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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can i have a rant about my Ukrainian guest

658 replies

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2022 19:50

Context, normal family home with teenage school children. Taken in mum and six year old, they're living in our spare bedroom (with ensuite) and living as part of the family. We didn't know them previously and they came directly from Ukraine to us. They're both lovely and generally easy to live with, been with us one month, no regrets. Just need a little anonymous rant to let off steam though.

Ukraine seems better than the UK in every way.

The food. She's a very good cook and makes lovely Ukrainian dinners for us. But British food is terrible, Ukrainian people would never eat so much processed food (she might have a point). They have processed food in Ukraine but only foreigners eat it. Ukrainians always cook fresh.

The health care. She's had three medical emergencies with her child since being here. First one, child had temperature of 38, (bouncing around playing looking in perfect health to me.) She was astonished that a doctor wouldn't immediately come to house to see child. Arranged GP appointment that afternoon (she doesn't drive, I had to take her) . Upset, angry and confused that antibiotics weren't given. She really just couldn't understand it at all. I Ukraine a doctor would have come to the house, day or night, and given medication, you treat small things immediately so they don't get big. Child had three days off school and spent the whole time running around playing.

Child had tiny abscess on gum, no pain or any other symptoms. This necessitated an immediate trip to the out of hours minor injuries unit (still appalled doctor wouldn't come to house). No treatment, told to ring 111 in the morning. I live in an NHS dentistry desert but because they've come from Ukraine a local dentist has taken them on as NHS patients. Had emergency dental appointment next day. Dentist said leave it alone, come back in two months time or if problem develops with it. Mum wanted minor surgery to remove/empty it and antibiotics. More anger and confusion. She can't believe how bad medical care is here (again, she might have a point). Anyway, more time off school for this.

Her appointment for biometrics was messed up (their fault not her's) and she missed the card delivery. So bureaucracy and postal service doesn't work here. She's applied for universal credit, no money yet though, and it seems ridiculous that she should go to the office every week. Nothing works well in this country. Even the streets are difficult to walk on because the pavement is uneven.

I know many Ukrainian have lost good lives to take children to safety and life probably was much better in Ukraine than it will ever be in UK. Hopefully this is temporary and they will be able to return. Her life in Ukraine, was living in a nice flat that was her mother's (mother dead, now hers) with her brother and her kid. She's divorced, kids dad not around, no contact for years. Worked as office manager (small company, not high flying) with good salary.

Really, she's lovely and very grateful.
I just need a little rant about a few things.

OP posts:
InChocolateWeTrust · 23/07/2022 22:58

We have a lot of foreign visitors, and I often end up feeling that Britain and the British are rubbish compared with the wonderful countries they come from. They always have better food than here, their health provision is better, their people are more sociable, their children are better educated and excel at sport, etc etc.

I think theres a cultural element. In Britain it would be consider boastful to talk this way, we tend to a very self deprecating and modest manner, the same is not true in other countries where its normal to (for example) proudly say what you earn, as what someone paid for something, boast about qualifications and generally really sell your self.

justhereforthisthread · 23/07/2022 22:58

I think people are forgetting that the UK has provided £2.3 billion of military assistance to Ukraine since the outbreak of war. With the exception of the US, that's more than any other country.

Yet here is a young woman criticising us for the state of our healthcare system and the fact that she can't click her fingers and expect a GP to make a home visit as and when she chooses.

We've clearly got our priorities wrong, haven't we?

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 23/07/2022 22:58

I agree the food is awesome. I eat it every day. Dp is from that part of the world.
British food is shit and the majority of Brits can't cook.

SeGermanCzech · 23/07/2022 22:59

No!!! Its crazy that you think that and that the nhs is so on it‘s knees that a few hundred refugees even matter ☺️

eekyeeky · 23/07/2022 23:00

@gnilliwdog you don't agree it's bad some kids have to wait 3 years?

SeGermanCzech · 23/07/2022 23:07

eekyeeky · 23/07/2022 23:00

@gnilliwdog you don't agree it's bad some kids have to wait 3 years?

I think that is horrible but that is a much bigger Problem and should not be blamed on a handful of Ukrainian refugees?

user1471459761 · 23/07/2022 23:07

Well she thinks it's better but it isn't currently is it or she wouldn't be here?? I'd also be explaining about antibiotic resistance and why shelling out medicine rather than waiting for natural immunity and the healing system to kick in is not a good thing. I think we all prefer what is familiar to us but I understand why this is annoying when you have made sacrifices to accommodate her.

gnilliwdog · 23/07/2022 23:07

worriedatthistime · 23/07/2022 22:58

@gnilliwdog they probably do get priority yes , due to sutuations
The reality is though that we should all be entitled to an nhs dentist but we are lacking and thats an issue the goverment need to address
I went to my nhs dentist and he was I think from ukraine and he told me to get treatment i needed abroad as was a quarter of price and he was shocked by uk prices

But British children are supposed to be entitled to NHS free dental treatment in Britain. In reality they can wait for years, and it may be their only chance for dental care due to poverty. OP seems to be saying a dentist took the Ukrainian children on, whereas a local family would struggle to get their children seen. My own children's dentist say they may not be able to give them dental treatment in future, due to not having enough NHS dentists. Yet a recently arrived Ukrainian family is being taken on. It is as if children who have been registered there for years are being refused treatment to make room for refugees. I don't think this is right and goes against the UK guarantee of free dental treatment for British children. It could take years for my children to get taken on by another NHS dentist.

Mascia · 23/07/2022 23:16

Pyewhacket · 23/07/2022 21:59

Me too. Ukraine was/is the most corrupt country in Europe, second only to Russia. We have given £ billions in military aid, second only to the US, and far more than any EU member. We have supplied some of the most sophisticated weapons we have. We are training Ukrainian soldiers by the thousands here in the UK, raw recruits who would simply have been slaughtered by the Russians otherwise. We lead the international call for support in Ukraine, at some cost to ourselves. Boris, whatever you think of him, has been there in person, twice, on the streets of Kyiv.

We are not a shit country and I get very very angry when people run us down. We are the fifth largest economy in the world. We have a permanent seat on the security council. We are a leading power in NATO and we have our own strategic nuclear strike force.

I have worked abroad in foreign healthcare systems. And I've never met such racism and discrimination, even in Australia, which is why I was so pleased to come home. I proudly work for the NHS and have done for 16 years. It's not perfect but its better than most I've worked for.

The Germans are in Putin's pocket. There is outright panic in large areas of eastern Europe. Sweden and Finland are fighting for the NATO umbrella so if Ukrainians think life is so much better than here in the UK, then they are welcome to go back.

I agree with you (and I’m not British).

SpaceGoatFarm · 23/07/2022 23:16

You can just buy random anti biotics and give them to your children in ukraine, they have a huge issue with drug immune disease over there as a result and an opioid/tranquiliser crises of their own due to medication being handed out like sweets

YellowPlumbob · 23/07/2022 23:17

SpaceGoatFarm · 23/07/2022 23:16

You can just buy random anti biotics and give them to your children in ukraine, they have a huge issue with drug immune disease over there as a result and an opioid/tranquiliser crises of their own due to medication being handed out like sweets

News flash - it’s not just Ukraine with an anti microbial resistance issue. From, someone who works in this field.

Scianel · 23/07/2022 23:18

Back in Berlin. And while people are quite rude here at least they are in the majority not racist

If you're Czech you won't have been on the receiving end, unlike my friend in Berlin who faces racism on a regular basis.
The UK is about the least racist country in Europe.

YellowPlumbob · 23/07/2022 23:21

Scianel · 23/07/2022 23:18

Back in Berlin. And while people are quite rude here at least they are in the majority not racist

If you're Czech you won't have been on the receiving end, unlike my friend in Berlin who faces racism on a regular basis.
The UK is about the least racist country in Europe.

Well that’s depressing, because it’s racist AF here

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2022 23:21

I agree NHS dentistry is in a terrible state. This is not the fault of Ukrainian people though, they have absolutely zero power to improve things, they can't even vote. Yes, where I live you can't get an NHS dentist, there are literally none taking on patients for 50 miles. The dentist didn't have one space available though and the Ukrainian child jump ahead of a British child in the queue, an extra place was made.

Absolutely agree, it is shameful the way our children (and adults) are neglected with regard dentistry and we should be very, very angry about it (i know I am) and demand change. Just aim your anger at the right people.

OP posts:
Wouldloveanother · 23/07/2022 23:25

YellowPlumbob · 23/07/2022 23:21

Well that’s depressing, because it’s racist AF here

Is it? Compared to where?

Scianel · 23/07/2022 23:25

Well that’s depressing, because it’s racist AF here

Therez racism here too, certainly, but there seems to be this absolute streak of self-loathing amongst some Brits who assume everything is superior in Europe.
The reality is that most European countries have worse racism issues than here.

SpaceGoatFarm · 23/07/2022 23:26

Eskimos are nowhere near eastern europe (north america and Green land). Poland is central europe. Azerbaijan is the Caucasus and Bosnia central europe/balkans. I've no idea why people are pretending to be mystified by the term eastern europe. The old term for European communist countries was actually eastern bloc.

SeGermanCzech · 23/07/2022 23:27

Scianel · 23/07/2022 23:18

Back in Berlin. And while people are quite rude here at least they are in the majority not racist

If you're Czech you won't have been on the receiving end, unlike my friend in Berlin who faces racism on a regular basis.
The UK is about the least racist country in Europe.

I would have agrred with you a few years ago but sadly i now think the uk is - after hungary- one of the most fascist and racist countries in Europe. Happy to be wrong though 🤷🏼‍♀️

Mascia · 23/07/2022 23:27

HijadelaLuna · 23/07/2022 22:10

Back in Berlin. And while people are quite rude here at least they are in the majority not racist😊

I think you might be seeing what you want to see.
While the majority of Berliners probably aren’t racist, neither are the majority of Brits.
Hostility towards foreigners definitely exists in Berlin and in Germany - like it does in most countries.

SpaceGoatFarm · 23/07/2022 23:28

Yeah, I should probably start talking about the drug resistance issues of Asia instead on a thread about ukraine, for some reason.

Sometimeswinning · 23/07/2022 23:29

DancingInTheMoonlight9 · 23/07/2022 20:42

But she is not wrong!! Britain is far far from "Great". I as a foreigner agree 100%. I had a tooth that needed root canal, went to see 3 different dentists in UK and all told me - tooth needs to be pulled out, it is untreatable. I went back to my home country and got it treated in a single visit at a dentist. Same applies to healthcare. I never had any blood tests done (as example) where in my country they routinely do blood tests to ensure some preventable diseases are treated/caught early. Easter Europe. However, salaries, work culture (more laidback), education system is better in UK..

Make your mind up! Either we're great and you enjoy living here. Or you leave for a better life elsewhere!

I never understand this , it's far better in other countries! Off you pop then.

We have a rubbish government. Our NHS is under pressure. So many services are completely underfunded. But everyone I knows agrees with this. We want better. People are working hard, shouting loudly and doing their bit. Sitting on your arse, doing nothing but complain won't help anyone.

Carry on moaning about your root canal though 🤣

SpaceGoatFarm · 23/07/2022 23:29

According to surveys the UK pretty much always comes out as the least racist european country and among the least in the whole world. I know that upsets some types of people (for god knows what reason) but I'll be proud of that fact.

gnilliwdog · 23/07/2022 23:33

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2022 23:21

I agree NHS dentistry is in a terrible state. This is not the fault of Ukrainian people though, they have absolutely zero power to improve things, they can't even vote. Yes, where I live you can't get an NHS dentist, there are literally none taking on patients for 50 miles. The dentist didn't have one space available though and the Ukrainian child jump ahead of a British child in the queue, an extra place was made.

Absolutely agree, it is shameful the way our children (and adults) are neglected with regard dentistry and we should be very, very angry about it (i know I am) and demand change. Just aim your anger at the right people.

It really is a terrible way to treat the children of this country. And I have to say, I wonder why they can't make a space for British children. If every dentist was willing to make a space for one British child the wait would be much shorter. And I am wondering if they made a space at my small village dentist by getting rid of some of the village children on their books. I don't blame Ukrainians, but if we can't afford to fulfil our guarantee of free dental treatment to our own children, and treat refugees - maybe the government should pay private fees for the refugees. Or at least treat our children equally i.e. refugees should join the same waiting list as we do.

SeGermanCzech · 23/07/2022 23:34

While i do agree that every Country has its problems and i do not want to enter into a race to the bottom i am just shocked how the uk has changed and i am sure i am not alone here ☺️

justhereforthisthread · 23/07/2022 23:36

My friend is a nursing sister in the NHS. She said that her biggest bloody headache is not racism from Brits but between other countries on the same continent (i.e. African nurses). She said it is the bane of her life.