Set 18years old a curfew

[oregan49]

My 18yr old comes and goes as they please etc but I ask that they are home by 10 at night. I have to get up at 5.30 for work so I need sleep. I don't want to be worrying if they aren't back or if the house isn't locked up, plus it disturbs everyone when they come in.

They have been late several times and tonight I caught them out on a lie they tried to use to excuse them being late. I've now said from now on I want them back by 9.30. Obviously this hasn't gone down well but my sleep is more important than their night out. My house my rules, they should respect me, they are free to go live elsewhere. AIBU?

I had a 10 o'clock curfew until I left home at 19. Mum couldn't sleep til I got home because she worried. Once I left home, she stopped worrying so when I went back a couple of years later, I didn't have a curfew. By the time I got into my 40s, I often didn't want to stay out late with friends and I desperately wanted to say, mum says I've got to be home by 10. 😂

My 16 year old has to be home by 9.30/10. She’s usually in by 9pm though as that’s the time her friends have to be in. I definitely won’t be setting a curfew at 18 but I do expect her to be respectful and try to be a bit quiet when coming home.

Don't be ridiculous. My DS17 (18 in 6 weeks) is out in town (major city) all the time. He's just finished school in June (Scotland) and starts uni this year. Throughout his last year at school he's been responsible for his own routine. This has involved quite a few midweek gigs and late nights. He knew to catch up on sleep/ study/ rest- because he's been taught this! He's a top student.

If you want to alienate your DC, continue monitoring and being a helicopter. There's no 'cool mum' about it: I always know where he is and he's invariably sensible.

Is this a wind up ?. 🤔

Good luck with the curfew. My son probably only going out at 9.30.
What a joke. Lol

They? I never understood this in posts. Why don’t you just say son or daughter?

YABU

Oh dear, no more from op. Obviously didn't get the answer she was hoping for.
My 12yr old comes in at 930. No way would an 18 yr old.

I think the latest I came in once when I was 18 was 8.30 in the morning - I hadn’t slept anywhere, I was just out that whole time, I wish I still had that kind of energy - my mum had just got up and was in the kitchen having a cup of tea and politely requested I at least try and make it home before she got out of bed for the day 😄
10pm was when I left to go out…

At 18 I had a 6pm curfew, my mother was controlling and she loathed me. I was pretty close to a breakdown by the time I left home. Also NC

10pm is ridiculous. You sound controlling.

You are being way more than unreasonable here.

I'm up at 5.30am. I have no idea when my DCs get home.

I wasn’t even home from work at ten at 18.

YAB massively U. It’s their life, not yours. YOU need to deal with YOUR worries, not limit your adult child.

If you were posting 30 years ago I'd think you were mine. I had to leave my friends and walk across the town centre, catch a bus that didn't take me completely home so I had a fair walk, again on my own.

I'd been out with a boyfriend to the next town once, as he drove back it started to snow, by the time we got to his place it was apparent it had been snowing for a while. My parents were at the other side of town. I obviously called home to say I'm safe, the weather was clear where we had to be.

BF very sensibly said he wasn't driving me home, I tried to get a cab, the cabs were not able to get to my BF's house as it was up a steep hill.

BF's mother said to stay, there was a spare room, I was safe.

This wasn't good enough for my mother, I actually considered going out in a snow storm to walk the 4 miles home in heels and a jacket.

I think my BF's mother called mine because suddenly I was allowed to stay.

My mother's need to control me was more important to her than my own safety.

OP you are being controlling and ridiculous.

My dd had curfew of 11pm until 18. Then she could do as she pleases. She sometimes comes in when I'm getting up!! (Also 530) I'd ask them to be quiet if it's late but leave then to it. If she's going pub often they don't go out till 10/11 at night.

I don't think they should have a curfew per se, but if they have to be up for work or college I'd be suggesting that they should be back by a time that allows them to be able to get up in the morning and I would not expect to be responsible for getting them out of bed in the morning either.

And as with any other adult in the household, whether it's me, my 82 year old mum, or 50 year old husband, I'd expect them to send someone at home a text if they were going to be back later than planned, so that we're not worrying about where they are.

If they are living elsewhere, of course I wouldn't know what they are doing or when. But if they are living in my house I'd expect them to obey house rules, which are entirely reasonable.

Could someone link to this thread please?

10pm!! I was leaving the house around that time to go out.

Ha, good luck!!

@PeaceLoveAndCandy

Its not a single thread but many threads, it's a common topic.

This is ridiculous, I didn't leave the house until 10pm at 18 if I went out drinking.
My parents both worked too, and often one of them would offer a lift into town to save money on taxis. I'd be home anywhere between 1pm-3pm and would try my hardest to be as quiet as possible coming home (I won't lie, sometimes the harder I tried the louder I was) but they never complained.

You're going to push them into moving out faster then they are ready with this attitude, unless that is your plan?
I get having boundaries, but treating an adult like a child is not on. I think you should make allowances for weekends at least.
Did you have a similar curfew/not go out drinking when you were 18-early 20s OP?

You are being ridiculous. They are an adult you can't set them a curfew.

I feel like it's hardly worth typing this reply as I just agree with everyone else. If you had enabled voting I wouldn't have bothered, because you would have been able to easily see how ridiculous you are being. I really hope that you read all of these posts OP.

However, if your son or daughter can't learn to be reasonably quiet when they come in late at night, or in the early hours of the morning, then I think that that would be a legitimate reason to ask them to move out - although I would never had done that with my own adult children.

Your sleep is not more important than their night out. Bloody hell what an awful thing to say about another adult.

At 18 all their friends will be out socialising and you want your child to have to leave at 9 every time to get home so that you don't have to worry? Completely bonkers.

If you are that desperate for them to move out why don't you just tell them?

Two words... silicon earplugs. They are brilliant.

How embarrassing for an adult to have to tell their friends they need to be home at 9.30 as mummy can't sleep without them there!