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Original poster

DD1s boyfriend helping himself to food

235 replies

FlamingGalar · 23/07/2022 16:25

DD1 has a lovely boyfriend who has become like part of the family. We really do want to make him feel welcome in our house and he’s been away on holidays with us etc. however when he comes round, which is a good 4 times a week at least, he constantly has his head in the fridge, freezer or food cupboards and helps himself to whatever he fancies. I have asked him not to eat certain things he’s pulled out of the fridge as it’s earmarked for for dinner etc, but to be honest I would rather he just ask before rifling through the food stores!

He clearly feels very at home here, which I’m pleased about, but I do find it irritating that he helps himself to things without asking first. For example, on the weekly shop I buy a few pizzas for standby teas if one of the kids needs something on the hop or I can’t be bothered to cook. For the past few weeks he’s eaten every one of these ‘standby’ pizzas! More annoyingly he eats a whole large pizza here then goes home for a full meal there too. I grew up with brothers so I know how much food a teenage boy can put away but I do feel slightly put out that he seems to think he has carte blanche on anything we have in the house. Crisps, drinks, cereal, toast etc I have absolutely no problem with him (or any of dds friends) helping themselves to, but whole meals feels a bit much. Am I being stingy about this? Is this just part and parcel of having teens around the house?

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 23/07/2022 21:01

I don't think it is huge deal if you cann afford it. Maybe he thinks the pizzas are there for that purpose not reallly a meal, it depends their size and brand etc. My DS helped himself with his friends to some pizzas in the freezer, it is not dinner reallly so he knows that. My teenage DS helps himself as he is hungry frequently so making sandwiches etc as otherwise I would be up nd down like a yo yo.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 23/07/2022 21:03

Bollocks989 · 23/07/2022 20:02

Aldi pizzas <€1, stock up?

Why the hell should she stock up for someone else’s kid?

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 23/07/2022 21:07

Goldenbear · 23/07/2022 21:01

I don't think it is huge deal if you cann afford it. Maybe he thinks the pizzas are there for that purpose not reallly a meal, it depends their size and brand etc. My DS helped himself with his friends to some pizzas in the freezer, it is not dinner reallly so he knows that. My teenage DS helps himself as he is hungry frequently so making sandwiches etc as otherwise I would be up nd down like a yo yo.

What exactly are pizzas then if they aren’t a meal? Oh, I know, they’re a small snack for your 6’, rugby playing, hollow legged MN cliché teen boys aren’t they 🙄.

Meanwhile in the real world, pizza is a perfectly normal dinner.

Gwenhwyfar · 23/07/2022 21:13

"Bloody hell I wouldn’t have even helped myself to so much as a biscuit at a friend’s house"

It's a boyfriend who is there four times a week.

tootiredforanything · 23/07/2022 21:17

That would really annoy me! It's so rude!

Out of interest, does he clear up after himself and wash up what he's used?

Thepossibility · 23/07/2022 21:18

BlodynGwyn · 23/07/2022 18:21

My daughter-in-law does this. My son stopped her from cooking and eating large items such as the frozen pizzas though.

I know when she's been been here because she tracks mud in and leaves crumbs. Sometimes I think I'm alone in the house, then I hear munching coming from the pantry. She goes in there to snack, turning off the light so I can't see her through the frosted glass pantry door.

One day I was really looking forward to sitting down with a nice cup of tea and the last chocolate biscuit. When my tea was made I discovered she'd come in sometime earlier and eaten the last chocolate biscuit!

My husband and I hide the goodies we don't want her to eat, but my god the girl seems to sniff them out.

She doesn't live here.

That is bizarre! Hiding in the pantry eating your stuff like a mouse!

madasawethen · 23/07/2022 21:22

Pandagirl71 · 23/07/2022 18:21

I had similar recently and now stock up with cheaper shops own cereal and bread, beans eggs and bacon. Dd bf stays most days as I have my GS living here. He eats at his but comes here starving! my rule is that if they use the last egg / drop of milk they need to let me know or go to the shop and replace it.

Sounds like he's old enough to be shopping and bringing his own groceries with him.

Goldenbear · 23/07/2022 21:28

The £2 pizzas in the freezer aren't really a dinner for my son. He is no rugby player , plays football, hangs out with friends all of the time, sometimes they have walked around so much they have walked 30,000 steps in one day, messed around at the beach (much to my despair), yes they are very active and yes much as it seems to bring out the professionally offended my 15 year old is pretty skinny and can eat tons. It certainly isn't a cliche as he is not a sedentary teenager playing non stop computer games and he wouldn't be full on a £2 pizza he had with maybe a friend or 2 at 4pm until the next morning! I mean imagine that teenagers that eat alot, I was a teen in the 90s and it was same for.mee.ann my brother and our peers, hardly novel!

Goldenbear · 23/07/2022 21:30

Plus I can't stand pizza so it is not a dinner in our house- no!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/07/2022 21:37

You're sending confusing messages.

You want him to 'feel at home'. Surely if he was at home he would be able to help himself?

You need to talk to DD AND him about boundaries and perhaps contributing to the budget. And re-think the 'feeling at home' thing. Being a guest in someone else's home is very different.

woolwinder · 23/07/2022 21:37

This is just plain taking the piss. If it happened in my house, it would happen exactly once, because he'd be informed that it wasn't acceptable.

woolwinder · 23/07/2022 21:38

Frozen pizzas are so unhealthy. I'd be worrying about his salt and fat levels.

Heresince2006 · 23/07/2022 21:40

woolwinder · 23/07/2022 21:38

Frozen pizzas are so unhealthy. I'd be worrying about his salt and fat levels.

I wouldn't, because he's not my child.

autienotnaughty · 23/07/2022 21:48

I'd say "don't mind you getting snacks but could your check before having pizza etc as it may be planned for tea

Ragwort · 23/07/2022 21:58

That is so rude, I have a 21 year old DS and would be furious if he behaved like this.

But I do think (& this is going to make me sound very old fashioned) that there is a tendency to enable our teenage/adult DC's friends just feel 'too comfortable' in our homes - there are so many threads on here about BFs & GFs sleeping over and just moving in by stealth and parents don't feel they can 'offend' their DC by saying anything Hmm.

Triffid1 · 23/07/2022 22:19

I don't understand why if you feel he is part of the family you are nit treating him as such? So if dd or any other teenagers who were your children did that - what woukd you say? I assume you'd be a bit annoyed and tell them not to eat "proper" food without asking. So do the same.

My parents were very hospitable and my siblings and I all had friends and boyfriends/girlfriends over all the time. They were treated as family. As such, they were expected to chip in with chores, make tea for everyone if they were making for themselves, eat appropriate snacks and, if they behaved badly, be told off exactly as we were.

To this day there are any number of adults who can still wander into my parents house and casually make tea (for everyone) and slip into their traditional roles - "beth" always lays the table, "dave" is in charge of drying up (while whining) etc. It's quite entertaining actually.

PinkSyCo · 23/07/2022 22:36

Gwenhwyfar · 23/07/2022 21:13

"Bloody hell I wouldn’t have even helped myself to so much as a biscuit at a friend’s house"

It's a boyfriend who is there four times a week.

Maybe he should start paying rent then as well as buy his own food then. 🤷🏻‍♀️

DivorcedAndDelighted · 23/07/2022 22:43

Triffid1 · 23/07/2022 22:19

I don't understand why if you feel he is part of the family you are nit treating him as such? So if dd or any other teenagers who were your children did that - what woukd you say? I assume you'd be a bit annoyed and tell them not to eat "proper" food without asking. So do the same.

My parents were very hospitable and my siblings and I all had friends and boyfriends/girlfriends over all the time. They were treated as family. As such, they were expected to chip in with chores, make tea for everyone if they were making for themselves, eat appropriate snacks and, if they behaved badly, be told off exactly as we were.

To this day there are any number of adults who can still wander into my parents house and casually make tea (for everyone) and slip into their traditional roles - "beth" always lays the table, "dave" is in charge of drying up (while whining) etc. It's quite entertaining actually.

@Triffid1 is right - if he acts like he's part of the family, he can be told like he's part of the family. I love the sound of your family home Triffid1!

Triffid1 · 23/07/2022 22:47

DivorcedAndDelighted · 23/07/2022 22:43

@Triffid1 is right - if he acts like he's part of the family, he can be told like he's part of the family. I love the sound of your family home Triffid1!

Show quote history

Thanks. Even as a bratty teenager I appreciated how hospitable my parents were. I have tried to replicate and I think its working. The telling off if they behave badly is always a shock to the dc's friends but I notice that we are nonetheless becoming something of a central hub anyway.....

Heresince2006 · 23/07/2022 23:07

Same here, @Triffid1. My DC's friends are treated exactly as they are, including the jobs and tellings-off. My closest friends have the same relationship with my DC.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2022 23:15

woolwinder · 23/07/2022 21:38

Frozen pizzas are so unhealthy. I'd be worrying about his salt and fat levels.

@woolwinder

why? He’s not her kid to worry about. Plus she’s not giving him the pizzas. He’s taking them

Stigsmother · 23/07/2022 23:21

I don't he is intentionally being rude, he obviously feels at home with you and is a bit thoughtless, so typical teenager.
Could you say something like "I'm going to have to start charging you board, you're eating us out of house and home" with a grin so that he doesn't feel too told off?

VestaTilley · 24/07/2022 00:29

It’s very rude - but you should tell him to stop. It may be the norm in his house that you just raid the fridge.

Tell him he’s welcome in your home, but food is served at family mealtimes and nobody (including your own DC) can just raid the fridge/freezer. Make the tone nice and friendly, as he’ll probably be embarrassed and not realise it’s an issue - but be firm.

If he doesn’t comply pack him off back to his own parents!

EmeraldShamrock1 · 24/07/2022 00:39

I hate this.

I would never poke my nose through someone else's fridge.

PikachuAndMe · 24/07/2022 00:57

He is rude to take and cook food without asking first. I would talk to him and tell him to ask first but he is very welcome to buy some food to put in the fridge/freezer that he can help himself to.