That this really pisses me off every single day?

[JimmyHillsChin]

When my DH and I first got together, he used to text me when I was in work to ask what knickers I was wearing. Back then, in the honeymoon phase it was quite sexy and I’d reply telling him. Fast forward ten years; we’re now married and have two young DCs. The underwear thing lost it’s novelty for me about 9.5 years ago but he still asks me. I hate it, he knows I hate it, but he still asks. We’re in our 40s FFS!! So AIBU and this is just a harmless little thing and I shouldn’t let it wind me up or AINBU and I’m justified in it being annoying?

If you think being asked what underwear you have on, in front of your children, fun, you might be the one with the problem here. That’s not flirting and if you think it is, ooof I feel so bad for you. Flirting by asking the same question every thing day is boring too FYI, probably why OP is clearly fed up

Presumably your DP wants to dance for you and you want to watch? Consent is import. This isn’t happening here. Not sure what’s boring about consent.

Would you still ask your DP to do the underwear dance after she has been asking you for 9 years to please stop asking? Would you still shove your tongue in her mouth even though you know she doesn’t like it?

I know you won’t be back, but think about it.

If you think that a woman is boring if she doesn't want to converse with her husband every day about her knickers, you're pathetically narrow minded. Not everybody likes the same things as you; do you think they need to to be a fun person?

OP has said she doesn't like it. He continues, regardless. That's disrespect.

Is it boring to be upset about being disrespected? How would you feel if your partner did something every day when you'd told her you didn't like it? Would you feel... boring?

You are not being unreasonable op. Who are all these people that think it is sweet and keeping the magic alive? Doing the same thing on a daily or weekly basis is the complete opposite, it is utterly mundane and repetitive and is killing the magic!

Does he think he is funny? There is also a big difference between showing affection and some mild flirting in front of kids and being a perv in front of kids which is what this feels like.

And then the 'tongues in' kissing....again nothing wrong with that but to be so prescriptive and we must do it like that is not very spontaneous or exciting. As lots of pp have said it's all a bit off putting.

Do you love him / want to make it work? I think you need to make some clear boundaries and be prepared to leave if he doesn't listen. Tell him that you don't want him being inappropriate in front of the kids. Tell him he needs to change up his act a bit and you won't be dictated when to kiss with tongues any more. If he can't handle that then you probably know what you need to do.

Why are the two options:

OP gets asked about her underwear daily for 9.5 years, so roughly three and a half thousand times.

OR

Lasagne.

He's asking you about your underwear in front of your children and makes you let him put his tongue in your mouth even though you don't like it?

Not normal, bordering on sexual abuse. Does he do other stuff sexually you're not comfortable with? Push your boundaries in other ways?

This made me chuckle! Bless him, he is trying to spice things up but I would find it slightly annoying after so many years!

Your updates have makes me gip a little. Gross

Not being allowed sexual boundaries
Or
lasagne

Lasagne please!

😂
I bet it's jar ragu too.

This marriage is dead. Someone needs to tell the hubby.

Ew he's asking what knickers you have on Infront of the kids that's revolting 🤢 that's really out of order and I can't believe you put up with it. Regarding the text messages you know you can just ignore right? You don't have to keep respond describing your pants if you don't want to 🤷

He sounds vile, but you do seem to be allowing him to continue.

Do you think he'll listen this time?

One of hundreds of things he does? You sound like you have the ick. Is the relationship at an end? Wanting to stick a fork in someone’s face pretty much tells me it is!

Asking you in front of the dc is particularly unpleasant.

Are you the husband?

Tell him Kenny from Purchasing ripped them off you during a fumble in the stationery cupboard and you can’t remember what colour they were.

What's an underwear dance?

OP he sounds grim. Does he also grab bits of your body and dry hump your leg?

Oops sorry didn’t RTFT. It’s not a text at work now, it’s at home, in front of the DC? 🤢🤮 He has no respect for you and your wishes OP. You say it’s a small thing but it symbolises a lot more than that. And that “tongues in” thing would make my vagina snap shut permanently.

Is he socially awkward - or just a controlling sex pest? Some men talk like this because they have low sexual confidence. It doesn’t make it right, but it’s better than being a controlling bully.

I’d blank him when he asked about your knickers. Walk away if possible. Wrt the kissing, I’d specifically tell him that that was a total turn-off and make sure he realised that by not responding to him at all physically.

Some men talk like this because they have low sexual confidence.

For years, when their partner has asked them not to repeatedly? Arsehole men talk like that because they don't like to hear no.

He must be very confident to ask her despite her asking him not to, for years, and continuing to do so in front of their children.

Some men talk like this because they have low sexual confidence. It doesn’t make it right, but it’s better than being a controlling bully.

What difference does it make to the OP?

Some men talk like this because they have low sexual confidence

She's specifically asked him, many times, over the course of years, not to ask her this one particular question. It's a direct request. Low sexual confidence doesn't make you deaf or incapable of following a simple instruction.

Why the need to let him off the hook? If a person tells their partner 'When you do x, it feels horrible for me', then a partner with any respect will simply stop doing it, or try to find a compromise, if stopping is hard. This guy blatantly and repeatedly ignores his partner's clearly stated feelings, and does what he wants. There's no 'poor him' scenario here. Whatever the cause of his disrespect for OP, he disrespects her.

He sounds utterly vile. Why are you tolerating this?

Please don't tell us he is a great dad - great dads don't make sexual comments about their DC mother in front of them. Really creepy and grim.

I had an ex like this. Although not a sexual thing he would when we were being introduced to new people make fun of the town I came from.
I repeatedly over and over and over told him not to do this. He continued. The cunt.
Just one of the ha ha so fucking funny things he used to do. Only a laugh, see.
Anyone with any emotional intelligence knows when their partner is amused by them and when it's just hurtful and or annoying.
My uncle continually teases my aunt but she's always smiling when he does it. That's the difference.

Just leave him OP. At best he's an annoying twat you can't stand the sight of any longer.

I told him. Yesterday! We haven’t spoken since.

Now, where’s re lasagne…? 🤣