DC filming for TV program, problem with the nursery

[Pending653]

NC as its outing if another parent from the nursery sees this.

Last week a popular children's TV show got in touch with my DC's nursery by email and asked whether any of the children would be interested in taking part in an upcoming program as two kids were needed. The email asked for any parents who's children are interested to contact the team on the email given. The nursery manager then forwarded that email to parents asking if anybody was interested.

I asked my (two) DC and they said they would love to, they are 3 and 4 and both enjoy the program. They love the hosts.

I sent an email to the team saying we were interested and we scheduled a zoom meeting to introduce the kids and get a bit of information about filming. We were the first to apply.

I tell the nursery manager we are taking part and have a meeting scheduled, she then tells me she would prefer if I didn't put my DD forward, just DS, as she wants another family to have the chance to participate and she thinks DD would be too shy.

I'm now in an awkward position as both my DC want to do it but I've been made to feel as though I'm stealing the opportunity from another child.

The zoom meeting came and I took the opportunity to ask whether it would be possible for three children to participate and explained the issue, said the nursery told me there's another child who wants to do it so could they include them too, the team said that should be fine. Happy days.

I update the nursery manager to tell her that all is fine and it looks like they'll have 3 kids and not 2, so my DD can still do it.

She then comes back and says no and that she's going to be 'firm' but she doesn't want me to submit DD's details as she has chosen two other children to participate now - not just the one I was aware of who wanted to take part.

I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say so I just said right ok have a chat with the team and come back to me.

I received the consent forms today to fill in and they're asking for both of my children's details.

I explained the issue I was having with the nursery and suggested they have a chat as it was all getting quite confusing, but gave them my DS' details and filled in the forms for him accordingly.

Looking back at the initial email the team explicitly said for any families interested to contact them personally, which I did. There was no indication that the nursery would be choosing the children either from the nursery manager herself or the team!

My poor DD is going to be gutted. I don't know what to do?

Am I being unreasonable?

The production company needed 2 children, and two children were selected. Great for those 2 children! It makes no difference whether these 2 children belong the same family, why would it? It's not for the parents benefit, surely?

My friends 2 little ones did this for a well known children's program, she zoomed with the company with her 4 year old and they asked if she had any other children so she brought her 3 year old on the call. They asked her to send details for both and said it was so much easier to have siblings as there are less adults required on set and it makes communication easier. Doesn't surprise me that they wanted both of yours!

I don’t get why the nursery are getting so involved. I can see why another parent may feel it’s unfair if their child doesn’t get a chance but both or yours do however it’s the luck of the draw. Of you’re not fast you’re last!

So the nursery have told you basically that you're grabby for putting both your children forward......but they thought there were only two spots available and had wanted to put two children neither of which were yours forward??? Fuck the nursery, the only person looking out for your kids here it seems is you.

If nursery wanted to unfairly hand pick children themselves then they should not have let everyone know about the opportunity just to then withdraw it. If they though it should be a limit then they should have been clear from the start that it was one application per family. The tv company are just using the nursery as a way to access multiple children/parents IMO, I doubt the nursery is anything to do with it beyond that and so they can be 'firm' all they like. However if they are suddenly no longer interested in your kids and use the two nursery wanted I'd be wondering what had been said.

I suspect NM is worrying she'll get parents moaning at her about it not being fair. Or she's got her favourites. Glad you ignored her.
Your children might not remember it but it can be recorded surely for them to keep?

Say to NM: " This has been badly handled. You never, at any point, said 'only one from each family'. If you unilaterally decided on that rule, why are you deciding whether it be my son, or my daughter, when I know their levels of enthusiasm most accurately?

You said to liaise with the production company, and I have done this, and so, whilst understanding that you may not like this, I will be guided by their requirements and decisions."

This is a good learning curve ,and one I wish I’d learned when my kids were small.
only you will push for your kids ,let other parents push for theirs.
yes you should of sent of both childrens details ,without fannying around trying to please people you never will please ,and who aren’t going to try to please you .
that NM should of been thrilled for your DD especially as you say she is quite quiet .
hope both your children get picked x

Oh, ffs. The nursery manager can piss off. She wasn’t asked to select the children. And clearly it is nothing whatsoever to do with giving other children a “chance,” as she is more than happy to disappoint specific children by interfering and telling their parents not to submit their details. Either she is particularly friendly with another parent/related to a child herself, or she thinks your dd will give a less good impression of her nursery than other children.

Another TV Producer here.

Production Team really don't care what NM thinks. They want animated/chatty kids who will be easy to work with and are drama free. The nursery is causing drama not you. Also with my producer hat on, siblings is better as only one chaperone needed and one person to communicate a call sheet with etc.

However it's out of your hands now.

What I would do at this stage is manage your DC expectations. Explain they might not be picked or they may pick one and not the other 'this time'. If they end up just using DS, remind DD that nice things will happen to her that DS won't get too. And 'how exciting your DB is going to be on tv' etc.

That's where I'd be focussing on - just in case things don't go to plan.

You've done nothing wrong :)

Let's hope your kids are actually chosen after all this angst 😬
It would be quite unusual to choose on a first come, first served basis, tbh...

Surely the production team will do the picking if they get more candidates than places. Not the manger.

It doesn’t matter what the Nursery Manager says, it’s up to the production company. They’re the ones who’ve sent over the contracts and/or release forms.

My son was a child actor for most of his life (he’s now an executive producer as an adult). From a very young age he would go to a thousand casting calls & auditions, part of the world is dealing with rejection. It’s the nature of the business & the decision to hire is solely with the production company. It matters squat if another parent or nursery manager wants your child to perform or not, it’s simply not their decision.

He was incredibly lucky with his audition success rate. Nearly 50% of jobs he auditioned for & got. Sometimes it was a case of his face not being quite right, or maybe he was too tall. Or short. Or some other tiny reason he wouldn’t be quite right. And that’s if a production company actually gave feedback after an audition or recall to pass on from his agent.

It’s your job as a parent to build in resilience if they don’t get a particular job. Do your best, but if you don’t get the job, brush yourself down & carry on. It’s the nature of the business!

The mistake you made was trying to mediate in the first place, asking about 3 kids, relaying that back etc. in fact even telling the nursery manager you were taking part… before the zoom mtg had even happened.

The instruction was apply to the production co. From then in all your communication was with them, all decision making in their hands.

Tell your D.C. the company have lots of kids to choose from, and they will make a decision. I would guess it wouldn’t have been first come first serve, but a bit of a ‘screen test’ over zoom?

This happened in my village a couple of months ago, my friend was involved. She put forward her group of kids ( hobby group leader if that makes sense) after parents consents obtained and left it to the production company. They know why they want from the children so it’s silly the nursery manager saying your DD is shy. Submit both your dc details and let the professionals do their job.

It's been a while since I worked at CBeebies but I would personally prefer siblings. They're more comfortable together. It's also one fewer parent to wrangle!

I don't get why the nursery manager is butting their nose in. That would get my back up. Presumably the nursery was just a conduit to find suitably aged children.

I would also prepare your kids for the inevitable crash in showbiz. I'm glad the zoom went well. But there will be a long list to be whittled down. I would prepare them for the fact they might not get picked. But how exciting to be involved etc.

First comes, first served. The fairest way to run this. Imagine if she had to pick 2 kids from a nursery. No, send an email and let the parents apply.

OP, just ask the manager if she is supposed to be picking the kids for the TV. If she says no then tell her that they have asked you for both children's details and that's that. Don't discuss that any further.

My son was in SS too. They did a separate sifting filming day at school and then the proper filming day (weeks apart) with the two selected. He did love doing it and still likes watching himself on tv!

Well the nursery manager is up her own.

The email asked for parents to contact. You did. You were first in line. They production company are happy. Job done.

Who cares if other kids would like it too? Life isn't fair and equal. For example: tickets for Amazing Band go on sale at x o'clock. I'm ready at x o'clock and book them. Person Y didn't get organised to book them. Should I give my tickets to person Y because they want to see them too? Fuck no.

The nursery manager, for some insane reason, thinks she has a say. She does not.

Carry on as normal. If your kids get the gig then perhaps you can 'politely explain' to NM in an email that she is deeply unpleasant for the comments regarding your DD. You'll word it much nicer than I can.

Good luck.

It sounds perfectly reasonable to me and not at all grabby.

They emailed asking for people to contact and you did.

I'd wonder why the nursery manager seems to not want your dd involved.

Thank you for all of the replies, it's also good to hear from people with first hand experience of this type of thing.

As PP guessed it is a Cbeebies show 🙂

Casting/kids on TV is all new to me and I know next to nothing about the process, I saw the email come in and mentioned it to the kids who were enthusiastic so I thought why not let's have a go.

It seems as though I might be mistaken about how the process goes. I assumed that the zoom meeting was them 'getting the gig' so to speak and that it was a done deal. Reading through the comments it seems that there's usually always a further screening in-person before the kids are selected. If that is the case I'll be sure to manage their expectations.

You’ve done nothing wrong.
The manager is looking at it from the parents’ point of view. I suppose that’s where her money lies. Her way makes three parents happy and three children happy.
If both your children get selected it’ll only make two parents happy but will still make three children happy.

I can see the manager's point of view in wanting to extend it to more than one family. Perhaps she just needs to stress that it's not her decision and let as many as wants apply.

Ignore the manager. If they wanted to put certain children forward they shouldn’t have sent it to everyone. They’ve been very poor in how they’ve handled it.

The NM needs to focus on her job and stop interfering.

Just because they only want 2 kids doesn't mean they will only consider 2. I'm sure the TV company will want to see as many DCs as are interested and will choose the best!

I can see the manager's point of view in wanting to extend it to more than one family. Perhaps she just needs to stress that it's not her decision and let as many as wants apply.

The email was sent out to all parents. Anyone family who wanted could apply.