AIBU to expect a lift from the airport at 4am when someone is passing near my area?

[Lis1992]

Hi all. This is my first time posting so forgive me if it’s in the wrong place or I miss something! I’m just back from a vacation with a friend. We did 10 days at an all inclusive resort in Spain. For the entire trip (pretty much from the beginning) I got the vibe she didn’t want to be there. She complained about the sun, heat etc (it was Spain in July) and I understand that as it was hot of course. But she was annoyed when I wanted to enjoy some sun by the pool and read my books. So I offered to do stuff during the day and she’d snap and say no way how silly was that in the hottest part of the day etc. I asked her to rub sun cream on my back as I’d done for her and she’d sigh and roll her eyes etc that she had to go through the effort of moving to do so. In addition she had insisted on sharing a room for costs. She told that she didn’t snore. The reality was she snores horribly loudly. She fell asleep instantly and snored with unbearable volume for the whole night. I was chronically sleep deprived and it was really frustrating after paying so much for the trip.

I felt I was constantly accommodating her and she was doing the same back. I saw flash up on her phone when she was sitting beside me and she was texting her mom about me and said I was ‘too fussy and she didn’t like it’ and obviously lots more that I couldn’t see. She also slagged me off for not liking big crowds but she knew that before we went and I didn’t think she’d mock me for it as I had confided in her. She also snapped at me about a meal we had split the bill for , as she said her meal only cost whatever amount. I felt this was unfair as I’d been quite generous with buying us drinks etc on the holiday and hadn’t asked for anything back.

She had a lift home from the airport from her mom. the flight was very late (landed at 4am after a long delay). I waited with her in the terminal so she wouldn’t be standing alone. When her mother arrived she barely acknowledged me- no asking did you have a good trip, how was the flight etc. Instead of offering a lift as I live along their route home, I was left head towards taxis. As a woman at 4am with the steps of airport inky blank in darkness and deserted. I’d know her mother quite well but she was horribly cold to me and said : ‘you take care now’ in such a dismissive tone as though as I was somehow in the wrong.

I literally spent my holiday placating her and trying to help her enjoy it and cope better with the heat etc. So down I walked to my taxi with tears in my eyes. It’s hard to describe but nobody has ever made me feel that small before. To add insult to injury, they didn’t wait with me for a taxi even though I’d waited for her lift to arrive. There was no text from my friend at all to say did you get home safe. In the end I was waiting two hours for a taxi and it cost me just under 100 euro to get home. AIBU to think a lift home from the airport could have been offered to me?

I’d have given petrol money of course. Only last week I gave her a lovely gift for her bday (even though I got none for mine) and gave her mom a bottle of expensive wine for hosting the party too. I was never thanked for either gift. I just feel so upset over what’s happened and I actually blocked them both on what’s app as I’m just sickened by it all right now. Surely for her mom to treat me so horribly- she was telling lies that I wasn't being nice on the holiday or something? Whereas the opposite is true I was so nice and supportive of her needs as I hate conflict and didn’t want any tension. Sorry I’m going off topic! and I’m sorry if it’s too long it’s my first post!! Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

@SillySausage81 I did think about that when I posted. 4am is our 2am in Bucharest for example. I thought the Euro taxi payment might mean Ireland. Using “mom” is pretty common these days - especially in the English Midlands!

I just overall get this sense of two people annoying each other.

That is awful. I would have gone out of my way to take my daughters friend home also. I would have worried about her at the airport. No friend does that. Move on. Lesson learnt.

@LadyAnnabelsTapestries I agree with you:

“The fact neither offered, is either the OP is greatly stretching the truth or they are extraordinary self-absorbed people.”

But would add, “or they had just both had a gutful of each other by this point!”

If the friend thought she was going to spend a holiday out and about, on the beach, exploring the country… and then found her friend didn’t like crowds and just wanted to stay by the pool - well, that would disappoint me. I expect they’ve both pissed each other off.

OP, your friend is selfish and spoilt and it's probably the mum's fault for indulging her. Look back over the time you've known this person - hasn't she always been complaining to her mum about stuff? Always getting back-up and support from her?

Her mum can't see she's created a monster.

Awful behaviour on the mothers part but she did raise a spoilt entitled daughter so hey ho.

Keep well back in future @Lis1992

Sounds like you both rubbed each other up the wrong way over the course of the holiday. But she took it to another level and started bitching about you to her mother.

Regarding the lift, I think that was monumentaly shit of the mother not to offer at 4am, especially as she was practically going past your house. I can't think of a single reason I wouldn't give dd's friend a lift home at that time, even if my dd had moaned about her friend the whole time. Its just very very odd. Your friend must have really exagerated some stuff I reckon or told her you'd some something really really awful to her. Or shes just a horrible woman.

As an aside, why were you buying drinks and food when you said you were all inclusive? Were these on days out you'd insisted on and then it cost her money to buy food when out? Thats the only reason I can think why she'd be moaning about it. Having said that, if that was the case, all she had to say was, well I can't afford it really, i'll eat when I get back to the hotel. AI usually has food fo some sort all day, even if just a snack bar out of normal dining hours. But even then, it does not justify her mother being blunt and leaving you at the airport to make your own way home.

I think blocking them is the best idea. They don't sound nice at all, but must be gutting for you, especially as you don't know what you did to piss her off so much.

Going on holiday for 10 days can be a test of any friendships when you want to do different things. However leaving you at the airport on your own at 4am when they are going the same way as you is an awful thing to do regardless. You don’t need them in your life.

The different opinions on here are really interesting. I wish there had been a vote - I think it might have come out 50:50.

i assume said daughter lives at home - leave them - mother and daughter to enable each other - you did nothing wrong - hope you where able to enjoy some of the holiday at least.

All the people asking why OP hadn't planned how to get home from the airport are missing the fact that the plane was heavily delayed. There were probably buses and trains running when the plane was originally due to land.
OP, YANBU because IMO even if you'd been a total shit on holiday, you never leave a woman alone at 4am. It's especially hurtful given that you know the mum.

I’ve known many friendships end over a bad holiday. A mix of mis-matched expectations plus being forced to put up with each other’s foibles 24/7 with nowhere to escape to can be too much to bear. Some people, when they get sick of the sound of their friend breathing on holiday, just breathe through it, tell themselves it’s only a week, then go back to being friends when the holiday ends and they only have to see each other for a couple of hours at a time. Unfortunately it seems like your friend was unable to separate her discomfort from the heat and your mismatched expectations with her feelings for you as a person, leading her to treat you very unkindly and unfairly.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the friendship was over now, or if it becomes very perfunctory. But I personally think it’s probably not worth your time stressing over it and certainly not talking to your friend about it and trying to get an apology or anything. She’ll be at home right now seething to her mother about all the ways you annoyed her by breathing too loudly and eating in a really annoying way and other such heinous crimes. Maybe after a few weeks the feelings of resentment will pass and you'll feel ready to talk to each other again, but maybe they never will.

Either way, in 10 years time you’ll be laughing about this story, and telling it as a warning to other people about who they go on holiday with, I’m sure of it.

Unless your friend was telling her mother you'd been really cruel to her, the mother's actions seem inexplicable. If it were my daughter, then even if she had spent the holiday bitching about her friend I think I would have taken the attitude that (a) friend can't be that bad as they agreed to go on holiday together in the first place and (b) I just couldn't leave a young woman on her own at a deserted airport taxi rank at 4 a.m., especially if I was going to drive back near her house anyway.

Agree. As an adult who was once a young woman I'm sensible enough to take what my daughters version may have been with a pinch of salt. I would NEVER leave her travelling companion waiting alone at that time if night. Ever. And I'd bloody hope if it was reversed it would be the same.

Regards the holiday ... as a previous poster stated you often get to know the real person only in situations like this. A few years ago I went to Palma with my best friend. We'd done nights away before and we're really looking forward to this ladies weekend. Weirdly though it just felt like there was a constant edge to the weekend as if we weren't compatible travelling/living companions. I never felt completely relaxed. And this is when my friend wasn't a dick like yours is OP.

Hugs to you but onwards and upwards OP

I feel so so sorry for you. Of course YANBU. Sounds like a miserable nightmare and so disappointing. This is why I can’t do friends holidays. We get on fine on a day/night out, but we are so different in personality spending 24/7 together would ruin the friendship.

Ditch the friend. End of communication. Don't go on holiday again!!!!

I think you need to reassess your friendship entirely, and why you feel the need to bed over backwards for people who are not nice to you. Your "friend" doesn't sound like a good friend, and you sound like you need to improve your assertiveness.

But yes, it was out of order not offering you a lift. I expect the mum was told by the "friend" that you'd been horrible and the two of you had fallen out.

Yanbu.

She's a dick.

That's awful, OP.

I can't imagine leaving someone I'd been on holiday with to fend for themselves at 4am - or any other time of day - like that.

I can't comprehend how someone just stands there and doesn't say "can you guys drop me off? If not, I deen to call taxi now so it comes in reasonable time"....

Everyone saying "you don't just leave woman somewhere".... Women have mouth. If an adult woman doesn't say a thing, I would not infantilise her and assume she has her own plan. Because you would expect adults either having plan or say they don't.

As with pp, would be interesting to hear the other side.

They should have offered you a lift

Take a step back from this friendship

Find someone else to go on holiday with or join a group holiday next time

I don’t really see any value in this friendship. If I were you I’d distance myself and definitely no more holidays together. How awful to
leave you there so late when your home is en route to theirs.

Ime you find out who your mates on during /after a holiday.. Vowed never to holiday with anyone again.

How long have you known this friend

why did you agree to go away together

but more , how were you planning to get home from airport originally

did she not mention her mum was collecting

why didn’t you ask for a lift home

Hate to say it, but lack of lift notwithstanding, I'd consider that friendship dead in the water (and no you were not being unreasonable).

I voted YANBU , but there are a few question marks with this, definitely loads of stuff to out down to experience.

I reckon by the end of the holiday she was just sick of the sight of you - rightly or wrongly - and just wanted to ball her eyes out in the car with her mum.

I would imagine your friends version of the holiday would be interesting to hear, the whole thing sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other to me.

Think most of us can look at weekends away with friends, never mind 10 days, that have been a friendship cooler or ender. You are in situations you never have been in with them before.

Probably best to not waste much more time thinking about this to be honest. It's done now, over, and you've learnt a very good lesson about going away with other people - always have your own room and own space!