To think if you borrow something you should return it?

[justawoman93]

Me and DH lent out a piece of equipment that cost us £100 to what I thought was a good friend.
The other day DH needed it to do a job, reliezed friend hadn't returned it. So I messaged her asking for it back to be told she had sold it saying she thought it was hers and didn't relieze it was our item. (She knew full well it was a loan I have texts of her asking to borrow it)

She hasn't offered the money for said item and simply starting complaining she's skint and has no money (don't we all right now)

AIBU to be very pissed off? I'm not even sure I want to remain friends with her now as she clearly doesn't respect our friendship enough or am I being a bit over the top?

I'm really disappointed as I don't usually lend out things unless I can trust said person and she's completely broken my trust but on the other hand she is going through a bit of a rough time right now so I feel guilty for being angry. We can't afford to replace the piece of equipment that's been sold either so now the job will have to wait a couple of months which again is something that needed to be done quite quickly.

If she can't afford the holiday after paying you then that's her problem. Send her back another message saying you need it asap and you'll be going to small claims court on Monday if no payment by then.

YANBU at all. She's a massive CF. Demand a replacement - or maybe borrow something of hers and sell it straight away?

And yes, replace the item or full cost of replacing not whatever she says she got for the item (could be lying about that too)

"If you don't make this right, that will have been the last favour you ever get from me."

Tell her that's her problem, not yours. She sold your item and if she doesn't give you the money, you'll involve the police. Your friendship is ruined anyway, don't try salvaging it. Threaten the cheeky bitch.

That's outrageous
I'd report that as a theft to police
They may simply log it with crime number

Regardless put in a claim to small claims court- use texts as evidence it was borrowed and include court costs

Send her a letter of intention to take to court and that she has 5 working days to return the item or to pay cost of re buying the item or you will take this matter to court to seek payment

For her to sell it in 3 weeks having borrowed it from you is outrageous
She is no friend

I'd give her a week to find the money and advise if not, we'll be going to the small claims court. There's enough proof to show its a loan, so she'd be made to pay. Don't just let this go, it's what she's banking on. If she is struggling with money, that's her problem. It's for her to find a way to give you the money for the item, the full amount you would need to buy it brand new again.

What? You would borrow an item off a friend and then sell it, telling them that you are skint and cannot, will not reimburse them?

I hope I don't know you in real life!

I think you need to decide what you are going to do. Will you go through small court claim or something else? For this you’ll need texts which support your claim so I won’t send her sarcastic replies just factual.

Also she's not 'struggling for money'
She's going on holiday
When I'm struggling for money I cut my cloth to what I have and don't go on holiday i don't steal from friends - i don't sell their belongings

Absolutely this friendship is over

Take her to court. Small claims court is at expensive and you can include court costs in your claim. Download the texts proving it was a loan and she asked to borrow it. She's relied saying she sold it , so you have plenty of evidence

If you do report to police do it 101 online. They will simply give you a crime ref number or say it is a civil matter , which helps with the evidence that you take to court. She'll end up owing you this money

Letter of intention to take to court first though - signed for delivery

You think it's fine? Are you the OP's cheeky friend?

Are you taking the piss! You sound horendous!

Trouble is small claims court is £35 so by the time I've done that I'll only get £65 back. It's not worth it.
I'm done with the friendship. I think that is the only way going forward.
She relied on me for quite a few things so she's shot herself in the foot. She was quite pushy at times but I always forgave her so this is probably a blessing in disguise.
I will buy the item again in a few months, and never ever lend out any of my things ever again. I'm done being a mug!

She needs to replace it.

I very much doubt she forgot that the item wasn't her item to sell.

I would be so angry about this. Please don't feel guilty about feeling angry. We're so conditioned to view anger as an unacceptable emotion, and supress it, but it isn't. Your anger is completely justified, so allow yourself to feel it.

Practically, there isn't much you can do, but it would be friendship over for me.

There is the absolute cheeky fuckery of the incident, but also broken trust, feelings of being used etc. I don't think there is a way back from this. Your "friend" has shown you her true colours, and you don't need that shit in your life. I'm sorry, I know it must feel so so shitty

I would be asking her when she will be replacing it. She's either taking the piss or she's given it to someone else and doesn't want to admit it. Certainly take this as a definite change in your friendship because she clearly doesn't respect you and can't be trusted.

I think I would probably turn up at her house for 'a cup of tea', and (runs for cover) 'borrow' an object of similar value and hold it hostage until she repays you. Yes, I do acknowledge the dodgy ethics (and illegal aspects) of this, but I'd just be way too furious.

So she borrowed an item because she didn't have one then 3 weeks later she sold it because she thought it was hers despite not having one in the first place? I'd demand a replacement then bin the friend.

Honestly, £35 is a hit I would be willing to take in this instance.

She is unbelievable.

@justawoman93

Having read your update
It's up to you if you take her to court - you can ask for court fees back too so out in a claim for £135 but a letter of intention to take her to court might get her to realise you are serious and she replaces item

As you said though she's costing you money, is a user so take this as a blessing that you'll save more than £100 in long term as this has pissed you off, enough that you will likely LC her and never ever lend her or give her money again.

Each time she asks- "no you still owe me £100 for item X that you stole and sold within 3 weeks of begging me to loan it to you. You can sort out your own problems as I'm done"

"I'm not in the slightest bit interested in (your financial issues) since you stole from me"

At some point in the near future she will want something and you have to respond using the word 'thief' - as that is what she is!

Don't let it slide for fear of being rude. She is one of life's takers. They ALL need to be told the truth!

Ask hger to replace it. She's a rubbish friend.

Also I'd take great pleasure in shutting door on her if she turned up at my house
"I don't think so" would be my reply when she says at the door that she's come round for a cup of coffee

Don't let her talk you round
Far better friends out there. This one will have another 40 years of stealing from you and wheedling money off of you if you let her get away with it

You would borrow something and then sell it? You're on a wind up aren't you?

She had stolen from you, to be able to go on holiday. There is no way I’d let it go. At least let her know it’s theft.