Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you borrow something you should return it?

375 replies

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:02

Me and DH lent out a piece of equipment that cost us £100 to what I thought was a good friend.
The other day DH needed it to do a job, reliezed friend hadn't returned it. So I messaged her asking for it back to be told she had sold it saying she thought it was hers and didn't relieze it was our item. (She knew full well it was a loan I have texts of her asking to borrow it)

She hasn't offered the money for said item and simply starting complaining she's skint and has no money (don't we all right now)

AIBU to be very pissed off? I'm not even sure I want to remain friends with her now as she clearly doesn't respect our friendship enough or am I being a bit over the top?

I'm really disappointed as I don't usually lend out things unless I can trust said person and she's completely broken my trust but on the other hand she is going through a bit of a rough time right now so I feel guilty for being angry. We can't afford to replace the piece of equipment that's been sold either so now the job will have to wait a couple of months which again is something that needed to be done quite quickly. AngrySad

OP posts:
GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 21/07/2022 08:43

I have a similar experience and wish I'd insisted on the police being involved rather than just breaking ties with the person.

If she doesn't immediately agree to replace then report the theft to the police. There's a chance she's not actually sold it yet and them turning up may scare her into giving it back.

The friendship is over, so it's not like calling the police will damage the relationship.

She's a thief and she deserves the consequences.

YukoandHiro · 21/07/2022 08:44

@Blaggertyjibbet That's not the same. Her friend had it for three weeks. THREE WEEKS. And didn't ask if she wanted it back before she sold it on.

InChocolateWeTrust · 21/07/2022 08:45

She is a thief. Ask for the money. Make it very clear that of course she'll need to return the item or replace it.

Shlomping1234 · 21/07/2022 08:47

Tell the CF to buy you another one. We're all skint right now and she had no right to sell someone else's property for her own financial gain.

Original poster
justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:48

She doesn't have the money as she's going on holiday and won't be able to afford it if she repays me and ALSO she sold the item for a lot less value than it's worth, it was a few months old and still held it's value. Bloody typical.
I haven't replied to her message I just can't be arsed.
I've done a lot for this "friend" when she was complaining everyone else wasn't bothering with her and this just shows why.
I will not be lending anything else out ever again. Sad why are people such fuckers?

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 21/07/2022 08:51

Id be sending a sarcastic reply back that she can afford a bloody holiday so she can't be that skint.

SwelegantParty · 21/07/2022 08:53

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:48

She doesn't have the money as she's going on holiday and won't be able to afford it if she repays me and ALSO she sold the item for a lot less value than it's worth, it was a few months old and still held it's value. Bloody typical.
I haven't replied to her message I just can't be arsed.
I've done a lot for this "friend" when she was complaining everyone else wasn't bothering with her and this just shows why.
I will not be lending anything else out ever again. Sad why are people such fuckers?

Take her to the small claims court. You've got written proof that it was a loan, she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Stomacharmeleon · 21/07/2022 08:54

So she is not skint then.... she is going on holiday and it's her priorities that are lacking.

Offer her a payment plan. I wouldn't let it go though. And once bitten twice shy- not lending her anything else!

Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 21/07/2022 08:56

Ask her for the money and why on sm. The friendship is dead anyway and people can see what she is like.

Meraas · 21/07/2022 08:56

Please dump this twat of a friend. Don’t even speak to her let alone give her the time of day or lend anything to her.

Don’t let her in your home. Actions have consequences.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 21/07/2022 08:58

Hell would freeze over before I'd let this go.

5foot5 · 21/07/2022 08:58

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:26

I've messaged her now asking for the money for the item, I've not been rude but just direct explaining I can't afford to replace it and unfortunately she's not the only one whose experiencing difficulties with money right now.

The worse thing is she's been round my home for cuppas since she's sold it, and not said a bloody word! I feel so used.

I'm very doubtful I'll get the money for the item back.

Even if she does give you the money she got from selling it then you might still be out of pocket. She probably doesn't know what you paid for it and may well have sold it for less. Or the price of a replacement item may now be more than you originally spent.

I think email her again saying on second thoughts here is a link to the item can she replace it ASAP or you will be taking the matter further.

Hopefully you will lose her as a friend. Who needs friends like that. Whatever "hard time" she is having doesn't make it alright to steal from people

Meraas · 21/07/2022 08:58

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:08

You'd sell your friends items after borrowing it for 3 weeks? What? ConfusedHmm

Show quote history

I think A580 is being tongue in cheek, as no one would think what your friend did is reasonable.

RedHelenB · 21/07/2022 08:59

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:08

She had it for three weeks and sold it. It's not like she had it for months on end.

You need to ask her to replace it.

Soubriquet · 21/07/2022 09:00

I know it doesn’t matter but are we talking an item worth £££ that she’s sold for ££?

Shes still a cheeky bitch. Especially with her holiday excuse

BordoisAgain · 21/07/2022 09:04

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:08

You'd sell your friends items after borrowing it for 3 weeks? What? ConfusedHmm

Show quote history

TBF you didn't seen to know if it was a reasonable thing to do... 🤷‍♀️

whatsthpoint · 21/07/2022 09:04

Soubriquet · 21/07/2022 09:00

I know it doesn’t matter but are we talking an item worth £££ that she’s sold for ££?

Shes still a cheeky bitch. Especially with her holiday excuse

It's in the first line of the OP

Gazelda · 21/07/2022 09:12

Your friendship will probably be over if you don't pursue this.
Your friendship will be over if you do pursue this.

So I'd keep asking and threatening further action (police/small claims).

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 21/07/2022 09:17

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:48

She doesn't have the money as she's going on holiday and won't be able to afford it if she repays me and ALSO she sold the item for a lot less value than it's worth, it was a few months old and still held it's value. Bloody typical.
I haven't replied to her message I just can't be arsed.
I've done a lot for this "friend" when she was complaining everyone else wasn't bothering with her and this just shows why.
I will not be lending anything else out ever again. Sad why are people such fuckers?

Not your problem - she shouldn't go round stealing things, and then be surprised when she's asked to pay for them.

You either get the thing back, she buys you another, or she gives you the money for a replacement. How she goes about any of those things is not your problem.

Give her a couple of days deadline or you go to the police.

If she can't afford her holiday then that's on her, not you. Serves her right.

KeyboardWarriorsUnite · 21/07/2022 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I can't believe people are actually taking you seriously 🤣

Have none of your ever before seen such an obvious 'YANBU' thread attract 'YABU' replies, just because, well, there really is only one right answer here?

Abraxan · 21/07/2022 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You'd seriously borrow someone's item and then sell it and keep the money, rather than returning said item to the friend?

Onlyhuman123 · 21/07/2022 09:18

Can't afford to pay you back for the stolen item but can afford to go on holiday? really?! Cheeky fuckery at its finest.

If she 'can't afford' to pay you in a lump sum, she can afford to pay you back on a monthly basis until the FULL value of the item is repaid.

Bloody outrageous...I don't know how some people bloody sleep at night!

Magicandspiders · 21/07/2022 09:19

Omg. She is unbelievable!!! Of course YANBU. I would ask her for the money and screenshot messages asking to borrow it. Explain how you need it for a job and tell her she is unacceptable.

ElegantlyTouched · 21/07/2022 09:20

Tell her she can give you what she got for it today and you'll expect the rest over the next two months.

LookItsMeAgain · 21/07/2022 09:22

The updated information that she is going on holiday makes me think that you should bring her to the small claims court or at the very least give her one final opportunity to replace the item (I wouldn't want the money at this stage, I'd be looking for a replacement of equal value and quality) or you will be taking her to court.
The friendship is over too.