AIBU to expect a lift from the airport at 4am when someone is passing near my area?

[Lis1992]

Hi all. This is my first time posting so forgive me if it’s in the wrong place or I miss something! I’m just back from a vacation with a friend. We did 10 days at an all inclusive resort in Spain. For the entire trip (pretty much from the beginning) I got the vibe she didn’t want to be there. She complained about the sun, heat etc (it was Spain in July) and I understand that as it was hot of course. But she was annoyed when I wanted to enjoy some sun by the pool and read my books. So I offered to do stuff during the day and she’d snap and say no way how silly was that in the hottest part of the day etc. I asked her to rub sun cream on my back as I’d done for her and she’d sigh and roll her eyes etc that she had to go through the effort of moving to do so. In addition she had insisted on sharing a room for costs. She told that she didn’t snore. The reality was she snores horribly loudly. She fell asleep instantly and snored with unbearable volume for the whole night. I was chronically sleep deprived and it was really frustrating after paying so much for the trip.

I felt I was constantly accommodating her and she was doing the same back. I saw flash up on her phone when she was sitting beside me and she was texting her mom about me and said I was ‘too fussy and she didn’t like it’ and obviously lots more that I couldn’t see. She also slagged me off for not liking big crowds but she knew that before we went and I didn’t think she’d mock me for it as I had confided in her. She also snapped at me about a meal we had split the bill for , as she said her meal only cost whatever amount. I felt this was unfair as I’d been quite generous with buying us drinks etc on the holiday and hadn’t asked for anything back.

She had a lift home from the airport from her mom. the flight was very late (landed at 4am after a long delay). I waited with her in the terminal so she wouldn’t be standing alone. When her mother arrived she barely acknowledged me- no asking did you have a good trip, how was the flight etc. Instead of offering a lift as I live along their route home, I was left head towards taxis. As a woman at 4am with the steps of airport inky blank in darkness and deserted. I’d know her mother quite well but she was horribly cold to me and said : ‘you take care now’ in such a dismissive tone as though as I was somehow in the wrong.

I literally spent my holiday placating her and trying to help her enjoy it and cope better with the heat etc. So down I walked to my taxi with tears in my eyes. It’s hard to describe but nobody has ever made me feel that small before. To add insult to injury, they didn’t wait with me for a taxi even though I’d waited for her lift to arrive. There was no text from my friend at all to say did you get home safe. In the end I was waiting two hours for a taxi and it cost me just under 100 euro to get home. AIBU to think a lift home from the airport could have been offered to me?

I’d have given petrol money of course. Only last week I gave her a lovely gift for her bday (even though I got none for mine) and gave her mom a bottle of expensive wine for hosting the party too. I was never thanked for either gift. I just feel so upset over what’s happened and I actually blocked them both on what’s app as I’m just sickened by it all right now. Surely for her mom to treat me so horribly- she was telling lies that I wasn't being nice on the holiday or something? Whereas the opposite is true I was so nice and supportive of her needs as I hate conflict and didn’t want any tension. Sorry I’m going off topic! and I’m sorry if it’s too long it’s my first post!! Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

YANBU. Don’t waste time ruminating on it. Learn from the experience and move on. Learn to be more assertive!

Sounds similar to an awful holiday I endured many years ago now. Ex friend was horribly self centred and passive aggressive. She wasn’t a good communicator and could never directly say what she wanted to, but expected me to guess and indulge her.

I’m hopeless at understanding vague hints so they won’t ever work on someone like me. If you want X to happen you have to be clear and direct.

It was crap that they left you at the airport but I don’t know why you didn’t ask your friend’s mum to give you a lift home? Even if she’d believed her daughter’s version of events, she would probably struggle to be rude enough to refuse. You gave them the easy way out.

Horrible experience for you OP.
I had something similar many years ago. Only it was my Aunt.
Takers always take from you, & complain too!
It was awful of the Mother to leave you alone at 4am regardless of whether she thought her Dd had had a good holiday or not. Very poor of them both (as your 'friend' had clearly been whining to her all week).
Leave them blocked. Hold your head up. Move on.

This is really vile behaviour on the part of your friend and her Mum, even if the holiday had been a disaster and you’d both been a nightmare to each other (I know that’s not the case), the very least her mother could do is make sure you were home safe. It’s basic human decency. Her mother has colluded with her childish behaviour and they’ve drawn a line in the sand now that can’t be erased.

Its time to de-escalate this friendship now and not plan to do anything with this woman again.

I’m 36 and if I’d arranged a lift home from the airport from one of my parents they’d have both told me my name with knobs on if I’d suggested leaving a friend at the airport over something as trivial as this.

I agree to a degree. However as someone who is usually pretty assertive I can see how easy it could be to clam up on this scenario ... simmering tension from friend throughout the holiday, feeling paranoid at message exchanges, knackered from journey and delay then the anticipated that any minute a lift will be offered and not wanting to appear cheeky by asking first. Those factors would make me feel awkward about asking.

So I think I'd err on the side of caution and say most non twatty types would offer coz it's the decent thing to do.

I appreciate many wouldn't get anxious in this situation and just ask though.

But yes absolutely lifts there/back are one if the first items I'd clarify as soon as possible, ideally as soon as everything is booked. But I'm a control freak like that

I think that there’s a lot more to this than what OP has said.
it sounds like you’re very presumptuous and judgemental when things don’t go your way OP.
I think it sounds like you assumed you’d get a lift home, which after a tetchy 10 days I don’t blame your friend for not offering.

The same would probably make the other side clamp up as well and make them feel awkward though.

Why would we expect one woman to feel so awkward so she can't say anything but not the others?

At 30 we are very much our own responsibility.

All the people asking why OP hadn't planned how to get home from the airport are missing the fact that the plane was heavily delayed. There were probably buses and trains running when the plane was originally due to land.

Yes but she knew there was a delay and they would not land as scheduled so OP should have been looking at options to get home. If there were none apart from taxi's, she should have asked her friend for a lift openly.

What I suspect happened is OP waited with her friend with the unspoken expectation that a lift be offered. However OP has underestimated how upset her friend had been on holiday, and a lift was not forthcoming - rightly or wrongly.

I would like to hear the other side of this story.

I dont know, this feels very one side of the story... some phrases like:

'trying to help her enjoy it' - actually sound quite controlling

and

'Whereas the opposite is true I was so nice and supportive of her needs' - litrally sounds like something a 'nice guy' would say

Maybe you didnt even do anything specifically 'wrong' but living with someone even for only a week or so can really bring the worst out in people and you two obviously weren't compatibable enough to survive a short period of time in a hot small space.

It seems you dont see what you did wrong at all, it seems they where irratated by your behavior to the snapping point of the friendship and regardless of who might be right the friendship is firmly over - time to move on.

How old are you @Lis1992 assume 30 if going by user name

if you are planning a baby assume there is a partner in the running

why didn’t you call them to
collect you

as I said previously what was your original plan to get home

Horrible friend, horrible experience for you. Bin her and move on, you don't need people like this in your life.

Like mother like daughter. I get that you both wanted different things on holiday and it didn't work out. But spending all day every day with one person, even someone you love can be tough going. It takes a bit of give take no matter who you are with. So the solution to this should be to just never go on holiday again with this person. For them to get nasty and leave you in the airport at 4am is unacceptable. I just couldn't do it and have a clear conscience. Just give them both a wide berth from here on out.

Agree. Reading between the lines it seems like they wanted to do different things, maybe the friend wanted to go out when the sun wasn't hot, but didn't have the confidence to do it on her own, and the OP refused a lot because she disliked crowds.

Did you not discuss with each other how you'd get home from the airport?
You just stood there at her collection point and said nothing. That's sort of odd.
You seem surprised to have to take a taxi but genuinely how else were you expecting to get home from an airport at 4am?

I wonder what did the friend say to the mother about the lift. I wonder did she tell her mother that you were being picked up by someone else and that you did not offer her a lift, It might explain the mother's behaviour at the airport.

In regards to the holiday it sounds like you had different expectations and just assumed the other person wanted to do the same and also regarding the sharing of bills.

You and @FOJN clearly haven't read the bit of the OP that said they arrived at 4am because the flight was delayed.

@saraclara it wasn’t the delayed time, but presumably the delay didn’t happen in the air. I know it can happen in the air, but it’s pretty unusual. Whilst they were both in the airport, they could have made new plans for the delay. Presumably it was never arranged that the mother would collect both, I suppose they were getting a train or something 🤷🏻‍♀️

Were they frostily ignoring each other, to such an extent that the other woman was texting her mum, “ugh - delay, will miss train, could you collect please?” whilst the OP didn’t lean over and say, “what shall we do? Will we need a taxi do you think?”

It’s just bizarre.

Perhaps there’s a parallel OP, “AIBU to be cross that my holiday friend never told me a taxi was an option for her? I’d have happily paid the 50 EUR share to save my mum coming out in the early hours, but by this point she just wasn’t even talking to me.”

Were they sat in stony silence all through the delay?!

Tbf to them if the mate managed, OP could have managed too. Depends on what was planned originally but if someone was supposed to pick OP up, OP could have ask them to come after actual arrival.
Delay doesn't mean you have no form of communication with anyone. You just need to see if the original person can come and message others if they can't

Are you very young op? And how quite can an airport be?

she doesnt sound very nice-how did you both get to the airport on the way out i wouldnt have left anyone like that but then i discuss these things before we go

It sounds to me that you have "martyr syndrome" - you won't be pro-active in resolving a negative situation, then you become all huffy when someone else doesn't do it for you. You could've solved the snoring issue by either buying earplugs or asking her to stay awake (read or something) until you fell asleep (usually only takes about 10 mins). You "waited with her" at airport but didn't ask for a lift, then huffed about it when it wasn't offered. You didn't remind her about the drinks when she complained about the meal bill. I'd have said something like "oh, I paid for x yesterday, so it all balances out in the end". You sound quite young - you will learn how to become more assertive without common. across as aggressive. Chalk this one up to experience.

How did you get through 10 nights with a noisy snorer?

After one night I'd have said "Oh you do know you snore quite loud - do you want me to give you a nudge or wake you"?
Probably worse if she'd been drinking and everything in the throat relaxes

I'd have lain there fantisising about gifting her a hefty kick in the back or put something sharp in her bed so she couldn't lie flat .

<Dliclaimer> my DH snores like a bloody pneumatatic drill , a prod with my bony finger and a Lie on your bloody side sorts it (for a while)
I haven't actually done anything but not a court in the land would convict me !

It wouldn't have been dark at 4am, I'm assuming this anecdote relates to a holiday taken some time ago?

And why didn't you just say 'drop me off on the way past my house, I'll give you petrol money' instead of being all martyred about it?

Really? If your ADULT daughter doesn't get along with someone on holiday, a common thing, you'd pick on the other person?

"why didn't you just say 'drop me off on the way past my house, I'll give you petrol money' instead of being all martyred about it?"

Probably because any normal person would offer and the lack of an offer was already a 'no'. No point asking in that case.