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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DC filming for TV program, problem with the nursery

259 replies

Pending653 · 20/07/2022 13:38

NC as its outing if another parent from the nursery sees this.

Last week a popular children's TV show got in touch with my DC's nursery by email and asked whether any of the children would be interested in taking part in an upcoming program as two kids were needed. The email asked for any parents who's children are interested to contact the team on the email given. The nursery manager then forwarded that email to parents asking if anybody was interested.

I asked my (two) DC and they said they would love to, they are 3 and 4 and both enjoy the program. They love the hosts.

I sent an email to the team saying we were interested and we scheduled a zoom meeting to introduce the kids and get a bit of information about filming. We were the first to apply.

I tell the nursery manager we are taking part and have a meeting scheduled, she then tells me she would prefer if I didn't put my DD forward, just DS, as she wants another family to have the chance to participate and she thinks DD would be too shy.

I'm now in an awkward position as both my DC want to do it but I've been made to feel as though I'm stealing the opportunity from another child.

The zoom meeting came and I took the opportunity to ask whether it would be possible for three children to participate and explained the issue, said the nursery told me there's another child who wants to do it so could they include them too, the team said that should be fine. Happy days.

I update the nursery manager to tell her that all is fine and it looks like they'll have 3 kids and not 2, so my DD can still do it.

She then comes back and says no and that she's going to be 'firm' but she doesn't want me to submit DD's details as she has chosen two other children to participate now - not just the one I was aware of who wanted to take part.

I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say so I just said right ok have a chat with the team and come back to me.

I received the consent forms today to fill in and they're asking for both of my children's details.

I explained the issue I was having with the nursery and suggested they have a chat as it was all getting quite confusing, but gave them my DS' details and filled in the forms for him accordingly.

Looking back at the initial email the team explicitly said for any families interested to contact them personally, which I did. There was no indication that the nursery would be choosing the children either from the nursery manager herself or the team!

My poor DD is going to be gutted. I don't know what to do?

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Pending653 · 22/07/2022 10:12

Why are some people on mumsnet so blunt and condescending to the point of being rude? Also not a very good quality to have IME. Are they like that IRL? I doubt it. Wouldn't have many friends if so.

OP posts:
Pending653 · 22/07/2022 10:14

Ohthatsexciting · 22/07/2022 10:12

I tended and still tend to be when it comes my two children! I just wouldn’t want them in a setting where I thought the NM was as the op views the NM

How do you think that I view her?

My DD likes her, I'm certain she likes my DD. Her way of handling things can be frustrating sometimes yes but my children are happy there and well looked after. I have no concerns from a care point of view.

OP posts:
Pending653 · 22/07/2022 10:21

Also so what if I sound smug?

I've had difficulties with asserting myself / standing up for myself all of my life, I forced myself out of my comfort zone to advocate for my DD and it resulted in her being able to do something that will make her happy so that is a win for me. Sorry.

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 22/07/2022 10:22

I tended and still tend to be when it comes my two children! I just wouldn’t want them in a setting where I thought the NM was as the op views the NM

My kids head teacher primary grinds my gears but he runs a great school and the kids love him. 🤷‍♀️ I think it's called life.

Somethingsnappy · 22/07/2022 10:24

Pending653 · 22/07/2022 10:21

Also so what if I sound smug?

I've had difficulties with asserting myself / standing up for myself all of my life, I forced myself out of my comfort zone to advocate for my DD and it resulted in her being able to do something that will make her happy so that is a win for me. Sorry.

Well said! I'd be pleased with myself too.

Trinity65 · 22/07/2022 10:39

Pending653 · 22/07/2022 10:21

Also so what if I sound smug?

I've had difficulties with asserting myself / standing up for myself all of my life, I forced myself out of my comfort zone to advocate for my DD and it resulted in her being able to do something that will make her happy so that is a win for me. Sorry.

👏
Well said OP

SalviaOfficinalis · 22/07/2022 10:45

Pending653 · 22/07/2022 10:21

Also so what if I sound smug?

I've had difficulties with asserting myself / standing up for myself all of my life, I forced myself out of my comfort zone to advocate for my DD and it resulted in her being able to do something that will make her happy so that is a win for me. Sorry.

OP you were doing so well until you added Sorry at the end 😁

Cakeandslippers · 22/07/2022 10:57

Pending653 · 22/07/2022 10:21

Also so what if I sound smug?

I've had difficulties with asserting myself / standing up for myself all of my life, I forced myself out of my comfort zone to advocate for my DD and it resulted in her being able to do something that will make her happy so that is a win for me. Sorry.

Well done 👏 I'm pleased this has worked out for you. I think I'd have really struggled with this too for similar reasons to you but you advocated for your daughter and she's going to love it!

I did wonder if some of the comments saying you should only take one place were from people who only have one child, I can't imagine having to pick a child for something like this, for me it's both or none.

Very happy you got it - hope they have an amazing time!

Pending653 · 22/07/2022 11:09

SalviaOfficinalis · 22/07/2022 10:45

OP you were doing so well until you added Sorry at the end 😁

Aaaaaaarghhh old habits die hard 😂

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 22/07/2022 16:36

Pending653 · 22/07/2022 10:12

Why are some people on mumsnet so blunt and condescending to the point of being rude? Also not a very good quality to have IME. Are they like that IRL? I doubt it. Wouldn't have many friends if so.

I think sometimes it's a mix,

some people can be more direct, similar style to Sheldon Cooper from big bang.
some it depends on interpretation and it may not come across as they intended.
or yes some are either rude, or because it's typed on here, it's more dissociation from what a person may or would say in person.

WiddlinDiddlin · 23/07/2022 16:22

MikeWozniaksMoustache · 20/07/2022 20:35

@WiddlinDiddlin Felicity Titwangle is a brilliant name!

Been using it for years and only recently realised I must have absorbed it mentally from an episode of Two Pints of Lager... so credit to Susan Nickson for that, not me! (Tis fab, if I write a silly book one day, that will be my nom de plume!)

LIZS · 23/07/2022 16:32

Pending653 · 21/07/2022 12:43

I've had confirmation from tbe producer herself that my two have got the part and she's arranging our transport to the location🙂

Hope they are arranging performance licences and chaperones too. Under 5s have very restricted permitted hours.

antelopevalley · 23/07/2022 16:35

Hawkins001 · 22/07/2022 16:36

I think sometimes it's a mix,

some people can be more direct, similar style to Sheldon Cooper from big bang.
some it depends on interpretation and it may not come across as they intended.
or yes some are either rude, or because it's typed on here, it's more dissociation from what a person may or would say in person.

Lots of people on here say they do not have any friends remember.

AMindNeedsBooks · 23/07/2022 16:40

LIZS · 23/07/2022 16:32

Hope they are arranging performance licences and chaperones too. Under 5s have very restricted permitted hours.

For my DC you had to sort licences yourself. Just a trip to your local council office with whatever documents they request although you can probably do it online now. Chaperones always provided with BBC.

UndertheCedartree · 23/07/2022 17:06

Well done, OP! I'm a people pleaser too! I hope your DC enjoy the filming ☺️

UndertheCedartree · 23/07/2022 17:06

I was rooting for your DD all the while reading the thread!

StaunchMomma · 23/07/2022 17:55

No need for awkward conversations with the NM, OP - you did as she asked. She requested you only apply for one child AFTER their interviews, which you did, with an explanation of what she'd asked, & only then did they make it clear that she had absolutely zero say in who would be chosen.

It's not your fault the production company loved your kids!!

I'd bet my right arm she'd promised the role to her mates kids.

She lives and learns!!

liveforsummer · 23/07/2022 19:12

Hope they are arranging performance licences and chaperones too. Under 5s have very restricted permitted hours.

It's CBeebies. I imagine. They know what they are doing with child performers after more than 20 year of doing it!

Pending653 · 24/07/2022 13:34

It is Cbeebies yes, they've followed all necessary requirements. After speaking with my local council they were told that my DC don't require a performance licence as they haven't done any performance work X amount of times in the last 6 months. This will be their first, and probably only TV appearance.

OP posts:
PamelaD00ve · 24/07/2022 16:43

Can you please come back and update what happens when NM finds out she's not in charge of the final casting.

Grendalsmum · 24/07/2022 18:38

Please! I want to know what happens on admin day when she finds the ship has well and truely sailed without her!

Comefromaway · 24/07/2022 19:30

AMindNeedsBooks · 23/07/2022 16:40

For my DC you had to sort licences yourself. Just a trip to your local council office with whatever documents they request although you can probably do it online now. Chaperones always provided with BBC.

That’s not how it is supposed to be. Part A of the licence form has to be filled in by the production company who send it, along with Part B sighed by a parent to the EWO accompanied by schedule and chaperone details.

Vanderpump · 24/07/2022 19:53

That's brilliant news, I hope they enjoy it. I would be a bit wtf about the nursery manager

AMindNeedsBooks · 24/07/2022 19:59

Comefromaway · 24/07/2022 19:30

That’s not how it is supposed to be. Part A of the licence form has to be filled in by the production company who send it, along with Part B sighed by a parent to the EWO accompanied by schedule and chaperone details.

Possibly that's the form I printed to take along with me. I can't remember all the details other than it took me one trip to the council office with documents etc and it was sorted. Well known national brand so all above board but this was almost 10 years ago.

Pending653 · 24/07/2022 20:24

Nursery manager can definitely be a bit out of touch sometimes but she's always been really good to the kids, especially DS who has additional needs.

If she mentions the filming when the kids go back I'll simply say they wanted DD involved and that's that.

If she gets in touch prior and mentions anything I will let you all know :)

OP posts:
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