officially 4pm but everything seemingly running late, we were on the very last table to be served and got starter about 5pm and main just before 6pm. Dessert 7:30pm

  • Pizza from 9pm, plus wedding cake. FFS we only finished dinner an hour and a half ago!!!!


At another wedding I remember something similar happening and people heading to the nearby pub to stock up on crisps to keep them going.

What is with this ridiculous tradition of serving a meal so late in the day with guests having effectively nothing to eat in the meantime?! These were relatively lavish weddings, I don't expect to be fed constantly/repeatedly/anything particularly fancy and would be quite happy with a decent meal at lunchtime and then just some cake (or a cheeseboard or pizza or an evening buffet if the wedding couple is so inclined). The weddings must have cost at fortune and yet at each of them it was clear people were just too hungry for most of the afternoon to really enjoy it.

How does anyone think this is a good idea?!

If you've organised a wedding with similar timing yourself, why?! Just why?!

Thank god we didn't have the kids with us, but in future if we do take them to a wedding I think I'm going to have to bring a picnic for them (and us).

(By way of background I am English myself, and had an evening wedding with a mountain of canapes followed by a full 4 course dinner straight after).

OP posts:
Acheyknees · 24/07/2022 15:16

I agree, some couples don't take the guests comfort into account when organising weddings. I think they get carried away choosing venues miles away that that ages to get to. Then the ceremony takes place at lunchtime, guests then hang around while the couple faff with the photos. We recently went to a wedding like this an were told we were getting afternoon tea at 3.30. No one had eaten since early morning. Queue everyone piling into the local McDonald's after the speeches!!

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 24/07/2022 15:17

I agree! IMO it would be far better to reverse it and do - light buffet style food straight after the ceremony whilst there is lots of milling around waiting for photos and chatting followed by a proper evening meal. Or better still a never ending buffet that you can just pick at all day and all evening!

stuntbubbles · 24/07/2022 15:19

the so-called wedding 'breakfast' (a term which should in any event should only be used for a morning meal).
It doesn’t mean a morning meal in this context, though.

I don’t disagree that lots of weddings are shit, but it sounds like you’ve been particularly unlucky. Everyone I know likes food and to feed their guests so I’ve never gone as hungry as your examples.

Holidaydreamingagain · 24/07/2022 15:21

I agree. I like a later afternoon wedding at 4pm at the same venue or close by venue to the reception. Straight into drinks and substantial canapés, I’d expect there to be enough for at least 10 each. Reception lasts no longer than an hour and a quarter and dinner at 6. This should be a 3 course meal interspersed with dancing so that there is no separate evening guests, there should be ample wine on the table, waiters coming round for additional drinks orders and the proper dancing starting after dinner about 8.30 where those who don’t want to dance can sit at the tables and later in the evening some cake and fruit platters are brought to the table to snack on. Should also be an open bar and everyone leaves at 11.

Notever · 24/07/2022 15:22

If you eat breakfast before you go, you shouldn't be that hungry. I've never felt hungry at a wedding. Bored maybe but not hungry.

worriedatthistime · 24/07/2022 15:22

You didn't have to go though
Every wedding i have been toO is a church / registry between 1-3 pm followed by a meal and then an evening do where more people arrive and band / disco and food
Im sure wedding breakfast etc is american terms not english

cravingmilkshake · 24/07/2022 15:24

I don't understand why you wouldn't just pack snacks. We went to a wedding recently and it was at 3pm so we knew we wouldn't eat until 5pm. So on our way we picked up sausage rolls from the shop to eat at lunchtime.

Spamforbrains · 24/07/2022 15:25

Notever · 24/07/2022 15:22

If you eat breakfast before you go, you shouldn't be that hungry. I've never felt hungry at a wedding. Bored maybe but not hungry.

It’s normal to feel hungry by 4pm after eating at 8.30am though.

worriedatthistime · 24/07/2022 15:26

Also its up to people how they want their weddings a 4 course evening meal wedding doesn't sound fun to me ,but if the person getting married wants it so be it
But if you eat a cooked breakfast at 8.30 you should be able to last until 4 , you may be peckish maybe even hungry but certainly not starving thats an exaggeration
But people moan about weddings but you are free to decline the invite its that simple

ElephantePicante · 24/07/2022 15:27

Pack snacks? I expect to be bloody fed!! I

gogohmm · 24/07/2022 15:28

If I have a hotel breakfast I'm good through to 4pm. If you are the kind of person who needs to eat (possibly for medical reasons) pack snack bars

Lunalae · 24/07/2022 15:29

I didn't attend a wedding until I was an adult - my family all hate each other and no talks or gets married - so I was pretty confused by all this talk of 'breakfast' and weird meal times. And none of it mattered because by the time you do sit down it's a little pastry on a plate surrounded by swizzles of sauce and that's your lot. But then something quirky comes out at 9pm like chips in newspaper.

Been to three. All very similar - very Pinterest, everything in Mason jars and wrapped in twine. But no focus on food, or people wanting to eat.

I've got another one in the autumn. I'm taking sandwiches.

GuyFawkesDay · 24/07/2022 15:29

We got married at 3pm so everyone had chance to have decent lunch!

Ate meal about 6, then had bacon butties and cake for evening buffet about 10pm.

Worked well!

UnreasonableSheep · 24/07/2022 15:29

I think the problem there is the ceremony time. Seems like they're trying to only cater one proper meal but also spreading the day out to be during 2 meal times...

The last three weddings I've been to the ceremony has been at 3pm, 3pm and 5pm so very clearly only one meal to be catered for. With a later ceremony when you then get your proper meal plus canapes, late night snacks, drinks, cake etc then you don't feel short changed on the food front.

I have to say I know I don't cope well with being hungry so if I suspect an event is going to not provide adequate food or the timings are going to be difficult then I'll adjust my meal times for the day so an 11am ceremony with sketchy details about lunch then I'd definitely be having a big brunch at 10am and probably bringing a chocolate bar in my bag. DH doesn't care so he wouldn't think to do this.

Curiosity101 · 24/07/2022 15:38

You've basically described every wedding I've ever been to.

As a result, I do pretty much take a picnic with me to cover the foodless portion of the wedding. At the most recent wedding we went to we had a 5-month-old and a 2.5year old. I packed sooooo many snacks for us all. I also noticed that the other parents who'd brought young children did the same.

I reckon our wedding was probably the same, to be honest. I'd not been to many weddings at that point so had no idea about organising one that would be good for guests and us. If there was one thing I could go back and change about our wedding it would be having a light buffet served directly after the ceremony.

Tiredalwaystired · 24/07/2022 15:39

The term wedding breakfast comes from the 17th century when part of the religious aspect was fasting before the wedding ceremony and this was breaking the fast. So not American at all. Totally traditional.

if you don’t like the wedding celebration on offer to you just don’t go. Totally ungrateful to criticise if you’re being paid for. The bride and groom are celebrating their marriage in a way that suits them.

EV117 · 24/07/2022 15:45

I agree. I always have a big breakfast and eat snacks before arriving at a wedding.

Isn’t it called wedding ‘breakfast’ because it’s the first meal after being married? As opposed to first meal of the day. Although baring in mind the long wait maybe it’s literally breaking the fast since the last meal you had that morning which then does seem like an eternity ago since no lunch was served 😂

Caspianberg · 24/07/2022 15:45

Ours will be soon.I think we have catered well.

Its the prices of some things that make people offer less i assume. Canapes for example are £4-5per canape. So someone above who mentioned 10 each, would be an extra £50 per head. £2500 if you have 50 people.

LuckySantangelo35 · 24/07/2022 15:50

Holidaydreamingagain · 24/07/2022 15:21

I agree. I like a later afternoon wedding at 4pm at the same venue or close by venue to the reception. Straight into drinks and substantial canapés, I’d expect there to be enough for at least 10 each. Reception lasts no longer than an hour and a quarter and dinner at 6. This should be a 3 course meal interspersed with dancing so that there is no separate evening guests, there should be ample wine on the table, waiters coming round for additional drinks orders and the proper dancing starting after dinner about 8.30 where those who don’t want to dance can sit at the tables and later in the evening some cake and fruit platters are brought to the table to snack on. Should also be an open bar and everyone leaves at 11.

@Holidaydreamingagain

10 canapés each?!

lol

nah

LuckySantangelo35 · 24/07/2022 15:52

Lunalae · 24/07/2022 15:29

I didn't attend a wedding until I was an adult - my family all hate each other and no talks or gets married - so I was pretty confused by all this talk of 'breakfast' and weird meal times. And none of it mattered because by the time you do sit down it's a little pastry on a plate surrounded by swizzles of sauce and that's your lot. But then something quirky comes out at 9pm like chips in newspaper.

Been to three. All very similar - very Pinterest, everything in Mason jars and wrapped in twine. But no focus on food, or people wanting to eat.

I've got another one in the autumn. I'm taking sandwiches.

@Lunalae

youll look well weird pulling sandwiches out of your handbag at a wedding

oviraptor21 · 24/07/2022 15:54

Just look at the time of the wedding and plan what you're going to eat accordingly. If the wedding is at 2 you know that in all likelihood you won't get anything to eat until at least 4, so have brunch at 11ish - it's not as complicated as you're trying to make out.

fizzywat · 24/07/2022 15:56

The wedding I was at recently went like this....

Church ceremony 1pm, very nice, humorous and uplifting service. Great musical accompaniment in church. Everyone clapped and hollered when priest announced "husband and wife".

Hotel half an hour away, got there about 2.30pm to be greeted with sausage rolls, chicken skewers, mini burgers, veggie treats, bread rolls, selection of sandwiches, prosecco/beer/fizzy water/juice. Lovely and everyone mingled outdoors (nice day) while the boring bits of photos etc. were done.

Dinner gong at 5.30. Starter served about 6 and what with speeches etc. meal ended about 9. Then the band set up, and the place went wild. Singing in the residents bar until 4 am too. Only in Ireland!

LuckySantangelo35 · 24/07/2022 15:56

It’s always the case on mumsnet that some people cannot cope with weddings, they want them over and done with as soon as possible and all they think about is food

Fritilleries · 24/07/2022 15:57

They're frequently shit because everybody remotely connected to the couple gets invited which pushes up the bill and mass catering is basically shit for a cheaper price. The best weddings I've been to have had less than 30 people and restaurant service and no protracted photography sessions during which everybody dies of boredom making small talk with aforementioned crowd. shudders

SEJ1789 · 24/07/2022 15:58

I always thought that the evening food…pizza/buffet was more for the evening guests that didn’t get the sit down and then if your a day guest potentially might nibble at a few bits of you fancy a snack