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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to expect a lift from the airport at 4am when someone is passing near my area?

238 replies

Lis1992 · 20/07/2022 22:51

Hi all. This is my first time posting so forgive me if it’s in the wrong place or I miss something! I’m just back from a vacation with a friend. We did 10 days at an all inclusive resort in Spain. For the entire trip (pretty much from the beginning) I got the vibe she didn’t want to be there. She complained about the sun, heat etc (it was Spain in July) and I understand that as it was hot of course. But she was annoyed when I wanted to enjoy some sun by the pool and read my books. So I offered to do stuff during the day and she’d snap and say no way how silly was that in the hottest part of the day etc. I asked her to rub sun cream on my back as I’d done for her and she’d sigh and roll her eyes etc that she had to go through the effort of moving to do so. In addition she had insisted on sharing a room for costs. She told that she didn’t snore. The reality was she snores horribly loudly. She fell asleep instantly and snored with unbearable volume for the whole night. I was chronically sleep deprived and it was really frustrating after paying so much for the trip.

I felt I was constantly accommodating her and she was doing the same back. I saw flash up on her phone when she was sitting beside me and she was texting her mom about me and said I was ‘too fussy and she didn’t like it’ and obviously lots more that I couldn’t see. She also slagged me off for not liking big crowds but she knew that before we went and I didn’t think she’d mock me for it as I had confided in her. She also snapped at me about a meal we had split the bill for , as she said her meal only cost whatever amount. I felt this was unfair as I’d been quite generous with buying us drinks etc on the holiday and hadn’t asked for anything back.

She had a lift home from the airport from her mom. the flight was very late (landed at 4am after a long delay). I waited with her in the terminal so she wouldn’t be standing alone. When her mother arrived she barely acknowledged me- no asking did you have a good trip, how was the flight etc. Instead of offering a lift as I live along their route home, I was left head towards taxis. As a woman at 4am with the steps of airport inky blank in darkness and deserted. I’d know her mother quite well but she was horribly cold to me and said : ‘you take care now’ in such a dismissive tone as though as I was somehow in the wrong.

I literally spent my holiday placating her and trying to help her enjoy it and cope better with the heat etc. So down I walked to my taxi with tears in my eyes. It’s hard to describe but nobody has ever made me feel that small before. To add insult to injury, they didn’t wait with me for a taxi even though I’d waited for her lift to arrive. There was no text from my friend at all to say did you get home safe. In the end I was waiting two hours for a taxi and it cost me just under 100 euro to get home. AIBU to think a lift home from the airport could have been offered to me?

I’d have given petrol money of course. Only last week I gave her a lovely gift for her bday (even though I got none for mine) and gave her mom a bottle of expensive wine for hosting the party too. I was never thanked for either gift. I just feel so upset over what’s happened and I actually blocked them both on what’s app as I’m just sickened by it all right now. Surely for her mom to treat me so horribly- she was telling lies that I wasn't being nice on the holiday or something? Whereas the opposite is true I was so nice and supportive of her needs as I hate conflict and didn’t want any tension. Sorry I’m going off topic! and I’m sorry if it’s too long it’s my first post!! Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

OP posts:
Topsyturveymam · 21/07/2022 11:55

You have to be such good friends with someone to go on holiday with someone.
I was persuaded into going away with someone at work. I got a sob story about no one else being available and if I don’t go with her - she can wouldn’t have a holiday.
it was awful. I remember her getting drunk and having a half hour rant at me at 2am while I put my head under the covers and pretended I was somewhere else. After that I told her I needed space and did my own thing for a few days. The barbed comments and shouting started again and I got an early flight home.
I’ve heard so many stories of the same.
You just have to make sure you know them well and they are easy going in future. Otherwise say no! x

SpiderVersed · 21/07/2022 12:05

@Blackberrybunnet has nailed it.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 21/07/2022 12:22

Bubble** absolutely, I guess they could.

I just think that as the third party arriving fresh I'd find it a automatic thing to enquire how they are getting home and whether we can drop off. I think even if OP had been foul to my daughter I'd still feel it important to get her home safe, their disagreement is separate. I mean, to decide she's been such a cow I wouldn't bother she would have had to do something pretty bloody awful.

Appreciate there is another side to this

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 21/07/2022 12:22

As in I appreciate that Grin

SpeckledlyHen · 21/07/2022 12:24

KeyErro · 20/07/2022 23:04

Did you ask for a lift back or were you just waiting for them to offer? Why did you wait if you were expecting to take a taxi?
I think you're judging the mum quite harshly, nobody wants a chat at 4am.
Sounds like you don't articulate your needs well then come across as bitter and resentful.
Didn't you discuss in advance how you'd be spending your days?

What a ridiculous thing to post. The OP lived en route to their destination, it was 4.00am in the morning and pretty unlikely for taxi's to be about. Any "normal" person would have just offered a lift. I wouldn't have asked for a lift but I know all of my friends would offer even if they had to go out of their way. As would I if someone was in that situation.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 21/07/2022 12:24

And as I mentioned my thought process is very much "if roles were reversed I'd hope she'd do it for my DD"

LargeBadSwanCollider · 21/07/2022 12:45

Understandable that you are so upset OP but this is definitely one to chalk up to experience. Holidays are definitely make or break experiences for relationships and friendships. Looking to the future chose very carefully who you go away with next time.
Holidays (like Christmas) are LOADED with expectations to have a lovely, relaxing and happy time. Add in the cost, heat, altered sleep patterns, dodgy food, insect bites etc and you’ve got the perfect recipe for frayed nerves and fallings-out.
This is why I would never in a million years go away with any of my friends on a long holiday because I wouldn’t want to put these relationships under such a strain. It’s hard enough going away with my husband and children.
I’m surprised you didn’t talk with you (now) ex-friend about how you were going to get home after landing. Note to self, talk about these things to avoid being left outside a taxi rank at 4am.
Your relationship has now come to its natural end. These things happen. Try not to stew over it anymore.

mam0918 · 21/07/2022 12:53

SpeckledlyHen · 21/07/2022 12:24

What a ridiculous thing to post. The OP lived en route to their destination, it was 4.00am in the morning and pretty unlikely for taxi's to be about. Any "normal" person would have just offered a lift. I wouldn't have asked for a lift but I know all of my friends would offer even if they had to go out of their way. As would I if someone was in that situation.

4am at an AIRPORT... I have travelled arriving at all hours between midnight and 6am (as its usually cheaper) all over and never once arrived to no taxis.

Unless they rode in on a private 3 seater to an airport in the cornfield near fuckall, nowhere then of COURSE there is taxis at a bloody airport + phones and numbers to call and specifically book taxis, most airports even have manned desk that will book you a taxi.

IVFPrayingForBioChild · 21/07/2022 12:57

This behaviour isn't new.
You've just acknowledged it now as the mother's actions were a blatant slap in your face and you couldn't ignore.

The bother and daughter have been poking and prodding you throughout this friendship I'll bet - the lack of thanks for the gifts for one.

The mother is a piece of crap - I don't think the daughter needs to have necessarily slagged you off.

What decent person leaves anyone they know stranded let alone a young woman at night?!!

An example - there was an absolute bit#h at school and once I bumped into her at the bus station late at night - my mum gave her a lift - honestly who leaves someone's daughter stranded - only scum.
I don't know why you blocked them - they won't bother getting in touch with you anyway.
Unblock and lose their numbers forever.

AbleCable · 21/07/2022 12:59

That sounds horrendous, sorry you had a miserable holiday, holidays should leave you feeling relaxed, not with a bitter aftertaste.
For future trips - I advise always booking your own room. Gives you both a chance to have a bit of space and a decent nights sleep. Anything more than a weekend, even with close friends, I need my own room.
People can be very odd about giving lifts, and it was the mother not your friend who had the car. But leaving you alone to wait was really not very nice.
Glad you're moving on from it and not wasting time trying to talk to her about it. Hope your next holiday works out better.

Bubblebubblebah · 21/07/2022 13:00

Why does everyone expect the other women to be so decisive and able to talk like adults (otherwise they are a scum, innit) and not OP?

starfishmummy · 21/07/2022 13:31

Holidays are definitely make or break experiences for relationships and friendships. Looking to the future chose very carefully who you go away with next time.

Absolutely! Although even with someone you thought you knew well it can be fraught!!

BugsInTheBed · 21/07/2022 13:53

Ops not posted for pages! I dont think we'll hear more. It was her first post as well I've just realised rereading.

Lis1992 · 21/07/2022 14:29

Thanks for the feedback all. Greatly appreciate it and some very kind voices on here. I’ve to catch up on reading some replies and I will definitely get to them all but thank you.

OP posts:
JenniferJareau · 21/07/2022 19:06

YABU

I think you need to look at your behaviour to understand why you are so upset. You say you waited with her so she 'wouldn’t be standing alone'. However if you hadn't been expecting a lift, you wouldn't have been walking to the taxi rank in tears. You expected they would offer a lift without you explicitly asking and they didn't. You seemed not to take into account the strife of the holiday itself.

knockyknees · 22/07/2022 00:22

I'd be very interested in hearing the friend's side of the story, as I don't think you're as lily white as you're making out here, OP.

That said, leaving you at the airport was a pretty shit thing to do. How did you both get to the airport on the day of departure?

Jccox0911 · 22/07/2022 01:30

I'm sorry but all I can think of is she will get back for what she has done to you. My gut is saying move on, but the bitch in me is saying confront them about the situation first, then move on. I hope you find a better friend.

InstaHun88 · 22/07/2022 01:44

Move on, holidaying with ‘friends’ can be too intense. Her mum is a red herring, her mum would have been told lots of exaggerated things so it makes sense. Part of the mistake was buying things and sharing a room. Next holiday with friends you each pay for what you consume and you book different rooms, you’re too old to be sharing a room.

Lis1992 · 24/07/2022 18:58

@fUNNYfACE36 No actually- I do drive. I didn’t drive to the airport because I don’t sleep well before flights and I’m responsible enough not to drive tired.

OP posts:
Testina · 24/07/2022 19:13

So how did you get to the airport, how did your friend get there, and what was both of your original plan to get back?

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/07/2022 19:28

Why didn’t you call your partner @Lis1992

assume you have one is thinking about pregnancy which is how you got onto mn in the first place

Lis1992 · 24/07/2022 20:06

@Blondeshavemorefun maybe you shouldn’t assume that a woman planning a pregnancy has a partner. Plenty of options in the modern world for single woman to have children.

OP posts:
Flutterbybudget · 24/07/2022 20:13

I did me one of those once
paid for a skint friend and her kids to share a caravan with me and mine for a week
just wow
i ended up as babysitter, laundry maid, night nurse and paid for the lot
and when I got home she was badmouthing me to everyone about me only taking her so I’d have a free babysitter 😳
chalk it up to experience and move on
seriously, nothing will change, she won’t be any nicer, or show any appreciation so best off without her

as for “AIBU to expect a lift”? Maybe a little, if you hadn’t asked - but there’s no way in hell would I have left any woman on her own at an airport at that time, friend or no friend.
but then again I’m the weirdo that picks strangers up when I see them struggling with shopping, or stuck in a broken down car on the side of the road
one day one of them will probably turn out to be a mass murderer but until then … I’ll keep doing “me”

lobsterkiller · 24/07/2022 20:20

They sound like a pair of twats. Chalk it up to experience, you've now seen the true side to them.

Next holiday, go on your own. I do and at least there's only me to please.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/07/2022 20:34

Indeed they are. So you are going solo then @Lis1992

my friend did that. Now has a 3 yr