Set 18years old a curfew

[oregan49]

My 18yr old comes and goes as they please etc but I ask that they are home by 10 at night. I have to get up at 5.30 for work so I need sleep. I don't want to be worrying if they aren't back or if the house isn't locked up, plus it disturbs everyone when they come in.

They have been late several times and tonight I caught them out on a lie they tried to use to excuse them being late. I've now said from now on I want them back by 9.30. Obviously this hasn't gone down well but my sleep is more important than their night out. My house my rules, they should respect me, they are free to go live elsewhere. AIBU?

I think a curfew is ridiculous but you could say that if they aren't home by a certain time, they are out for the night?

I don't agree with either, but it might be a better idea.

Yabu it’s not going to work… you need to allow them the freedom of coming and going as they please but to let you know if they are staying out. I was still in school and allowed out until 10pm on weekends.. most nights out don’t start until 9/10pm

Yanbu to expect them to be quiet when coming home especially if you have to be up to early

That will never happen. They will either ignore the curfew, stay out all night or move out. It would be more reasonable to talk about how to come home quietly so you are not disturbed during the night. I used to roll in during the early hours at 18 and have to try avoid setting off a very noisy family dog - I managed it!

All I ask of mine is that he lets me know if he isn’t coming back. I have my phone set to sleep mode but to ring if it’s a call, so in normal circumstances I might wake for a wee at 4am, check my phone and see a text, but in an emergency he knows to ring and it will wake me up. I sleep pretty well with that arrangement.
He’s very stealthy about getting in without waking me.
You’ll need to find an arrangement that works for both of you, but a 9:30pm curfew isn’t the way.

Noof course they can't have a 9:30 pm curfew at 18!! Are they students? Working? Why are they still at home? But they should be quiet when they come in.

of course you worry about your child but your child is an adult and a 10pm curfew is ridiculous a 9.30 one is never gonna happen

This must be a wind up. Or you really, really want your 18 yr old to leave home. How sad.

A 9:30 curfew at 18 is ridiculous, I don't think I had that kind of curfew since I was 10yo. You say DC is free to live elsewhere and you will only push them away with this kind of unreasonableness.

Even my 15yr old has a later curfew than 9.30.
At 18 they're an adult.

OP, it's a difficult one. I also need to be up at 5 ish, and I'm afraid I've gone one further than you, in that I have told the worst offender (my youngest) that she is not allowed to go out and use this as her crash pad. She can go out all she likes and stay with friends all she likes, but she is not going to wake me up unless it's an emergency. My other DC all manage/d to be quiet when coming in at 4AM but for some reason this DC has to clatter around losing her keys, dropping pans, etc, etc, then thundering up and down the stairs. I have had too many nights of wondering when/if she's coming home, or being woken up by her at silly o'clock. She is very pissed off with me, but she can do what she likes once she's at university. My need to sleep and be fit for work trumps her desire to be a dick at 3AM.

Fast forward a couple of years & the OP will be posting complaining that they have no relationship with their adult child now they've left home

Ffs 10pm for an 18 year old? Clubs etc only get started around then. Course YABU

I think YABU. A curfew is ridiculous at age 18. I did my own thing at that age - albeit I had pretty much moved out by then, bar a uni holiday or two. Let
them have their own keys so it doesn’t disturb your night. It’s part of letting them find their own way.

yabu.

You can't give an 18 year old a curfew.
Well, you can, but you won't sustain a relationship with them.

This reads like a reverse

Buy your mother some ear plugs 😂

Hugely unreasonable! You sound like hard work

I used to leave the house at 10:30 to go out at that age. You cant be serious.

Of course YABU

I never used to go out until 10pm whe I was 18

Yabu.

Same. Oh to be young again. 😂

I feel the same as you op. It’s hard when other people -younger siblings and working parents have to get up early in the morning & 18 year olds can lie in. The only way I cope, is to for my dc to tell when they are coming home-even if it’s 2/3 am. If I know, then I can sleep. They should also know to creep in quietly and lock the door.

Of course YABU.
If they are going "out out" then they don't even go out until 10pm.

Expecting an 18 yr old to be home at 9.30 every night is ridiculous and bound to lead to resentment and then rule breaking and deceit.

I can't think of any 18 year olds that could abide that rule. Not one.

A good evening out would be ruined by them having to leave early to be home for 10. They would barely have started!

Can you ask them instead to practice being very quiet coming in? Actually show them how to open and close doors for minimal noise. If the toilet is near your room ask them not to flush, get them to use the torch on their phone rather than putting the lights on. There are lots of ways to guide them. A 10pm permanent curfew seems excessive. They won't be happy.

I don't think you can reasonably give an 18 year old (legally an adult) a curfew, especially one as early as 10pm! A lot of people haven't even left to go out at 10pm!

I think you should sit your DC down and tell them you are exhausted from constantly being woken by them as they are being disrespectful when they come home by making too much noise when you have work.