Going on holiday with in-laws sounds like hell on earth

[WilsonMilson]

Inspired by some threads I’ve read recently, I’m struck by how many people seem to take holidays with extended family, parents, in-laws, siblings and their families.

This is my idea of absolute hell.

I could just about stretch to going with my parents for a short break, but even then I’d rather not. There is no way I would entertain going abroad with my in-laws or siblings / in law siblings and their kids to a villa. Absolutely no way.

Now that I think of it, this goes for house guests too. We had my aunt and uncle to stay for a few days recently, I love them to bits but couldn’t wait for them to go so I could get my space back and my house clean and tidy again and not have to be constant hostess catering to every whim.

Is it just me? Am I just an anti social old fun sucker for enjoying DH and DS company. I love seeing family and friends, but the last thing I want is to be on holiday with them or having enforced extended inescapable contact.

I've been on holiday with my family before. Normally, I would hate the idea of a family holiday, but it's been fine. BUT, that's because we've all had our own separate hotel room/apartments and we've been free to come and go as we please. We have a 'base' by the pool, but some may go the beach for a bit, or a day trip etc and we'd just meet up (or not) at some pint during the day or evening.

I love going on holiday with other people, and I love my in-laws, so I'm obviously the opposite of you.

Does it not make you sad that your DS might get together with someone like you and you will never get to go on holiday with him again?

We did a family wedding abroad and even though we did our own stuff during the day I found the constant meet at xx for tea, meet at xxx for lunch a bit tiring, would never do it just for fun!

I am with you, I love my parents but would not want to go on holiday with them and same with the in laws. I have a few friend who go away with family in big groups some do this as the parents pay for the holiday.

Well, I suppose the main factor for me is that I get on with both my parents and my in laws quite well - it would be hell on Earth if I didn’t like them.

my parents come away with us and other siblings and it works well. DH and I sometimes go out in the evening with siblings and my parents look after our children which is brilliant, it means we can have a night out as a couple and relax. I wouldn’t consider leaving them with a sitter abroad so this works well for us.

It has pros and cons. If you get on, and have similar rythems, I don't know why you wouldn't, it's a nice way to spend time together.

I find my IL's much easier to cope with on holiday than my own parents, but my husband prefers to go with mine I think we find it easier to make allowances for each others parents.

We've had lovely holidays with both, but not long ones- a week max preserves relationships all round!

I hope my kids will holiday with us in the future (again though, 7 days max!)

My holidays are sacred. I hate sharing with anyone except DH & DC. Having to ask others if they want to do this / where to eat .. waiting for them to get ready etc. We're well known for our quirky holidays & don't want to have to compromise that.

We've constantly got family & friends trying to join these holidays but I'm not interested. I dislike IL's, DM gets upset easily & friends either have no DC or are physically unable to keep up. Most want us to change our plans & everything is a huge discussion.

So I book before anyone knows. And say nothing until too late to join us.....

I’d def go with DHs siblings and their partners/kids. Prob not with parents as would feel like I had to take care of them.

However, I absolutely love a holiday with friends and their children so long as the children all get on. Have done it many many times. Thai villas, Australian winelands, uk cottages, skiing. Love it all.

Well don't go with them then 😅not like you've mentioned you've had an invite so they probably don't really want to go with you either.

I've been on extended family holidays and it's great! DCs playing each other, adults all doing something different in groups whether that's BBQing, pool, walk to the shops, etc. It's wonderful and you're welcome to spend as much or little time socialising as you want.

I live with DStep children and DP so see enough of them as it is 😂

We’ve just had my MIL in our holiday home for 3 days. I’m fine with her for a night, but she does nothing but moan, is really ungrateful, does nothing with the kids and her offers to help this time lead to three broken plates and her moving around the kitchen very slowly getting in the way.

she’s gone home.

2 nights only next time.

@Holly60 I’ve never really thought about what DS will do for holidays when he’s older and doesn’t want to come with us. DH and I are love each other’s company, so I don’t think it’s something that would make me very sad tbh.

On mumsnet people hate socialising, houseguests or holidays with anyone. In the real world people like their family, enjoy spending time with their friends and even maintain those relationships.

I actually think I would love it now DC are older and there's less chance of conflicting needs/schedules/interests. My PIL's moved back to be closer to us about 2 years ago after 20 years living 200 miles away and I'm enjoying spending time with them far more than I thought I would. DH has also recently repaired a long standing rift with his Dsis (who I've always loved and have really missed during the fall out) so a big family holiday with all of us sounds amazing to me! I am blessed with lovely in-laws though, I realise not everyone is in that position so YANBU.

@MermaidMummy06 friends either have no DC or are physically unable to keep up

I understand the physical aspect but how on earth would someone not reproducing be a hindrance or inconvenience 🙄

I don't think there's anything wrong with you, but I personally really like going away with family (including in-laws) and friends. Particularly now we're going away with young children - I find having more adults around makes it a lot more fun for the grown-ups. I also enjoy having house guests, but that doesn't mean you have to either. As my nana would say, horses for courses!

@underneaththeash yes, limiting the nights is absolutely what I’m going to do next time too. Aunt and Uncle stayed 3, 2 was manageable but by the third I was beginning to lose the will. Added to that; we were getting ready to go on holiday ourselves the next day and had to pack and clean, all the while they sat there waiting to be entertained, fed and watered. Maddening.

My DP and DCs are going on holiday with my ILs. I'm not! Problem solved.

SIL and her H often take PILs on holiday. For them, any downsides are outweighed by the availability of babysitting.

My H and I are massive introverts, so honestly no amount of free childcare would be worth having anyone constantly in our living space for a full week, no matter how much we love them (and we do).

Yanbu. Its not just with in laws but having a whole load of extra people with different ideas about what they want to do. As I once said to my MIL, I go on holiday to get away from everyone, not to take them with me!!!

I love going away with my friends who don't have children but not while taking mine with me! I think it's really, really hard to holiday with people who don't have children if you do while keeping it fun and fair for everyone, it's just hard to be compatible (and realistically I think it's the ones without children who are most likely to get the raw end of the deal).

You have to pick the right holiday. So we’re off for a beach villa affair and DM is coming and DPIL we’re invited and would have been most welcome. There’s a pool and the beach and town and we will probably split out into groups to do things as we all wish. An extra pair of hands with the DC is very useful (it was even more so a few years ago when going to the beach involved eagle eyed supervision of DS1 to avoid him going into the sea solo and of DS2 to avoid him eating sand!).

Yes! I remember being really confused in my early MN days that so many people never wanted to socialise. I, and now DH and I always holiday with friends. Before we were dating if we hadn’t holidayed with friends we would have done it alone and neither of us would have liked that.

We spend time with family too because we enjoy each other’s company. We also annoy each other but we can tolerate that too.

@luxxlisbon I love my family, I enjoy spending time with them and also with my friends. I’d consider myself reasonably sociable and amiable. So I think it’s unfair to categorise those that don’t enjoy holidays with family to somehow not care about them or want to spend any time with them.

What I don’t like is holidays with them, endless days and nights having enforced living with friends or family, inability to escape them, having to always do what other people want, having to people please and pander to certain people, not getting time with DH. Just don’t like it. Horses for course, everyone’s mileage will vary, but to claim some sort of superior love for family and enhanced ability to maintain friendships on the basis that you like going on hols with them is a bit off.

I'm sending DH and DS1 off on hols with the PIL. DS2 and I will have a little holiday of our own somewhere at the same time. Works for everyone (our boys love having one of us to themselves for a bit) but especially me who would commit MURDER if I was on the family holiday.