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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going on holiday with in-laws sounds like hell on earth

162 replies

WilsonMilson · 19/07/2022 12:23

Inspired by some threads I’ve read recently, I’m struck by how many people seem to take holidays with extended family, parents, in-laws, siblings and their families.

This is my idea of absolute hell.

I could just about stretch to going with my parents for a short break, but even then I’d rather not. There is no way I would entertain going abroad with my in-laws or siblings / in law siblings and their kids to a villa. Absolutely no way.

Now that I think of it, this goes for house guests too. We had my aunt and uncle to stay for a few days recently, I love them to bits but couldn’t wait for them to go so I could get my space back and my house clean and tidy again and not have to be constant hostess catering to every whim.

Is it just me? Am I just an anti social old fun sucker for enjoying DH and DS company. I love seeing family and friends, but the last thing I want is to be on holiday with them or having enforced extended inescapable contact.

OP posts:
Allthegoodusernamesareused · 19/07/2022 15:30

YANBU... we've been holiday with FIL a couple of times in recent years. He has health conditions that affect his mobility and lives alone so struggles to go abroad, and we are his only family. I have a great relationship with him, but dear lord, two weeks of constantly having to wait for him to get ready, of him not wanting to do any of the same things as us (but also not wanting to be left alone) drove me nuts! We're going abroad without him this summer and he has made us feel very guilty but we need a break where we can relax.

I also do a short UK break every year with a friend and her children. They wouldn't get any sort of holiday otherwise, so i feel i have to continue, but it is exhausting as she does not 'adult' at all if there is anyone else there to do everything. Maddening.

BiasedBinding · 19/07/2022 15:30

HarlanPepper · 19/07/2022 15:23

Oh great, another thread where OP reassures themselves they aren't the only person not to like a thing, and argues with people who do like the thing, except it's not really a proper argument, it's just people going "i like the thing" "well, I don't like the thing" until someone leaves or dies.

It’s always framed as “am I a super special freak or is everyone else lying and really they feel the same way that I do” when actually no, it’s just normal variations of tastes and experiences

Snog · 19/07/2022 15:31

I like holidaying with family generally but not if I end up doing the lion's share of organisation or grunt work.

HarlanPepper · 19/07/2022 15:35

@BiasedBinding yes! exactly. (I am a bit grumpy today)

Hbh17 · 19/07/2022 15:37

I have never and would never go on holiday with my family or in laws - and I quite like(d) my in laws (my own family are horrible).
We do holiday with one friend quite often, but a week is enough, even tho we have been best friends for 40 years. I need headspace on holiday, so even when I am on holiday with Him Indoors I try to get some time alone. For me, holidays are an important opportunity to get away from people to recharge the batteries. I also love trips away by myself - no conversation for days - total bliss!

twilightcafe · 19/07/2022 15:37

I've been on several breaks with PIL and had a great time.

I've been on enough holidays with BIL and SIL to know that I never want to put myself through that again. They don't like me. I've tried to get on with them but it was a waste of time.

Proudboomer · 19/07/2022 15:43

I am on holiday with family, in-laws and extended family now. We have a 4 bed villa for 7 adults and 1 5 year old. To make it even more confusing 2 members of our party have very limited English and two of us don’t speak their language. But we are having a lovely time and only have a few days left before some of us fly home and the others will be driving back to their home country. The only slight problem is that our villa is half way up a mountain so to get anywhere we must all go in the car so it hadn’t been possible to have afternoon or evening away from the group.

BiddyPop · 19/07/2022 15:51

YANBU

Ask me how I know that....actually, no, there is a chance it could be outing for certain family members...just believe me when I say

Y A D N B U

Katyrosebug · 19/07/2022 15:51

We go on holiday with BIL and SIL, they are the same ages roughly, we're all TTC, no kids yet unfortunately 😭, I'd not want to go with anyone else to be honest, it'd only because we're all so close in age ans have very similar interests that we do it

sunshineandshowers40 · 19/07/2022 15:51

Each to their own. We have been away with in-laws for special occasions a couple of times usually only 2 nights and it has been fine (they have paid). I wouldn't want to go for any longer with my family or the in laws. We like a very chilled holiday and really don't do much, given the choice I would rather it was just us especially if it was our only holiday of the year but it can't really be a surprise that some people enjoy going away with their in-laws/ parents.

xogossipgirlxo · 19/07/2022 16:03

sunshineandshowers40 · 19/07/2022 15:51

Each to their own. We have been away with in-laws for special occasions a couple of times usually only 2 nights and it has been fine (they have paid). I wouldn't want to go for any longer with my family or the in laws. We like a very chilled holiday and really don't do much, given the choice I would rather it was just us especially if it was our only holiday of the year but it can't really be a surprise that some people enjoy going away with their in-laws/ parents.

I agree. I actually, would really like to like spending time with my family. I tried so many times, but I just can't do it. I saw my family in September and I have enough until 2024. I know my mum would want us to go on big family getaway, but I don't think my sister&I would want to do it. Both of us feel resentful towards mum, so I am always stressed when I have to visit her and then I recover for a long time. I know my sister feels the same, because she always texts me about insensitive things mum said to her and how upset she is.

TuxedoJunction · 19/07/2022 16:05

For me, the only way this works well is going with family/friends to an all inclusive resort. So no one needs to; shop, cook, clean, pick up after each other - everyone gets a holiday this way.

Plus you have your own space to retire to at the end of the day, or whenever you feel like it. And maybe most importantly there’s no wondering how to split bills, especially when eating out, paying for a food shop etc. These things have a tendency to get messy and people feel restful if others aren’t pulling their weight both financially and effort wise.

user1474315215 · 19/07/2022 16:13

We used to take my DM on holiday with us when the DC were small. We always had a good time and my DH loved to play Scrabble with her. This year my DIL invited me to join her, DS and DGC on their holiday. We spend a lot of time together, for childcare and socially, and I know we're all looking forward to it.

Cherrysoup · 19/07/2022 16:17

Massively depends on how you get on with them. I've done weekends with bil/sil, a week with lots of cousins but in separate accommodation. I think having your own space is really important.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/07/2022 16:21

luxxlisbon · 19/07/2022 12:54

On mumsnet people hate socialising, houseguests or holidays with anyone. In the real world people like their family, enjoy spending time with their friends and even maintain those relationships.

People on Mumsnet are real people with real lives too - you do know that, don’t you @luxxlisbon? And people are different - not everyone will like the same things that you do.

Some people will adore holidays with their big extended family/lots of friends, and it would be an awful prospect for others - and every degree in between.

There seems to be a lazy trope on MN at the moment, where any opinion is met with ‘On MN people hate socialising/only drink a thimbleful of alcohol at Christmas/don’t do X, Y or Z’. Why is it so hard to comprehend that we are not all the same - we have different lives, experiences, preferences, families, likes and dislikes?

felulageller · 19/07/2022 16:22

It's cost. If it's that or no holiday at all I'll take it!

Brokenwashingbasket · 19/07/2022 16:35

I have enjoyed holidays with family in the past but did one with my parents a couple of years ago which I found exhausting. My problem was that my parents, kids and husband all expect me to champion their preferences. I suddenly become the keeper of everyone’s holiday expectations and it’s too stressful! It worked when the kids were young but they have their own ideas now. My husband loves holidaying with my family but he isn’t the one in the middle of all the relationships. It got too much for me!

Sparklybutold · 19/07/2022 17:46

Ive been on holiday with my in laws and I probably wouldn't again. This is manly because of my FIL though. He can make the slightest inconvenience to a whole new level, he is rude to waiting staffs, and is generally just unpleasant to be around. Conversation isneber authentic around him as he is so black and white so there's no room for errors, speculation etc. My MIL I probably would - she's a lot more easy going but sadly changes and is quite the FIL around.

alloutofcareunits · 19/07/2022 18:14

@WilsonMilson I'm with you 100% on this. I spend my working life having conversations I'm not always that interested in, having lunch with people I don't particularly like (unavoidable as part of the job) on holiday I want to please myself what I do and when I do it. DH and I have similar routines and interests, no one else needs to be there

ChinBristles · 19/07/2022 18:22

Surely people only go on holiday with their in-laws for the free childcare? As otherwise, it would just be madness!
Seriously, I'm with you, OP. I don't like staying in other people's houses, don't like having guests and would NEVER holiday with others. Best holiday I ever had was to Vegas. All. On. My. Own!

dumptruck · 19/07/2022 18:22

On mumsnet people hate socialising, houseguests or holidays with anyone. In the real world people like their family, enjoy spending time with their friends and even maintain those relationships

Sorry, but who wants to go on holiday with their in laws? Some, sure, but they're not even your parents. So how did you conclude that not wanting to go away with your partner's mum and dad means you hate everyone🤣

JellyBellyNelly · 19/07/2022 18:28

Proudboomer · 19/07/2022 15:43

I am on holiday with family, in-laws and extended family now. We have a 4 bed villa for 7 adults and 1 5 year old. To make it even more confusing 2 members of our party have very limited English and two of us don’t speak their language. But we are having a lovely time and only have a few days left before some of us fly home and the others will be driving back to their home country. The only slight problem is that our villa is half way up a mountain so to get anywhere we must all go in the car so it hadn’t been possible to have afternoon or evening away from the group.

That sounds very much like one branch of my extended family I holiday with.

it doesn’t matter though that some of us don’t share a common language because we are grandparents together and we share the love of our grandchildren. I also love them because they’re lovely to my child and they love me because I’m lovely to theirs.

DockOTheBay · 19/07/2022 18:30

I love going on holiday with my family - my parents, or extended family. We stay over with family members regularly so we know we can get on. Most of my family are pretty laid back so we can rub along just fine and it's a nice opportunity to spend more than a day or two together. We have been on extended family holidays since I was a baby so we have our routines and there are lots of us.
Have never been with the in laws. I wouldn't be opposed to it but they just don't do that sort of thing.

BiasedBinding · 19/07/2022 18:35

ChinBristles · 19/07/2022 18:22

Surely people only go on holiday with their in-laws for the free childcare? As otherwise, it would just be madness!
Seriously, I'm with you, OP. I don't like staying in other people's houses, don't like having guests and would NEVER holiday with others. Best holiday I ever had was to Vegas. All. On. My. Own!

Madness, or just have different in-laws/preferences to you? do you think people who say they like spending time with their in-laws are lying?

i would be very happy to go on holiday on my own, but not to vegas. Do I think you are mad? No, I just think you like different things to me and that’s normal

Apartridgeinachestnuttree · 19/07/2022 18:36

I would gouge my eyes out with a blunt wooden spoon before I would give up a week’s leave to go on holiday with my ILs.

There’s is talk at the moment of doing Disney with the extended family - it will not be happening. DH said he’s never heard a more adamant no from me. My BIL is an ignorant twit who calls me names (which my DNeice has repeated in front of the whole family!) I would do almost anything rather than be stuck on holiday with him. DH is welcome to go on his own (No DC) but I will not be.