To think if you borrow something you should return it?

[justawoman93]

Me and DH lent out a piece of equipment that cost us £100 to what I thought was a good friend.
The other day DH needed it to do a job, reliezed friend hadn't returned it. So I messaged her asking for it back to be told she had sold it saying she thought it was hers and didn't relieze it was our item. (She knew full well it was a loan I have texts of her asking to borrow it)

She hasn't offered the money for said item and simply starting complaining she's skint and has no money (don't we all right now)

AIBU to be very pissed off? I'm not even sure I want to remain friends with her now as she clearly doesn't respect our friendship enough or am I being a bit over the top?

I'm really disappointed as I don't usually lend out things unless I can trust said person and she's completely broken my trust but on the other hand she is going through a bit of a rough time right now so I feel guilty for being angry. We can't afford to replace the piece of equipment that's been sold either so now the job will have to wait a couple of months which again is something that needed to be done quite quickly.

Send her one last message , asking her never to contact you again , that the 'friendship' is over due to this theft of your property, and that she is lucky you haven't sought legal advice over this

Yes! Do this.

That's theft- your ex-friend deserves a visit to the small claims court.

You're well rid of that 'friend'. The sheer audacity!

It was a joke about the phone, FFS.

I'm sure someone will have said the same above, but I rather suspect that she "borrowed" it in order to sell it. No one forgets something is not theirs within with three weeks.

I honestly don’t know why I’m surprised, there are such entitled cheeky fuckers out there that it’s exactly why we don’t lend things. I feel that if we’ve found the money to buy something then so can they, tough shit. I once lent someone a pair of trainers and they never gave them back. In fact, I never saw the person again. I tell you what, I learnt my lesson as I had to wear my old ones (which the new ones had replaced) until I could afford replacements. Because of that experience, that’s why I don’t lend.

So sorry that’s happened to you.

Borrowing something and then selling it instead of returning it most certainly is theft.

Lending something to someone does not mean it is not still your property. Lending something to someone does not mean you have given them the right to sell it.

It is theft.

Whether the police will actually give a shit is another matter but the fact they will probably do fuck all does not mean selling something that does not belong to you is not theft.

You can't control what if anything the police will do but that does not mean you shouldn't tell the thief you intend to take it further.

Letter before action then small claims court if you have all the texts.

I'd be so stonkingly angry with her. The friendship is dead in the water anyway so send her screenshots of her messages and give her 48 hrs to replace the item or £100. Warn her if she doesn't do either of those you will start a small claim in the court. It's very easy to do online, I've unfortunately had to do it a couple of times.

Absolutely this.

What utter scum she is.

Spread the word and for goodness sake have nothing further to do with her again.

She must think you are some mug OP to have done this.

Learn from it.

First hint of pushy is a red flag in someone IMO.

Only read the first page but YA sooo NBU!!

My future BIL did this to me when he was 17 - it's only the fact that he was 17 and ended up being my BIL that means I still speak to him - asked to borrow my bass guitar and amp (which I had saved for for several years and were not cheap) for a 6th form music thing, when I asked for it back (via future DH), I was told he'd sold it. I saw neither the money (I doubt the silly little tosser knew the value of it and only got about £20) nor any direct apology or even acknowledgement of what he'd done.

That was 35 years ago. I'm still pissed at him. Not to his face, obvs, but if it hadn't been for the fact he's my husband's brother (and to be fair now I have my own 17 yr old I can see how dippy they are about this stuff), I'd have never spoken to him again...

Pretty much every family gathering, I have a brief seethe of "you owe me a guitar you arsehole " - and then I get over myself... 🤣

I thought the same.

I was so surprised at everyone jumping on it as if it was a serious response.

I mean, come on everyone, who asks what the OP has & thinks anyone is going to say YABU...?!

Really?

If she is going on holday she does have the money, she just wants to spend it on herself rather than pay her dues. The £100 should come out of her spending money and you need to tell her this.

If you want to show her you are not a mug, report her to the police via 101.

Shame her.

She is a thief.

You probably won’t have to go to small claims court. Just give her the deadline and say if she doesn’t meet it you will.

The threat alone will probably make her pay up. And grumble and bad mouth you, but that is going to happen anyway. If you have many mutual friends, I would give them a heads up in advance as this will get a bit messy.

so she’s sold it

where is the money for it

The small court claim fee is added to the value of the claim, plus interest. Agree though that I’d just drop the friend and not pursue legally. She’s an asshole!!

Tell her you want either the money to buy a new one, your own item back or an equivalent item.
That you have the texts to prove it and if she hasn't replaced the item by X date (give her a week) you are calling the police.

How can you forget you don't own an item when you have it 3 weeks? Tell her the actual words: you are a thief, you stole this off me. And see what her reaction is. And never lend her anything again.

Yabu. I think what your friend did was fine and I would probably do the same.

here's your friend, OP

This, just to teach her a lesson. Absolutely appalling behaviour.

YNBU She would have known it was your's. Nobody ask's to borrow something off someone then forgets it doesn't belong to them and sells it. That's theft. Go to the police. A family member went to the police when they never got something back. The police went to they're house and retrieved the items. She might have to pay you compensation.

I just won't lend anything out anymore. I had a family member break one of our Hoover's they had borrowed. A friend also borrowed my family railcard. I never got it back for months. You live and learn.

Thinking about it, could the police get the item back from the person she sold it to, on the grounds that she didn't own it therefore couldn't sell it? They do that with stolen cars, even when they were bought in good faith.

I would send one final text saying you are taking her to the small claims court. Put the willies up her! I couldn’t just let it slide if someone had done something so despicable to me. She’s a disgrace.

If you are not going to pursue this from a legal perspective I would be putting the word out there to any friends or acquaintances you have in common like don't lend anything to Anne as it will probably end up on ebay and you'll never see it again. Not much good to you but at least she won't be able to do the same to anyone else.