to think English weddings are frequently sh*t?

[CraggyIslandTouristBoard]

...and in particular the timing of the so-called wedding 'breakfast' (a term which should in any event should only be used for a morning meal).

Wedding I recently went to:

• All guests staying in same hotel, breakfast (actual breakfast) at 8:30am


• Wedding starts 11am


• Canapes at 1pm EXCEPT we only got served 1 single canape. That was it. And we were on the lookout for them, and moved to stand near the kitchen when we saw they were being served but hadn't reached us. (Quite a lot of alcohol though but really not much fun drinking it because we're starting to get effing hungry.)


• Wedding 'breakfast' scheduled for 4pm, starters actually not served until 4:20ish, main course after 5pm by which point we're beyond hangry/fainting with hunger.


• 8pm cake, followed by evening buffet. Which only gets picked at because we ate lunch so late.


• We ate breakfast in hotel (actual breakfast) 8:30am


• Wedding was 11am for an 11:30 start, though didn't actually start until 12:20ish


• Canapes served about 2pm. On that occasion we got offered a total of 3 canapes. Seeing friends of bride and groom we've not seen for a while, conversation invariably goes (us) "Long time no see - how are you?" (other guests) "Pretty hungry actually!"


• "Breakfast" Lunch officially 4pm but everything seemingly running late, we were on the very last table to be served and got starter about 5pm and main just before 6pm. Dessert 7:30pm


• Pizza from 9pm, plus wedding cake. FFS we only finished dinner an hour and a half ago!!!!

At another wedding I remember something similar happening and people heading to the nearby pub to stock up on crisps to keep them going.

What is with this ridiculous tradition of serving a meal so late in the day with guests having effectively nothing to eat in the meantime?! These were relatively lavish weddings, I don't expect to be fed constantly/repeatedly/anything particularly fancy and would be quite happy with a decent meal at lunchtime and then just some cake (or a cheeseboard or pizza or an evening buffet if the wedding couple is so inclined). The weddings must have cost at fortune and yet at each of them it was clear people were just too hungry for most of the afternoon to really enjoy it.

How does anyone think this is a good idea?!

If you've organised a wedding with similar timing yourself, why?! Just why?!

Thank god we didn't have the kids with us, but in future if we do take them to a wedding I think I'm going to have to bring a picnic for them (and us).

(By way of background I am English myself, and had an evening wedding with a mountain of canapes followed by a full 4 course dinner straight after).

Sorry that should read that I agree with the poster who said that people who aren't familiar with events may not be the best at organising them. :)

I haven't read the full thread, but for our wedding next year, this is what we've planned (gentle and constructive advice welcome)...

I'm panicking now, that people will find a way to complain!

We're having a civil ceremony at 5pm in Autumn so it will be cold and dark.
After the ceremony, there is no travel to the reception, so straight to cocktails and canapés (5 per person) in an adjacent room. Quick photos (30 mins max) while guests are mingling with a magician, music, etc. Then, three course, sit down, choice meal. No speeches. First dance. Straight into dancing. The cake will be a tower of cheeses, served with fruits, chutneys, biscuits, etc. Favours/Table themes will be sweets/chocolate for something else to munch on. Each adult guest will have at least 4 alcoholic drinks provided. Carriages at 12:30pm.
If there's anything I haven't thought of, please tell me! We just want a massive party!

That sounds fabulous @extrapineappleonmypizza

Perfect pineapple!

@extrapineappleonmypizza it sounds lovely. I will say I had my wedding in late October and it wasn't cold and dark by that time though. Also I'd loose the magician, personal preference but I find them naff and annoying. And for 30 minutes I think it's a wasted expense as they won't be able to get round many of your guests.

My wedding was a very long day. We got married at 10am due to availability of the venue. This did mean that we had our wedding breakfast at a reasonable time - think it was 1pm or something (20 years ago so can’t quite remember). There were lots of photos at the ceremony venue before we headed to hotel for the food. Earring lunch at lunch time did mean that we had a substantial lul in the afternoon. So many went and drank in the hotel bar. Went for a walk, changed outfits, chilled in the their rooms. Some went home and came back as it wasn’t too far. Then the evening we had a buffet and had additional guests. Some guests (work colleagues) came to the ceremony in the morning and then came to the evening celebration only as we had pretty much only family at the wedding breakfast due to cost. In hindsight it was an extremely long day.

I wonder whether some timings are down to the venues??

I’d just choose a different venue to be honest. Or go later. I bet there’s availability at 5pm. I don’t think a wedding needs to be all day. It really is an English thing (British?) to have weddings so early then have a big lull.

@extrapineappleonmypizza those timings sound perfect.

I got married mid October thinking it would be cold and awful but there was a Spanish plume so a warm day. But I was actually pleased with the early sunset (versus summer) as we could light candles and have lots of twinkly lights.

Oh god I hate the hunger of weddings, nothing but alcohol all day then 2 meals about an hour apart in the evening! I learnt to pack a cereal bar in my little bag to keep me going through the afternoon back that era of weddings every few weeks!

When we got married i was pregnant, so were a few friends and knew that not eating between 8am and 5pm wasn't going to work! So had a late wedding so people had time for lunch. MIL organised a little lunch buffet for family in the pub next door other friends met for pub lunches. We were brief with photos (none of that leaving guests waiting around for hours) then could still do a buffet dinner at a reasonable time.

We got married abroad and put on coaches to/from hotel for guests. By the time they had arrived we had already had our photos taken (including with family) so no boring hanging around for guests while bride/groom/family have their photos taken. Just one large group photo. That was it.

Then taking straight from wedding venue to where the reception was. Served lots of canapes with bubbles accompanied by a string trio. I always love a champagne reception so we asked for an extended one (this was outside in the sun - lovely).

As we served lots of (hot/cold) canapes, we didn't serve a starter but went straight to the main course (with great quality wines). Very few speeches so that we could then get on to the partying. Again we decided to opt for a cake a bit later with coffee in a different room where there was a bar.

Made sure there was a separate room to mingle from the dancing as I HATE it when there is just one big room and you have to shout to talk. Not everyone likes dancing!

Then we served cheese boards later in the evening before guests were coached back to the hotel we were all staying at.

I still have many friends saying it was the best wedding they'd been to as so much effort was made to make my guests comfortable. Still, ten years later people are telling us this!

We didn't bother with favours. I think they're a bit tacky anyway and unecessary but did splurge on the wine, flower decs on the table and the venue.

So:
3pm wedding - bride/groom/family photos taken before guests arrived so guests didn't have to be bored waiting around or having to go to a pub waiting for the reception. Just one big group shot after the ceremony
4pm - plenty of canapés (our 'starter') and an extended champagne reception
5.30pm - main course with quality wines, few speeches
7pm - cake served as dessert in a different room
7.30 - party started (DJ / dance floor in separate room)
Cheese board in the evening
Suggested adults might enjoy it more without their kids (at that point, all our friends kids were very young, would be different when they're 6/7+) but did put on a nanny for those who had to bring young kids along (in a separate room)

actually we did have a starter but the pudding was our wedding cake (different from the English) which we served in a different room.

I have worse - I went to an Irish wedding and the evening meal was a pig roast and baps. I’m vegetarian. So I had a bap. Absolutely nothing else on offer.

I've been to about a dozen Mediterranean weddings as I have family there. There is simply no comparison. Exquisite food in abundance, wonderful wines and champagne, never any waiting around. The wedding ceremonies were around 6/7pm, so they naturally led onto an evening do of feasting and dancing.

Oh I agree!

We went to 3 when I was heavily pregnant and had gestational diabetes… I had no choice but to take snacks!

On one occasion we were tossed out of the room 3(!) times for them to reset, into an outdoor space 3 days before Christmas when it was minus degrees outside. They also forgot our food at that wedding.

We got married at 4pm, ceremony and reception all in the same building.
Following the ceremony when had snacks consisting of pretzels, crisps, breadsticks etc with drinks.
The buffet opened at 7:30pm, we cut our cake at 8:30pm and first dance at 9pm.

The last wedding I went to was a Hindu wedding that had a very long ceremony. We were served snacks on trays throughout, with a sit-down meal shortly after it was finished. No evening party.

My own wedding was a brief afternoon Church wedding, with a buffet following at my parent's house. The only catch was that we picked the same time/day as the Grand National, and we were 5 miles from Aintree!

YANBU. It's why I take a little snack with me to all weddings, even if I have to sneak off to have it! Weddings cost so much, particularly the meal but there is never enough food at the right time. The best wedding I've been to we had a buffet and soft drinks table available all day- constantly refreshed too. When we'd usually have the sit down meal instead they had pizza trucks, charcuterie boards etc outside and had a picnic while we ate and listened to speeches. It was perfect, something for everyone, space to sit down so no standing in heels all day

This was a very specific bugbear of my DM. Unfortunately she wasn’t alive when I got married, but I made sure lots of food was served with the toasts after the ceremony, and smiled knowing she would have approved 😂

We got married at 1pm so that people (and their kids) could have a snack/lunch beforehand to be honest and therefore knew the next meal would be at 4pm (also had a wedding website outlining that) and then more food at 8pm to keep everyone going and we got rave reviews. I think it just takes a bit of thinking about TBH.

The magician will continue to do the rounds during the meal as well - he impressed our daughter at a wedding fair and she specifically asked for him. He's very dark, mysterious and gothic - not your Paul Daniels type!

I really don't want loads time wasted on photos. I honestly think that if I wouldn't put it in a frame, there's no point taking it in the first place.
We've both got Chandler Bing smiles, so we've asked for just journalist/reportage style (or whatever it's called). We'll have a few posed ones together and a few with our DD, but that's it.

We really now need to look into finding the perfect DJ. We're in our forties but want to find someone who will play the type of music so we all feel like we're back in a club in our twenties! 🥳

We're mid October too. It could go either way, but I'm preparing myself for wet, cold and windy.
Not that it matters, really.

We were so glad we’d taken snacks to the last wedding we went to.

It was an 11am ceremony and of course we had breakfast beforehand, at around 8.30, in the hotel we’d stayed in. After the half hour ceremony there was plenty of tea and coffee to help yourself to in the venue lobby while the photos were taken, we later found out that some plates of canapés were placed on the bar but if you didn’t go to the bar you wouldn’t know and they apparently didn’t last long anyway.

It was then a matter of sitting around until we were called in to eat at 4.30pm! 5 hours after the ceremony ended. We’d had the foresight to run into a supermarket on the way for snacks but many people hadn’t. It was as though you could pop out of the venue to a shop either as it was a remote location about half an hour to the nearest town.

We had a 4pm wedding with just a a buffet and cake for everyone. I didn't want an all day wedding or separate people into all day or evening only so I thought this worked best for my budget. I hope people came to wedding to celebrate with us not just for a big nosh up.

If I had eggs on toast for breakfast then no lunch and no food til 4pm, I’d be curled in the foetal position at the reception, rocking back and forth and moaning softly.

Just set wedding timings and location to ensure people can either have lunch before it all begins, or provide lunch and dinner if you’re making a song and dance about the day. It shouldn’t be difficult. But I think B&G often spread budgets too thin and faff about with chair sashes, favours, personalised tat – the fake casino money mentioned upthread, giant centrepieces so no one can see each other, etc. Save the cash for the basic thing that stops people getting hungry, hangry or uncomfortable, then they’ll focus on your wedding day instead of their gnawing hunger.

It sounds lovely, I would enjoy your wedding.

Yes @extrapineappleonmypizza thats the beauty of October weddings - you take the weather out of the occasion and don’t worry about it. I planned for rain and cold. Which would have also been fine.