Going on holiday with in-laws sounds like hell on earth

[WilsonMilson]

Inspired by some threads I’ve read recently, I’m struck by how many people seem to take holidays with extended family, parents, in-laws, siblings and their families.

This is my idea of absolute hell.

I could just about stretch to going with my parents for a short break, but even then I’d rather not. There is no way I would entertain going abroad with my in-laws or siblings / in law siblings and their kids to a villa. Absolutely no way.

Now that I think of it, this goes for house guests too. We had my aunt and uncle to stay for a few days recently, I love them to bits but couldn’t wait for them to go so I could get my space back and my house clean and tidy again and not have to be constant hostess catering to every whim.

Is it just me? Am I just an anti social old fun sucker for enjoying DH and DS company. I love seeing family and friends, but the last thing I want is to be on holiday with them or having enforced extended inescapable contact.

Separate paragraphs, different points.

Point 1 - Being laid back is not necessary, you just all need to have similar ideas of what a good holiday is.

Point 2 - Going to an all exclusive beach resort (which quite a few people have suggested) is not suitable for everyone.

Depends who it is.
MIL, FIL, DM, most siblings and cousins (IL or mine) - fine, though own space at night is better unless it's only 2 nights, though we could be happy for longer with PIL and one cousin in law family.
DF and one sibling - we really need own space to minimise time spent with them to a few hours every two days or so.

Nope
Not a holiday as such but abroad in a relatives house
Pil just so controlling eg all went to a park and there was a donut 🍩 stand. I mentioned to DH , oh they look nice,I fancy a donut.

Pil heard and insisted they would get it. I /DH backed down and they came back with a pretzel 🥨? Other people still coming away with Donuts.

That sort of thing. Absolutely absurd. Controlling? Power trip? What ?

We've been away with my in-laws. I love them and we have a great time.

I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than go away with my own mother though.

I used to see it as a real stress to do as I'm not comfortable in large groups but I've been on family holidays with mine and dh family. Also with my dc and gc. The largest group was about 35 of us. Now it works because we give each other space and freedom to do things independently if we wish and everyone contributes. I'm not a very sociable person but if I can have my own space to retreat to I can relax and enjoy it. We also had holidays where we were in separate accommodation at the same place like a group of cottages or farms within 2 or 3 miles of each other. You get to enjoy time together without feeling forced to be on top of each other 24/7.

We go away with my DP's quite often and it's great. I think it really depends on the family dynamics though. It only works because everyone is free to do their own thing. There's no expectation we're together all the time, but when we are together we are all very relaxed in each others company. The DC love having their GP's there, and my DP's want to make the most of this time while they're still young and fit enough to travel. It's also nice for DH and I as they will always insist on having the kids at least one night so we can go out for a meal, have a few drinks and then sleep in the next morning.

We have only been away with PIL once and we both swore never again!!

Depends on the people and the dynamic of the holiday surely. I've been on holiday with my inlaws and it was great, going again next year. Just at the airport after a holiday with my parents, great! Just massively depends on the people surely?

There’s quite a lot of responses on here saying that they’ve found it fine to go away the extended family as long as everyone has their own room they can retreat to for peace and quiet, and that there’s no expectation for everyone to socialise together 24/7. Which is fine in theory.

But when I’ve done these kind of holidays a couple of times - against my better judgement - I’ve found there is an unsaid implication as to how much time you should spend by yourself, and going over this amount comes across as unsociable (to some extroverts anyway).

So for example I’d be happy with seeing everyone for an hour over breakfast, and then later on for a few hours over dinner every day. But for some other people, whose norm would be spending all their time with others apart from an hour here or there, my approach looks unsociable. And so I end up feeling forced to socialise a lot more than is comfortable for me.

We never holidayed with extended family until last year and we're planning a big holiday in a couple of years to celebrate my late father-in-law's life.

I’d happily go on holiday with my family or in laws. DP on the other hand would be driven crazy as he likes to explore and do things on holiday and feels curtailed by his family (less so by mine) who like a very relaxed, lounging type holiday so he would be hard to cope with!

I’ve found there is an unsaid implication as to how much time you should spend by yourself,

Yeah- I think you need to all be on the same page and have to be explicit up front what that looks like. Having said earlier how I've had all really successful group holidays there was one that was tricky because we had three families (8 adults, 7 kids in total) in a huge house and it was just chaos- it was taking us till 11am to get out of the door and cooking for that many people was just effort! The kids were fried as too hectic. The next year we went again and got three separate smaller houses and agreed to meet for lunch and an afternoon activity and that worked way better. Occasionally someone would say "we're going to the caves. will be there at 10 if anyone wants to come" and the kids did a few sleepovers but we also did our own thing a lot.

You do realise there are other ways to catch up with people that are not going on holiday together?