AIBU to expect a lift from the airport at 4am when someone is passing near my area?

[Lis1992]

Hi all. This is my first time posting so forgive me if it’s in the wrong place or I miss something! I’m just back from a vacation with a friend. We did 10 days at an all inclusive resort in Spain. For the entire trip (pretty much from the beginning) I got the vibe she didn’t want to be there. She complained about the sun, heat etc (it was Spain in July) and I understand that as it was hot of course. But she was annoyed when I wanted to enjoy some sun by the pool and read my books. So I offered to do stuff during the day and she’d snap and say no way how silly was that in the hottest part of the day etc. I asked her to rub sun cream on my back as I’d done for her and she’d sigh and roll her eyes etc that she had to go through the effort of moving to do so. In addition she had insisted on sharing a room for costs. She told that she didn’t snore. The reality was she snores horribly loudly. She fell asleep instantly and snored with unbearable volume for the whole night. I was chronically sleep deprived and it was really frustrating after paying so much for the trip.

I felt I was constantly accommodating her and she was doing the same back. I saw flash up on her phone when she was sitting beside me and she was texting her mom about me and said I was ‘too fussy and she didn’t like it’ and obviously lots more that I couldn’t see. She also slagged me off for not liking big crowds but she knew that before we went and I didn’t think she’d mock me for it as I had confided in her. She also snapped at me about a meal we had split the bill for , as she said her meal only cost whatever amount. I felt this was unfair as I’d been quite generous with buying us drinks etc on the holiday and hadn’t asked for anything back.

She had a lift home from the airport from her mom. the flight was very late (landed at 4am after a long delay). I waited with her in the terminal so she wouldn’t be standing alone. When her mother arrived she barely acknowledged me- no asking did you have a good trip, how was the flight etc. Instead of offering a lift as I live along their route home, I was left head towards taxis. As a woman at 4am with the steps of airport inky blank in darkness and deserted. I’d know her mother quite well but she was horribly cold to me and said : ‘you take care now’ in such a dismissive tone as though as I was somehow in the wrong.

I literally spent my holiday placating her and trying to help her enjoy it and cope better with the heat etc. So down I walked to my taxi with tears in my eyes. It’s hard to describe but nobody has ever made me feel that small before. To add insult to injury, they didn’t wait with me for a taxi even though I’d waited for her lift to arrive. There was no text from my friend at all to say did you get home safe. In the end I was waiting two hours for a taxi and it cost me just under 100 euro to get home. AIBU to think a lift home from the airport could have been offered to me?

I’d have given petrol money of course. Only last week I gave her a lovely gift for her bday (even though I got none for mine) and gave her mom a bottle of expensive wine for hosting the party too. I was never thanked for either gift. I just feel so upset over what’s happened and I actually blocked them both on what’s app as I’m just sickened by it all right now. Surely for her mom to treat me so horribly- she was telling lies that I wasn't being nice on the holiday or something? Whereas the opposite is true I was so nice and supportive of her needs as I hate conflict and didn’t want any tension. Sorry I’m going off topic! and I’m sorry if it’s too long it’s my first post!! Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

I know exaclty how small you felt at that minute OP. Something similar happened to me when I was at Uni, a very close friend and I were going on a trip to a conference, there were 2 other girls from another course that I didn't know well going too.

We were at the airport and the flight was cancelled due to bad weather but the bad weather was due to be over the next morning so the flight was rescheduled. Friends parents lived within 20 mins of the airport, she arranged to get her Mum to come and pick her up so she could sleep at home, she didn't invite me to come and sleep at her house and I didn't feel like I should ask as I was getting weird vibes from her. Got that exact feeling of smallness you described when her Mum picked her up. Spent an uncomfortable night trying to sleep in the airport. Got a text the next morning then that she decided not to bother showing up for the flight as she just didn't feel like going anymore.

She had my toiletries in her bag (she was checking on, I just had hand luggage). As we had registered for the conference together, I had to spend the whole weekend explaining where she was when I was checking in for things. The other 2 girls from my Uni who were there were lovely but it was an awkward situation as they were kind enough to include me in everything but I felt like such a 3rd wheel.

She couldn't understand why I was upset when I saw her next, needless to say the friendship did not last.

Where was your OH in all of this if you are planning a pregnancy?

What an awful experience :( I met people like your "friend", with the mentality of a high school bully. You're singled out and focused on in some passive aggressive drama without ever knowing what it is you did to displease them and how you can fix it. (You can't.) They'll use any opportunity to make you feel worthless and small. Her mother sounds much the same. They're pathetic, emotionally stunted people. I hope you cut them out for good.

Like mother, like daughter. Her mother knows exactly what she’s like. Plenty of parents let their kids grow up selfish in the belief they’re instilling confidence.

Block and delete her, if you go back for more you are a chump.

I would gladly dump that “friend”. You don’t need friends who look for stuff to complain about, whether it’s about the vacation or texts about you. She’s a piece of work, sounds like no fun at all.

Um what can I say, you know that was really shoddy behaviour. In Ireland we normally go out of our way to give a lift home. Don’t block them, it’ll feed any drama your “friend” has created already. Just keep a wide berth if you see them and have something else on if they try to meet up

Spending 24 hours a day with someone whov isn't family or partner for 10 days is too much.every tiny fault is magnified 100x
To be fair, i would be very grumpy about a 4am airport pickup, in fact i would not allow, never mind expect anyone to do it.Let me guess! You are a nondriver who thinks giving a lift at 4 am in nothing

She has obviously been slagging you off to her mother all week.

How were you planning on getting home? You seem surprised you had to get the taxi. Surely you had planned for the journey from airport to your door? Given her behaviour during the holiday, I wouldn’t have hung around hoping for a lift.

Clearly the Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with this mother and daughter.

Shocking behaviour, I can’t believe anyone would be so mean to leave you at the airport. No wonder you are upset. That’s not the behaviour of a friend.

YANBU
Her mother is an awful person and so is your friend. I would never leave someone at 4am at the airport to get their way home if it was even approximately on my way. I'd have insisted to my DD that we dropped you home too. So they went out of their way to be nasty.

Drop the friend.

Tell people if they ask why- "Worst travelling companion ever made me rethink friendship- she was awful on holiday, complained a lot, didn't want to do anything, snores like a walrus, abandoned me at airport at 4am when her mum picked her up even though I live on their way home, .."

You don't need people like this in your life. Takers. Don't buy her nor her mother anything else and cut them off. There will be nicer friends with nicer parents out there.

YANBU. Obviously she has been slagging you off to her mum but despite that, I would never collect my adult daughter from
an airport at 4am and leave another young female behind. It’s just not safe and I wouldn’t want it on my conscience if anything happened to the other girl. People fall out on holiday - it happens- but her and her mum were incredibly selfish to leave you in a vulnerable position when you hadn’t done anything wrong as such, the two of you just weren’t well matched to go on holiday together. Maybe they got the wrong end of the stick and thought you only stayed with her while waiting because you were expecting to be taken home. That may have come across to them as entitled if they are the types to be suspicious of peoples motives. In any case, they have both behaved appallingly and I don’t blame you for blocking them. I doubt there is any coming back from this.

Maybe they assumed you had a lift organised.

would dropping you off mean a big detour?

I cannot believe you stood thee like a lemon, waiting with her for her lift without discussing what you were doing. At 4am why didn’t you make a plan to get home? And you are being over dramatic with the dark and lonely airport, unless you and she got a private jet back, there was a least a plane load of other people around plus all the staff required to process them.

I feel very aware that there is another side to this story and that you were aggrieved with each other for different reasons. For that reason, I am not going to assume that you are blameless just because you are the one that posts on mumsnet, I think it is more a case of you not being compatible to go on holiday together. The friendship is probably over now, holidays can do that.

Maybe you had totally different holiday expectations? Are you just different holiday people? Do you have different holiday needs? It pays to know what type of holiday person you are!

For me I am not a sit-at-the-pool, sit-on-the-beach-all-day holiday person. I can do that for one or two days max. After that I'm done. I want to go out and see the local sites, places of interest, even if they're difficult to get to, otherwise I feel like I've paid £££ to just go to another place and sit down.

I can think of nothing worse than going to a holiday destination and it being so hot I am forced to remain in the hotel or by the pool and don't get to see the things I want. 10 days would drive me bananas and have me thinking about how I've wasted my cash. I am also not great with excessive heat. I wonder if this is how your ex-friend possibility felt and you were just happy relaxing but she expected more?

I prefer cultural holidays to just sea and sangria if you see what I mean. I'm a guided trip type of person.

I have a friend who keeps asking me to go on holiday with her. Her holidays consist of staying in the hotel or bars or beaches of wherever she goes. Absolutely great for her, she primarily needs to relax and unwind on holiday. Despite her request I already know it would wind her up silly if I came along and was constantly "So what are we doing?" everyday. We would fall out on the trip.

Maybe you had totally different holiday expectations and she became resentful that she wasn't able to get what she wanted out of it due to the heat? I'm speculating.

At the end of the day, not offering you a lift was truly low and awful. And nasty, frankly, of the friend to not insist to her mother that you also be dropped off, even out of the most basic concern for your safety if nothing else.

You're incompatible people and travellers.

But if I was collecting my adult dd from an aorport at 4am and knew she hadn't had a good holiday there's no way I would just charmingly sparkle and offer a lift to said friend. I would assume she was quite capable of making her own arrangements - otherwise I would have been asked for a lift weeks ago when said arrangements were being planned - and would be prioritising my dds needs to feel the ordeal was over, which would be postponed by having a 3rd person in the car

Wow - nice!! Here speaks the 'friend's' mother - extremely nasty and rude. Vindictive too. It was hardly an ordeal...

It was incredibly rude of them but why hadn’t you made arrangements to get home already?
this friendship is over, you know that. Definitely time to find new friends

Oh, come off it. They were driving near OP's house. Taxis were expensive and there was none immediately available - OP had to wait two hours in a deserted airport, which was really quite dangerous. What decent person would go on holiday with someone an"d then refuse to offer a lift at 4 a.m. in those circumstances? And it's "should have had".

And you are being over dramatic with the dark and lonely airport, unless you and she got a private jet back, there was a least a plane load of other people around plus all the staff required to process them.

Why would that planeload and staff all be around for the time it took friend's mother to get to the airport? Let alone the further two hours it took OP to get a taxi?

Haha and there was a taxi tank right there

there are always two sides to every story

i am glad you have now blocked them both

Disgusting not offering you a lift, can’t believe anyone would do that. If the mum is normally nice to you I guess her daughter has been slagging your off a lot to her. Quite is quite awful and it would be the end of the friendship for me

I think she behaved badly especially when she left you there alone. I'd block them both and forget about them. They aren't nice people. You'll meet nicer friends.

⬆️ Wise words! I agree!!

You sound lovely. 😳