Selling a horse- AIBU

[Raspberrycrumble]

Got a new horse 6 months ago. Not my first horse so I knew what to expect and I’m not a novice, but she’s been much harder work than originally expected. I’m not saying she was missold because the previous owners genuinely didn’t have these issues, but I’m getting a bit tired of it all now. Nothing awful or dangerous just low level naughtiness and as much as I’ve tried to tell myself otherwise, I feel like I need to be totally honest and say I just haven’t clicked with the horse in the way I hoped to. The dentist, farrier, physio, saddler and all the usuals have been out. The horse is fine, she’s just naughty and has lots of bad habits which I know can be fixed but that’s not what I was hoping for when I bought her and not what I paid for.

so my AIBU. Do I accept we just haven’t bonded and sell her on? I think if I persevere I’ll produce a really nice horse in the end, but I wasn’t looking to produce. I don’t want to quit and have everyone talk shit about me that I couldn’t cope with the horse- I absolutely can, I just don’t want to and it’s not what I paid for or wanted. And I know some people will say to give it longer and I know they’re right, but equally it’s been over 6 months now. Obviously behaviour changes and not ‘clicking’ is just part of the risk of buying, and I don’t want to give up or quit too early, but at what point do I just accept it’s not the horse for me.

sorry for rambling, a bit tired and fed up after yet another difficult week. Basically just looking for advice or reassurance from anyone who’s been in a similar situation!

Tricky. I think when you haven't clicked it's hard. Your post comes across like you are irritated by her, so not sure you'll ever make this work.

When you say she's low level naughty what is she doing?

You know you should have put this in the tack room, you are likely going to be roasted on here for the whole concept of selling a horse.

Yes I think you should, you obviously don't get on, maybe she doesn't like your yard or her new job, whatever. Find her a nice home with someone more suited and get yourself something you like that brings you happiness. It's meant to be fun, it's a hobby.

I had similar last year, in my case I was missold, super sharp unpredictable horse, tried everything and spent loads on her for six months then thought you know what, I am never going to enjoy this horse. Sent her to a schooling and sales livery, sold her to a teenager who fell off her the first time she tried her but didn't care and loved her anyway. I felt massive relief honestly.

She deserves to be loved by someone, faults and all, so sell her on.

I think you should sell her.

YABU for using the word 'naughty' to describe a horse. We ask so, so much of horses for our own benefit - not complying / trying to communicate their needs is not 'naughtiness'.

I'm confused, why is it wrong to sell horses?
Did some MN spend a bit too much weeping over "Black Beauty" when they were growing up or something?

I think you should sell as it has to be a partnership, but hope you can find her a good home x

Nope. I've sold on after 6 months. After a few weeks I'd say keep going (if not dangerous) but it costs as much to keep the wrong horse as the right one £££

Yep ask for this to be moved to tack room…
I personally think it’s too expensive and too time consuming to not enjoy. So I would sell.

Sell the horse op. And ignore the toxic gossip. If anyone pokes their unwanted noses in just tell them ‘it’s none of your business’ or ‘I didn’t ask for your opinion’. Imo there’s no shame in saying no, I couldn’t cope because it’s not what I wanted and not what I paid for.

Oh gosh I’m sorry I genuinely didn’t mean it to come across like I was irritated at her. I’m not at all! I genuinely love her so, so much and spend every minute I can with her- we get on so well but we just haven’t ‘clicked’. Was emotional thinking about selling her- spent last night giving her cuddles and reading her a storybook (she loves it before she goes to bed!) and keep thinking about how much I love her. She’s a fantastic horse but I’m not sure if we’re the right fit together (or maybe I’m just tired and stressed and overthinking it all!)

I know she’s happy with me and she has a great life, I’ve moved her to a different yard, she has fantastic turnout, wants for nothing and has a great life. I love her so so much, but if we haven’t clicked maybe I need to accept that even though she’s happy, she doesn’t click with me and would be happier with someone else? But it’s so hard to accept that because I love her to bits. I’m just rambling now!

I’m definitely irritated but NOT at her, she’s just a horse at the end of the day and its not her fault, I’m just irritated at myself because I can’t decide what to do.

If you haven't clicked, sell her on: I've done it before, and I'll do it again if I have to. Yes, selling is a PITA, but it can be done well, either through a good dealer or agent (depending on the value / ability of the horse, it's often better to use a dealer - they have much better networks) or the old-fashioned way.

What non-horsey people don't understand is that a horse, particularly a competition horse, isn't just a large hamster: you have to get on and enjoy doing your job together.

If, for whatever reason that doesn't happen, then what you effectively own is a very, VERY expensive field ornament, when both you and the animal would be happier going your separate ways.

It’s not. People get crazy over animal threads on mn, that’s mainly dog ones though. I think even unhorsey people can tell the difference between a working animal and a family pet that lives in the house. No one in their right minds would insist on keeping such a ridiculously expense animal that takes so much time and energy, when it was bought for a specific purpose that it can’t even fulfil.

The right horse costs as much to keep as the wrong one. In your shoes I’d sell, the right home will be out there somewhere.

How naughty is she? It took me around ten months to click with my boy and now you couldn't give me any money for him hes awesome

The fact you say shes not what you paid for raises alarm bells to me, horses aren't machines and no horse is going to be exactly as described or tried because you're different to the previous owner and environment

I think sell her, like others have said life is too short. It sounds like you would find her the right home. I think if you are honest with anyone that views her that is the main thing. Out of interest what is doing that is the issue?

Yes sell. I have had similar, kept the horse and it totally eroded my confidence.

Took me around 12 months to get mine, he was very aloof and shut down, but he'd be shipped from pillar to post as a youngster.

If you're not enjoying her, then I'd sell and keep looking, it's not a cheap hobby and you've got a fair idea of what you like and don't like by 6 months.

It's not in the best interests of the horse to keep her if she's getting more difficult with you and you're not able to correct her. It massively reduces her options for the future.

Either put out an entirely honest advert and hope for more suitable owner (or maybe even just a more suitable set up - some horses just thrive on very specific routines etc) and accept you will very likely not get what you paid for her (especially in the current economic climate)

Or shell out for a professional to come and spend some time either schooling the horse or hacking her out, or working with the pair of you.

@Raspberrycrumble can you articulate what the naughty behaviour is and what you’re irritated at?

I’d offer whoever you bought her from first refusal. They may not be interested but you never know. It can be upsetting if you’ve sold a horse to a good home and they sell on very quickly as you worry where the horse will end up.

You have to spend a lot of time with a horse. If you do not bond and genuinely like being with it, then there is little point having it. It happens - best for both of you to sell her on.

She's not the one for you. Just sell her on and let someone who adores her find her. The whole point of having horses is to enjoy them, and you're not enjoying her. Who cares what people say; are you really going to persist with a horse you actively dislike just because of what people might say? I've only ever had horses I enjoyed riding, but my sister wasn't so lucky and honestly, it's just not worth the having a horse you don't like. Find one you love and enjoy it!

From your update, as you seem very attached already, can I ask if you had her scoped for ulcers? I know, I know, someone always turns up and says this, and I wouldn't always recommend, but as it sounds like a difficult decision for you, if it was me I would do it as a last-chance thing to rule out, in order to make peace with my decision.

I sold a four-year old as I no longer had an instructor on hand to help and the wheels came off as I was overhorsed - it was so hard for me to do, but I do know it was the right thing. They are the other half of a partnership so I am sur they know when it's not working too. It doesn't do them any favours when we're struggling.

Sell her on for sure, and don't feel guilty about it either. I think it's a very common scenario - I know I've certainly been there.

I bought an absolutely lovely WB mare once - well educated, bred in the purple and a pleasure to handle. Just didn't click 🤷🏻‍♀️ Sold her and saw an ad online for a very green bitzer of a pony. It sounds ridiculous but I fell in love with him as soon as I saw that ad - I just knew he was for me. Did a 7 hour trip the next day to see pick him up and he turned out to be the best horse I've ever owned - an absolute gun of a dressage pony and I utterly adore him. Sometimes you just have to trust your gut!