AIBU to expect a lift from the airport at 4am when someone is passing near my area?

[Lis1992]

Hi all. This is my first time posting so forgive me if it’s in the wrong place or I miss something! I’m just back from a vacation with a friend. We did 10 days at an all inclusive resort in Spain. For the entire trip (pretty much from the beginning) I got the vibe she didn’t want to be there. She complained about the sun, heat etc (it was Spain in July) and I understand that as it was hot of course. But she was annoyed when I wanted to enjoy some sun by the pool and read my books. So I offered to do stuff during the day and she’d snap and say no way how silly was that in the hottest part of the day etc. I asked her to rub sun cream on my back as I’d done for her and she’d sigh and roll her eyes etc that she had to go through the effort of moving to do so. In addition she had insisted on sharing a room for costs. She told that she didn’t snore. The reality was she snores horribly loudly. She fell asleep instantly and snored with unbearable volume for the whole night. I was chronically sleep deprived and it was really frustrating after paying so much for the trip.

I felt I was constantly accommodating her and she was doing the same back. I saw flash up on her phone when she was sitting beside me and she was texting her mom about me and said I was ‘too fussy and she didn’t like it’ and obviously lots more that I couldn’t see. She also slagged me off for not liking big crowds but she knew that before we went and I didn’t think she’d mock me for it as I had confided in her. She also snapped at me about a meal we had split the bill for , as she said her meal only cost whatever amount. I felt this was unfair as I’d been quite generous with buying us drinks etc on the holiday and hadn’t asked for anything back.

She had a lift home from the airport from her mom. the flight was very late (landed at 4am after a long delay). I waited with her in the terminal so she wouldn’t be standing alone. When her mother arrived she barely acknowledged me- no asking did you have a good trip, how was the flight etc. Instead of offering a lift as I live along their route home, I was left head towards taxis. As a woman at 4am with the steps of airport inky blank in darkness and deserted. I’d know her mother quite well but she was horribly cold to me and said : ‘you take care now’ in such a dismissive tone as though as I was somehow in the wrong.

I literally spent my holiday placating her and trying to help her enjoy it and cope better with the heat etc. So down I walked to my taxi with tears in my eyes. It’s hard to describe but nobody has ever made me feel that small before. To add insult to injury, they didn’t wait with me for a taxi even though I’d waited for her lift to arrive. There was no text from my friend at all to say did you get home safe. In the end I was waiting two hours for a taxi and it cost me just under 100 euro to get home. AIBU to think a lift home from the airport could have been offered to me?

I’d have given petrol money of course. Only last week I gave her a lovely gift for her bday (even though I got none for mine) and gave her mom a bottle of expensive wine for hosting the party too. I was never thanked for either gift. I just feel so upset over what’s happened and I actually blocked them both on what’s app as I’m just sickened by it all right now. Surely for her mom to treat me so horribly- she was telling lies that I wasn't being nice on the holiday or something? Whereas the opposite is true I was so nice and supportive of her needs as I hate conflict and didn’t want any tension. Sorry I’m going off topic! and I’m sorry if it’s too long it’s my first post!! Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

Sounds like you went on holiday and rather than rubbing along nicely, you irritated the heck out of each other. Sorry to say but I expect your friend just wanted to get away from you at the airport.

How had you planned to get home originally? It sounds like you had no plans and expected to be offered a lift?

I'm not sure I saw anywhere how much driving time dropping you off would have added to the journey?
I drove to the airport recently very early morning and told my friends I wouldn't be giving them a lift there as we were already having to get up at 3am and it would have added 20 mins on to my trip and one of them is chronically late so I would have had to wait and not get to the airport at the time I'd want to( thankfully they understood as they're nice people).

I do think you should have asked if you wanted a lift and then gone off and got a taxi without waiting if not, it's the sort of thing I'd want to know in advance so I could plan accordingly.

Most normal decent people would offer a lift

Your friend and her mum are toxic. Her awful behaviour is backed up by her mum.

I would massively distance myself, she’s just not worth being friends with.

Your friend is a twat. One of.my "friends" family still hate me after a bunch of.lies she spewed about me on holiday and its pathetic. Well.done for blocking them.

Nothing let's you get to know a person like going on holiday with them.

This is why I'd never rush to go away for more than a few nights with anyone other than my dh kids and parents.

It's a very risky move and can ruin friendships. It was probably no ones fault. It's just what can happen.

I'd like to think I'd always offer someone a lift in that situation, indeed I've driven out of my way to offer people lifts plenty of times.

However, I am interested to know what your original plans for getting home were, how you got to the airport on the first place, and what conversations you has with your friend about arrangements both before the holiday and once you knew the plane was delayed? It does sound a bit like you just sort of passively stood around waiting for someone else to sort you out. I realise you may have had plans which had to change due to the delay but seems strange not to mention on the thread if so. You say you would have offered petrol money but how do they know that if you haven't had the conversation?

Also I find it a bit contradictory that you say you were waiting with her so she wouldn't be alone, but the fact that you are now posting an AIBU about it shows that you thought she would offer you a lift, so your waiting wasn't just selfless. Thats completely different to expecting your friend to keep her mother who is already doing her a massive favour in the middle of the night waiting another 2 hours while she waits with you for a taxi! I also don't think the friend can be held responsible for her mums behaviour?

As for the holiday behaviour, 10 days is a long time to spend just 2 of you, so I don't think it's surprising or friendship ending that you annoyed each other - I remember coming back from holidays with my best friend sick of the sight of her, but we're still friends 20 years later! I doubt she snored or found the heat harder to deal with than expected just annoy you, just like you don't struggle with busy places to annoy her. It can't be nice to see her moaning to her mum about you, but she was venting to someone close to her not slagging you off on social media!

I suppose what I saying is that yes the mum was a bit mean not to offer a lift, but if you hadn't made or discussed plans (it's not clear either way) then you are also being unreasonable, and the over dramatic tone (inky darkness, blocking people - why?) does make me wonder what your friends version of events is?

Also bringing up things like not being thanked for the unexceptional move of taking a bottle of wine to a party does look like you are looking for things to be offended by?

It’s a small thing, but I was curious at this supposed “inky black” dark taxi rank. At 4am. It’s really quite light at 4am at the moment, and if you landed at 4am and waited around for this woman’s mum to arrive, it was later still. So that sounds exaggerated. It’s the sort of thing that makes me wonder what other detail is off - like just how much time dropping you off would have taken. If it was so close, why didn’t you say, “can your mum take me too?” Odd.

It sounds like you had more money for the trip - as it was her who wanted to room share to save. So when she wanted to split the bill on food to what she’d actually spent, was that really unreasonable? This was AI, yet you wanted her to pay half of a meal because you’d bought some drinks. My niece was on a “cheap” holiday with someone with a higher budget who pressured her to spend more, and it does make me wonder if your friend also had reason to be annoyed with you.

There’s a whole story in you not liking crowds, too… I think this is one where the other side would be interesting.

Why didn't you ask for a lift if it was not out of their way? Regardless, move on from this friendship;they sound like a pack of bitches.

I thought that was odd too. So your friend had her party at her mum’s house, and you brought a bottle?
That’s a standard polite gesture and (outside of the 1910s) not something I’d expect a thank you note for!
Either you stick it on the table without comment, or if you hand it directly over to the mum she just says thanks there and then. Even if you handed it over, did she know it was a gift for her, not the simple “bring a bottle” contribution.
There’s just something slightly off kilter here - the mum wasn’t hosting for you - it’s not your job to bring her a thank you gift.

Yes, my first question is why you went on holiday with someone you don’t seem to know very well, and, it turns out, don’t like very much

you can know somebody well and like them for years but sometimes it can take years to see what they are really like. Likewise often we truly can't know people until we have to live with them which the op was effectively doing on the holiday.

@Simplelobsterhat it’s not ‘passive’ not to have a several transport options when OP’s flight has been delayed by several hours and lands at 4am. She caught a taxi, which was the only option available to her, short of calling someone to pick her up.

Thats completely different to expecting your friend to keep her mother who is already doing her a massive favour in the middle of the night waiting another 2 hours while she waits with you for a taxi!

Then the friend should have told OP go and get your taxi, not to wait for her.

You seem determined to paint OP in a bad light.

It does very much sound as though YANBU but I suspect if we heard her story of the trip we might say she WNBU

this is the same for every single aibu story though-we only have 1 version and we have to go by what we are told.

A birthday party is not usually a bring a bottle party.

The OP giving her friend a gift was enough.

The OP also gave her friend’s mum a gift.

Neither gift was acknowledged.

That is rude and it’s very bizarre you and Simple think that’s fine.

And OP didn’t say she wants a thank you note, why make stuff up?

Possibly. But 2 people travel together amd realise they have different ideas of what they were expecting and then rub eah other up the wrong way is a common story as pp have said. So its both people with v different expectations, friend could write about friend expecting her to go halves when she only ate a little/not wantig to sit by the pool/not go to whatever it was that had a crowd (meals? Trips?).

Id say the friendship may have run its course but you both have to communicate well for a holiday to happen and people are often surprised whenna friend doesnt do things the way they do.

Of course friend coild have turned into a monster overnight but if they were a friend before it sounds like they both were different. She moaned to her mum. This poster to us!

I can read people well and it was very obvious that this wasn’t just someone not being chatty at 4am

not well enough to know your 'friend' all this time and not be able to see her true character until the holiday. That's not a dig at you perse and I'm on your side here, just that it irks me when people say ''I can read people well, I know when somebody is lying etc''

Because generally no, none of this have this ability and we are all vulnerable to deception. You thought your friend was nice but no she's a bitch-you were fooled but lesson learned. Don't be so trusting in future and move on now. We all have being there.

Sounds shit. She seems like a user rather than a friend.

All you can do is learn from this. Be less generous to people who show no generosity.

Yes you're right the friend should have said don't wait if she knew they weren't offering a lift, but it's not up to the friend if her mum gives a lift, and also it's clear from the fact that she's now posting an aibu about it that the op did think she'd be offered a lift so she was probably quite insistent on waiting with her friend.

I'm not saying she definitely was passive, but by not mentioning what the original travel plan would have been she does make it sound a bit like she didn't have one, so wondering if she will come back and clarify.

And yes good point from another poster that if she'd waited an hour with friend since flight landed at 4, plus passport control, baggage claim etc, it can't have been inky dark when she was waiting for the taxi!

I just think its it's shame to chuck away what was a good enough friendship to go on holiday together over some communication issues, the friends mum being a bit rude, and annoying each other when spending 10 days non stop in a pair, which most people would! It all feels feels bit over dramatic. Its hard to know without being there i suppose just how unreasonable the friend was.

A birthday party is not usually a bring a bottle party.
Is it not? Who says?

@Testina It’s a small thing, but I was curious at this supposed “inky black” dark taxi rank. At 4am. It’s really quite light at 4am at the moment, and if you landed at 4am and waited around for this woman’s mum to arrive, it was later still. So that sounds exaggerated. It’s the sort of thing that makes me wonder what other detail is off - like just how much time dropping you off would have taken.

Given the OP's use of words such as "vacation", "mom" and saying she paid for the taxi in euros, I am assuming she lives in a different European country. Due to different latitudes and timezones, in some countries in Europe it's still pitch black at 6:30am in July.

You don’t really know someone until you’ve spent a period of time with them 24/7 for a holiday. I have a very close friend who I’ve known for 20 years and we get on well. However, a week on holiday with her and our DCs a few years ago was an absolute nightmare. We irritated the life out of each other, and our DCs bickered. We are still very close friends, but have not and will not be holidaying with each other again. Maybe once the dust settles you can talk about what happened and clear the air.

It’s been a very hard lesson, OP, and I do really feel for you, but at least you know where you stand with that so-called friend now.
Ditch her - with no regrets.
You deserve much better.

@Meraas Fair point on my thank you note, I was being sarcastic and it maybe didn’t land well.

I disagree with you on this though:
“A birthday party is not usually a bring a bottle party”

An adult party in someone’s house is very much a bring a bottle party. Not strict BYOB as in nothing provided - just that a bottle as a token contribution as a way of saying thanks is normal. That goes whether the party format is bowls of crisps only, BBQ or sit down meal.

So perfectly normal to turn up with a bottle, but not normal for that bottle to specifically be a gift to the mother as a thank you for hosting. It’s not for OP to thank her!

So that’s why I’m curious what actually happened. Much like the OP’s lack of accuracy over inky black taxi ranks - it makes me wonder if the mum didn’t even know she’d received this gift bottle, when she certainly wouldn’t have been expecting to!

OP, are you saying you handed it directly to her and she didn’t thank you?

Everyone saying 'Why didn't you ask for a lift'🙄

I suspect the OP was already feeling like asking would be some huge imposition.

If the OPs description of events is even halfway true, it does sound rather like the OP and her mum would have frostily 'endured' her riding along with them, then started slagging her off for being pushy or expecting favours and daring to ask for a lift as soon as she was out of the car.

And actually, if I am spending 10 days in someone's intimate company as a quote-on-quote friend, albeit* an irritating one, I expect the rules of basic courtesy ie, 'How are you getting home love? I'll drop you' from the mum, or a 'My mum will pick us *up' from the friend to apply. Regardless.

The fact neither offered, is either the OP is greatly stretching the truth or they are extraordinary self-absorbed people.