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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can i have a rant about my Ukrainian guest

658 replies

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2022 19:50

Context, normal family home with teenage school children. Taken in mum and six year old, they're living in our spare bedroom (with ensuite) and living as part of the family. We didn't know them previously and they came directly from Ukraine to us. They're both lovely and generally easy to live with, been with us one month, no regrets. Just need a little anonymous rant to let off steam though.

Ukraine seems better than the UK in every way.

The food. She's a very good cook and makes lovely Ukrainian dinners for us. But British food is terrible, Ukrainian people would never eat so much processed food (she might have a point). They have processed food in Ukraine but only foreigners eat it. Ukrainians always cook fresh.

The health care. She's had three medical emergencies with her child since being here. First one, child had temperature of 38, (bouncing around playing looking in perfect health to me.) She was astonished that a doctor wouldn't immediately come to house to see child. Arranged GP appointment that afternoon (she doesn't drive, I had to take her) . Upset, angry and confused that antibiotics weren't given. She really just couldn't understand it at all. I Ukraine a doctor would have come to the house, day or night, and given medication, you treat small things immediately so they don't get big. Child had three days off school and spent the whole time running around playing.

Child had tiny abscess on gum, no pain or any other symptoms. This necessitated an immediate trip to the out of hours minor injuries unit (still appalled doctor wouldn't come to house). No treatment, told to ring 111 in the morning. I live in an NHS dentistry desert but because they've come from Ukraine a local dentist has taken them on as NHS patients. Had emergency dental appointment next day. Dentist said leave it alone, come back in two months time or if problem develops with it. Mum wanted minor surgery to remove/empty it and antibiotics. More anger and confusion. She can't believe how bad medical care is here (again, she might have a point). Anyway, more time off school for this.

Her appointment for biometrics was messed up (their fault not her's) and she missed the card delivery. So bureaucracy and postal service doesn't work here. She's applied for universal credit, no money yet though, and it seems ridiculous that she should go to the office every week. Nothing works well in this country. Even the streets are difficult to walk on because the pavement is uneven.

I know many Ukrainian have lost good lives to take children to safety and life probably was much better in Ukraine than it will ever be in UK. Hopefully this is temporary and they will be able to return. Her life in Ukraine, was living in a nice flat that was her mother's (mother dead, now hers) with her brother and her kid. She's divorced, kids dad not around, no contact for years. Worked as office manager (small company, not high flying) with good salary.

Really, she's lovely and very grateful.
I just need a little rant about a few things.

OP posts:
dianthus101 · 23/07/2022 20:59

She's probably right about the healthcare to some extent but I think in Ukraine they usually end up paying for it. Perhaps she is well off though so doesn’t mind. Also, unless she has any medical qualifications, how does she know better than the dentist that her daughter should be treated with antibiotics? The idea that Ukraine lay people know better than British health care professionals is quite insulting. With the food, perhaps she is a better cook than you but she shouldn't extrapolate that to all British diets. We don't all eat/cook the same thing. Our diets are very varied.

BryceQuinlanTheFirst · 23/07/2022 20:59

My family have a Ukrainian family and they don't eat a single non processed thing. Their entire fridge is sausage rolls and shop cheap cakes. We have been shocked at the lack of fresh ingredients so you obviously can't generalise!

That sounds very frustrating for you.

A doctor comes to your house for free in Ukraine?! Wow

eekyeeky · 23/07/2022 21:00

I think this is for the op and their own situation

So that's a no then.

Hth!!

Helps who? lol

JudgeJ · 23/07/2022 21:01

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eekyeeky · 23/07/2022 21:01

The idea that Ukraine lay people know better than British health care professionals is quite insulting.

I doubt it's that but culturally if that's how you healthcare works you would think it was the norm.

zenmeditation · 23/07/2022 21:02

To be fair, I've met many Brits who have willingly moved themselves and their fortunes abroad and can't help themselves from spending half the time slagging off everything in their new host country. Compared to the numerous comments I've heard from British people (especially in Spain/Greece) about how everything is inferior and how some cultural norms are 'uncivilised' compared to how it is 'back home', I'd say that her comments are much milder!

eekyeeky · 23/07/2022 21:02

I hope the OP has asked why she left then if it was so wonderful!

🙄

DancingInTheMoonlight9 · 23/07/2022 21:02

Wondering why someone would leave a country in a middle of a war. Nice.

CuriousCatfish · 23/07/2022 21:02

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I think it might have been something to do with a war.

Julie89uk · 23/07/2022 21:02

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beautifulworldwhereareyou · 23/07/2022 21:03

cantthinkofanothergoodusername · 23/07/2022 20:02

shocked that people are saying that they agree with her and the UK is shit! And you'd be happy welcoming a guest into
your home who told you that your country was shit?! Confused

I have literally no loyalty to this country. It’s a place I happen to have been born in and I’m grateful that I’ve had a decently easy life because of it. People can say whatever they want about the U.K. and I couldn’t care less. Compared to many places we have it extremely easy but I still think that we are in general a fairly closed minded little island and I don’t like it.

KentuckyDerbyandJoan · 23/07/2022 21:03

Brefugee · 23/07/2022 19:58

tbh? She's not wrong, is she?
Just smile and carry on, it is a great thing you are doing.

This
well done OP for doing a great thing.

CuriousCatfish · 23/07/2022 21:05

beautifulworldwhereareyou · 23/07/2022 21:03

I have literally no loyalty to this country. It’s a place I happen to have been born in and I’m grateful that I’ve had a decently easy life because of it. People can say whatever they want about the U.K. and I couldn’t care less. Compared to many places we have it extremely easy but I still think that we are in general a fairly closed minded little island and I don’t like it.

This thread shows just how closed minded some British people are.

Messangel · 23/07/2022 21:06

My lovely work colleague used to do this. We were both foreigners benefiting from our opportunities in the UK and it drove me mad. I was afraid anyone listening would think I agreed and we were ungrateful so and so's.

One day I had enough and said well why did you leave there then? Why not just go home? And she, who was very honest and decent, said because it is no way to live (not a war, just an unjust and unstable system) and I am remembering and missing the good parts. I know I will never live there again.

You know this is true of your guest. But it is tedious to listen to. Just know that when she gets to go home, she will probably enthuse about your neighbourhood in the same way.

Also, I am Irish and when in the UK I used to meet older Irish people who had left their homeland at a young age. They had mostly left in trauma (which I had not) and talked and talked longingly about a place that did not exist anymore. They raised their kids with this longing and socialised in Irish clubs and pubs. It was an eye opener for me and a bit of a shocker as I was thrilled to be in London and didnt want to know about "the old country"! As I got older I realised their longing and the tragedy that came from them not having a choice to go home, (at one point too expensive and then none of their previous lives existed: they were remembering an Ireland that didn't exist any more- people/family had died and society had changed) I am sorry I was not more sympathetic.

It must be similar if not far more traumatic for Ukrainians.

Mardyface · 23/07/2022 21:06

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Right. And you would say this based on what evidence? Are you there yourself?

Subbaxeo · 23/07/2022 21:07

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Poland has taken in far more Ukrainian refugees than the UK. I find this comment totally ignorant and devoid of humanity and not in the spirit of the OP’s post.

Quia · 23/07/2022 21:07

Brefugee · 23/07/2022 19:58

tbh? She's not wrong, is she?
Just smile and carry on, it is a great thing you are doing.

Well, she is about medical care. If Ukrainian doctors really dish out antibiotics for everything, they aren't doing their patients any favours.

Boxowine · 23/07/2022 21:08

She may be right about the abscess, though. Flushing it out and prescribing antibiotics is very, very simple in office procedure and would be standard treatment in US. Abscesses don't always go away on their own and when they are located on the gum they can easily flare up and cause a health emergency. I'm very surprised the dentist said to wait it out.

Brefugee · 23/07/2022 21:08

IIRC most of the problems of antibiotic resistance come from the antibiotics that are given to animals which we then eat.

As for pp being aghast that a pregnant woman wants a scan: when i read about maternal healthcare in the UK i am aghast that they leave you to it for so long, then if there is anything wrong they shrug, send you home to wait for the miscarriage to pass and then... nothing? (I'm in Germany which is the land of hypochondriacs, tbh, but i had a scan every month when i was pg, and with #2 more because i got a vomiting bug)

Also pp talking about brilliant NHS which is currently on its knees. It has been on its last legs for ages, and it is getting worse in preparation for being privatised.

OP, rant away. It is very awkward having strangers in your home, and you really are doing a fine thing.

(as for pp bleating on about how the refugees will never go home like the billions of Poles - you do know that many went home when the Polish economy picked up?)

Viviennemary · 23/07/2022 21:08

Seems like she is getting on your nerves already. Unless you live in a massive mansion it isn't really a good idea to think taking in a stranger will be plain sailing.

rnsaslkih · 23/07/2022 21:09

Rant away…but the truth is that the UK is fucked. We’ve all become conditioned to accept it, think it is normal and great and worship broken institutions like the NHS. Our educational rank internationally is pathetic. Your guest is right.

Strangeways19 · 23/07/2022 21:10

Nothing does work in this country she's absolutely right & the powers that be do not prioritise children's health as they should.
I remember as a child in the UK (1970's) the GP did used to visit at home if you were ill. This did happen back then.
Now I don't think I know any system that actually works. I think your guest has a right to be annoyed.
Also OP you're complaining about the state of our country rather than your guests & that's fair

TowelChair · 23/07/2022 21:10

She’s not wrong about the state of the medical system. We lived abroad for a number of years and the medical provision there was fantastic start to finish. Back in the UK, I avoid the NHS as much as possible. The prospect of using A&E here scares the crap out of me!! Thankfully we’ve only needed it a few times and it’s been an endurance challenge.

Staynow · 23/07/2022 21:11

It sounds like she's just getting frustrated with how different things are here, but I can see how it would be grating - I'd really try not to take it personally - maybe have a moan about things back to her as well! She might not realise the impact of her words as she might think you must see it the same way - I know in Spain I get mightily fucked off about the ridiculous bureaucracy and could easily complain about it to Spanish in laws without realising they might see it differently and take it personally even though it's not down to them.

AliBaliBears · 23/07/2022 21:11

Interesting her comment about the pavements, an Australian colleague of mine made the same observation - and that public spaces are run-down in general, even in affluent areas.

I think it's natural when you move to a new country to make direct comparisons to your home country. I know I did, and I generally thought of the UK as being superior. But over time that shifted and by time I moved home after 18mths I'm sure I annoyed people by saying how much better things were in the other country. The health care for one.

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