Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you borrow something you should return it?

375 replies

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 08:02

Me and DH lent out a piece of equipment that cost us £100 to what I thought was a good friend.
The other day DH needed it to do a job, reliezed friend hadn't returned it. So I messaged her asking for it back to be told she had sold it saying she thought it was hers and didn't relieze it was our item. (She knew full well it was a loan I have texts of her asking to borrow it)

She hasn't offered the money for said item and simply starting complaining she's skint and has no money (don't we all right now)

AIBU to be very pissed off? I'm not even sure I want to remain friends with her now as she clearly doesn't respect our friendship enough or am I being a bit over the top?

I'm really disappointed as I don't usually lend out things unless I can trust said person and she's completely broken my trust but on the other hand she is going through a bit of a rough time right now so I feel guilty for being angry. We can't afford to replace the piece of equipment that's been sold either so now the job will have to wait a couple of months which again is something that needed to be done quite quickly. AngrySad

OP posts:
SapphireSeptember · 21/07/2022 14:31

fishingpaintings · 21/07/2022 08:37

Three weeks? I thought it was going to be like a year... YADNBU!

I once lent a 'good' friend a book and when I asked for it back she told me she'd thrown it away without even asking if I wanted it back. This is the same friend who once charged me the princely sum of £2.50 when a wine glass I was sitting next to at a party of hers (not my drink! I was just next to it!) fell off the table and broke. I keep our friendship to a more minimal level now as clearly she values her own possessions much more than anybody else's and is also clearly a bit thoughtless with other peoples' stuff.

Show quote history

Don't tell me you paid for it? Did you not charge her for throwing away your book? Shock

AdoraBell · 21/07/2022 14:38

YANBU OP definitely ask her too replace it as others have said.

Years ago, about 25 years, I was reading a book that DH had bought. FIL wanted borrow it and as I was only halfway through it DH asked if I would mind lending it. I said okay, I’ll finish reading it after FIL. 2 years later DH for it and FIL said “no, I haven’t read it yet”

He has never returned it and DH is still
annoyed about it (which was FIL’s intention, he is an abusive bully)

P205 · 21/07/2022 14:41

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 09:39

Trouble is small claims court is £35 so by the time I've done that I'll only get £65 back. It's not worth it.
I'm done with the friendship. I think that is the only way going forward.
She relied on me for quite a few things so she's shot herself in the foot. She was quite pushy at times but I always forgave her so this is probably a blessing in disguise.
I will buy the item again in a few months, and never ever lend out any of my things ever again. I'm done being a mug!

I think this is the right thing to do. The friendship is over. You won't see your money. Just draw a line under the whole thing. I'm sorry she turned out to be a bad friend.

Cheeseandlobster · 21/07/2022 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wow. Your user name should be cfThief as that is what you are.

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/07/2022 14:54

Alternatively.. go quiet, pop back up in a couple of weeks (I mean, thats how long it takes her to forget significant information), ask to borrow her car, take car..

Then wait for her to ask for it back and text back 'oh sorry, I sold it'... and then.. just wait :D

jeaux90 · 21/07/2022 14:59

I don't believe she sold it. It's feels really unlikely.

Bollindger · 21/07/2022 15:01

Tell your friends she needs to contact whom ever got the item, tell them it is a stolen item, it has been reported to the police and can they please return it and she will refund them otherwise the police will be in contact with them as the buyers.

Fraaahnces · 21/07/2022 15:15

So she’s paying for her trip with the proceeds of the sale of your property. I would insist that she isn’t entitled to go. Stop falling for her “Poor Me” Bullshit.

Whataplanker · 21/07/2022 15:26

If she'd borrowed it ages ago and it had been shoved in the corner of the garage or something, I can understand how she might have forgotten where it originally came from and sold it (not saying this is right but can see how it could possibly happen). Having only borrowed it three weeks ago tells me she did it with the intention of selling the item for holiday spends, hoping you wouldn't ask fir it back for ages, by which point she'd be able to pay you back. Her plan has backfired and, like most CFs, she's relying on you being too polite/not bothered enough to take it further.

Davros · 21/07/2022 15:33

I know it doesn't solve the shitty friend and sold item problem, but do you have a "Library of Things" locally? Ours lends items like pressure washers, electric drills etc all in good condition

Ragruggers · 21/07/2022 15:41

I have used the small claims court.We were refunded the costs well the guilty party paid it through the court.Also interest added.So I would do it just to prove a point and teach her a lesson that you are not a pushover.Could you find another similar item on Marketplace?

lindyloo57 · 21/07/2022 15:46

As incompleteSenten said.

RoastingMarshmallow · 21/07/2022 15:49

I would tell her you need the money back by a set date or will take her to court. You'd win at court and the threat would probably be enough to get your money.

BMW6 · 21/07/2022 15:53

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 21/07/2022 10:48

I'm sure someone will have said the same above, but I rather suspect that she "borrowed" it in order to sell it. No one forgets something is not theirs within with three weeks.

I thought the same. She borrowed it so she could sell and raise funds for the holiday

Thinkingblonde · 21/07/2022 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

So you’d steal from your friend?

Meraas · 21/07/2022 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OMG what did you do 😂

40+ people have quoted you now.

Original poster
justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 16:30

Just another update... I went round to hers and knocked. Her DC were at the window so I knew she was in.
She refused to answer the door so instead of kicking off in front of her DC as it's not their fault their mum is a thieving CF.
I texted her and told her that I want nothing more to do with her that it's no surprise people are dropping her like flies with an attitude oh poor me me me and she can shove the piece of equipment she "BORROWED" where the sun don't shine.

Not very mature of me I know but I'm still furious.

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 21/07/2022 16:36

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 16:30

Just another update... I went round to hers and knocked. Her DC were at the window so I knew she was in.
She refused to answer the door so instead of kicking off in front of her DC as it's not their fault their mum is a thieving CF.
I texted her and told her that I want nothing more to do with her that it's no surprise people are dropping her like flies with an attitude oh poor me me me and she can shove the piece of equipment she "BORROWED" where the sun don't shine.

Not very mature of me I know but I'm still furious.

Phew!! I know you're still furious (rightly so) but I bet you got that off your chest! As her reputation as a CF and a thief gets more widely known - by her own actions - the number of people wanting to associate with her will decrease. Again, rightly so. 🌹

ddl1 · 21/07/2022 16:38

No, that's awful. If she thinks something that she asked to borrow is hers and sells it, then either she is really cognitively impaired in some way, or she is, to put it bluntly, a thief. Sadly, I suspect the latter, as if it were a genuine mistake, you'd have expected her to be horribly embarrassed.

Meraas · 21/07/2022 16:39

Well done OP! She won’t pay it but I’m sure that was cathartic for you and she now knows you see through her.

Imagine losing a good friend (as it sounds like you were a good friend to her) for £30 or whatever she got for the item.

LoveLarry · 21/07/2022 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Did you read the OP?

britneyisfree · 21/07/2022 16:45

Common thief!!!

You should do the small claims anyway even if you lose a bit from feed just to teach het there are consequences. I'd be fucking fuming.

billy1966 · 21/07/2022 16:48

justawoman93 · 21/07/2022 16:30

Just another update... I went round to hers and knocked. Her DC were at the window so I knew she was in.
She refused to answer the door so instead of kicking off in front of her DC as it's not their fault their mum is a thieving CF.
I texted her and told her that I want nothing more to do with her that it's no surprise people are dropping her like flies with an attitude oh poor me me me and she can shove the piece of equipment she "BORROWED" where the sun don't shine.

Not very mature of me I know but I'm still furious.

Good for you.

Also tell everyone you know mutally, that she borrowed and promptly sold your property AKA a thief and you will have nothing further to do with her.

On the off-chance that she gives you the cost of it, take it, but have nothing further to do with her.

She is a common thief.

You shouldn't want people like this near your family.

squarky · 21/07/2022 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Troll radar is going off.

Beautiful3 · 21/07/2022 16:57

I'm sorry, she borrowed something from you for 3 weeks. Thought she owned it, and sold it?! Wtf?! I'm literally speechless. That's awful. There's no way she forgot it was yours! She stole from you, like a crack addict. You could never, ever trust her again. That friendship would be dead to me.

Swipe left for the next trending thread