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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Set 18years old a curfew

161 replies

oregan49 · 23/07/2022 22:46

My 18yr old comes and goes as they please etc but I ask that they are home by 10 at night. I have to get up at 5.30 for work so I need sleep. I don't want to be worrying if they aren't back or if the house isn't locked up, plus it disturbs everyone when they come in.

They have been late several times and tonight I caught them out on a lie they tried to use to excuse them being late. I've now said from now on I want them back by 9.30. Obviously this hasn't gone down well but my sleep is more important than their night out. My house my rules, they should respect me, they are free to go live elsewhere. AIBU?

OP posts:
Tellmewhyaintnothinbutaheartbreak · 23/07/2022 22:47

Oh man I was rolling in at 4am at 18.

i think 10pm is a bit ridiculous but you’re house, your rules

underneaththeash · 23/07/2022 22:47

Are they keeping you awake by coming back at 10?

VeniVidiWeeWee · 23/07/2022 22:47

You have seen the threads where children go nc with parents?

Tellmewhyaintnothinbutaheartbreak · 23/07/2022 22:48

Your house*

also, remember you’re dealing with an adult

Jalepenojello · 23/07/2022 22:48

A curfew at 18 is ridiculous. It will literally never happen.

Triffid1 · 23/07/2022 22:50

Possibly the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! 930 curfew?!

You do have the right to insist they come in quietly and don't disturb you. But your anxiety over their whereabouts is your problem, not theirs.

Dotcheck · 23/07/2022 22:52

Gosh.

Have they only just started this? You will get used to them being out- perhaps working on that is the way forward? Them going out, being social etc is an important step for them socially. You can’t force them to regress back to a time when they didn’t go out so much

loveslife · 23/07/2022 22:53

Wow! I have an 18 year old ds and wouldn't dream of giving them a curfew, especially not a 9:30-10pm one! My ds is able to come and go as he pleases because he's a grown adult and doesn't need me telling him what he can and can't do. I think yabvu

Dotcheck · 23/07/2022 22:53

And yes, yabu.

You haven’t enabled voting

familyissues12345 · 23/07/2022 22:54

9.30 curfew at 18? My 18 year old DS had barely been out for a few mins at 9.30 tonight, I don't expect him to roll in until the early hours. He's pretty respectful and quiet though

Personally I think it's part of having children though, at some point they become adults and you have to treat them like one

Oysterbabe · 23/07/2022 22:54

You are being ridiculous.

Maggiethecat · 23/07/2022 22:55

That curfew seems ridiculously early but I totally understand if you’re kept awake worrying until they return or they disturb you coming in.

I agree though - your house, your rule.

JePréfèreLesChiens · 23/07/2022 22:56

You can’t give an adult a curfew and actually think you’re being fair. Tell him to be quieter when he comes home. Unless you’re trying to get him to move out of course. Horrible.

Topgub · 23/07/2022 22:56

Yab absolutely ridiculous

PinkSyCo · 23/07/2022 22:56

Your poor kid. YABVU!

margegunderson · 23/07/2022 22:56

They aren't eight you know. I know it's worrying when they start going out - just discuss sensible ground rules about how they will get back safely (with friends as much as possible), how they'll come in quietly and how they could text so if you wake and wonder if they're in you can easily find out. But they are adults and if you treat them like kids you are storing up enormous trouble.

Dic · 23/07/2022 22:57

Yes you are. Hopefully they'll move out as you seem to be pushing them in that direction.

TooManyPJs · 23/07/2022 22:57

You can't give an 18 year old a curfew. That's completely unreasonable. They are an adult.

You can require that they are super quiet when coming in so they don't disturb others who are asleep.

You not being able to sleep until they get in is your problem that you need to deal with.

user850301848172 · 23/07/2022 22:57

10.30 are you having a laugh.

My 11 year old came in at 11 last night.

BooksAndHooks · 23/07/2022 22:58

They are an adult, you cannot treat them like a young child. All you will do is push them away and they will want to move out as soon as possible. You’ll be even more worried then as you will never know where they are.

Alloftheusernamesaretakenn · 23/07/2022 22:58

God if you were posting this a decade ago I’d think you were my mother.

She’d prefer that I did 100mph down the motorway if I finished work late, rather than be 10 mins later for my 10:30 “curfew” (she actually said this).

This was just one example of her controlling batshittery and we no longer talk.

godmum56 · 23/07/2022 22:59

the noise is fair enough but I think you need to get a grip over the worry.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/07/2022 22:59

This is a reverse right?

no, you cannot tell an 18 yo to be in by 10:30 let alone 9:30.

You know it’s their home too?

You know you don’t have to wait up don’t you?

ItWasntMyFault · 23/07/2022 22:59

My 18 yr old is just heading off for the club at that time with his friends - not coming home!

Alloftheusernamesaretakenn · 23/07/2022 23:00

I should probably also say that I moved out of home just before I turned 19 (early Sept baby and going to uni) and never returned, even for summer holidays. The curfew and her behaviour around it was a large part of that.