Going on holiday with in-laws sounds like hell on earth

[WilsonMilson]

Inspired by some threads I’ve read recently, I’m struck by how many people seem to take holidays with extended family, parents, in-laws, siblings and their families.

This is my idea of absolute hell.

I could just about stretch to going with my parents for a short break, but even then I’d rather not. There is no way I would entertain going abroad with my in-laws or siblings / in law siblings and their kids to a villa. Absolutely no way.

Now that I think of it, this goes for house guests too. We had my aunt and uncle to stay for a few days recently, I love them to bits but couldn’t wait for them to go so I could get my space back and my house clean and tidy again and not have to be constant hostess catering to every whim.

Is it just me? Am I just an anti social old fun sucker for enjoying DH and DS company. I love seeing family and friends, but the last thing I want is to be on holiday with them or having enforced extended inescapable contact.

I love my family and my in-laws, but holidays with them are largely stressful and not really enjoyable. We don't have kids, and it becomes tiresome when you're expected to plan your life around children for a week. It's also difficult being in such close confines with people when we're used to it being just us. Because it's just us 2, we tend to get the shitty end of the stick with everything too.

My family are overbearing, loud and just hard work really. I love them dearly, but they drive me mad.

I went a few times as ds was the first grandchild in the family and they live abroad but it's become my idea of hell. I'd rather sit in this heatwave in the uk than sit by the pool with them abroad which is what I'm doing right now despite them sending thousands of pictures of "wish you were here". No thanks, I'm happy with my freedom here stupid cow. I now go with DH 2x a year to their home for a week which I bite the bullet but I see it as a write off whereas on holiday, when world is going by and you see people enjoying themselves whilst I'm sat their listening to mil rambling utter crap out of her mouth and listening to the same stories and tolerating with her overbearing behaviour I would rather stick a knife in my eyeball than spend 24 hours with them in a holiday resort let alone a week.

Oh and my in-laws want to spend time with ds but only if I'm around to do all the grunt work. When I stay at their home though, I leave ds with DH and in-laws and I'm out shopping, getting my hair done, nails done, shopping, having coffee and I take my sweet time. I remind DH that he is there to see his parents and show ds and tell him to crack on with it.

YANBU, I will never go away with all my family ever again, it's too hard work! Very difficult to please 3 generations with different needs IME, particularly if you're not used to living in each other's pockets.

We often go on holiday with my Dfiancé parents and some extended family. Only in this county and only because the families have gone since the “children” were little and only because my in-laws to be have excellent boundaries and therefore everyone amuses themselves within their own couple, or does things together if they want to but there is no pressure and no one gets offended which ultimately means we probably end up spending more time together - and everyone has a nice time!

No in laws anymore thank goodness (divorced) and my parents don’t do holidays anymore, a friend suggested our families go together but I’d hate to have to work round other people so just me & my children and that’s it how we like it

I am the ILs 😁. We go on holiday with adult DSs and partners plus SIL and BIL, nephews, nieces, with their adult partners and I love it. But always a hotel never a villa, and always own rooms, and on the understanding that everyone can do their own thing as and when they want to. The appeal for me is there is always someone up for doing an activity or excursion. We do also do holidays in smaller groups and alone. No DGC yet though, but hope to enjoy that too in the future and be able to help out as well. I guess it partly depends on the personalities of those involved. I think it's the fact you would feel its enforced and inescapable thats the problem.

No couldn't stand it either ... if I'm honest I don't really like holidaying with my DH or DS either ... too much compromising - my ideal holiday is completely alone. My adult DS already holidays with his own mates and I am delighted for him. The thought that some time in the future I might be invited to holiday with him and potential DGC fills me with horror. I do have the occasional short break away with my elderly DM ... but no way would I drag my DH along too.

I've been on many holidays with IL's. Just had a holiday with dh and dc but next two holidays are with friends and then my parents, siblings and their family. I prefer to go with people as it's better fun and kids keep themselves entertained. Dh prefers to go just us so we compromise.

Yep true.
See lots of grandparents on holiday building memories with the kids.

We have had the opposite problem with one side of the family - being expected to fit small children in with child-free adult timings for a whole week, eg not going anywhere until after they have got up at 11am, long late dinners, then being made to feel like we are “those parents” for needing a plan for where/when/what to feed toddlers and not always able to “go with the flow”. Those kinds of opposite extremes of expectations always go badly

My DH has just put his foot down about holidaying with my parents (his in laws). He can take no more. I don’t blame him tbh.

I would rather shit in my hands and clap, but that's including one side of my family, too.

My mum has been away with us a few times and we enjoy that, so does she - she's so much fun, kids love her. We are lucky. I've got some cousins who I'd love to go away with, but my in laws bar my brother and law and nieces, absolutely not. The thought makes me shiver 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

I semi agree with you and semi agree with some pp posters. It is only manageable if you all have enough space and nobody is insisting everyone has to do everything. That is the key, if somebody fancies a walk they go on one, others can read by the pool, some people may head to a local attraction etc. usually we would all meet up for dinner in the evening but even that is flexible with the exception of a few nights when a baby sitter has been booked along with a fancy local restaurant.
If everyone is able to come and go and enjoy each others company as they please it works great. I couldn't cope with the described holidays where theirs a schedule of who's cooking what, where you're going that day etc.

I love going on holiday with my family, but being honest I wouldn't be overly keen on going with my DPs.

But they don't really seem to do it much, anyway, whereas mine do.

We've been with my parents and siblings twice. Parents paid for a big villa with private pool/games etc, and everyone mucked in with my kids to allow DH and I a break. We're close so it was very fun and chilled! I wouldn't choose to do it for every holiday though.

Id never go with in-laws. It'd feel far too guarded/polite/formal. We're nowhere near close enough to be half naked sunbathing and waking up under one roof all week! It'd be a totally stressful, giant chore. And they wouldn't have the kids, so we'd be with them constantly in return for no quality time with DH. Literally no benefit!

We did this. It was great for childcare. Everyone had their own space and did our own thing. We had a few dinners together and gps watched the kids

We have been on a couple of big family holidays abroad (around 12 people!) including young kids. We stayed in a big villa and it was great because we did our own thing during the day, some of us went to the beach, others went exploring the local town. We didn’t have to do everything together but it was lovely spending time with everyone, big breakfasts and evening dinners /bbqs sat out in the garden. Lots of good memories.
Dh, Dd and I also go on short camping breaks with my parents (in the UK) a couple of times a year, which are always fun. Dd is happy with a big field to play in!

I wouldn’t enjoy going on holiday with mil or dhs stepdad because they are the type of people who would expect to do everything together & mil would think something was wrong if we wanted to do something separately. We get on fine, but I definitely don’t want to go on holiday with them & fortunately it’s never come up in all the years we’ve been together.

I know a few families who always go away together. I’m wondering if it’s because they’re afraid to go it alone. Or some couples can’t cope with each other, so they need this. I’ve been with siblings in the past but it wasn’t enjoyable as they thought we had to do everything they wanted to do, & spend every minute of the day together. It’s my worst mare, I go on holiday to get away from everyone.

No it
isnt about being afraid to go alone. Have you not read the thread? Some people have families where it works well, others don’t. Clearly it doesn’t work for you. I think you’re completely normal so why don’t you think people who do things differently might be doing so out of genuine enjoyment?

Depends on the holiday in my opinion. A city break in autumn or winter is very different from two weeks on a Spanish or Greek beach.

No, it's not just you. I would never agree to go on holidays with my parents, sister or in-laws etc. Never. They are family, so obviously I keep in touch with them, visit them, but mostly because I have to (because tHeYr'E fAmIlY🤐), not because I enjoy it.

Oh great, another thread where OP reassures themselves they aren't the only person not to like a thing, and argues with people who do like the thing, except it's not really a proper argument, it's just people going "i like the thing" "well, I don't like the thing" until someone leaves or dies.

@WilsonMilson

“Am I just an anti social old fun sucker for enjoying DH and DS company”

yes. Yes you are

very boring

also remember that one day your ds will be grown and have his own life and/or your DH could die or leave you. You should try and learn to enjoy other people’s company as well as theirs

Depends on the holiday. Went on a canal boat once with BIL. It was awful. I had no desire to drive the bloody thing, but was happy to cook. They thought we should all take turns at everything. DH and I wanted to meander from pub to pub, with nice walks and stops to sunbathe and read. They wanted to drive, drove, drive and do lock staircases and to motor as far and fast as possible from where we started. DSIL complained that she was stuck with all the driving (but was the one who wanted to go such a long way)
Nobody was happy. The following year we went skiing. Ate out all the time, they got up early and went adventuring on all day black runs.
I wandered out later to ski school and joined them for the odd red. I simply declined anything I didn’t want to do and sometimes even spent afternoons in the spa.
Of course, they were miffed because obviously only they knew how to have a good time, but they couldn’t make me go and I didn’t.
DH sometimes went with them and sometimes with me. Everybody was happy (they are all better skiers than me. What’s fun for them is hard work and often painful for me. They thought I should work harder to get better. I said ‘fuck off, I’m on holiday’. DH enjoyed the challenges with them. I was totally happy dipping in and out)

OTOH I love going to festivals with people and piggybacking on their good taste in and enthusiasm for music, as left to my devices I’ve never heard of anyone and just wander around getting lost and missing anything good. Absolutely love camping with family, but also refuse to do things that don’t work for us now. They like to take their boys to a pub to watch the rugby. Taking toddler (at the time) DD to a pub where she will neither eat nor drink (only drinks water!) I can’t drink because I’m on my own and always have to drive and entertaining her for 80 minutes of rugby neither of us are interested in a pub is no fun at all. They also liked paid activities that got their kids out of their hair, but mine is younger and needs more help, so it was not fun for me having to them with her, if she was allowed. They’d pitch in, to be fair to them, but it’s not the same. I had to go swimming.
They’d just chuck the kids in and open the wine poolside. Whereas mine was happy playing in a stream with a stick.

Parents are another matter. Mum lives abroad and I don’t visit now. I don’t love her country, and she lives in the middle of nowhere with nowhere to go and nothing to do in a completely un-child friendly building site on the side of a mountain with no heating. If we go she drags us round endless smoky bars with awful food and her equally awful friends. It’s too far to drive, given that I don’t want to go anyway, and if I fly, her husband has to drive us everywhere and he drinks and then expects to drive us home. The first time I went they had a land rover with only two seats and expected us to travel with no seats, let alone belts, in the back!
She’s got no toys or kid equipment so something like the beach is a nightmare. They won’t pay for anything like umberellas and think you can just chill in a café in the shade during the hottest part of the day (with a toddler). They think I should just smack DD if she can’t cope with their very adult lifestyle, and won’t make any accommodations. The second time I went (she bought us tickets for Christmas) she did hire a car and I could drive (and never drink!) It still sucked. If she comes here she treats the place like a hotel and just books tons of appointments and social things, with hardly any time for us, DD is massively wound up and then disappointed (in term time. She won’t come in the holidays, as the flights are more expensive) expects lifts to and from the airport in the middle of the night (I’m a single parent FFS!) and it’s hugely disruptive to our routine, which is a struggle for us anyway. She borrows my car all the time, leaves her washing and gets billions of parcels delivered weeks beforehand (not just little things. I once had a fucking trailer arrive!). It makes me feel like I’m parenting them, and I’m not up for it. In future she will be welcome to stay as long as she likes. In school holidays. In fairness, I have not yet had this conversation. I would like to approach it tactfully and proactively and invite her for specific activities or holidays here, but I’m too broke atm. In practice she will likely push the boundaries until I put my foot down. She’s like that. There no malice in her, she just has no boundaries and assumes no one else does either.