Selling a horse- AIBU

[Raspberrycrumble]

Got a new horse 6 months ago. Not my first horse so I knew what to expect and I’m not a novice, but she’s been much harder work than originally expected. I’m not saying she was missold because the previous owners genuinely didn’t have these issues, but I’m getting a bit tired of it all now. Nothing awful or dangerous just low level naughtiness and as much as I’ve tried to tell myself otherwise, I feel like I need to be totally honest and say I just haven’t clicked with the horse in the way I hoped to. The dentist, farrier, physio, saddler and all the usuals have been out. The horse is fine, she’s just naughty and has lots of bad habits which I know can be fixed but that’s not what I was hoping for when I bought her and not what I paid for.

so my AIBU. Do I accept we just haven’t bonded and sell her on? I think if I persevere I’ll produce a really nice horse in the end, but I wasn’t looking to produce. I don’t want to quit and have everyone talk shit about me that I couldn’t cope with the horse- I absolutely can, I just don’t want to and it’s not what I paid for or wanted. And I know some people will say to give it longer and I know they’re right, but equally it’s been over 6 months now. Obviously behaviour changes and not ‘clicking’ is just part of the risk of buying, and I don’t want to give up or quit too early, but at what point do I just accept it’s not the horse for me.

sorry for rambling, a bit tired and fed up after yet another difficult week. Basically just looking for advice or reassurance from anyone who’s been in a similar situation!

Thanks so much for all the kind messages, I genuinely appreciate people taking the time to help me. Just wanted to post an update.

I have decided I will definitely sell her- for whatever reason we are just not getting on at all. Of course I’ll only sell her to someone experienced and I’ll disclose all her quirks. I’ve lost a lot of money through her value and on what I’ve spent trying to sort her but I don’t really care about that- she needs to go to someone who has more experience with green horses and they can bring out her full potential.

her behaviour is just getting worse with me and I’ve worked hard to build up my confidence after a nasty fall so I’m not going to let myself lose it again.

She’s such a star in so many ways but she can have such an attitude problem when she wants to and if she goes to someone more experienced than me then they’ll be able to produce a cracking horse from her. If she stays with me, she’s just going to keep walking over me and getting worse and I don’t want her to go from being quirky to being naughty to the point I get hurt. Absolutely no horse is worth breaking your neck for.

I’ve had horses before and I’m not a pony patter that lets their horse walk all over me, but for some reason she just takes the piss out of me no matter what. We just don’t click and that’s it. She doesn’t act up for other people it’s just me. I love her loads and I can tell in her own marish way she loves me too, but we’re not a good match at all.

Also, some people have got ridiculously uptight about the whole reading the horse a book thing. It’s a joke and literally takes 5 minutes, basically it’s me giving her a hug after her grooming and mucking out and doing her night routine. I started it when she was unsettled and she liked the sound of my voice, I’m not very good at just chatting about nothing so figured a little story would be a good way for her to hear my voice. It’s just a little jokey routine. It’s not serious. Stop taking it so personally. I forgot how rude critical the horse community can be sometimes!

thank you very much to everyone who offered advice and support x

Good for you. That's the right call.

Good luck. It’s so bloody hard parting with them.

I’m no push over but a horse I bought my daughter abused me daily.

I think you’ve made the right decision too. I hope you both find better, happy matches.

Thank you! I feel a lot better now that I’ve actually made the decision, I felt so indecisive about it all and it was the worst feeling not knowing what to do. I know now that I’m making the best decision for us both 👍

I know I posted ages ago but just wanted to post a quick update.

I was in denial to myself at how challenging my horse actually was. She was great fun and safe most of the time (completely bombproof on the roads etc) but she was challenging and quirky in other ways and I was losing my confidence quickly. I’ve had green and quirky horses before but she wasn’t sold to us as needing to learn groundwork or basic manners so I was annoyed at the seller as I hadn't wanted a project but that’s water under the bridge now. I loved her to bits but I realised I can’t keep losing more of my confidence and the behaviour was just getting worse, so I decided to sell her. I was honest with the seller (someone we know who works with challenging horses) about her behaviour and lost a significant amount of money (high 4 figures) on her but I knew she was going to a home where they would work with her and produce a really nice horse and that was the priority.

They spent a while working with her, and she’s now in a new home and is happy.

I have a new horse and am much happier too- I hadn’t realised how much of my confidence I had lost with her. I’m back out jumping and feeling a lot better about things now.

happy ending all round and I’m glad I made the decision for both of us 😊

Well done. I think that was definitely the right thing. Wishing you lots of fun with your new horse.

That was quick on the new horse purchase!

Thank you very much!

Yeah I was very fortunate to have a very good budget which opened a lot of doors, and I didn’t have to wait to sell my mare before buying my new horse. We actually knew the seller of my new horse as well so it all worked out well time-wise. It also meant that I could take my time and make sure my mare went to the best place possible for her even if it meant losing a lot of money compared to what I payed for her. X