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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you borrow something you should return it?

375 replies

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:02

Me and DH lent out a piece of equipment that cost us £100 to what I thought was a good friend.
The other day DH needed it to do a job, reliezed friend hadn't returned it. So I messaged her asking for it back to be told she had sold it saying she thought it was hers and didn't relieze it was our item. (She knew full well it was a loan I have texts of her asking to borrow it)

She hasn't offered the money for said item and simply starting complaining she's skint and has no money (don't we all right now)

AIBU to be very pissed off? I'm not even sure I want to remain friends with her now as she clearly doesn't respect our friendship enough or am I being a bit over the top?

I'm really disappointed as I don't usually lend out things unless I can trust said person and she's completely broken my trust but on the other hand she is going through a bit of a rough time right now so I feel guilty for being angry. We can't afford to replace the piece of equipment that's been sold either so now the job will have to wait a couple of months which again is something that needed to be done quite quickly. AngrySad

OP posts:
BringBackBB · 21/07/2022 08:13

You need to let her know that she has a week to replace the item E you the money to buy a replacement.

Once she does that (she wont so once she doesn't do that) friendship is over.

TooHotToTangoToo · 21/07/2022 08:14

3 weeks! She's essentially stolen the item off you and sold it for profit. I'd be telling her to replace the item.... Wow she's no friend at all. Tbh I'd be seriously thinking of speaking to the police about it

999caffeineplease · 21/07/2022 08:14

I’d probably send her a link to the product online or tell her where she can pick one up with a message along the lines of

“No problem, mistakes happen. You’ll be able to pick up a replacement here. If you can get it before X date that’d be great as DH needs it to do Y”

Mally100 · 21/07/2022 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you the friend or the type who borrows and keeps? Did you not read the op properly where it's clear the op has lent it to her not gave it??

Piffle11 · 21/07/2022 08:18

A580Hojas is clearly trolling and best ignored.

Even if she'd had it three months I would expect her to remember where it had come from, and not sell it. If she'd had it three years and you hadn't mentioned it once, then maybe… But three weeks? Did she basically just want stuff to sell, and saw you as an easy touch?

I think you need to tell her you want replacing, although I don't think she will. Then you need to stop being friends with this person.

Cognacsoft · 21/07/2022 08:18

Is it a drill?
She probably always intended to sell it.
She’s no friend.

Blaggertyjibbet · 21/07/2022 08:21

This happened to me once. Someone offered me their car seat when I was pregnant with DD (as in, “I’ve got a car seat we don’t use anymore, would you like it?”) which wouldn’t have sold for more than 10 pounds on FB marketplace because it was so manky. I didn’t need anything nice because we didn’t have a car at the time, so it was for very occasional use only. We accepted the offer, washed the material several times to get the grub out, and it was fine.

Fast forward 2 years and an international move later, she emails and asks to have her carseat back because she is pregnant and needs it. Aside from the fact that 1) the seat was over 5 years old and had expired by then and 2) had already been on its last legs when she initially offered it to us (no mention of it being just a loan), she knew very well that we were living abroad and that it would be no mean feat to get her seat back to her without insane shipping costs. I hinted that it would be a challenge and she replied quite coldly saying that it had been a loan and that I would need to find a way. I bought her a new one on Amazon because it was cheaper than shipping and have never spoken to her again.

FawnFrenchieMum · 21/07/2022 08:21

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:08

She had it for three weeks and sold it. It's not like she had it for months on end.

Wow, this makes it a million times worse then the original bad OP! I was expected you to say. We lent it last year or something which would still not make you unreasonable but three weeks! FFS I’d be fuming.

MrsDamonSalvatore · 21/07/2022 08:21

She hasn’t borrowed it, she’s stolen it. That’s outright theft as no way she could have forgotten it was a just loan in 3 weeks. If someone did that to me the friendship would be completely over and I agree with a PP that it’s potentially a legal matter.

Clymene · 21/07/2022 08:24

She's stolen it basically

musicforthesoul · 21/07/2022 08:25

Tell her she needs to replace it now. 3 weeks is taking the piss. That's just theft. Friendship is going to be over either way.

Original poster
justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:26

I've messaged her now asking for the money for the item, I've not been rude but just direct explaining I can't afford to replace it and unfortunately she's not the only one whose experiencing difficulties with money right now.

The worse thing is she's been round my home for cuppas since she's sold it, and not said a bloody word! I feel so used.

I'm very doubtful I'll get the money for the item back.

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 21/07/2022 08:26

Send both her and her partner a message saying that you loaned (not gave) them this bit of equipment in good faith and you've now learned that they have sold your property without your permission and you now want your property to be replaced at their cost with one of equal quality (don't accept a cheaper version because you'll end up having to replace that too).

Then I'd cut them loose and not loan anything of value to anyone again.

Once bitten and all that.

ZekeZeke · 21/07/2022 08:32

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:11

Literately for 3 weeks.

I don't want to borrow the item off anyone else, I don't like borrowing off people kind of ironic when I lend my own things out. I feel so stupid. Friend was going on about their money troubles trying to gain sympathy I feel but I just have zero sympathy after this! I'm still annoyed and it's been over a day.

Show quote history

3 weeks! She is a CF.
I would tell her she had no right to sell it and want a replacement immediately.

DeanStockwelll · 21/07/2022 08:33

Your friend is a CF , there is no way she should of sold it and I wonder if she borrowed it just to sell on if she is as short of cash as she claims to be .

I would send her a screen shot of the text msgs between you both asking to BORROW it and a link to a replacement of a similar value .

@A580Hojas I am glad I am not your friend !

Lemonyfuckit · 21/07/2022 08:33

Outrageous! I'm really annoyed on your behalf.

TrashyPanda · 21/07/2022 08:35

That is outrageous.

sadly, I don’t think you will get anything from her.

id be dumping her, cos she is not a friend, she is a thief.

ClinkyMonkey · 21/07/2022 08:36

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:26

I've messaged her now asking for the money for the item, I've not been rude but just direct explaining I can't afford to replace it and unfortunately she's not the only one whose experiencing difficulties with money right now.

The worse thing is she's been round my home for cuppas since she's sold it, and not said a bloody word! I feel so used.

I'm very doubtful I'll get the money for the item back.

I think this is all you could have done in the circumstances. She clearly has no respect for you though, so I wouldn't hold my breath.

I can't believe she brazenly admitted selling the item. It would have been easier for her to lie and say she couldn't find it.

fishingpaintings · 21/07/2022 08:37

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:08

She had it for three weeks and sold it. It's not like she had it for months on end.

Three weeks? I thought it was going to be like a year... YADNBU!

I once lent a 'good' friend a book and when I asked for it back she told me she'd thrown it away without even asking if I wanted it back. This is the same friend who once charged me the princely sum of £2.50 when a wine glass I was sitting next to at a party of hers (not my drink! I was just next to it!) fell off the table and broke. I keep our friendship to a more minimal level now as clearly she values her own possessions much more than anybody else's and is also clearly a bit thoughtless with other peoples' stuff.

FOJN · 21/07/2022 08:38

The friendship is over so there is no need to be polite about any of it.

I would forward the relevant text to her which makes it clear the item was on loan, ask for the full cost of replacement and give her your bank details with a deadline to make payment by.

I would also be clear that what she had done is theft. I would not feel guilty about her money situation, she has stolen from you to profit off your kindness, do not reward this shitty behaviour with more kindness and understanding. If you have adequate evidence then I would tell her you will go to the police if she doesn't pay up.

She had the item for three weeks so I refuse to believe she mistakenly belonged to her or thought the item was hers to keep. Her selling the item as second hand and receiving payment commensurate with its condition is irrelevant, you will need to pay full price to replace the item new and so that is the amount she should give you.

WulyJmpr · 21/07/2022 08:39

Blaggertyjibbet · 21/07/2022 08:21

This happened to me once. Someone offered me their car seat when I was pregnant with DD (as in, “I’ve got a car seat we don’t use anymore, would you like it?”) which wouldn’t have sold for more than 10 pounds on FB marketplace because it was so manky. I didn’t need anything nice because we didn’t have a car at the time, so it was for very occasional use only. We accepted the offer, washed the material several times to get the grub out, and it was fine.

Fast forward 2 years and an international move later, she emails and asks to have her carseat back because she is pregnant and needs it. Aside from the fact that 1) the seat was over 5 years old and had expired by then and 2) had already been on its last legs when she initially offered it to us (no mention of it being just a loan), she knew very well that we were living abroad and that it would be no mean feat to get her seat back to her without insane shipping costs. I hinted that it would be a challenge and she replied quite coldly saying that it had been a loan and that I would need to find a way. I bought her a new one on Amazon because it was cheaper than shipping and have never spoken to her again.

This is not the OP's situation with her 'friend' at all.

Fuckitydoodah · 21/07/2022 08:39

Wow that's really bloody shady. Unfortunately, I very much doubt you'll see any money from her. She wouldn't be my friend anymore.

Soubriquet · 21/07/2022 08:40

Yeah you won’t be getting your money back, and your friendship will be over.

What a cheeky fucker

Keepingthingsinteresting · 21/07/2022 08:41

This reply has been deleted

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on what basis? She asked to borrow something and was allowed to do so- borrow = to be returned. You’re just being goady- did you get out of the wrong side of the bed?

OP, she’s a CF. Tell her you need it, a replacement or the money for a new one within a week then once you have it cool right off.

Plantstrees · 21/07/2022 08:42

My sister did this to me. Twenty years later I still feel angry about it. YANBU.