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Original poster

DC filming for TV program, problem with the nursery

259 replies

Pending653 · 20/07/2022 13:38

NC as its outing if another parent from the nursery sees this.

Last week a popular children's TV show got in touch with my DC's nursery by email and asked whether any of the children would be interested in taking part in an upcoming program as two kids were needed. The email asked for any parents who's children are interested to contact the team on the email given. The nursery manager then forwarded that email to parents asking if anybody was interested.

I asked my (two) DC and they said they would love to, they are 3 and 4 and both enjoy the program. They love the hosts.

I sent an email to the team saying we were interested and we scheduled a zoom meeting to introduce the kids and get a bit of information about filming. We were the first to apply.

I tell the nursery manager we are taking part and have a meeting scheduled, she then tells me she would prefer if I didn't put my DD forward, just DS, as she wants another family to have the chance to participate and she thinks DD would be too shy.

I'm now in an awkward position as both my DC want to do it but I've been made to feel as though I'm stealing the opportunity from another child.

The zoom meeting came and I took the opportunity to ask whether it would be possible for three children to participate and explained the issue, said the nursery told me there's another child who wants to do it so could they include them too, the team said that should be fine. Happy days.

I update the nursery manager to tell her that all is fine and it looks like they'll have 3 kids and not 2, so my DD can still do it.

She then comes back and says no and that she's going to be 'firm' but she doesn't want me to submit DD's details as she has chosen two other children to participate now - not just the one I was aware of who wanted to take part.

I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say so I just said right ok have a chat with the team and come back to me.

I received the consent forms today to fill in and they're asking for both of my children's details.

I explained the issue I was having with the nursery and suggested they have a chat as it was all getting quite confusing, but gave them my DS' details and filled in the forms for him accordingly.

Looking back at the initial email the team explicitly said for any families interested to contact them personally, which I did. There was no indication that the nursery would be choosing the children either from the nursery manager herself or the team!

My poor DD is going to be gutted. I don't know what to do?

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pending653 · 20/07/2022 14:01

SurpriseSurprise · 20/07/2022 13:58

To be fair I can see the Nursery Managers point, it would be fair if it was one of yours and one other child. Imagine how you’d feel if two siblings got in and wouldn’t allow your child to

Totally understand, that's why during the zoom meeting I asked whether they would accept three children and told them about the other child who wanted to participate.

If they'd have said no I would have taken DD out of the equation, but they said it would be fine, so in my mind everybody was a winner.

Only afterwards does the nursery manager say she has chosen another child ontop of the one I just spoke to the team about.

OP posts:
RebeccaCloud9 · 20/07/2022 14:05

Just keep in mind that in this process, they often have several children/settings in the pipeline at once and don't go with everyone - make sure your kids know that it is not definite that they will take part. It won't even definitely be part of the programme if it is filmed. (not trying to be negative, sounds v exciting, but keep it in mind!)

PinkArt · 20/07/2022 14:06

When I last spoke with the nursery manager and said she needs to talk to the team as its all getting too confusing, she said she would speak to them next week on her admin day which is a hindrance in itself as its time sensitive and the team were extremely keen to push ahead with the forms etc.
Next week in telly terms is the same as next year in many other industries! It works at a very fast pace. As far as they are concerned it's all sorted. They needed to find a couple of small kids, correctly thought the quickest way to do that would be via an email to a nursery/ nurseries (make sure they are doing things correctly though - ask questions re child licensing and chaperoning) and have found what they are after in your kids. That's now off the to do list and they're on to something else. Nothing 'confusing' about any of it!

TinyTear · 20/07/2022 14:10

Pending653 · 20/07/2022 13:46

Thanks for the prompt replies

I'm just writing a follow up email to the team with DD's details now.

It's incredibly frustrating. The phone call with the N.M left me feeling as though I'm being grabby. All I did was Contact the team as they requested and put forward my children who were interested.

The stuff about DD being shy is a smoke screen IMO, she can be shy but she was front and centre during the zoom meeting saying "my name is 'DD' nice to meet you" 😞

Good, because you were being unreasonable for not adding your DD details straight away!

ChocolateCroissantCafe · 20/07/2022 14:10

It could come down to whether the production team would rather include a sibling pair or two friends, to be honest. That'll just be down to who they have lined up for other episodes. Not in the business but have worked on a few projects where participants were chosen to be featured.

girlmom21 · 20/07/2022 14:10

SurpriseSurprise · 20/07/2022 13:58

To be fair I can see the Nursery Managers point, it would be fair if it was one of yours and one other child. Imagine how you’d feel if two siblings got in and wouldn’t allow your child to

But then the nursery manager should have been clear in her communication

Original poster
Pending653 · 20/07/2022 14:10

PinkArt · 20/07/2022 14:06

When I last spoke with the nursery manager and said she needs to talk to the team as its all getting too confusing, she said she would speak to them next week on her admin day which is a hindrance in itself as its time sensitive and the team were extremely keen to push ahead with the forms etc.
Next week in telly terms is the same as next year in many other industries! It works at a very fast pace. As far as they are concerned it's all sorted. They needed to find a couple of small kids, correctly thought the quickest way to do that would be via an email to a nursery/ nurseries (make sure they are doing things correctly though - ask questions re child licensing and chaperoning) and have found what they are after in your kids. That's now off the to do list and they're on to something else. Nothing 'confusing' about any of it!

Indeed, I've gone and over complicated it myself haven't I? I should have just put my two forward and left the rest to the other parents to get in touch or be told there was no more openings. It wasn't my job to ask them to squeeze in another child, I was only doing what I thought was a nice gesture so the other boy didn't miss out nor would my DD, and now here we are.

OP posts:
Trinity65 · 20/07/2022 14:12

RebeccaCloud9 · 20/07/2022 14:05

Just keep in mind that in this process, they often have several children/settings in the pipeline at once and don't go with everyone - make sure your kids know that it is not definite that they will take part. It won't even definitely be part of the programme if it is filmed. (not trying to be negative, sounds v exciting, but keep it in mind!)

This

Mariposista · 20/07/2022 14:16

Let the tv company decide. It’s a lovely idea having 2 siblings in it. And your daughter sounds lovely and polite introducing herself like that at such a young age.

Clarinet1 · 20/07/2022 14:38

Ultimately surely the choice of children should be down to the production company - they
know what they are trying to achieve. The nature of the programme may even enable them to be flexible about how many children to use if they think several are great. In any case, if they are still asking about your Dd, keep replying to their enquiries.

jessycake · 20/07/2022 14:39

I expect it will be out of everyone's hands the tv programme will choose the children that they feel will best . I don't see why she is even involved unless they are filming at her setting .

Petulathethird · 20/07/2022 14:41

Don't disappoint your daughter. They are your children and it's your decision, not the nursery manager's.

NCHammer2022 · 20/07/2022 14:41

If the nursery wanted control over which children were put forward they shouldn’t have asked families to contact the production company themselves.

MeenzAmRhoi · 20/07/2022 14:42

Yeah I agree, you shouldn't have asked for a third child to be allowed but it's done now. You've sent both your children's details in which was the right thing to do, it has feck all to do with the nursery manager and her trying to tell you to not allow your daughter to apply is just weird imo.

Hope it all works out

Thegreatestshowoff · 20/07/2022 14:42

Not quite sure who the nursery ‘manager’ thinks she is! She passed on some info and you acted on it. Her role was just that - to pass on the info. Not up to her how things evolve from here. It would put me off the nursery to be honest. She doesn’t sound very nice and she has fuck all right to tell you what to do with your life!

tiarax · 20/07/2022 14:44

Both your children have enough right to apply as any other children at the nursery. Do not listen to them; it is up to the TV company to choose who they want and IMO they would like siblings!

ThreeLittleDots · 20/07/2022 14:46

It's none of the nursery manager's business and you went above and beyond asking for an additional child anyway.

womaninatightspot · 20/07/2022 14:57

My kids were going to be on Down on the farm and the shyer/ younger one didn't want to on the day so it was just the eldest. So children do get cold feet. It's really not up to the manager it's the production company. I'd let them decide.

sunglassesonthetable · 20/07/2022 14:58

I bet your NManager was flexing her ' power' and 'promised' it to another parent.

It's down to the Production Company and what their criteria is. From personal experience siblings are often a bonus in terms of chaperone etc. I would just bypass the Nursery Manager and continue dealing with the Production Team. As after all, you were directed to them in the first place. The whole 'she's shy' thing is a total red herring. The production people will be the judge of that.

Don't tie yourself in knots about the other child or try to organise anything else. Production Team will be moving at warp speed now to set it all sorted. Leave it to them.

notanothertakeaway · 20/07/2022 15:01

The nursery manager is out of order. Her role was to share info with families that might be interested. After that, it's none of her business who is selected. I wouldn't engage with her any further on this

antelopevalley · 20/07/2022 15:08

It is not the nursery managers decision. Just send in details. If she comes back and explains, just say the TV company turned down the other children and you have no idea why. She should take it up with them, and if you turn it down the TV company will just go elsewhere.

IcedOatLatte · 20/07/2022 15:08

The nursery manager doesn't seem to get that the TV company will do whatever suits them, maybe that will be what she wants, maybe it won't, I wonder why she thinks it's up to her

If I was the TV person I'd probably move to a different nursery that's less hassle

diningiswest · 20/07/2022 15:14

As a tv producer, if the nursery manager was doing this I would be furious. We would want to meet all the potential participants ourselves and do the choosing. It's not for her to decide at all.

Original poster
Pending653 · 20/07/2022 15:14

IcedOatLatte · 20/07/2022 15:08

The nursery manager doesn't seem to get that the TV company will do whatever suits them, maybe that will be what she wants, maybe it won't, I wonder why she thinks it's up to her

If I was the TV person I'd probably move to a different nursery that's less hassle

That's what I'm worried about. If I were them I probably would go elsewhere. They're not interested in the nursery 'politics' they just wanted two kids for a show.

I'm kicking myself for not discounting what the N.M said and just sending DD's details with DS' at the first opportunity.

Hopefully they're not put off but if they are I wouldn't blame them.

OP posts:
Friendofdennis · 20/07/2022 15:15

the nursery manager is getting over involved. You’ve submitted both of your children’s details and it’s up to the researcher/producer what happens next. Don’t bring the nursery manager into any communication with the production team from now on in as that will be seen as unnecessary They just want to feature some children and wouldn’t want the hassle of the nursery manager trying to control the situation

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