Going on holiday with in-laws sounds like hell on earth

[WilsonMilson]

Inspired by some threads I’ve read recently, I’m struck by how many people seem to take holidays with extended family, parents, in-laws, siblings and their families.

This is my idea of absolute hell.

I could just about stretch to going with my parents for a short break, but even then I’d rather not. There is no way I would entertain going abroad with my in-laws or siblings / in law siblings and their kids to a villa. Absolutely no way.

Now that I think of it, this goes for house guests too. We had my aunt and uncle to stay for a few days recently, I love them to bits but couldn’t wait for them to go so I could get my space back and my house clean and tidy again and not have to be constant hostess catering to every whim.

Is it just me? Am I just an anti social old fun sucker for enjoying DH and DS company. I love seeing family and friends, but the last thing I want is to be on holiday with them or having enforced extended inescapable contact.

We do it so the grandparents (who live far away) can spend long enough with the kids to build a relationship

We are early 60s and like holidays with no one else. I'm very selfish and am not going to compromise doing what others want on my lovely breaks!
Dh has young grandchildren and it has already been hinted at by their mum how nice it would be to go away with AuntieMarys and Grandpa.
No it wouldn't 🤣

Don’t enjoy family holidays with my parents or my in laws. It’s just stressful and I can’t be bothered to trying to appease everyone and be guilted into doing things I don’t enjoy.

I couldn’t stand it with my parents or my ILs but there are a few aunts and uncles I wouldn’t mind it with. I don’t know if they feel the same about us, mind!

Obviously it’s not just you. Loads of people don’t want to do it and don’t do it, some people don’t want to do it but still go ahead. But every family is different and some people do genuinely enjoy it. Why would you think no one else feels the way you do?

My mil bless her is keen. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than spend more time with my bil and sil. They are always late for everything, make all plans last minute and sil is more fussy when it comes to food than all the kids. I'd offer for mil to come but she wouldn't without them as sil needs help with her kids.

My parents would like to come with is but we would be limited on where we could go as they only really like one type of cuisine. My mum wouldn't like anywhere too hot and it would be up to us to do all the organising of day trips. It's less faff to go on our own as we have young kids, we are used to taking care of them without any family support so no issues with needing a break from them on holiday.

I think it can totally work though if you go for a short period, don't spend all your time together and actually do get along. Also helps if you run on a similar time, if one set are up at the crack of dawn and the others are not till midday it makes for more tension.

We always go with family. 15 of us this year, means all cults gets a break from the kids there are different options on where people are going or what activities they are doing so everyone is happy.

We did it once. A week in a villa in Spain with DH's parents, sister and family.

Just AWFUL. Hated it. FIL went into full on holiday mode, he'd been there a week and couldn't find the fridge. MIL flapping about making him cups of tea and waiting on him hand and foot. SIL and her husband standing around like wet lettuces because they had never been overseas before and didn't know what to do - and hadn't thought to look anything up online. DH and I spent the week being cooks, cleaners, chauffeurs and the sodding entertainments team too. Just horrendous and NEVER AGAIN.

Omg yes, think this every time I see a post! I absolutely hate the idea of it 🙈 we have a baby now and my in laws have a caravan they go away in constantly, I’m just waiting on them suggesting taking our baby away, whic I obviously wouldn’t be comfortable with (they’ve never even babysat before) but I’m already forseeing the next suggestion will be that we just go too 😩😩 We went 10 days to a friends villa abroad a few years ago pre-kids, it was the longest 10 days of my life.. my husband is so easy going but even he was like omg I can’t wait to go home. Everything we did was commented on, she even asked how many towels I had used from the cupboard for showers. I ended up not wanting to take a fresh towel and I was using a tiny little hand towel for fear of her saying anything else 🙈 She kept doing loads of washings (not ours as we said no we’re on holiday, do that when you go home) but she was huffing and puffing about hanging them out every day like she had been left to do all the housework. It was so hard going trying to politely say you didn’t mind as another day of plans were decided for you 🙈 never again!

Each to their own
we have various holidays each year and one is with my parents and my siblings and their families
we love it and it means the cousins are close

We go away with my MIL. As in me and the kids (DP can't always take time off)

I love my MIL though.

As a family we go on holiday with each other and some of my children go on holiday with their in-laws as well. We all get on despite not being the Waltons and generally have a really good time together.

We are doing this this summer with in laws. I am absolutely dreading it and will likely be a mixture of enraged and bored the whole two weeks. Yes two weeks. FIL is paying and DH can't say no to him. I wasn't going to go but my daughter has guilted me into it (also I would otherwise have no holiday as this has used up our holiday budget as although FIL is paying for villa and flights we have had to pay an extortionate amount for car hire, hotel at the airport, parking, and apparently are paying for all the food). I go on holiday to get away from people. I don't get on with in laws. They bore me to tears. And have different rhythms. One SIL and her kids are very fussy eaters. The other BIL never shuts up and talks only about himself. DD will have cousins to play with but they are all boys so she gets left out. DH gets very irritated by the talkative BIL and by FIL who is stubborn and very very difficult to talk to. It is an absolute disaster waiting to happen. We managed to put it off last year due to covid but have to get it over with now. And it will never be happening again.

We used to do it when I was a child with my mum's parents.

All I can say is that my dad was an exceptionally tolerant man which was probably the only reason it worked, but even as the child being spoiled by the grandparents, after a week we'd all had enough.

Also the baby thing with everyone needing to take their parents, presumably for a break from the baby.. Our baby is particularly easy going I’d say but I’d still far rather go ourselves and have to push him about sleeping in a buggy at night while we have a drink than have to tie in with parents everywhere we went 🙈 it might be different if it was a bigger group of people and less intense but nah, it’s a no from me

My lot refer to their cousin gang.

I think it depends, an all inclusive hotel or a caravan park with each group having their own space meeting up doing stuff would be fine.

ILs, Bil & Sil, Sil & Bil & baby, DH & Me & Toddler. In a big house was hell on earth never to be repeated.

MIL & SIL organised it I'm sure they had dreams of one big happy family like a John Lewis Christmas advert.

SIL wanted her baby in bed before dinner, which meant dinner was far too late for my toddler. Except there was no communication that was what they were doing.
We went out to dinner one night, I said book it for 6ish - they booked the back of six - really is 6.50 the back of six ?
Then her baby cried all the way through dinner, and mine was grumpy because dinner was too late.

Never again!

I agree OP, nothing I'd hate more!

If we didn't have holidays with our families we'd never see them, we don't live near to them so only see them if someone hosts or we go away together. We've found going away together works best with my family because there are fewer arguments if no-one is the host (Mum gets stressed when she has guests but is a very critical guest herself), but with MIL I like her to come and visit, she's an easy house guest.

Exactly this

Maybe it depends on what is on offer. My son is very happy to holiday with his in-laws, they are really lovely people and the fact that they pay for business class flights and five star resorts probably doesn’t make it too much of a hardship. We can only offer an annual long weekend for the family in a nice villa in wine country with some great food but I don’t think DIL hates the weekend.

Well.... I am the in-law!!!

When my DD first asked me to join them on a family holiday I accepted happily, but made it very clear that this was not setting a precedent and that I would not go into a decline if not asked again! It all went very well and we have done it a few times - but they have also holidayed on their own - indeed at the same place - knowing that I would not be miffed, but just wish them well.

On the whole we did not live in each other's pockets - mostly they would go out for the day and I would lounge about the pool, or fetch in some nice food and cook them a meal for when they returned. And sometimes I would child sit at the accommodation while DD and her OH had a jaunt on their own. So it worked fine.

This year I am treating the whole family - 14 of us - to a holiday abroad - my OH has died and a little bit of money came my way, which I am spending on the holiday as a sort of gift in memory of Dad/Grandpa.

I think these holidays can work as long as everyone's different needs are respected. I have limited mobility so big walks/jaunts are not a possibility (boo hoo), but I like to read and paint and cook and swim so I will be very content. There may be one outing that I might join, and I know that help will be forthcoming for me from all the family, but in no way would I expect them to include me in everything - it is just not appropriate. I will love to be around the family and that will be a big treat for me to be with them all.

We have made it work before and I am sure all will be well this time - I am also sure it will be total chaos!

No way in HELL would I holiday with my parents or my-laws.
I would be miserable. And cranky. We have radically different views of what makes a good holiday.

I wish it was different or that we all gelled better as a group but it is what it is and I recognise it as so and have learnt not to try to force things.

I could do a weekend in a hotel with either side but would have enough after that.

I don't feel dd has particularly missed out but not going on 2 week holidays in a huge family gang.

We do big gatherings for in-laws a couple of times a year and it's a day long thing.

We visit mine (further away) and sometimes still make it a day trip or 1 night at most. After that we all need our own space

I'm happy to holiday with inlaws or parents, they won't be around for ever!

Knottingneedles, no-one forced you to do all that work, just don't do it and relax