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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can i have a rant about my Ukrainian guest

658 replies

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2022 19:50

Context, normal family home with teenage school children. Taken in mum and six year old, they're living in our spare bedroom (with ensuite) and living as part of the family. We didn't know them previously and they came directly from Ukraine to us. They're both lovely and generally easy to live with, been with us one month, no regrets. Just need a little anonymous rant to let off steam though.

Ukraine seems better than the UK in every way.

The food. She's a very good cook and makes lovely Ukrainian dinners for us. But British food is terrible, Ukrainian people would never eat so much processed food (she might have a point). They have processed food in Ukraine but only foreigners eat it. Ukrainians always cook fresh.

The health care. She's had three medical emergencies with her child since being here. First one, child had temperature of 38, (bouncing around playing looking in perfect health to me.) She was astonished that a doctor wouldn't immediately come to house to see child. Arranged GP appointment that afternoon (she doesn't drive, I had to take her) . Upset, angry and confused that antibiotics weren't given. She really just couldn't understand it at all. I Ukraine a doctor would have come to the house, day or night, and given medication, you treat small things immediately so they don't get big. Child had three days off school and spent the whole time running around playing.

Child had tiny abscess on gum, no pain or any other symptoms. This necessitated an immediate trip to the out of hours minor injuries unit (still appalled doctor wouldn't come to house). No treatment, told to ring 111 in the morning. I live in an NHS dentistry desert but because they've come from Ukraine a local dentist has taken them on as NHS patients. Had emergency dental appointment next day. Dentist said leave it alone, come back in two months time or if problem develops with it. Mum wanted minor surgery to remove/empty it and antibiotics. More anger and confusion. She can't believe how bad medical care is here (again, she might have a point). Anyway, more time off school for this.

Her appointment for biometrics was messed up (their fault not her's) and she missed the card delivery. So bureaucracy and postal service doesn't work here. She's applied for universal credit, no money yet though, and it seems ridiculous that she should go to the office every week. Nothing works well in this country. Even the streets are difficult to walk on because the pavement is uneven.

I know many Ukrainian have lost good lives to take children to safety and life probably was much better in Ukraine than it will ever be in UK. Hopefully this is temporary and they will be able to return. Her life in Ukraine, was living in a nice flat that was her mother's (mother dead, now hers) with her brother and her kid. She's divorced, kids dad not around, no contact for years. Worked as office manager (small company, not high flying) with good salary.

Really, she's lovely and very grateful.
I just need a little rant about a few things.

OP posts:
justhereforthisthread · 23/07/2022 21:53

I've just Googled Ukrainian healthcare and it doesn't throw up glowing results. It is ranked very low down the list in terms of best healthcare whereas the UK is around 10 to 16. I suspect we were a lot higher before we were having to deal with uncontrolled immigration.

QueenCamilla · 23/07/2022 21:55

@MissAtomicBomb1

What is an "Eastern European Country"?

Thatswhyimacat · 23/07/2022 21:56

Sounds like an old friend of mine from Lebanon. According to her, EVERYONE there goes to university to at least Masters level, EVERYONE has the kind of healthcare you describe, EVERYONE has a housekeeper. They don't, she was just very wealthy and that was her own experience. Same as how Etonians in our country don't know what milk costs.

Wouldloveanother · 23/07/2022 21:56

justhereforthisthread · 23/07/2022 21:53

I've just Googled Ukrainian healthcare and it doesn't throw up glowing results. It is ranked very low down the list in terms of best healthcare whereas the UK is around 10 to 16. I suspect we were a lot higher before we were having to deal with uncontrolled immigration.

The same immigration that meant our NHS was properly staffed?

Mascia · 23/07/2022 21:57

user1234560280 · 23/07/2022 20:06

Sounds like she's got culture shock. When I worked abroad I loved it at first then after a couple of months got irritated by EVERYTHING from the sound of the language to the gestures people used to the way people sit on the subway and the way that women carried their handbags. Don't even get me started on the food, weather and the font used on car number plates, which looked shit.

It was actually a very nice country and I constantly go on to my friends about how much better it is there than here...😆

I totally get this - I lived in different places and know how after a honeymoon period everything can become incredibly annoying.
But I still think there’s no need to criticize everything and complain to the locals about how crappy you think their country is compared to your own (I’m not implying that that’s what you did btw 🙂). (Curious about what the font on their number plates looked like).

StoneofDestiny · 23/07/2022 21:57

The poor women has just fled a war and her home country is fucked. Have some bloody compassion

the irony.........
To think this woman has come to Britain - where the inhabitants have earned the reputation as 'whinging pond' when they move abroad!

Pyewhacket · 23/07/2022 21:59

cantthinkofanothergoodusername · 23/07/2022 20:02

shocked that people are saying that they agree with her and the UK is shit! And you'd be happy welcoming a guest into
your home who told you that your country was shit?! Confused

Me too. Ukraine was/is the most corrupt country in Europe, second only to Russia. We have given £ billions in military aid, second only to the US, and far more than any EU member. We have supplied some of the most sophisticated weapons we have. We are training Ukrainian soldiers by the thousands here in the UK, raw recruits who would simply have been slaughtered by the Russians otherwise. We lead the international call for support in Ukraine, at some cost to ourselves. Boris, whatever you think of him, has been there in person, twice, on the streets of Kyiv.

We are not a shit country and I get very very angry when people run us down. We are the fifth largest economy in the world. We have a permanent seat on the security council. We are a leading power in NATO and we have our own strategic nuclear strike force.

I have worked abroad in foreign healthcare systems. And I've never met such racism and discrimination, even in Australia, which is why I was so pleased to come home. I proudly work for the NHS and have done for 16 years. It's not perfect but its better than most I've worked for.

The Germans are in Putin's pocket. There is outright panic in large areas of eastern Europe. Sweden and Finland are fighting for the NATO umbrella so if Ukrainians think life is so much better than here in the UK, then they are welcome to go back.

MumsTheWordFact · 23/07/2022 21:59

@Friars23 Its very, very simple, there were enough healthcare workers for the population, then 20 odd years ago we started to let in a crazy amount of people every year, those people will eventually need the NHS. If of the you people you let in, the percentage of them that are healthcare professionals is lower than the current percentage in the existing population, the NHS becomes more strained. If the percentage is higher, the NHS gets less strained. The government like you to think the percentage is in the NHS's favour, it isn't and hasn't been since the late 90s. That is one of the reasons the NHS is on its knees.

UrsulaPandress · 23/07/2022 22:00

@QueenCamilla

A country In Eastern Europe I imagine. As opposed to one in Western Europe.

Pinkspice · 23/07/2022 22:00

QuentininQuarantino · 23/07/2022 20:48

I’m British but live elsewhere in Western Europe. I’ve met a lot of Ukrainians as we have a lot of refugees here and I’m always surprised by the utopia they think the uk is. I’m not surprised the OPs guest had a rude awakening, tbh.

It is our way though, to be able to merrily criticize ourselves but be rankled when someone else criticizes us!

I also agree with a PP about the expat manner of constant comparisons as a way of settling.

I don't understand why people think the UK is a utopia compared to other countries of similar size and wealth. You only have to read the BBC website or various other news sites to see the problems and challenges we have.

There is a subset of British people who believe they are superior and come from a better country than other countries. However, there are also an awful lot of people who are all too aware of the problems and inequalities here.

I've lived abroad and had struggles in various countries, due to excessive bureaucracy, unhelpful and unfriendly residents etc. I certainly never felt that I was somehow justified in slagging off their country to them though. It's just rude and unnecessary.

It's understandable to miss your country and the way things are done there. But it's not really fair to take that out on the person who's kind enough to put you up.

Mascia · 23/07/2022 22:01

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 23/07/2022 20:18

I am going to go against the grain here and say she sounds bloody rude. Whatever the reason she is here, the constant superiority would be hard to be around. I have lived in other countries, may have had thoughts like this but you don't say them out loud to the locals. It is just poor manners. Although culturally I think there is also a difference between what people find acceptable to say.

Agree with this.

justhereforthisthread · 23/07/2022 22:02

Wouldloveanother · 23/07/2022 21:56

The same immigration that meant our NHS was properly staffed?

No, immigration did not ensure the NHS was properly staffed because demand has exceeded supply for years.

How can a Government plan healthcare if they have no idea what the population will be at any given time?

HijadelaLuna · 23/07/2022 22:03

I am sorry but i think this is hilsrious . I Love the uk and its people but it might take some ukrainians to make you realise that you‘ve been fed lies for a long time and things from healthcare to scholing are shockingly bad in the uk🥴

justhereforthisthread · 23/07/2022 22:05

HijadelaLuna · 23/07/2022 22:03

I am sorry but i think this is hilsrious . I Love the uk and its people but it might take some ukrainians to make you realise that you‘ve been fed lies for a long time and things from healthcare to scholing are shockingly bad in the uk🥴

Why are you still here then?

HijadelaLuna · 23/07/2022 22:06

I‘m Not 😊

HijadelaLuna · 23/07/2022 22:10

Back in Berlin. And while people are quite rude here at least they are in the majority not racist😊

QueenCamilla · 23/07/2022 22:11

UrsulaPandress · 23/07/2022 22:00

@QueenCamilla

A country In Eastern Europe I imagine. As opposed to one in Western Europe.

I doubt you'd say I'm from "Western Europe" as opposed to from UK.

In fact, I've never heard anyone utter a sentence that starts with something like : My friend from Western Europe...

Mascia · 23/07/2022 22:12

Hdj2047da · 23/07/2022 20:21

I appreciate it's hard to hear but the reality is that England is pretty shit. Yes, Ukraine is at war, though through no fault of their own, but no they won't understand why doctors don't just come out to see you when a kid is sick. Brits just got used to it. It's pretty terrible. It must grate to hear it but I just assume that she wasn't expecting it and keeps being surprised. After I moved back to the UK, having previously lived her, I spent a couple of years just being surprised at everyone at the state of the public sector.

but no they won't understand why doctors don't just come out to see you when a kid is sick. Brits just got used to it. It's pretty terrible.

I’ve lived in two other Western European countries (both reasonably wealthy, with state health care systems in place) and in neither of them would a doctor come to your house because your child’s temperature is 38 degrees (and the child seems otherwise fine).

Pyewhacket · 23/07/2022 22:13

HijadelaLuna · 23/07/2022 22:10

Back in Berlin. And while people are quite rude here at least they are in the majority not racist😊

The Germans, lecturing others on racism !!!!!!!. Oh the irony.

justhereforthisthread · 23/07/2022 22:14

HijadelaLuna · 23/07/2022 22:06

I‘m Not 😊

HijadelaLuna · 14/02/2019 21:21

Dear all-im German (sorry) but have lived in London for 3 years and have loved your Country- please don‘t give up! Europe would be much poorer without you. You only got one life, get on the Streets!

Happy to put the boot in on this thread though?

User952539 · 23/07/2022 22:14

QueenCamilla · 23/07/2022 22:11

I doubt you'd say I'm from "Western Europe" as opposed to from UK.

In fact, I've never heard anyone utter a sentence that starts with something like : My friend from Western Europe...

That’s because we are in Western Europe. Eastern Europe is a perfectly normal way to describe the former soviet/communist European countries

InChocolateWeTrust · 23/07/2022 22:15

Can you show her her comments are rude/a little upsetting but in a light hearted way?

Eg if she criticised UK, put your hand on heart and say "I know, it's far not perfect, but it's my country and I am proud of it anyway. I am sure you feel the same about Ukraine."

eekyeeky · 23/07/2022 22:15

Its very, very simple, there were enough healthcare workers for the population, then 20 odd years ago we started to let in a crazy amount of people every year, those people will eventually need the NHS. If of the you people you let in, the percentage of them that are healthcare professionals is lower than the current percentage in the existing population, the NHS becomes more strained. If the percentage is higher, the NHS gets less strained.

But sure lots who came whilst not being healthcare workers filled vacancies in other areas & paid lots of tax? Why were we not recruiting & training enough % of healthcare workers of our own?

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2022 22:15

justhereforthisthread · 23/07/2022 21:53

I've just Googled Ukrainian healthcare and it doesn't throw up glowing results. It is ranked very low down the list in terms of best healthcare whereas the UK is around 10 to 16. I suspect we were a lot higher before we were having to deal with uncontrolled immigration.

I suspect we were a lot higher before having to deal with a Tory government.

OP posts:
eekyeeky · 23/07/2022 22:15

surely