Set 18years old a curfew

[oregan49]

My 18yr old comes and goes as they please etc but I ask that they are home by 10 at night. I have to get up at 5.30 for work so I need sleep. I don't want to be worrying if they aren't back or if the house isn't locked up, plus it disturbs everyone when they come in.

They have been late several times and tonight I caught them out on a lie they tried to use to excuse them being late. I've now said from now on I want them back by 9.30. Obviously this hasn't gone down well but my sleep is more important than their night out. My house my rules, they should respect me, they are free to go live elsewhere. AIBU?

This is awful. Your poor daughter is going to be hyper vigilant for the rest of her life - take it from someone who's family did this to her.

Meant to write that my thread was about being out during the week.

Sadly this probably is a genuine post. Not uncommon for the 18yo in question to move out shortly after and not move back in. Although maybe that's what the OP wantsv

My 18 and 19 year olds don’t even go out until gone 10! Never be in half an hour later - yabu he is an adult- hell my 13 year old had a 9pm curfew

This is ridiculous. "The house isn't locked up". Do you live in the Tower of London and have a Ceremony of the Keys every night?

You have every right to ask for them to be very quiet coming in and not disturb you and to make sure the portcullis sorry door is secured, but you can't impose a 9.30 curfew on an adult; well, you can, but kiss goodbye to your relationship.

Sorry @henryhoover3 but you need to seek help for your anxiety not make it your daughters problem.

In the summer my 12 year old wasn't home by 930pm

Agree with PP @henryhoover3 . My family did this to me in another way and now at 25 I am so cautious of what I say or do and feel like all eyes are on me. You are just passing on your anxiety to your daughter and giving her your mental tics. You really need to stop this, it doesn't matter if it helps you sleep or not.

wow....this is an adult at 18.....I am 68 now but if my parents had even suggested a curfew at 18 I would have left home straight away. 9.30 to my mind is ok for a 15 year old.... you are not really being reasonable. To suggest you have to check they lock up etc. and they wake you...or you worry.... Make sure they know locking up is absolutely non negotiable...an 18 year old is plenty old enough to do that....and old enough to be quiet when they come in. Afraid to me it sound like this is all about you worrying and wanting them safely in bed before you go to sleep...you have to let go. Its you that needs to have a word with yourself, accept your 18 year old is old enough to get married, have a child or go to war....they do not need a childs curfew.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 they're 18, ffs!

Yabu. They don’t need a curfew just to be quiet when they come home.

My 18 year old has only just gone out!! Family stuff today! Probably be back early tomorrow morning! All I ask is let me know your ok and take a key! We are up 5am most mornings for work!

YABVU poor sod and very embarrassing for him. I assume you are trying to drive him out of the family home, if you are, I don’t think it will take long for him leave.

@Threelittlelambs

I LOVE your shoe rule! Amazing!

My 12 years old’s curfew is 9.30. And it’s pretty loose. If I know where she is, and either an adult I know will see her home or she’s only a few doors away, I’m happy for her stay out as long as she checks in regularly and lets me know when she is coming some so I know if there’s an issue.

Are they waking you up because because are crashing around (which is unreasonable of them) or because you can’t settle knowing they are still out or you are very light sleeper (which is unreasonable of you)

What time did you get home when you were 18?

Your 18 year old is technically and legally and adult. And capable of looking after themselves. 9.30pm curfew is ridiculous, especially during the summer months when it's still light.

Suggest you get some earplugs and a sleep mask. Or ask him/her to move out.

My 15 year old has a 10pm curfew during the summer holidays

Absolutely ridiculous and I speak as the working mother of a 19 yo who goes out until very late

My mum has terrible anxiety about my siblings when they go out etc and she will not sleep until she knows they are home safe and sound, but she wouldn’t dare give them a curfew at 18. The world isn’t a pleasant place anymore, I understand that, but they are an adult. More respect is needed though in terms of them coming home and disrupting the house. Sit them down and have a chat. I’m sure you’ll find if you remove a curfew they won’t feel the need to lie about things and may actually prove to you they are sensible and can be trusted etc.

Let him buy a small garden cabin.

YABU. 9:30 is far too late for an 18 year old to be out and there won’t be time for you to tuck them into bed, read a bedtime story and sing a lullaby whilst still fitting in your 8 hours. You need to step up to your responsibilities as a parent and insist they’re home in time for a 7 o’ clock bedtime.

YABU to insist they're home at 10/9.30 because you worry if they're not home. Of course you worry, but it really is something you have to adjust to. What if they get a job working evenings/nights? What if they move out, and you don't know if they're home or not?

But your 18yo (or anyone) shouldn't be waking people up when coming home late, and you should be able to lock up the house when you go to bed and trust them to let themselves in quietly and lock anything they've unlocked. Is it not possible for this person to do that?

I think people forget many 18 year olds are still at school and the teachers treat them no differently to a 14 year old. Parents still need to give permission for them to leave at lunch and have meetings with parents. 9.30 is very early but a teen still at school should have a curfew on a school night.
The poster who is letting their 17 year old go to town - grow up and stop trying to be a cool mum. Your dd is a child still.

I can recommend the 'shoe in clock in' technique, as a parent of 3 teenagers.

We have a set of 4 pegs inside the front door - they have been there for years. Since we hit the stage where late nights out, ubers, lifts with friends, impromptu sleepovers etc etc became a thing, there are two rules:

1. if you've staggered home, hang a shoe on the peg. It's then understood that you are safely sleeping off your excesses, all is well, & you will emerge from your room at some stage

2. if you are out for the night, leave a message on the family whatsapp, saying where you are sleeping for the night.

If you do neither of the above, expect increasingly grumpy messages, then calls to ensure you aren't dead in the morning.

There is absolutely no way I could, or would, enforce a curfew on anyone over 16. Even my 14yo has fairly free rein if it's not a school night.

I do think it's fair to discuss what's acceptable on returning to the family home - my rules are no unexpected guests, no raiding the booze cabinet, no cooking other than toast & don't deliberately wake anyone up.

A certain amount of 2am weekend stumbling about goes with the teenage territory I think.

They're adults. No curfew.