Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can i have a rant about my Ukrainian guest

658 replies

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2022 19:50

Context, normal family home with teenage school children. Taken in mum and six year old, they're living in our spare bedroom (with ensuite) and living as part of the family. We didn't know them previously and they came directly from Ukraine to us. They're both lovely and generally easy to live with, been with us one month, no regrets. Just need a little anonymous rant to let off steam though.

Ukraine seems better than the UK in every way.

The food. She's a very good cook and makes lovely Ukrainian dinners for us. But British food is terrible, Ukrainian people would never eat so much processed food (she might have a point). They have processed food in Ukraine but only foreigners eat it. Ukrainians always cook fresh.

The health care. She's had three medical emergencies with her child since being here. First one, child had temperature of 38, (bouncing around playing looking in perfect health to me.) She was astonished that a doctor wouldn't immediately come to house to see child. Arranged GP appointment that afternoon (she doesn't drive, I had to take her) . Upset, angry and confused that antibiotics weren't given. She really just couldn't understand it at all. I Ukraine a doctor would have come to the house, day or night, and given medication, you treat small things immediately so they don't get big. Child had three days off school and spent the whole time running around playing.

Child had tiny abscess on gum, no pain or any other symptoms. This necessitated an immediate trip to the out of hours minor injuries unit (still appalled doctor wouldn't come to house). No treatment, told to ring 111 in the morning. I live in an NHS dentistry desert but because they've come from Ukraine a local dentist has taken them on as NHS patients. Had emergency dental appointment next day. Dentist said leave it alone, come back in two months time or if problem develops with it. Mum wanted minor surgery to remove/empty it and antibiotics. More anger and confusion. She can't believe how bad medical care is here (again, she might have a point). Anyway, more time off school for this.

Her appointment for biometrics was messed up (their fault not her's) and she missed the card delivery. So bureaucracy and postal service doesn't work here. She's applied for universal credit, no money yet though, and it seems ridiculous that she should go to the office every week. Nothing works well in this country. Even the streets are difficult to walk on because the pavement is uneven.

I know many Ukrainian have lost good lives to take children to safety and life probably was much better in Ukraine than it will ever be in UK. Hopefully this is temporary and they will be able to return. Her life in Ukraine, was living in a nice flat that was her mother's (mother dead, now hers) with her brother and her kid. She's divorced, kids dad not around, no contact for years. Worked as office manager (small company, not high flying) with good salary.

Really, she's lovely and very grateful.
I just need a little rant about a few things.

OP posts:
QueenCamilla · 23/07/2022 23:39

MissAtomicBomb1 · 23/07/2022 22:55

@QueenCamilla
I'm being deliberately vague as I for obvious reasons I don't want to give away too much information about my family on Mumsnet.
Also I don't particularly want to invite a pile on from all the ex pats of said country, However it is pretty much as east as you can get so I'm not sure why describing its exact geographical location is now considered an insult? It is literally in Eastern Europe.

The fact that it might even be considered an "insult", is very telling in itself.

It's not however what I mean. I struggle with people not differentiating countries that are indeed incredibly diverse (religions, customs, languages, traditions) and all because of a short 50 year period in history.

Just have to hope the Cold War generation don't pass their World view to the young uns.

Scianel · 23/07/2022 23:39

I would have agrred with you a few years ago but sadly i now think the uk is - after hungary- one of the most fascist and racist countries in Europe

You think the UK is more racist than Poland or Italy?
Or France or Spain for that matter?

eekyeeky · 23/07/2022 23:43

@SeGermanCzech yeah that was my point...

SeGermanCzech · 23/07/2022 23:43

Scianel · 23/07/2022 23:39

I would have agrred with you a few years ago but sadly i now think the uk is - after hungary- one of the most fascist and racist countries in Europe

You think the UK is more racist than Poland or Italy?
Or France or Spain for that matter?

Yes- none of these countries has ever planned to send refugees to Rwanda🤷🏼‍♀️

worriedatthistime · 23/07/2022 23:47

@SeGermanCzech and how many of those countries take refugees from africa ? Also thats a government decision and not based on how people are with one another

Scianel · 23/07/2022 23:48

Yes- none of these countries has ever planned to send refugees to Rwanda

I'm talking about the lives of ordinary people.
I mean we could talk about how le Pen in France is getting more votes at every election I suppose.

Scianel · 23/07/2022 23:50

For that matter, its not that long ago that African students trying to flee Ukraine hit the news for all the wrong reasons either.

SeGermanCzech · 23/07/2022 23:50

germany has Taken more than a Million 🥴

SpaceGoatFarm · 23/07/2022 23:51

Actually lots of european countries have looked into the Rwanda thing. Israel also did it a few years ago. Denmark currently interested. for some reason Denmarks mad anti immigrant laws never get mentioned.

Scianel · 23/07/2022 23:51

And when recently working in Italy, my DH kept having to break up physical fights amongst his local crew because the Italians and the African immigrants apparently couldn't manage one shift without attacking each other.

Scianel · 23/07/2022 23:52

germany has Taken more than a Million

Merkel did. How many Germans absolutely hate it though?

SpaceGoatFarm · 23/07/2022 23:53

Germany is also now quietly pushing Ukrainian's out of their accomodation aan doing everything they can to get russian gas, along with refusing meaningful help to the Ukrainian's army.

Lasse · 23/07/2022 23:54

Oh, these foreigners. So ungrateful, so racist.

Oh those Brits - so generous, so self-deprecating.

Youcansaythatagainandagain · 23/07/2022 23:57

SpaceGoatFarm · 23/07/2022 23:29

According to surveys the UK pretty much always comes out as the least racist european country and among the least in the whole world. I know that upsets some types of people (for god knows what reason) but I'll be proud of that fact.

I think Brexit has made a lot of people say that the UK is racist for obvious reasons and while there was certainly racism shown towards Irish people historically when they left Ireland to work in construction etc - Nowadays on the whole it doesn't make sense to say the UK is predominantly racist as racism is prevalent in countries where people share a similar ethnic background where there is little emigration. The countries with few 'foreigners' will always top surveys about racism. The UK is a melting pot for international/foreign people. The majority are not racist but as the saying goes 'empty vessels make the most noise' and unfortunately the UK is being tarred as a whole.

SeGermanCzech · 23/07/2022 23:58

Scianel · 23/07/2022 23:52

germany has Taken more than a Million

Merkel did. How many Germans absolutely hate it though?

actually apart from some right Wing nuts most don‘t because the economy needs them and they settle in well

Sometimeswinning · 24/07/2022 00:02

Lasse · 23/07/2022 23:54

Oh, these foreigners. So ungrateful, so racist.

Oh those Brits - so generous, so self-deprecating.

Oh, sort it out!

Clueless!!

Mascia · 24/07/2022 00:15

SeGermanCzech · 23/07/2022 23:34

While i do agree that every Country has its problems and i do not want to enter into a race to the bottom i am just shocked how the uk has changed and i am sure i am not alone here ☺️

Of course it shouldn‘t be a race to the bottom, but you implied in your previous post that the majority of Brits are racist (unlike the majority of Berliners).
Having lived as an immigrant in both places I just don’t see it that way. I‘m in the UK right now, I get to talk to many different people on a daily basis, they can hear I have an accent and so far I haven’t had any issues.
Of course that’s just my personal experience, but I‘ve heard similar from friends who also moved here from somewhere else.
The Brexit referendum and its result (which I personally found very upsetting, specially at the time) certainly made the country appear xenophobic - but since moving here I‘ve met several immigrants from outside the EU who were also fully supportive of Brexit, which shows that it’s not a black-and-white issue of Brits being hostile towards „outsiders“.

Mascia · 24/07/2022 00:22

Scianel · 23/07/2022 23:18

Back in Berlin. And while people are quite rude here at least they are in the majority not racist

If you're Czech you won't have been on the receiving end, unlike my friend in Berlin who faces racism on a regular basis.
The UK is about the least racist country in Europe.

That’s also been the experience of some of my friends in Berlin. It’s a great city in many ways, but I definitely think there is an undercurrent of resentment towards „outsiders“ which might not always be obvious if you live in areas where there are lots of expats.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 24/07/2022 00:26

I think everyone is entitled to rant about something that annoys them.

No country is perfect obviously, and we in UK have got really bad problems with our healthcare at the moment - both dental and in other respects. Our NHS is, however, as many have pointed out, right not to be handing out antibiotics where not needed. So we’re doing better there that a lot of European countries. As there’s no real need for doctors to make house calls all over the place (although perhaps it shouldn’t be quite so unheard of as it is).

Food is very subjective. Most people are going to think their home country’s food is great as it’s what they’re used to. Yes, too much processed food is not great but many in Uk don’t have that much - it varies.

Not going to wade into discussions about which countries are the most racist. I used to think UK was one of the least until Brexit, and then all the racists seemed to suddenly appear.

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 00:29

Mascia · 24/07/2022 00:15

Of course it shouldn‘t be a race to the bottom, but you implied in your previous post that the majority of Brits are racist (unlike the majority of Berliners).
Having lived as an immigrant in both places I just don’t see it that way. I‘m in the UK right now, I get to talk to many different people on a daily basis, they can hear I have an accent and so far I haven’t had any issues.
Of course that’s just my personal experience, but I‘ve heard similar from friends who also moved here from somewhere else.
The Brexit referendum and its result (which I personally found very upsetting, specially at the time) certainly made the country appear xenophobic - but since moving here I‘ve met several immigrants from outside the EU who were also fully supportive of Brexit, which shows that it’s not a black-and-white issue of Brits being hostile towards „outsiders“.

i never meant to say that the british people are racist as a whole and do apoligize if it came across like that. My parents were refugees thnemselves and i always felt very welcome in London. I and many of my eu friends did however feel a big change After the brexit Referendum and the fact that there only seems to be a very weak Opposition to the curret Right Wing govevernmemt is depressing and many of the eu people still in London i know are planning to leave and i think that is quite sad and Not a Good thing for the uk …

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 24/07/2022 00:30

PS a family member of mine has a Ukrainian guest and we see them a lot - I’m in their house right now as it happens. She is really a lovely person.

In terms of “my country is better” type stuff it’s exactly the same level as when we used to have French au pairs to look after our kids - there’s always a bit of “it’s better where I come from”. Sometimes it’s true, but sometimes it’s just different, and a case of what you’re used to. But actually when I think about it, in both/ all cases there has also been a willingness to accept certain things are done well in UK!

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 00:39

And- and that will surely make me the arrogant German again- healthcare is shockingly Bad in the uk. While there are of course Great Hospitals and doctors basic healthcare is poor and sadly a friend of mine is now dying of bowel Cancer at 35 because her London gp only „Diagnosed“ her by Telephone 🤬

fursuitnoknickers · 24/07/2022 00:49

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 00:29

i never meant to say that the british people are racist as a whole and do apoligize if it came across like that. My parents were refugees thnemselves and i always felt very welcome in London. I and many of my eu friends did however feel a big change After the brexit Referendum and the fact that there only seems to be a very weak Opposition to the curret Right Wing govevernmemt is depressing and many of the eu people still in London i know are planning to leave and i think that is quite sad and Not a Good thing for the uk …

You didn't mean it but that's how it came across. You called the majority of Brits racists and fascists. Exactly what evidence do you have to cast that opinion? It's a pretty offensive statement.

You are misinformed if you think that people voted for Brexit because of racism. Many people who voted for Brexit did so because of many of the issues on the this thread; the erosion of the NHS and public services unable to cope with increased demand.

Some of us are old enough to know what life was pre-open borders. Yes, the EU brought us a lot of good things but it has also caused us a lot of problems. Wind the clock back a couple of decades and the UK was a much much better place to live.

FWIW I voted remain.

fUNNYfACE36 · 24/07/2022 00:53

My Finnish guest needed treatment for a uti. while staying with us and was amazed that from making first contact with the gp practice, she was able to get urine dipped and collect antibiotics within about half an hour

fursuitnoknickers · 24/07/2022 00:53

SeGermanCzech · 24/07/2022 00:39

And- and that will surely make me the arrogant German again- healthcare is shockingly Bad in the uk. While there are of course Great Hospitals and doctors basic healthcare is poor and sadly a friend of mine is now dying of bowel Cancer at 35 because her London gp only „Diagnosed“ her by Telephone 🤬

Yes, a very arrogant German.

Swipe left for the next trending thread