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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can i have a rant about my Ukrainian guest

658 replies

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2022 19:50

Context, normal family home with teenage school children. Taken in mum and six year old, they're living in our spare bedroom (with ensuite) and living as part of the family. We didn't know them previously and they came directly from Ukraine to us. They're both lovely and generally easy to live with, been with us one month, no regrets. Just need a little anonymous rant to let off steam though.

Ukraine seems better than the UK in every way.

The food. She's a very good cook and makes lovely Ukrainian dinners for us. But British food is terrible, Ukrainian people would never eat so much processed food (she might have a point). They have processed food in Ukraine but only foreigners eat it. Ukrainians always cook fresh.

The health care. She's had three medical emergencies with her child since being here. First one, child had temperature of 38, (bouncing around playing looking in perfect health to me.) She was astonished that a doctor wouldn't immediately come to house to see child. Arranged GP appointment that afternoon (she doesn't drive, I had to take her) . Upset, angry and confused that antibiotics weren't given. She really just couldn't understand it at all. I Ukraine a doctor would have come to the house, day or night, and given medication, you treat small things immediately so they don't get big. Child had three days off school and spent the whole time running around playing.

Child had tiny abscess on gum, no pain or any other symptoms. This necessitated an immediate trip to the out of hours minor injuries unit (still appalled doctor wouldn't come to house). No treatment, told to ring 111 in the morning. I live in an NHS dentistry desert but because they've come from Ukraine a local dentist has taken them on as NHS patients. Had emergency dental appointment next day. Dentist said leave it alone, come back in two months time or if problem develops with it. Mum wanted minor surgery to remove/empty it and antibiotics. More anger and confusion. She can't believe how bad medical care is here (again, she might have a point). Anyway, more time off school for this.

Her appointment for biometrics was messed up (their fault not her's) and she missed the card delivery. So bureaucracy and postal service doesn't work here. She's applied for universal credit, no money yet though, and it seems ridiculous that she should go to the office every week. Nothing works well in this country. Even the streets are difficult to walk on because the pavement is uneven.

I know many Ukrainian have lost good lives to take children to safety and life probably was much better in Ukraine than it will ever be in UK. Hopefully this is temporary and they will be able to return. Her life in Ukraine, was living in a nice flat that was her mother's (mother dead, now hers) with her brother and her kid. She's divorced, kids dad not around, no contact for years. Worked as office manager (small company, not high flying) with good salary.

Really, she's lovely and very grateful.
I just need a little rant about a few things.

OP posts:
lking679 · 23/07/2022 21:11

Firstly thank you for being so kind to take strangers into your home.
secondly feel free to rant, it’s stressful to have strangers in your home!

BellePeppa · 23/07/2022 21:11

malificent7 · 23/07/2022 20:09

She is right though isn't she?! This country isn't paradise.

Maybe but it’s very bad manners to diss the country that has taken you in to keep you safe.

TheBigPeach · 23/07/2022 21:12

Does she have contact with other friends or family here? She might just be feeling homesick and where she might normally chat/rant to friends and family, she is turning to you. I’m sure she means no harm but I can certainly understand why it might be irritating you. I think we all offload about things that are annoying us at times.

her lovely apartment and job probably won’t be there if/when she goes home. That puts things in perspective I guess. it must be so frightening to come to that realisation.

curious to know what a Ukrainian meal consists of?

DuesToTheDirt · 23/07/2022 21:12

Or maybe there needs to be a sugar tax

There already is, for drinks. That's why so many soft drinks are now full of nasty chemicals like aspartame instead. I'd rather have the sugar any day. (Not that I drink soft drinks much in any case).

DuesToTheDirt · 23/07/2022 21:13

BellePeppa · 23/07/2022 21:11

Maybe but it’s very bad manners to diss the country that has taken you in to keep you safe.

That sums the whole thing up, really.

Friars23 · 23/07/2022 21:13

fresh is better just more expensive in UK or/ and more laborious.

How exactly is fresh food in the U.K. more laborious?

There are certain summer foods in the UK, thinking tomatoes, peppers, other salad items that have less taste in the U.K. than say Southern Europe (presume due less sun etc). However, the UK. since the 1990s does have a very wide variety of food available to buy. I wonder what the variety is like in Ukraine.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 23/07/2022 21:14

I had a Ukrainian dentist once and he was absolutely HORRENDOUS

he got sacked I think

maybe the standard of healthcare and dentistry is not actually better there’s just more of it ie. more poorly trained professionals

there’s a reason people come from all over for care in the UK (even if they do pay for it)

Friars23 · 23/07/2022 21:14

To add to my comment above, I agree a lot of fruit and veg is expensive in the U.K.

Plmoknijb123 · 23/07/2022 21:16

If England is so crap then why is she sheltering in England? Very rude and insensitive really, when she should be grateful that she is safe and healthy when others aren't.

Isaidnoalready · 23/07/2022 21:16

Same with my French family you BUY THIS you don't MAKE IT? why does this not work this way? Why can you not do this? Why is this not working/late/inefficient? Etc etc its a bit wearing but different strokes for different folks

MargotChateau · 23/07/2022 21:16

I come from a country abroad, the only and the ONLY reason I live here is because of my partner. The health care is awful. I’ve had a slipped disk for 5 months and can’t walk or work and will finally see someone next month to ‘look’ at treatment options.

in in my home country I would have been sent to physio immediately and would have seen a specialist in a fortnight. I can go on as I’ve had multiple bad experiences with the NHS but it’s under funded and shit. I’m pregnant and I’m thinking of just going home to have the baby in my home country than subject myself to the abysmal maternity care here.

Shes living here as she’s displaced from war and she’s traumatised, yes it maybe annoying but she ain’t half wrong.

The desperately ill and dying patients waiting in ambulances in queues outside hospitals for 9 -12 hours is your first clue this country has gone to the dogs.

Friars23 · 23/07/2022 21:17

I do think it’s rude to continuously grumble about another country when living there to people of that country. All countries have pluses and minuses.

MumsTheWordFact · 23/07/2022 21:17

Come on, you have to laugh at the irony of a refugee/immigrant complaining about the slow access to health care when in the 90s before we let in 100s of thousands of immigrants a year you could see you doctor the same day or the very next day with ease. It boggles my mind that people still buy the line about needing mass immigration to keep the NHS going. If the percentage of health care workers in the people you're letting in is lower than the existing population (and it is) why would you ever expect things to get better?

She's right about the food though, processed food is crap and you only need to look at people's bodies to realise that.

Momr · 23/07/2022 21:17

The eastern countries treat with antibiotics heavily , it's not her fault. Thanks for sharing

Mischance · 23/07/2022 21:20

Her medical "emergencies" were not - and in neither case were antibiotics needed.

I absolutely take the point about poor access to medical services; but it seems that the right advice was given each time and that the medics would have better spent their time with someone really ill.

Well done for taking in this family.

ResentfulLemon · 23/07/2022 21:20

Antibiotic overuse seems to be a reality on the continent, it must be quite unsettling for something you think protects your children to suddenly be restricted...even if I agree that antibiotics should be restricted for necessary use rather than precautionary.

Everything else though is probably rose tinted glasses. The Ukraine is an ex-USSR territory. Their infrastructure will probably be pretty functional but certainly not superior to ours and I can't imagine their red tape is any less irritating than ours.

Keep ranting on here OP. It'll help defuse how you're feeling without upsetting someone who is probably projecting how she feels about what's happening to her beloved home.

Hopefully we'll never be in the same position but I'm sure that my city that irritates me regularly because of inept/corrupt council practices, with a hospital that's being purposefully run into the ground and our home that needs a dehumidifier year round to stop damp would become a shining beacon of what's right and beautiful in the world if my family and I were torn away from it and the only time we see it is on news reports showing more mindless destruction.

Julie89uk · 23/07/2022 21:22

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MintJulia · 23/07/2022 21:24

Her expectations are different, that's all. She hasn't been living in a free market economy, she's used to a more socialist model with more state resource/subsidy .

I wouldn't call out a gp for a temp of 38, I know how to nurse ds to bring down temperature or monitor hourly and escalate if necessary. That's just normal mum skills in the UK. And I wouldn't want ABs as a default, that's not sensible. Your guest is used to having a more interventionist medical system, Nether is wrong, just different.

Elvira2000 · 23/07/2022 21:26

Yes, the uk is crap in a lot of ways. I am English and have moved completely away.

But it isn't awful and a guest should be showing a lot more respect.

One the other hand, culture clashes were always going to happen.

eekyeeky · 23/07/2022 21:28

@Julie89uk wow you're very bitter

pistachi0nuts · 23/07/2022 21:29

I mean she’s not wrong is she. Our country is crap and we eat rubbish. The nhs just isn’t that good but we are forced to celebrate it and think it’s the most amazing thing on the planet. Maybe she’s delivering some home truths that might be good for you to hear

PomRuns · 23/07/2022 21:29

It does sound very annoying and quite rude.

CassieLane · 23/07/2022 21:31

You can rant.

TBF much of what she’s said is true. Our country is a mess and set to get worse.

Please however remind her that she is lucky to have an NHS dentist. Absolutely no chance where I live.

Mardyface · 23/07/2022 21:31

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It's difficult to argue with this sort of narrow-minded twaddle but in case you are capable of empathy or intellectual labour of any kind:

  1. Do you really think people choose to come to an unfamiliar country when theirs is being obliterated by another to share a room with their traumatised child and live off the (very kind) generosity of others because of the pittance that is UC?
  1. Incorrect. There is no path to settlement.
  1. Have you noticed we have a labour problem and our fruit and veg are rotting in the fields? So what if they did stay?
OliveTheDog · 23/07/2022 21:32

SomePosters · 23/07/2022 20:38

I’m not surprised.

the state of what we call food in this country is shocking if you know what a healthy diet looks like. What we eat as a nation is frankly disgusting

My guests now cook for themselves. If it isn't made of pork, salted to buggery and deep fried, they won't eat it. They only thing they drink is gallons of Pepsi. If that's what makes them happy and what they are used to, then I have no problem and certainly don't mock or criticise them for it