DC filming for TV program, problem with the nursery

[Pending653]

NC as its outing if another parent from the nursery sees this.

Last week a popular children's TV show got in touch with my DC's nursery by email and asked whether any of the children would be interested in taking part in an upcoming program as two kids were needed. The email asked for any parents who's children are interested to contact the team on the email given. The nursery manager then forwarded that email to parents asking if anybody was interested.

I asked my (two) DC and they said they would love to, they are 3 and 4 and both enjoy the program. They love the hosts.

I sent an email to the team saying we were interested and we scheduled a zoom meeting to introduce the kids and get a bit of information about filming. We were the first to apply.

I tell the nursery manager we are taking part and have a meeting scheduled, she then tells me she would prefer if I didn't put my DD forward, just DS, as she wants another family to have the chance to participate and she thinks DD would be too shy.

I'm now in an awkward position as both my DC want to do it but I've been made to feel as though I'm stealing the opportunity from another child.

The zoom meeting came and I took the opportunity to ask whether it would be possible for three children to participate and explained the issue, said the nursery told me there's another child who wants to do it so could they include them too, the team said that should be fine. Happy days.

I update the nursery manager to tell her that all is fine and it looks like they'll have 3 kids and not 2, so my DD can still do it.

She then comes back and says no and that she's going to be 'firm' but she doesn't want me to submit DD's details as she has chosen two other children to participate now - not just the one I was aware of who wanted to take part.

I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say so I just said right ok have a chat with the team and come back to me.

I received the consent forms today to fill in and they're asking for both of my children's details.

I explained the issue I was having with the nursery and suggested they have a chat as it was all getting quite confusing, but gave them my DS' details and filled in the forms for him accordingly.

Looking back at the initial email the team explicitly said for any families interested to contact them personally, which I did. There was no indication that the nursery would be choosing the children either from the nursery manager herself or the team!

My poor DD is going to be gutted. I don't know what to do?

Am I being unreasonable?

Send DD's in as well and if the manager asks say the production team wanted both your kids.

Nursery manager can bugger off.

Well it all comes down to who is doing the picking.

Nursery or producers.

I would send over both details. The manager has gone a bit power mad I think!

Bugger the nursery manager!

Just send through both.

Tell the manager to get lost. You got in first and both your children want the experience.

It's up to the TV company so let them decide.

The nursery doesn't get to pick who appears, the Prod Company does! Just keep talking to them re filming - for both kids of they sent you a release form for both. Don't involve them in any dramas with the nursery as they have enough other things to be doing and if it starts to take up too much time and effort, they'll just book someone else. Right now they seem happy to hire both your kids? Great, just progress with that.

Thanks for the prompt replies

I'm just writing a follow up email to the team with DD's details now.

It's incredibly frustrating. The phone call with the N.M left me feeling as though I'm being grabby. All I did was Contact the team as they requested and put forward my children who were interested.

The stuff about DD being shy is a smoke screen IMO, she can be shy but she was front and centre during the zoom meeting saying "my name is 'DD' nice to meet you" 😞

Agree OP, don't disappoint your DD, if she wants to do it too she'll be so upset if only your DS gets to do it now all on the whim of the nursery manager - children don't forget those sorts of 'injustices' lightly! Doesn't seem like it's up to the manager so don't see why your DD should miss out.

If the production company has asked for both childrens details then that’s what you send!!

When I last spoke with the nursery manager and said she needs to talk to the team as its all getting too confusing, she said she would speak to them next week on her admin day which is a hindrance in itself as its time sensitive and the team were extremely keen to push ahead with the forms etc.

To the best of my knowlege based on first hand communication with the team its simply a case of first come first served but the nursery manager has appointed herself the coordinator 😐

I expect some awkwardness to follow now I've gone against her 'being firm' and sent in DD's details.

Yes, just send them. You've told your dd now, it would be unfair to go back on it. The nursery manager should know how awful that would be. You were helpful and accommodating the first time, helping to make another space available.

It’s not the nursery manages decision to make.

put both the childrens names down and don’t say a word to nursery manager.

if manager asks tell her to liaise with tv program as it’s not your decision

ignore the NM and submit both details. The tv team will do as they want anyway.

Thanks all. I'm glad the majority don't think I'm being unreasonable. I've now sent DD's details across. I'll let you all know what the team come back with as I did highlight the problem I was having with the nursery but stressed previously that I do want DD to participate.

I just hope they don't think "bugger this" and that it's too much faff, then go and choose another nursery.

Sounds like they had their own fave (friend/relatives child) they wanted to appear on screen. I would continue to liaise with the tv company and see how it goes.

I'd refuse to discuss it further with the nursery manager none of her business. Even if you had just submitted details on one they would have seen your other child on the zoom meeting and possibly asked then anyway. Sounds like the nursery manager wants to try to get her own friends in

"I expect some awkwardness to follow now I've gone against her 'being firm' and sent in DD's details."

Well she can 'be firm' and do what she prefers and you can 'be firm' and do what you prefer. The TV people can then decide what works for them. I would just ignore any awkwardness that she might choose to manufacture and if she challenges you just say it's up to the TV team now and out of your hands.

The production company will probably prefer to deal with fewer families anyway.

To be fair I can see the Nursery Managers point, it would be fair if it was one of yours and one other child. Imagine how you’d feel if two siblings got in and wouldn’t allow your child to

Send them both in. Production company just want 2 children to appear, if they are happy to use both the children which they have seen via zoom then it's their call not the managers. If she wanted to pick she should have approached individual parents first rather than sending out a mass email. If she says anything just say it was the productions decision based on the zoom meeting. She will be the one that looks silly and unprofessional when she kicks off.

Ugh I wish I just sent both DC's details in in the first place and didn't faff about with "the nursery said..."

My follow up email was promptly sent within minutes of my first one so hopefully there won't be any problems.

I tie myself in knots sometimes trying to please everybody else and it never ends well does it? What a pallava.

Just tell the manager you were stuck in the middle and so you've given the TV crew the form and they can decide who they want.

It would be perfectly fair. This is a decision at child level not family level.