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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can i have a rant about my Ukrainian guest

658 replies

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2022 19:50

Context, normal family home with teenage school children. Taken in mum and six year old, they're living in our spare bedroom (with ensuite) and living as part of the family. We didn't know them previously and they came directly from Ukraine to us. They're both lovely and generally easy to live with, been with us one month, no regrets. Just need a little anonymous rant to let off steam though.

Ukraine seems better than the UK in every way.

The food. She's a very good cook and makes lovely Ukrainian dinners for us. But British food is terrible, Ukrainian people would never eat so much processed food (she might have a point). They have processed food in Ukraine but only foreigners eat it. Ukrainians always cook fresh.

The health care. She's had three medical emergencies with her child since being here. First one, child had temperature of 38, (bouncing around playing looking in perfect health to me.) She was astonished that a doctor wouldn't immediately come to house to see child. Arranged GP appointment that afternoon (she doesn't drive, I had to take her) . Upset, angry and confused that antibiotics weren't given. She really just couldn't understand it at all. I Ukraine a doctor would have come to the house, day or night, and given medication, you treat small things immediately so they don't get big. Child had three days off school and spent the whole time running around playing.

Child had tiny abscess on gum, no pain or any other symptoms. This necessitated an immediate trip to the out of hours minor injuries unit (still appalled doctor wouldn't come to house). No treatment, told to ring 111 in the morning. I live in an NHS dentistry desert but because they've come from Ukraine a local dentist has taken them on as NHS patients. Had emergency dental appointment next day. Dentist said leave it alone, come back in two months time or if problem develops with it. Mum wanted minor surgery to remove/empty it and antibiotics. More anger and confusion. She can't believe how bad medical care is here (again, she might have a point). Anyway, more time off school for this.

Her appointment for biometrics was messed up (their fault not her's) and she missed the card delivery. So bureaucracy and postal service doesn't work here. She's applied for universal credit, no money yet though, and it seems ridiculous that she should go to the office every week. Nothing works well in this country. Even the streets are difficult to walk on because the pavement is uneven.

I know many Ukrainian have lost good lives to take children to safety and life probably was much better in Ukraine than it will ever be in UK. Hopefully this is temporary and they will be able to return. Her life in Ukraine, was living in a nice flat that was her mother's (mother dead, now hers) with her brother and her kid. She's divorced, kids dad not around, no contact for years. Worked as office manager (small company, not high flying) with good salary.

Really, she's lovely and very grateful.
I just need a little rant about a few things.

OP posts:
SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 00:59

I certainly think your government is and as long as the majority keeps voting for them i cannot See how things can change. And no i do not believe that brexit wasn’t mainly do to racism. What has improved since leaving the eu?

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 01:08

fursuitnoknickers · 24/07/2022 00:53

Yes, a very arrogant German.

Why? Because i say other countries have better healthcare?

Lasse · 24/07/2022 01:11

fursuitnoknickers · 24/07/2022 00:49

You didn't mean it but that's how it came across. You called the majority of Brits racists and fascists. Exactly what evidence do you have to cast that opinion? It's a pretty offensive statement.

You are misinformed if you think that people voted for Brexit because of racism. Many people who voted for Brexit did so because of many of the issues on the this thread; the erosion of the NHS and public services unable to cope with increased demand.

Some of us are old enough to know what life was pre-open borders. Yes, the EU brought us a lot of good things but it has also caused us a lot of problems. Wind the clock back a couple of decades and the UK was a much much better place to live.

FWIW I voted remain.

Everyone has seen Farage's poster. Everyone understood it. Every EU citizen in the UK I know who's talked to me about it understood it exactly in this way. It's now been six years, but I can think of at least five who left the UK, their home, because of the hostility that was directed to them.

fursuitnoknickers · 24/07/2022 01:14

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 00:59

I certainly think your government is and as long as the majority keeps voting for them i cannot See how things can change. And no i do not believe that brexit wasn’t mainly do to racism. What has improved since leaving the eu?

I very much doubt that the majority will be voting for the current government in the next General Election. Unfortunately for us, the alternative isn't great either. UK politics is a shit show at the moment.

It would be incredibly naive to assume that the country would magically be transformed within minutes of leaving the EU. We then had Covid, a war in Ukraine we are ploughing huge sums of money into, crippling energy price rises, rising inflation, etc.

Are all Germans as patronising as you?

fursuitnoknickers · 24/07/2022 01:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 01:24

fursuitnoknickers · 24/07/2022 01:14

I very much doubt that the majority will be voting for the current government in the next General Election. Unfortunately for us, the alternative isn't great either. UK politics is a shit show at the moment.

It would be incredibly naive to assume that the country would magically be transformed within minutes of leaving the EU. We then had Covid, a war in Ukraine we are ploughing huge sums of money into, crippling energy price rises, rising inflation, etc.

Are all Germans as patronising as you?

No- just a Bit More direct and sad that it has come to this. Most people i know love the uk and are pretty bewildered about the current Situation. And i obviously didn‘t manage to bring that across but so am i.

Musti · 24/07/2022 01:26

Medical care has gone really downhill in this country but everything else is stupid. But it is easy to romanticise your country when you live away. I’ve lived in other countries and it used to annoy me to hear foreigners complain about it. I just thought either go back home (I know she can’t ) or focus on the positives. Because you can find fault anywhere but there are many good things too.

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 01:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Now you are really sinking low!

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 24/07/2022 01:33

You are misinformed if you think that people voted for Brexit because of racism. Many people who voted for Brexit did so because of many of the issues on the this thread; the erosion of the NHS and public services unable to cope with increased demand.

You don't seriously believe that racism was not a factor for Brexit but immigration was? The two are not mutually exclusive.

fursuitnoknickers · 24/07/2022 01:34

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 01:24

No- just a Bit More direct and sad that it has come to this. Most people i know love the uk and are pretty bewildered about the current Situation. And i obviously didn‘t manage to bring that across but so am i.

One minute you love the UK. The next you are kicking us in the teeth. You've called us a bunch of racists, fascists, our healthcare system is shit, our Government is shit.

Anything else you want to criticise? Or perhaps you'd like to big up Germany a bit more?

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 01:37

fursuitnoknickers · 24/07/2022 01:34

One minute you love the UK. The next you are kicking us in the teeth. You've called us a bunch of racists, fascists, our healthcare system is shit, our Government is shit.

Anything else you want to criticise? Or perhaps you'd like to big up Germany a bit more?

The weather isn‘t too Great either 😅

Allthestarsabovemyhead · 24/07/2022 01:39

Explain to her about antibiotic resistance

fursuitnoknickers · 24/07/2022 01:39

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 01:30

Now you are really sinking low!

Do you really think that Farage spoke for the majority of the Britons?

Really?!

He's a bloody fruit loop.

GreenLunchBox · 24/07/2022 01:44

HellonHeels · 23/07/2022 20:20

Please don't! "You might think the UK is shit but at least we're not being bombed to fuck" would be a grossly insensitive thing to say.

And anyway, she's got a point! Supermarkets crammed with processed food, ready meals etc. NHS dysfuntional, ambulances queuing outside hospitals for hours, maternity services a danger to women and babies, NHS dentistry RIP.

God, did the poster who got deleted really say that?! Confused

Since the Tories turned this country into a shitshow all I ever hear from 'patriots' is whataboutery and a race to the bottom. And this is why things are only going to get worse. God help us all

fursuitnoknickers · 24/07/2022 01:49

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 01:37

The weather isn‘t too Great either 😅

Thankfully you're not here to enjoy it!

Night x

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 02:03

fursuitnoknickers · 24/07/2022 01:49

Thankfully you're not here to enjoy it!

Night x

Aren‘t i Lucky although i hear things have improved wheather wise lately. Night x

grumpynamechange · 24/07/2022 02:37

She is right though!

Cantstandbullshit · 24/07/2022 02:55

malificent7 · 23/07/2022 20:09

She is right though isn't she?! This country isn't paradise.

Neither is Ukraine. The point is the UK has opened its doors to help them in their time of need, that’s not the time for them to start dissing the UK and comparing back to Ukraine.

Tauvuella · 24/07/2022 03:11

Thank you for your kindness in taking in this family OP! In such a situation (two different cultures, stress etc) I think some tension is inevitable - a rant is fair enough!

I am from the UK, but lived in Ukraine for more than a decade of my adult life. I left when the war started. The Ukrainian people are blunt, proud and very determined! They will often say exactly what they think, and not realise that others might be offended. They are very pragmatic, and hide certain emotions. I would imagine (I hope) that she would be horrified to understand she has offended/upset you. Ukrainians are very kind.

The approach to healthcare is very different over there and the average Ukrainian medicine cabinet is something to see! Almost everything is medicated, and a doctor can be with you (especially children) in minutes. Equally, you can get scans etc very quickly. It is not like the NHS, but the quality is not the same either. A Ukrainian might very easily be frustrated with the UK system.

Also very true about processed food - it's not so common there at all. But I am sorry that she can't recognise the best things about British food!

Can't end without saying a bit about the Ukraine that I know. Beautiful, cultured, welcoming, patriotic and warm. Far from perfect, but home. So many have lost this, and don't know if/when they might get it back. My heart aches for them, and for the country. Again, thank you for your generosity.

SunflowerGardens · 24/07/2022 03:22

'I do worry that she'll have the ambulance out for some minor thing that I wouldn't have even noticed with my own children.'

I wouldn't worry. She'll probably still be waiting for it to arrive by the time you get back.

spirit20 · 24/07/2022 03:26

Part of me is wondering if you're feeling defensive because you expected to house people from a 'poorer' country, but it turns out that they're actually used to a higher standard of living?

Sorry to be blunt, but the above things you've mentioned, and some other aspects of life as well, are just not good in the UK, as much as we like to think we're amazing, and when it comes to the health of her child, I can understand why she feels upset. If the complaints were about trivial things, I would be less sympathetic.

Overall, it's an aspect of UK society I think is a bit too similar to US culture, where we think we're amazing but in comparison to lots of other countries, we are lacking.

Pinkspice · 24/07/2022 04:14

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 00:29

i never meant to say that the british people are racist as a whole and do apoligize if it came across like that. My parents were refugees thnemselves and i always felt very welcome in London. I and many of my eu friends did however feel a big change After the brexit Referendum and the fact that there only seems to be a very weak Opposition to the curret Right Wing govevernmemt is depressing and many of the eu people still in London i know are planning to leave and i think that is quite sad and Not a Good thing for the uk …

It's just difficult to be told that you live in a racist country when you don't know anyone personally that's overtly racist, when you live in an area that voted significantly against Brexit (and whatever people say, I do think xenophobia, and possibly racism played a significant part in Brexit) and you live in a multicultural area.

Clearly, there are a number of xenophobes and racists in the UK but I don't think it's fair to call us a racist country as there are a lot of very accepting people too. But I don't think there's a country anywhere that likes to be criticised by people who come from overseas and then complain all the time about the way it's run. Which country is it where people don't mind this? Generally people complain about stuff themselves but don't like other people complaining excessively about it, the same as people moan about their family but don't like others to do it.

I do think parts of the British media have a responsibility in this though by whipping up xenophobia with some of their ridiculous headlines and by consistently saying we're the best country in the world. It's ridiculous. We have tons of issues and lots of things that need to be done better and most people with half a braincell recognise this. For what it's worth, no one cringes more about little Englanders than moderate English people.

TomPinch · 24/07/2022 05:42

Winkydink · 23/07/2022 20:42

thank you for hosting.

quite separately, I am from NZ (lived in UK 20 years) and completely agree with your guest that the paucity of medical care and horrific inefficient bureaucracy in this country are incredibly frustrating. Most British people don’t realise there is another way to doing things, and it can often be better and more efficient.

I'm in NZ. The system here is the same, ie, free at the point of use and publicly organised. Much worse funded, long waiting lists, smaller choice of pharmaceuticals, GPs who won't refer you to a specialist unless something is about to fall off.

TomPinch · 24/07/2022 05:47

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 23/07/2022 22:58

I agree the food is awesome. I eat it every day. Dp is from that part of the world.
British food is shit and the majority of Brits can't cook.

Sticky toffee pudding.

No- go way. You can't have any.

TomPinch · 24/07/2022 05:55

StoneofDestiny · 23/07/2022 21:57

The poor women has just fled a war and her home country is fucked. Have some bloody compassion

the irony.........
To think this woman has come to Britain - where the inhabitants have earned the reputation as 'whinging pond' when they move abroad!

Because it's the same as all emigrants everywhere, from the Ukrainian refugee (who deserves extra kindness and consideration) to the boiled ham on the beach in Spain, to the Scot down south (or, indeed, not down south. They compare, contrast and criticize.

Old Antipodean joke:
Q: How do you know then the Heathrow aeroplane has arrived at Auckland?
A: the engines turn off but the whining continues.