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Original poster

DC filming for TV program, problem with the nursery

259 replies

Pending653 · 20/07/2022 13:38

NC as its outing if another parent from the nursery sees this.

Last week a popular children's TV show got in touch with my DC's nursery by email and asked whether any of the children would be interested in taking part in an upcoming program as two kids were needed. The email asked for any parents who's children are interested to contact the team on the email given. The nursery manager then forwarded that email to parents asking if anybody was interested.

I asked my (two) DC and they said they would love to, they are 3 and 4 and both enjoy the program. They love the hosts.

I sent an email to the team saying we were interested and we scheduled a zoom meeting to introduce the kids and get a bit of information about filming. We were the first to apply.

I tell the nursery manager we are taking part and have a meeting scheduled, she then tells me she would prefer if I didn't put my DD forward, just DS, as she wants another family to have the chance to participate and she thinks DD would be too shy.

I'm now in an awkward position as both my DC want to do it but I've been made to feel as though I'm stealing the opportunity from another child.

The zoom meeting came and I took the opportunity to ask whether it would be possible for three children to participate and explained the issue, said the nursery told me there's another child who wants to do it so could they include them too, the team said that should be fine. Happy days.

I update the nursery manager to tell her that all is fine and it looks like they'll have 3 kids and not 2, so my DD can still do it.

She then comes back and says no and that she's going to be 'firm' but she doesn't want me to submit DD's details as she has chosen two other children to participate now - not just the one I was aware of who wanted to take part.

I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say so I just said right ok have a chat with the team and come back to me.

I received the consent forms today to fill in and they're asking for both of my children's details.

I explained the issue I was having with the nursery and suggested they have a chat as it was all getting quite confusing, but gave them my DS' details and filled in the forms for him accordingly.

Looking back at the initial email the team explicitly said for any families interested to contact them personally, which I did. There was no indication that the nursery would be choosing the children either from the nursery manager herself or the team!

My poor DD is going to be gutted. I don't know what to do?

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SarahSissions · 20/07/2022 16:05

I think it is nice for a shy child to do it. It’s nice that it isn’t always the pushy little wotsits, and might give her a bit of a boost.
don’t speak with the nursery about it again, just deal with the producers. You’ll probably find they have a matey parent they are trying to keep happy

sunglassesonthetable · 20/07/2022 16:06

You’ll probably find they have a matey parent they are trying to keep happy

exactly.

WindOnMySkin · 20/07/2022 16:07

Oh I don't like the sound of your nursery manager she is ridiculous.

YANBU and I hope bot your dc get to be in the show.

the nursery manager is super unreasonable to call your dd shy in an effort to make you withdraw her. That's rude and so puerile! 😂

SillySausage81 · 20/07/2022 16:20

SarahSissions · 20/07/2022 16:05

I think it is nice for a shy child to do it. It’s nice that it isn’t always the pushy little wotsits, and might give her a bit of a boost.
don’t speak with the nursery about it again, just deal with the producers. You’ll probably find they have a matey parent they are trying to keep happy

100% agree. Speaking as someone who was a very shy child myself, I find it heartbreaking the idea of the nursery attempting to deny a child the opportunity to even TRY for something has expressed an interest in just because she's shy.

The production company might choose her or they might not, but you've been given the opportunity to try on your DD's behalf and you should take it. It's not actually the nursery manager's business.

theillustratedmummy · 20/07/2022 16:21

Follow the advice of @MargaretThursday

My dd has been in a couple of big productions. Dont big it up to your dc until you definitely know by the fact they are on set and filming. Stuff like this gets cancelled last minute or production companies change their mind at the last second and decide to go with someone else or cut the scene altogether. Its not 100% they will pick your dc. Be careful about your own and your dc expectations. I never put my dc forward, she/we were approached by them because they had seen her picture from something else entirely and even then for one big production they ran out of time to film her scene and so cancelled while on set. It happens.

Also its nothing to do with the nursery they have just received the casting call email nothing else. They have no right to dictate anything. Nursery manager is well out of line here. Cheeky. So she forwarded a casting email that hundreds get. So what dosnt make her in charge.

If this becomes too much of a hassle for the company they will just easily go with someone else. They will have loads to choose from and don't have time to faff about. I bet they sent an email to loads of nurseries and other places children go not just your one. They just want the job done, they are not interested in this back and forth.

Thatsenoughnow · 20/07/2022 16:22

Just submit both of your dc's details. If your kids get picked then great. If not, great for the other kids.

Choopi · 20/07/2022 16:25

I would just tell the nursery if they ask that you have submitted your children's details like they have asked and leave it at that. It really isn't anything to do with nursery.

When my children were in primary school the school sent emails at least monthly from a production company looking for kids to take part in TV shows, that was the end of the schools involvement(unless the school was featured in the shows which also happened a few times). The kids that wanted to applied and who ever got it, got it. It isn't the nurseries place to micromanage the situation at all.

BellePeppa · 20/07/2022 16:25

Mardyface · 20/07/2022 13:40

Send DD's in as well and if the manager asks say the production team wanted both your kids.

Nursery manager can bugger off.

Totally this. The nursery manager is too dictatorial. Just carry on and see what happens with the film people and never mind her.

BellePeppa · 20/07/2022 16:29

SurpriseSurprise · 20/07/2022 13:58

To be fair I can see the Nursery Managers point, it would be fair if it was one of yours and one other child. Imagine how you’d feel if two siblings got in and wouldn’t allow your child to

It’s not her business though. The invite to apply was sent out and that should be the end of it for the NM, she’s not doing the casting.

TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 20/07/2022 16:29

make sure you include your dd and from now on don’t tell the nursery manager anything about this, it really is none of her business. You went through the appropriate channels. How dare she try to stop you.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 20/07/2022 16:30

jeez it's not the nurseries decision is it!

she sounds crazy- just crack on with your applications and don't engage with the manager on this topic again

TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 20/07/2022 16:32

sunglassesonthetable · 20/07/2022 16:06

You’ll probably find they have a matey parent they are trying to keep happy

exactly.

This is exactly what I am thinking. Her Dd being shy is no reason for her not to apply, sounds like BS.

antelopevalley · 20/07/2022 16:33

@Ohthatsexciting are you the nursery manager?
You do realise the production company will just go bugger that and go to another nursery?

Ohthatsexciting · 20/07/2022 16:34

antelopevalley · 20/07/2022 16:33

@Ohthatsexciting are you the nursery manager?
You do realise the production company will just go bugger that and go to another nursery?

of course they will, and that is their prerogative. Just as OP’s prerogative to go direct.

the nursery manager was just trying to open the opp to as many as possible.

ilovesushi · 20/07/2022 16:34

It is not for the nursery manager to cast the kids! The production team will see them and decide if they work for the show. Go for it! It may or may not be a bonus for them to work with siblings.

Ohthatsexciting · 20/07/2022 16:36

If it is a case of the nursery manager leveraging her position to put her own child in a favourable position

then if I were the op I would be asking if I even want my child in a setting that is managed by such a person

RobertsRadio · 20/07/2022 16:36

The NM sounds a power crazed loon. "She'll contact them on her next admin day next week". She's got no bloody idea has she.

antelopevalley · 20/07/2022 16:37

@Ohthatsexciting The nursery manager already did that by sending the email out to all the parents. After that it is none of her business.

Original poster
Pending653 · 20/07/2022 16:40

Maves · 20/07/2022 15:59

It is a bit selfish other kids should get a chance too, your 3 year old won't remember ffs

OK so why them and not DD?

Why will the other 3 year old remember but my DD won't?

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 20/07/2022 16:41

does nursery manager = casting director?

Answer = NO

LookItsMeAgain · 20/07/2022 16:41

Mardyface · 20/07/2022 13:40

Send DD's in as well and if the manager asks say the production team wanted both your kids.

Nursery manager can bugger off.

This.
The nursery manager is WAYYYY overstepping here. They put a call out for ANY child/family to take part and no limits per family at the time. Now they are shifting the goal posts once again. Tell them to do one at this stage.

Put both of your kids in and ignore the nursery manager. If there is any heat, tell them that you were accommodating when they said you were under the impression that only one other child was to be involved and as the saying goes - first come, first served. Or you snooze, you lose.

Ignore the nursery manager at this point.

Original poster
Pending653 · 20/07/2022 16:42

Ohthatsexciting · 20/07/2022 16:00

As if your 3 year old will be “really disappointed”.

and I think the nursery manager sounds like a good one. Fair and doesn’t bend to parents

Of course she will be disappointed watching her brother go off to film for a show they both like, when she was asked if she'd like to do it too and made it clear that she does..

OP posts:
howdoesatoastermaketoast · 20/07/2022 16:43

ouch321 · 20/07/2022 13:41

Well it all comes down to who is doing the picking.

Nursery or producers.

I completely agree - I would be inclined to say both your kids do it neither do it or the manager explains clearly and explicitly why she doesn't want your dd to do it in writing.

Ohthatsexciting · 20/07/2022 16:45

So you think the nursery manager is being very unfair and potentially leveraging her position to advantage her own child?

happy with your children continuing in a setting managed by such a person?

i wouldn’t be

LookItsMeAgain · 20/07/2022 16:45

@Pending653 - as for your comment here:
"The stuff about DD being shy is a smoke screen IMO, she can be shy but she was front and centre during the zoom meeting saying "my name is 'DD' nice to meet you""
I would respond to the nursery manager saying "Do you know something - DD came right out of her shell when she was speaking directly to the Production Manager, would you believe it, she didn't seem shy at all to them. Kids - they'll make liars out of us all" <tinkly laugh with added head tilt> 😉