DC filming for TV program, problem with the nursery

[Pending653]

NC as its outing if another parent from the nursery sees this.

Last week a popular children's TV show got in touch with my DC's nursery by email and asked whether any of the children would be interested in taking part in an upcoming program as two kids were needed. The email asked for any parents who's children are interested to contact the team on the email given. The nursery manager then forwarded that email to parents asking if anybody was interested.

I asked my (two) DC and they said they would love to, they are 3 and 4 and both enjoy the program. They love the hosts.

I sent an email to the team saying we were interested and we scheduled a zoom meeting to introduce the kids and get a bit of information about filming. We were the first to apply.

I tell the nursery manager we are taking part and have a meeting scheduled, she then tells me she would prefer if I didn't put my DD forward, just DS, as she wants another family to have the chance to participate and she thinks DD would be too shy.

I'm now in an awkward position as both my DC want to do it but I've been made to feel as though I'm stealing the opportunity from another child.

The zoom meeting came and I took the opportunity to ask whether it would be possible for three children to participate and explained the issue, said the nursery told me there's another child who wants to do it so could they include them too, the team said that should be fine. Happy days.

I update the nursery manager to tell her that all is fine and it looks like they'll have 3 kids and not 2, so my DD can still do it.

She then comes back and says no and that she's going to be 'firm' but she doesn't want me to submit DD's details as she has chosen two other children to participate now - not just the one I was aware of who wanted to take part.

I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say so I just said right ok have a chat with the team and come back to me.

I received the consent forms today to fill in and they're asking for both of my children's details.

I explained the issue I was having with the nursery and suggested they have a chat as it was all getting quite confusing, but gave them my DS' details and filled in the forms for him accordingly.

Looking back at the initial email the team explicitly said for any families interested to contact them personally, which I did. There was no indication that the nursery would be choosing the children either from the nursery manager herself or the team!

My poor DD is going to be gutted. I don't know what to do?

Am I being unreasonable?

oh wow I can't believe you let the nursery manager push your DD out. It's nothing to do with her, surely it was obvious that you would be dealing with the show directly and the nursery would have no say? I would have sent details of both children when they asked for the forms. YABU for so easily letting your DD be unfairly pushed out when you could have just stood up her her and ignored the manager. How is your DD going to feel when her DB gets to do the show and she doesn't? Awful.

I don't know what the nursery manager's motive was but she sounds horrible and it was so not her place to try to control it like that. Can't believe you let her.

Can you contact the show and explain that you've been bullied by your nursery manager and get them to accept your DD still?

How bizarre! The nursery are being weird.

It’s up to the film crew. Keep both places. If they’d wanted someone else who’d applied they’d have had them. Maybe they think it will work better with siblings who are natural and at ease with each other. It’s nothing to do with the manager. I’d just tell her the film crew said they’re pleased it’s siblings.

This.

Nursery manager should keep out of it. To a degree I can understand when only two children were needed , that she would want to include other family, but when you have sorted it out and a 3rd child is given a chance, then she has no right to interfere,

erm... the nursery should have zero say as its an outside company and an extra curricular activity, the company simply asked them to pass on the info.

The nursery are also actively either discriminating against or punishing one of your children (they have NO say in banning someone from applying) and I would definately go above their heads and report it.

Why you didnt send both forms in baffles me though, you have joined in with sabotaging your daughters opitunity and you child might suffer because you didnt submit the form.

No one has definitely got the part yet. They might not pick anyone from your nursery at all, they might pick your kids, they might pick one of yours.

Three places and you want two? Yeah I think it’s grabby.

You sound pushy.

*Three places and you want two? Yeah I think it’s grabby.

You sound pushy.*

🙄It doesn't work like that. It's not what OP 'wants. ' It's that she's made both of her kids available.

The kids have basically been invited to audition. The Production Company will be looking at lots of kids. And they will choose.

It seems as though I might be mistaken about how the process goes. I assumed that the zoom meeting was them 'getting the gig' so to speak and that it was a done deal
Yet you say you didn't actually apply for your dd? I'm a bit confused at the timeline, tbh. You must have applied to have been eligible for the zoom screen test?
How do you know that other kid's haven't applied / been screen tested also, if it was open to everyone?

How!? Encouraging your kids to try different things is not pushy.

OP you are correct, give both kids the opportunity. NM should back off and let the production company do their job.

I emailed the company putting forward both DS and DD. They pencilled us in for a zoom meeting.

I told the nursery manager who then asked me not to put forward DD because she wanted another child to take part.

During the zoom meeting I asked whether it was possible three children could take part as the nursery manager told me there's another child wanting to do it. They said that should be fine.

I relayed that back to the nursery manager who then said she doesn't want my DD doing it, she has chosen two other kids to do it alongside my DS.

I don't know for sure that others from the nursery haven't applied, but it seemed as though I was first to communicate with the team etc.

It may well be that both me and the nursery have got the wrong end of the stick because until I posted here I wasn't aware there would be another casting interview, I (and presumably the nursery manager) assumed that because there was talk of forms etc after the zoom meeting that my two DC were definitely going to be filming.

All the best op,

Just read TFT and seen you have submitted daughter's details as well. This is the right thing to do. If the NM says anything to you I honestly wouldn't even engage. And I'd be thinking about changing nurseries as the manager's judgment is way off and seems she has something against your DD, or else is engaging in favouritism.

I hope both your DC get picked. And I hope that if something like this happens again you will be better at sticking up for your DC.

Three places and you want two? Yeah I think it’s grabby.

Why should the OP's children be penalised for being related?

There are three places up for grabs and three children will go and have a great time. It makes no difference who their parents are.

The nursery manager should mind her own business. She was asked to forward an e-mail not select children.

Nursery manager has favourites or friends or relatives she’s pushing.

you got the extra like she wanted and then she changes it, weird.

They might be siblings but they are also their own individual person!

Why would it be fairer for another child to get picked? Does OP's DD not have feelings or deserve the opportunity as much as any other child?

That line of thinking just screams of this being about the parents, if it's only OP's children then only she can show off her children on TV and another family can't 🙄

ALL the children deserve the opportunity and that includes the DD, if other parents are that bothered they can join a casting agency. Bottom line is they were only looking for 2 children, whoever gets picked, gets picked.

The NM sounds on a power trip. It;s absolutely nothing to do with her. These things get sent out from schools and you contact them directly. The NM has no idea what the production team are looking for and it's not her job. It would actually put me off sending my children to that nursery if the manager has so little thought for you DD feelings.

She doesn’t want any spaces. Her two children do.

Either that or she's just trying to throw her weight around because it makes her feel important.

You snooze, you lose.

And the 'I'm being firm on this' - wow! How dare she? What was she suggesting would happen if you didn't comply? I'm furious on your behalf.

Interesting choice of wording isn't it?

I took that to mean that she's putting her foot down and DD will not be taking part, however it doesn't appear that she has that authority.

The producer has emailed me a further two forms to sign and return which i just completed. These ones are performance exemption request forms, something to do with the council and licencing. I had to confirm that the kids haven't taken part in any performances in the past 6 months.

I would have found it quite intimidating having someone demand I not do something in that manner (although I can be a bit soft so doesn't take much!).

My son has done a few productions but through an agency, I didn't have to get the license from the council until the job was confirmed so fingers crossed for you!

Sounds like you do have the gig. But as other posters have said things can change all the time.

Your DC obviously came across well.

Honestly the NM doesn't have clue. Leave her to her 'admin day'. Things will have well moved on by then.