Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Set 18years old a curfew

161 replies

oregan49 · 23/07/2022 22:46

My 18yr old comes and goes as they please etc but I ask that they are home by 10 at night. I have to get up at 5.30 for work so I need sleep. I don't want to be worrying if they aren't back or if the house isn't locked up, plus it disturbs everyone when they come in.

They have been late several times and tonight I caught them out on a lie they tried to use to excuse them being late. I've now said from now on I want them back by 9.30. Obviously this hasn't gone down well but my sleep is more important than their night out. My house my rules, they should respect me, they are free to go live elsewhere. AIBU?

OP posts:
AppleBottomRats · 23/07/2022 23:23

YABVU. Ask them to come in quietly and make sure they lock up by all means, but 18 is an adult and a curfew is not appropriate. Your worrying is your problem, not theirs.

StClare101 · 23/07/2022 23:24

Is it because they are loud coming in? Are they still at school? I’d say midnight is more reasonable if they are still
in school and that they need to not wake up the house when they come in. If they’ve left school just concentrate on them not waking you all up. It’s just courtesy to come in quietly.

crackersforcrackers · 23/07/2022 23:24

YABU I didn't have a 10pm curfew when I was at college (16-18) I think it was about midnight then, and when I turned 18 I didn't have a curfew at all.

Threelittlelambs · 23/07/2022 23:27

I agree with PP all the 18 year olds I know do ‘pre’s’ and go clubbing about 10! Roll in sometimes much later!!

We have a rule that shoes are removed and left in the hall so we can do a shoe count in the morning - even the extras where they’ve brought a friend hime with them.

It works. I agree they do ring I’d they’re stuck.

Blackbutler86 · 23/07/2022 23:29

Honestly my parents were like you, I moved in with my bf at the time when I was 18 to get away from them and never lived at home again. They continuously treated me like I was a young child. I rarely speak to them now.

Littlefucker · 23/07/2022 23:30

You’re fucking kidding? I’d go missing for days at 18 and rightly so. You don’t need to stay up past the god awfully late hour of 10pm to wait up for them

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 23/07/2022 23:31

No way can this work. My dad used to make me come in at 9.30 when I was 17. As soon as I turned 18 I paid no attention and actually got a job as a waitress where I was regularly getting in at 1am. He did moan because I'd set the alarm off when I got in but you can't set a curfew for an 18 year old.

JudithandHolofernesHead · 23/07/2022 23:32

Just tell them to be quiet when they get in. Hard, when young and pissed, but at least ask them to try.

cheninblanc · 23/07/2022 23:32

11 pm on work nights and come as you please on weekends works really well here, sticks to it with no issue or fuss

L1ttledrummergirl · 23/07/2022 23:34

Aibu to tell an adult how to live their life?

Hmm, hell yes.
They just need to be quiet when they come in so they don't disturb you if you are in bed, and maybe a text so that if you wake up in the night you can read it.

GrazingSheep · 23/07/2022 23:36

*user850301848172
10.30 are you having a laugh.

My 11 year old came in at 11 last night.*

Presumably you knew where your 11 year old was and they were dropped home?

Whatalovelydaffodil · 23/07/2022 23:37

familyissues12345 · 23/07/2022 22:54

9.30 curfew at 18? My 18 year old DS had barely been out for a few mins at 9.30 tonight, I don't expect him to roll in until the early hours. He's pretty respectful and quiet though

Personally I think it's part of having children though, at some point they become adults and you have to treat them like one

Yes, but then they need to behave like an adult and not wake others up by coming home late and being noisy.

rahjama · 23/07/2022 23:38

My parents did this to me when I was 18. I ended up staying at friends houses, then moving into a friends house. I haven't spoken to my parents since I was about 25.

Obviously there was other things than the curfew, but the blatant lack of care/respect for me as an adult wanting to do adult things. There was a real power struggle where my mum wanted to be in control of me all the time. It started with things like this.

itsthesoundofthepolice · 23/07/2022 23:38

9.30 curfew at 18 is laughable.

West earplugs & lock the door when you go to bed. They take a key out and text if they're staying out/phone if there's an emergency.

It may be your house but it's their home and they shouldn't be subject to ridiculous rules because you're a light sleeper and are up early.

Mellowyellow222 · 23/07/2022 23:40

So let’s pretend this is real!

I assume you don’t want your adult son or daughter to live with you for much longer so you are making it awkward for them?

giving an 18 year old a curfew is laughable. Expecting an 18 year old come home quietly so as not to wake others is reasonable.

I used to come home pissed at 18, forget my keys and wake the house at 2am. You would have hated me!

Spidey66 · 23/07/2022 23:42

You have every right to peace and quiet, and possibly ask what time roughly they'll be home by ie are they going to the pub/cinema/pizza so likely to be home by 12 or to a club or party so home at 4am if at all. But no, you can't set a curfew.

Grumpsy · 23/07/2022 23:43

Yab bloody ridiculous 🙄

bellsbuss · 23/07/2022 23:43

My 17 year old is currently waiting for an Uber to take her and her friends into town

AnnieSnap · 23/07/2022 23:45

I’m not convinced that this post is genuine. Assuming it is, not only are you being unreasonable, but a bit ridiculous! You need to say that they must be very quiet when they arrive home and trust that, as the adult they are, they will lock the door properly.

Theglowofcandles · 23/07/2022 23:45

They have been late several times and you caught them out on a lie so you moved their 'curfew' back to 9.30pm - at 18 years old! - you sound controlling! My 9 year old is out later at the moment as its daylight still!! How ridiculous and very embarrassing for your adult child! Imagine them having to tell their adult friends that they are to be in for 9.30pm! At 18 I was only just leaving the house at that time to head to a pub then a club. You are being ridiculous and are running the risk of ruining your relationship because you are ruining their experience of being 18 - a time in their life they will never get back.

peskyweans · 23/07/2022 23:47

Are you serious?

If so, YABU.

I had a thread a few weeks ago about my DS 17 coming in at 11.30 and later and how I wasn't liking it for various reasons. I was told that I need to accept it, and I agree.

No way would I expect him home at 9.30/10.00 on the weekend!

In fact, tonight, he didn't even go out until after 10pm. And he's gone to a club an hour away, so the very earliest he'll be back is 4.00am.

Will I sleep well tonight? Probably not. But is my son practically an adult, and doing what I did at 17? Yes!

Do you actually want him to go and live elsewhere?

TheStarsDontShine · 23/07/2022 23:47

Lol my 19 year old sometimes gets picked up at 2 am to go for a drive. You are being ridiculous.

Chickpea17 · 23/07/2022 23:47

Don't be so ridiculous. To be honest I don't think your kids are gonna wanna stay home much longer you're just gonna cause a raft within the family🙁

henryhoover3 · 23/07/2022 23:49

Im probably will get flamed for this but I do understand where you are coming from. I suffer with awful anxiety and I have asked my daughter can I put a tracker on her phone so when I wake up I know where she is. It is not ideal but it does help my metal health as I know where she is and can sleep x

Lemons1571 · 23/07/2022 23:49

My mutter did this. Me coming in quietly would’ve made no difference, she just couldn’t sleep before I was safely in, the door locked and the burglar alarm set.

It was a stressful couple of years between 16-18, leaving the pub at 9.30pm to get back by curfew (otherwise it would be the silent treatment for days and accusations of selfish, ungrateful and disrespectful).

I moved out to go to uni and never went back.