To think if you borrow something you should return it?

[justawoman93]

Me and DH lent out a piece of equipment that cost us £100 to what I thought was a good friend.
The other day DH needed it to do a job, reliezed friend hadn't returned it. So I messaged her asking for it back to be told she had sold it saying she thought it was hers and didn't relieze it was our item. (She knew full well it was a loan I have texts of her asking to borrow it)

She hasn't offered the money for said item and simply starting complaining she's skint and has no money (don't we all right now)

AIBU to be very pissed off? I'm not even sure I want to remain friends with her now as she clearly doesn't respect our friendship enough or am I being a bit over the top?

I'm really disappointed as I don't usually lend out things unless I can trust said person and she's completely broken my trust but on the other hand she is going through a bit of a rough time right now so I feel guilty for being angry. We can't afford to replace the piece of equipment that's been sold either so now the job will have to wait a couple of months which again is something that needed to be done quite quickly.

I think it's worth it out of principle.
But actually before actually going to small claims I'd reply to her message, not acknowledging what she says about not having the money/going on holiday/ what she sold the item for, just saying 'As per the text conversation we had, it was a loan, not yours to sell. Can I have the £100 back within seven days, please, or I'll need to get small claims court involved.'

You would be able to claim the court fees on top. However, that’s not the point and won’t help your right now.

I would give her a deadline to return (or it’s replacement) by 5pm tomorrow or you will be reporting it as a theft.

Hell no. That’s terrible

Yeo I love this. Ask her to get you some sugar from the cupboard and swipe her phone when her back is turned.

I don’t understand. Why is it “not worth it” to pay £35 to get £65 back (and make a point of principle), when the alternative is to get zero back?

Maybe find a similar one on eBay and tell her to get it to replace yours. If refusal ... end friendship and never loan again

I haven't replied to her message I just can't be arsed

The universe has presented you with a golden opportunity to get rid of a user here like. Message her back, tell her never to contact you again. Job done.

I'd reply saying ai thought we were friends, you knew full well the item was mine, you've only had it 3 weeks, are you really prepared to throw away a friendship for £100?

Great minds think alike 😂

Cheeky mare. Report to the police as theft.

Don't steal from her.

I'd threaten her with the police. Ask her to replace the item or pay you the monety within x days or you'll report her.

Friendship is over anyway.

Well then you would be a thief! You can't just sell something that doesn't belong to you FFS

Hey OP if you win your claim she will have to pay the £35 fees back so you should be made whole for the full £100. I would threaten her with small claims as a last ditch effort even if you don't go through with it, it might give her a kick up the arse to give your money back if she doesn't want a CCJ on her credit record. At least try to squeeze as much money out of her as possible towards replacing your item even if its just £50 and then block and never speak to the nasty little theif again.

It's one thing someone saying they need to borrow £100 because they are on hard times and then struggle to pay you back, that I could forgive as I always go on the principle of only lending money I can afford to lose, plus they are being honest about needing the cash and putting their cards on the table. Its another to have a friend steal and sell my stuff, especially stuff I need to earn money myself. Cheeky bitch.

What was the item?

What did the initial texts say?

I find it hard to believe she "forgot" it wasn't hers after only three weeks...

I agree with one of the other posts - even if she repays you, the friendship is over and if she doesn’t repay you, the friendship is over.

It would be different if you gave it to her because you didn’t need it and said she could keep it.

I’ve had something similar about 5 years ago. I got an expensive skincare item from my parents and friend asked to borrow it for a couple of days before she purchased for herself as I recommended it to her. 3 days passed and I asked for it back and she kept ignoring me so next time I went to her house I just took it in my bag. I got a message from her moaning that I took the product back and we fell out over it because she wanted to keep it! Despite our original convo being her wanting to just try it for 2 days and said she’ll give it back to me. Sounds childish but we were only 20/21 at the time lol

Again another friend who borrowed a jacket that I needed back because I wanted to wear it on a city break. I found out she lent it to a friend! Got all funny with me when I was upset about it and I didn’t get it back in time

I think these things can just end a friendship when you realise people are disrespectful

I'm done being a mug!

Said with kindness as I hate confrontation - you're not done with being a mug if you let her off the hook that easily!

You reply and say "I understand that money might be tight but you have sold something we lent you as a favour, and we should not have to pay to replace it. You need to transfer XXX or buy a new model here this week".

Everyone saying that it's theft, call the police, go & steal something from your friend etc are being stereotypically Mumsnet hysterical. It's not theft - you freely lent it to her, whereas "swiping her phone behind her back" is most certainly theft. Forget taking her to court on principle - just learn from it and maybe choose better friends.

Absolutely shocking behaviour from your friend. When I read your title I assumed it was going to be a post about a friend asking you to come and collect your item and not having the manners to return it.

I would write off the money (in my head) and the friendship but I would need to have my say. I'd send a text.

"Selling my property is shocking behaviour, theft in fact. You knew we expected it back. You owe me the actual market value of that item so we can replace it. It's not our responsibility to fund your holiday. Our friendship is over. You have used me."

OP I would also like to know what the item was as clearly she did not need it as much as she said she did !
A hard lesson learned here.

see text messages that I have screen shot of you asking to borrow it a replacement item can be ordered from this shop and delivery to us next day. You have 7 days to return the item or replace with new else we will be reporting this to the police as theft

While I don't agree with the suggestions of swiping her phone, it is absolutely theft. You say yourself it was lent to her ie the expectation was that it would be returned.

Yeah, she's stolen from you. Personally I would now text her back and say, as you have stolen our X, please make good by replacing or returning the full value of the item.

For me, the friendship is over anyway. But I realise that some people might think I was harsh. But stealing from a friend is so low to me, then trying to guilt-trip you to let it go with the crap about the holiday just takes the biscuit.

I'm sorry, OP, I am afraid I don't think you'll get the money/item back.

Really ? You would borrow someone else's property and sell it? !
That's theft.

This was going to be my question. YANBU at all. My favourite approach with stuff like this is to pretend to assume everyone who’s done something terrible must’ve done it by accident. It works because they don’t want to contradict you and people want to live up to whatever compliments you give them. So I’d be saying “what a misunderstanding about the X (item borrowed) I know you wouldn’t have sold it if you’d remembered it was ours. Shall I buy a new one and you can transfer the amount or are you happy to pick up a new one and drop it round?”

No good deed goes unpunished, OP. I hope you bin this friendship forever.