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Friend not speaking to me because I eat eggs

312 replies

Upthebracket22 · 19/07/2022 13:18

I am a lifelong veggie- my parents were 70’s hippies & so I have never eaten meat and was raised vegetarian & I don’t eat dairy either but I am not a vegan as I eat eggs - I find I need the protein & generally benefit from eating them.

my friend turned vegan last year and is really militant- sends me horrible videos of baby chicks having their heads cut off etc. i asked her to stop as it was upsetting & I didn’t feel I needed to justify my dietary choices to anyone and now she’s stopped speaking to me. Says she finds it difficult to engage with anyone who eats animal products.

Aibu to feel upset and also a bit like- go & try to covert some meat eaters if that’s your thing but preaching to the converted anyway - I am already trying my best and have had over 40 years of not eating animals - she’s had a year of it. She’s used language like murderer to me etc.

I do feel really upset about it all to be honest.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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IPreferCatstoPeople · 21/07/2022 12:10

My response to her ‘did you know that it is possible to be a vegan without actually telling anyone?’, followed by ordering a fried egg sandwich with an extra helping of egg.
Can also be applied to rabid gym bunnies, born again Christians, people who watch Love Island like it is a religion, and other assorted evangelicals!

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Sartre · 21/07/2022 12:15

Meh, I wouldn’t lose sleep at all. She sounds utterly insufferable so it’s really no loss.

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Loopyloopy · 21/07/2022 12:25

KittenKong · 20/07/2022 10:51

You’d think she’d know (being a vet and all).

She announced she was now a veggie at the restaurant, and made a big fuss about asking the waiter about everything on the menu (asking ‘can this be veggie?’).

She realised that the one veggie option on the menu wasn’t great (I had it and it was pretty horrible) then plumped for the lamb. The waiter did look a bit 😳 and her husband was really embarrassed.

Funnily enough i was out for dinner recently and the table next to us had a vegan (he mentioned it quite a few times - loudly and was being a bit show-offy to the others at the table who were all ‘how do you manage to eat out?’ ‘You are so disciplined’ ‘must be so hard’). He then ordered the paneer. Hmmmm.

I don't really understand the fuss about this. She's a vegetarian that got stuck with no palatable vegetarian alternatives, so she ate meat. It doesn't make her not a vegetarian - she chooses vegetarian meals when she can. Or should she go hungry just to keep you happy?

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Loopyloopy · 21/07/2022 12:29

TibetanTerrah · 21/07/2022 08:44

Cheese yes, but I wouldn't say i actually like meat. The texture grosses me out and anything with bones makes me very aware I've just eaten an animal carcass.

I was trying to lose weight (just about there now) and low carbing. It's very, very difficult to get a variety of low carb, high protein meals without including meat. pulses are too high carb, as are nuts, and look at the vegetarian freezer section in the supermarket and it's very disappointing.

I do eaten vegetarian food, I'm actually dating a pescatarian and never eat meat when we're out, but it's disingenuous to accuse me of just liking the taste when it's more complex than that.

Same. I used to mostly eat vegetarian food, but keeping the carbs down was hard. I then had to go on a low FODMAP diet, and absolutely needed meat, including red meat, to get enough calories, protein, and iron.

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PoseyFlump · 21/07/2022 12:46

I don't really understand the fuss about this. She's a vegetarian that got stuck with no palatable vegetarian alternatives, so she ate meat. It doesn't make her not a vegetarian

Wrong. It makes her a flexitarian. It's totally different to someone committed to not eating meat. Again, if it's a diet and not a way of life just say so and stop pretending otherwise else it's virtue signalling, wanting people to believe something about you that's simply not true.

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Loopyloopy · 21/07/2022 12:59

PoseyFlump · 21/07/2022 12:46

I don't really understand the fuss about this. She's a vegetarian that got stuck with no palatable vegetarian alternatives, so she ate meat. It doesn't make her not a vegetarian

Wrong. It makes her a flexitarian. It's totally different to someone committed to not eating meat. Again, if it's a diet and not a way of life just say so and stop pretending otherwise else it's virtue signalling, wanting people to believe something about you that's simply not true.

Not necessarily. There was a thread on here a little while ago and no two posters could agree on where vegetarianism stopped and flexitarianism began. The remainder of the posts were all about how much they hated the term, and about how anyone who used it was pretentious. I happen to think it's a useful term, but it's not widely used.

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PoseyFlump · 21/07/2022 13:15

If you eat meat, even only occasionally, then you are not vegetarian. It's not difficult @Loopyloopy

In fact it is insulting to real vegetarians.

Dictionary definition:


1 a person who does not eat meat or fish, and sometimes other animal products, especially for moral, religious, or health reasons.

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Loopyloopy · 21/07/2022 13:23

PoseyFlump · 21/07/2022 13:15

If you eat meat, even only occasionally, then you are not vegetarian. It's not difficult @Loopyloopy

In fact it is insulting to real vegetarians.

Dictionary definition:


1 a person who does not eat meat or fish, and sometimes other animal products, especially for moral, religious, or health reasons.

It's a diet, not a religion.

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PoseyFlump · 21/07/2022 13:31

A court ruled that ethical veganism is a philosophical belief and therefore protected in law. You can't discriminate in the same way as you can't against people of faith.

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Vikinga · 21/07/2022 13:45

IPreferCatstoPeople · 21/07/2022 12:10

My response to her ‘did you know that it is possible to be a vegan without actually telling anyone?’, followed by ordering a fried egg sandwich with an extra helping of egg.
Can also be applied to rabid gym bunnies, born again Christians, people who watch Love Island like it is a religion, and other assorted evangelicals!

Except gym goers etc doesn't torture and kill other living beings. There's the difference

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GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin · 21/07/2022 13:49

ilyx · 19/07/2022 20:41

probably eats ultra processed fake meats without a care as to how they're produced and the energy needed to produce them

Oh yes Soy Protein and Pea Protein are so evil 😂 what a joke.

There's quite a bit of evidence that Ultra Processed Foods are really quite bad for us, and almost all meat-alternatives fall into the UPF category. I actually really like Linda McCartney sausages and will happily eat the odd soya burger but we can't get away from the fact that they are generally made from some very artificial ingredients and/or from products which are water/energy intensive to produce (avocados, almonds being the two that spring to mind). Then there are the knock-on ethical effects such as deforestation of rainforests to clear land on which to grow soya, gang behaviour driven by the avocado trade in Mexico etc. There's always a balance to be struck of which one is the path of least harm, but it's disingenuous to pretend that one path has no harms at all.

Back to the subject in hand, YANBU. I stopped eating meat that doesn't have high welfare standards years ago, and I find it amusing that people who knocked me for that ("What does it matter?" or "Oh OK but do you want to share mine then? It's only chicken!") are some of the ones who've had an epiphany since and suddenly I'm an animal murderer Hmm A vegan mate once said "Vegans like me hate vegans like that - they give us a fucking bad name!"

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PoseyFlump · 21/07/2022 13:56

deforestation of rainforests to clear land on which to grow soya,

The vast majority being grown to feed to animals. That's a non argument.

This thread is turning into vegan bingo.

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GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin · 21/07/2022 14:27

The vast majority being grown to feed to animals.

That may be so but that doesn't mean that some isn't being used in human food, or that the non-rainforest grown soya wouldn't otherwise be fed to animals if it wasn't being used in meat/dairy alternatives.

That doesn't make it a "non-argument", just something that doesn't fit your narrative.

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Musicislife · 21/07/2022 14:37

She’s giving herself a hard time and is going to lose friends over this. We can all only do our best within our own situation if we care about animals and the environment, I have cut out meat it started gradually at age 16, but there’s a lot I can’t eat cos of IBS so a lot of veg is out so in order to keep healthy I still eat fish, dairy occasionally eggs, I can eat nuts and oats but don’t know if I could switch to those milks from dairy , and being vegan is expensive! Good luck 🤞

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Musicislife · 21/07/2022 14:53

gregaliara · Today 04:35
You need kind, good, committed friends in your life, you deserve NOTHING LESS.

So as a very mature citizen I ask does she meet that standard, could she EVER meet that standard. In these challenging times YOU need that requirement to be met, if someone cant meet that requirement, without anger, you need to politely advise them to move on. When that is done you can be proud of yourself. Best wishes

gregaliara This is inspiring 👏

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wheresmyshoe · 21/07/2022 15:15

My friend’s partner is a new evangelical vegan, despite several of us being life long vegetarians or vegans of at least ten years he still feels the need to lecture incessantly. For someone who exists on protein shakes, junk food and ready meals he doesn’t half have a lot to say about nutrition. We do our best to avoid him.

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KatieCelf · 21/07/2022 15:20

That’s really sad she’s behaving like that towards you. Leave her to it, you don’t need to justify yourself and you’re doing the best you can do. Friends don’t treat eachother like that.

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milkywithsixsugars · 21/07/2022 16:50

I eat meat now after being vegetarian for years, but try to choose the plant based alternative where I can (I’ve found some lovely plant based things that I’d definitely choose over the meat version- M&S Plant Kitchen salt no-beef sandwich is chef’s kiss). I’m happy with my dietary choices, and I don’t think mine effect anyone else, so I don’t pay attention to the dramas I see online from the militant portion of the vegan crowd.
I don’t understand the egg issue with vegans anyway. They’re generally speaking unfertilised, so (vile I know), they’re just chicken ovulations. Basically a waste product that happens to be delicious 😏 so why not use them rather than waste them.

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PoseyFlump · 21/07/2022 17:05

@milkywithsixsugars you've totally missed the point. It's not about the unfertilised eggs. It's about the killing of the male chicks from the fertilised eggs. You know, the ones needed to produce the female hens to produce the unfertilised eggs. You can't get one without the other!!

I'm truly shocked at the lack of education on this thread whatever your lifestyle. We really need to be teaching this stuff better in school so at least choosing what you eat is an informed decision, not an ignorant one.

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MrsRonaldWeasley · 21/07/2022 17:06

This isn’t how a friend acts - make peace with it and move on 🤗

I had a similar experience with a very good friend who suddenly became ultra religious and said she didn’t feel we could be close friends anymore because our beliefs weren’t the same 🤷🏻‍♀️ I was really sad about it but real friends don’t set conditions, they accept you for who you are, so I made peace and moved on.

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TheGoodEnoughWife · 21/07/2022 17:38

PoseyFlump · 21/07/2022 17:05

@milkywithsixsugars you've totally missed the point. It's not about the unfertilised eggs. It's about the killing of the male chicks from the fertilised eggs. You know, the ones needed to produce the female hens to produce the unfertilised eggs. You can't get one without the other!!

I'm truly shocked at the lack of education on this thread whatever your lifestyle. We really need to be teaching this stuff better in school so at least choosing what you eat is an informed decision, not an ignorant one.

Totally agree!

I am not vegan or vegetarian and eat eggs but people are completely missing the point of where their lovely female egg laying hens come from! As yet there is no way to tell if a egg will produce a hen or a cockerel. Therefore the male chicks happen and are killed.

BUT to the thread - your friend needs to butt out and there is no excuse for her calling you a murderer or sending you distressing videos.

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Purple52 · 21/07/2022 17:53

She needs a slap round the face with a wet fish

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Purple52 · 21/07/2022 17:55

& buy your eggs locally and responsibly. Does small businesses a favour too.

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MyrrAgain · 21/07/2022 18:38

Send her a message tallying up the number of animals she's eaten or that have suffered for her food enjoyment over the years Vs yours. And highlight that yours is much lower
Then remind her That all the eggs you buy are free range and from a nice friendly local farm where none of the animals suffer.

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Blueink · 21/07/2022 18:51

I think OP is perfectly aware of ethical reasons after growing up with a vegan Mum, bombarding of radical imagery from her friend and doesn’t need further ‘eduction’ here.

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